She’d thought Noah was different, that he understood how hard she had to work to keep it all together. But her heart wasn’t so sure.
“I can’t,” she said, staring at his firm profile. “I’m sorry. I wish we could have met under different circumstances—I don’t think I’ve ever wished for anything so hard—but this has all gotten to be too much. Resisting temptation is one thing. Purposefully undergoing torture is another.”
He nodded once. “I can respect that.”
Kendra stifled a sigh as she pointed him toward the road to her house. That right there was the real problem. Noah had too much respect and not nearly enough imperfection. Imperfection was something she could play with, bat around, sink her teeth into.
“So that was a goodbye kiss?” he asked.
She nodded, not trusting herself to say more. A kiss like that should have been a hello. The start of something beautiful.
But goodbye was as good as it was going to get.
* * *
Kendra returned home, once again, to find an invader in her bedroom.
This time, she couldn’t have been happier to see a friendly face waiting at the foot of her bed. Besides—this invader wasn’t naked. In fact, she’d raided Kendra’s closet and was preening in front of a full-length mirror in her favorite white sheath dress.
“Do you think you can get Whitney to do my boobs too?” Nikki asked in place of a greeting. She turned sideways to examine herself closely, breathing deep and pushing her chest out as far as it could go. “I bet you look so much better in this dress than I do.”
“We’ve had this discussion before. Finish school first. Perky perks come later.”
Now, Kendra was no hypocrite. She had no problems with her own enhanced assets, encouraged many clients to follow suit and transform themselves into exactly the women they wanted to be. But her youngest sister reminded her way too much of herself at that age. Any sort of augmentation Kendra would have gotten in her twenties would have been for someone else’s sake—a man, peer pressure, a flashy magazine that caught her eye. Those weren’t the right reasons to change anything about yourself, let alone a significant part of your anatomy.
She softened her decree with a promise. “But maybe if you ask really nicely, I’ll pierce you.”
“Where?”
“Anywhere you want.”
Nikki’s face spread into a wide grin and she launched herself into Kendra’s arms. A few inches taller—the brat—and rail thin, Nikki quickly took control of the hug, lifting her from the floor and spinning her.
“Oh, baby girl. It’s so good to see you!” Kendra ran a hand over her sister’s hair, grown long of late and darker than she remembered. Separated as they were by over a decade, her sister had all the natural beauty and freshness of youth Kendra painstakingly manufactured every morning with her mirror and about ten different skin care products. “But please tell me the family is already aware you’re here. I can’t hide you. Mom always knows.”
“Who do you think sent me?” Nikki turned and indicated for Kendra to get the zipper. “She didn’t approve of the guy I was seeing and put me on the first plane out of there. I can’t tell if sending me to you is supposed to be a punishment or a way to get me to think about something else for a change.”
“It’s both,” Kendra said, though she didn’t elaborate. For her sister, it was a change of scenery. For Kendra, it was a punishment. Not that her sister’s visit was a bad thing—far from it—but her mom liked to foist her young, wild, gorgeous sister on her every so often as a way to hint her toward marriage. See? She seemed to be saying. Nikki can barely get away with her actions, and she’s twenty-two. What’s your excuse?
Loving passive-aggression was her mother’s favorite accessory—the first one she put on in the morning and the last one she removed every night. And she wore it quite well.
“How long do you plan on staying?” Kendra asked brightly. Maybe this visit wasn’t planned, but she intended to enjoy every second she could squeeze out of it. After ruralizing for so long in Chasteville, she deserved the distraction. She deserved several distractions, all of them enthusiastic and frisky. “I can probably take some time off work if you want to hang out.”
“The new semester starts in three weeks. Mom says I can only come back if I’m registered in the grad program and willing to apply myself.” She shifted, arms over her chest. “Don’t look at me like that. I registered months ago. I just needed to spend a little time this semester on personal things.”
Kendra wasn’t fooled. Every trick Nikki had up her sleeve had been placed there by the master. Herself. “Out with it. What’s his name?”
“Hank.”
“That’s an old man name.”
“He thought it made him sound ironic.”
Oh, dear. Kendra suppressed a gurgle of laughter. It wasn’t nice to make fun of Nikki’s hipster boyfriends, no matter how hard she might want to. “You don’t need him. He probably stole all your scarves anyway.”
Nikki’s lower lip quavered, but her gloom won out over Kendra’s attempt to cheer her up. “Yeah, well, it doesn’t matter now, does it? It’s over between us. He said I worry too much about what my family thinks, and that if I really cared for him, I’d put him first.” Her voice caught on a sob. “I really liked this one.”
“Oh, sweetie.” Kendra opened her arms for another hug. “And the last thing you want right now is Mom’s I-told-you-so face making you coffee every morning.”
“I knew you’d understand.”
She really did. Their mother’s I-told-you-so face had a way of shattering girlish illusions and hiding key pieces away forever. As a divorce attorney and a bit of a traditionalist, she had definite views about what it took to make a marriage last—and a handsome face and throbbing man hands didn’t figure on that list. A handsome retirement package and deft doctor hands? Those she fully approved of.
“Well, the first thing we need is for you to stop crying,” Kendra said firmly. “I have to work today, but we’re spending every minute when I get home kickstarting your recovery. I’m going to call my favorite local delivery place and have them bring us a huge vegetarian pizza. Then we’re going to open three bottles of wine and drink them, one by one, as we fall loin-first into a Hrithik Roshan movie marathon.”
Nikki sniffled, nodding her approval of this plan. “And we’ll go out this weekend? I’m in serious need of a good time, Kendra. I want to hit all the bars. I want to forget about Hank and Mom and school and just party.”
“Done, done and done.” Kendra nodded at each pause. “If partying is what you want, partying is exactly what you’re going to get.”
“Really?” Nikki gave a squeal. “I won’t be in the way?”
“Oh, sweetie. On the contrary. You’re exactly what I need right now.”
Chapter Ten
“You sure took your sweet time getting home.” Lincoln looked up from his position on the futon, much less like a man convalescing than an irate father expecting his wayward daughter home any second. “Was she as good a fuck as I remember? Tight and eager, practically begging for it?”
Noah slammed the door shut, the whole house quivering as if in an earthquake, dislodging worms and moles and dirt and very little of his anger. Hot and red, that anger overtook his vision and made it difficult not to storm across the room and send the futon flying.
“Say that again.”
Lincoln flushed and stared at his hands. “You heard me.”
“Say it again anyway.” Noah’s jaw ticked. “I want to hear you form those words one more time, aware of who you’re talking to. And about.”
Noah was willing to put up with a lot when it came to Lincoln—would gladly lay himself down and take whatever blows the man had to give, stand up and defend him in front of the entire world. But his loyal
ty stopped right here. Kendra might be off-limits in terms of a relationship, but she wasn’t off-limits in terms of his friendship. No one would talk about her like that. Not while he could help it.
And Lincoln knew it. He looked up, and their eyes locked in an age-old nature-program showdown. “It doesn’t take two hours to drive into town and back. That’s all I’m saying.”
Noah didn’t back down. “It does when I’m the one doing the driving. And when I’m deliberately taking the long way, hoping to get tailed by whatever bastards were following her around.”
That got Lincoln to react. “Did you see them?”
“No.” Which was probably for the best. There was no accounting for what he might have done to them in his mood right now. He was used to denying himself things—had turned it into an art form—but there was only so much a man could sacrifice before he started to fall apart. Or tear things apart with his bare hands. “But you’re damn lucky they left Kendra alone last night. Can you imagine what might have happened if they’d stopped her?”
“They wouldn’t have hurt her.”
“How could you possibly know that?” Noah laid his hands carefully on the table, resisting every urge to make fists and pound them into the wood surface. He’d always found that the best way to control anger was to make one’s body do the physical opposite. If you wanted to yell, moderate your voice. If you wanted to swing a fist, lay your palms as flat as you could get them. If you wanted to shake your friend and make him see something beyond his own face, talk to him rationally. No matter what the cost. “You know you don’t exactly have the most law-abiding of friends.”
He set his jaw. “That’s not what this is about.”
“You’ve never been stabbed before.”
“Yeah, well.” Unlike Noah, Lincoln let his anger ride its natural wave. He pounded the table, his mouth twisted in a grimace. “I’ve never been this close to getting kicked off the force before either. I need a big win here, Noah, or it’s over.”
“And this plan of yours? Is it going to be a big win?”
“It has to be.” Lincoln sighed, much of his tension going out with it. “Of course it wasn’t just a bar fight that night. It never is—though I wasn’t lying about calling that guy ugly. The left half of his face looked like someone took a frying pan to it.”
Noah waited, assuming that Lincoln would eventually find his way back on topic. He didn’t disappoint.
“Anyway, I was there hoping to convince one of my CIs to make a formal statement on this case I’ve been working. I wasn’t asking him for anything huge, of course, but we needed more than just word of mouth to make the charges stick.” He ran a hand through his hair, tugging on the ends. “And you know I’d never turn a man over without talking to him first.”
Noah did know that. That underlying decency was one of Lincoln’s best strengths—as both a cop and a human being. “What happened? He wouldn’t agree?”
“Oh, he agreed. Or mostly agreed, anyway. I was this close to getting him. His brother, however, had doubts.”
“And a knife, apparently.”
Lincoln winced. “I knew he had it. I just didn’t think he was stupid enough to use it. And me technically being suspended makes going to the hospital a bit tricky. I’m sorry for dragging Kendra into all this, I really am, but I had no other choice.”
Noah knew firsthand that Lincoln was a good cop. Lincoln was an excellent cop. His Jersey Shore appearance allowed him to slip under radars more effectively than any other kind of cover. No one had more confidential informants, no one was owed more favors by people who mattered, no one knew more about how to get results from people who resisted authority at every turn. Unfortunately, those were the types of skills that were useful to a detective with superiors who were willing to look the other way. Not a beat cop with a bad track record.
As he always did, Lincoln was looking for a shortcut, an easy way in. He’d rather solve a big crime on his own, no questions asked, than follow procedure and earn things the hard way.
“I just need to talk to my guy, get him to turn over. If he’s out there looking for me, it can only be a good sign. The Escalade following Kendra around is a positive thing. I’m sure of it.”
Noah wished he could share in Lincoln’s monumental confidence. “I’m not so sure this is the slam dunk you think it is.”
“It’s not like I have a lot of other options, Noah. The job is what I do. It’s who I am. You can’t ask me to turn that part of myself off.”
Noah held his stare for a long while. “I agree. There are some things a man feels with every bone in his body. He can’t help them any more than he can help the way he walks or talks or breathes. But we all make sacrifices sometimes.”
Lincoln was the first to look away. He knew very well that they were talking about something other than work, about someone who was beginning to matter much more than was good for any of them.
But even that didn’t make a difference.
“I appreciate your help, Noah,” he said, eyes averted. “You know that.”
He did know that. But, “This ends Monday. I can’t keep you here forever, and you need to figure out all this stuff with your work before somebody gets hurt.”
“I still say you’re overreacting.” Lincoln shifted uncomfortably. “But I’m sorry about what I said before. I know you wouldn’t...you know.”
“Fuck her?” Noah watched Lincoln’s draw drop with mixed feelings. This was the first time they’d done anything more than tiptoe around the subject, and he wasn’t sure how he felt about it. Acknowledging how close he’d been to betraying Lincoln seemed almost worse than the act itself—like taking out a billboard to announce his victory. Even though I didn’t sleep with her, she still chose me over you. Better luck next time.
But it had to be said, and he wasn’t sure when he’d get another chance.
“You’re right—I wouldn’t,” Noah said, his voice softer. “I didn’t. But at some point, you’re going to need to take a long, hard look at how realistic your expectations are. I know it’s the last thing you want to hear from me right now, but Kendra strikes me as the type of woman who knows her own mind and isn’t afraid to speak it. If she says she’s not interested, chances are she means exactly that.”
“Do you think I’m not aware of that? That I can’t tell the difference between the way she looks at me and the way she looks at you?”
Noah waited.
“I’m not an idiot, obviously, but I can’t seem to help myself. I get a little crazy where she’s concerned. We argue all the time and she thinks I’m ridiculous and she’s not interested in anything more than friendship, but I know she could get past all that if she tried.”
“Is that really what you want?” Noah asked quietly. “Someone who has to force herself to look past your flaws to accept you? Rather than someone who cares about you because of who you are?”
“That’s not how dating in the real world works, Noah. No offense.”
None taken. Noah was painfully aware that he was the last man on earth who was qualified to give relationship advice; unromantic practicality had cemented his feet to the ground so firmly he wasn’t sure he’d ever be able to start moving again. And if he was being totally honest, he wasn’t sure if his own admiration for Kendra existed because of her flaws or in spite of them. He suspected the latter, which made him no better than Lincoln.
Given his romantic history, it probably made him worse.
“Give it time,” he urged. “You’ll find someone else, someone who can appreciate you for what you have to offer.”
“But I don’t want someone else. I want her.”
That makes two of us. But “I’m afraid it’ll just be you and me this weekend” was all he said. Noah was too involved, his motives too self-serving, his emotions too tangled up in the threads. Nothing h
e said or did would change Lincoln’s mind—and he wasn’t sure anymore if he was in a position to try. “She’s gone home.”
“For good?” It was impossible to miss the hopeful look in Lincoln’s eyes.
Noah’s jaw grew so tight he could have shattered teeth. “Yes, Lincoln. You won. She’s never coming back.”
* * *
True to her promise, Kendra took Nikki out the next day, the pair of them determined to dance away the worst of their woes. They stopped only to pick up Whitney on their way out of town, bound for Philadelphia so they could begin the weekend right. Girls’ Nights Out had become something of a rarity lately, and they all intended to take advantage. Starting with luxury accommodations in Rittenhouse Square and a champagne lunch.
“I suppose we’ll all need separate rooms?” Whitney stood at the front desk of their hotel, tapping her credit card on the veiny marble counter. Under the low lights of the lobby, the diamond on her left hand flashed with each movement. “In that dress, Nikki clearly means to get down to business tonight. And I don’t have to ask about you, Kendra. We should put you in your own wing.”
Kendra tore her gaze from Whitney’s ring, feeling foolishly girly and maudlin at the feelings the sight of it evoked. They were squishy feelings. Jealous feelings. Envy had never figured in her relationship with her best friend before, especially in the love department. It had never seemed worth fighting over members of the male species when there were so many to go around.
So what was wrong with her? This was the perfect opportunity to prove that nothing had changed, that jealousy was as far removed from her now as it had always been. Nikki was here to bury her woes in a man’s sweaty, hairy chest. Kendra should do the same.
But the squish was winning.
It had to be her mother’s doing. The woman had probably started playing subliminal messages during their phone conversations. Or she had some secret Indian matchmaking mojo that was only now starting to take effect.
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