Lying in bed, I wondered how this would change things for all of us. It would either draw us all incredibly close or destroy our friendships. Regardless of what happened, I had to have my wife’s back, even if that meant losing Dan. It was a thought that had never crossed my mind, but one I had to consider. I prayed to God it didn’t happen, but I’d go to the end of the Earth to give Annie our baby.
I pulled her closer loving the warmth of her skin against my chest and listened to her breath. My greatest fear, greater than losing friendships, or the what ifs this all entailed, was my wife facing another loss. She couldn’t handle it.
Finding a lawyer to do the paperwork was the easy part, the surrogate process was much more complicated than I’d realized. Once we identified a specialist Annie and Lissa both liked, it wasn’t just a matter of taking my sperm and her eggs and putting them in with a turkey baster. Lissa’s job was considerably harder than just letting a baby grow in her uterus. When we’d gotten all the information about preparing her body for pregnancy, we asked her to think about it for a few days. If she didn’t want to proceed, we understood. Annie hadn’t committed in her mind this was going to happen, so now was the time to back out.
Thirty-seven hours later, Lissa brought all the signed documents back to our lawyer’s office and called Annie when she left. My wife was still cautiously optimistic. This was a huge commitment on Lissa’s part. There would be tons of doctor’s appointments before she ever even got pregnant. Annie wanted to go to all of them with her; she wanted to be a part of everything Lissa had to endure. I think it made her feel like it was her pregnancy, and it ensured Lissa knew how much it meant to us.
I was anxious to get home and find out how the first doctor’s appointment had gone. This was new to all of us, and the four of us had agreed we wanted to do it all as a unit, a team. Come hell or high water, at the end of the day, we all wanted to be family. When I pulled up in front of the house, everyone else had already arrived. I was sure Annie and Lissa were in the kitchen cooking dinner, and Dan was likely in the den watching whatever sports show he could find. I wasn’t sure how he managed to get out of the DC before I had since we were both working on the same crap, but it didn’t matter. This just meant I didn’t have to wait for anyone else to get here to find out what was going on.
They were all in the kitchen, loudly laughing and arguing about something, but I wasn’t sure what. I stood in the doorway listening and watching. There was no telling how any of this was going to play out, but for now, I felt like the richest man on the planet. All Annie and I wanted was a family, and even if it never included children, we were blessed with these two amazing people.
“Thank God, you’re finally home. What kept you?” Annie came around the island and wrapped her arms around my neck when she reached me. Her kiss welcomed me home.
“Work. The same thing that should have kept Dan but apparently didn’t.” I released Annie and clapped Dan on the shoulder. “So, what did you guys find out today?”
Annie and Lissa looked at each other, I assumed to determine who would speak. Lissa gave Annie the go ahead, and I could see the excitement in her demeanor. She was bouncing with energy.
“Lissa had a full check-up done, and they put her on progesterone injections and estrogen replacements. Since she was on birth control already, they are having her continue that for the time being to ensure a regulated cycle.”
I appreciated that she didn’t go into the details of Lissa’s monthly calendar, although by the time all of this was over, I had a feeling we’d know Lissa inside and out. Part of this process was a full medical disclosure; all four of us had to be tested for STDs and everything else under the sun—Annie and I because it was our fertilized egg, Lissa because she would be carrying it, and Dan because he was sleeping with Lissa, who would be carrying our fertilized egg.
“She will go through a mock cycle to make sure her uterine lining is ready for the egg. Then a trial transfer to determine where the embryos will be placed. Our bodies have already naturally synched to the same cycle. About two weeks in, we both start Lupron to stop our bodies natural hormone production and give the embryos the best chance for survival.”
“You keep saying embryos as in plural. Are we trying for multiples?” We hadn’t talked about twins, but maybe it made more sense. The cost of this was outrageous. If Annie and I wanted a big family, it was unfair to expect Lissa to offer again.
“Shush. We’ll come back to that. Anyway, once our periods start, they change the medications for both of us, for me to help produce the eggs, for Lissa to help sustain the pregnancy. Thirty-six hours after Lissa starts the HCG, I’ll have the egg retrieval done, you’ll need to donate sperm, and they do the fertilization and then incubation. Then the doctor does the implant.”
Dan looked as skeptical as I did, and he spoke first. “That all sounds overly simplistic. Did either of you ask about statistics of success rates? How many tries it normally takes to get a viable pregnancy?”
Annie rolled her eyes, but he kept talking.
“The two of you seem to think this is a day at the mall. There’s a lot at stake here. Don’t be so casual about it all.” I couldn’t help but laugh at Dan chastising these two women, both of whom were gawking at him like he had three heads.
“Dan, no one is taking this lightly. Annie and I were there for hours today, and it was information overload. Ease up a bit. She’s just giving you the highlights.”
There was no doubt in my mind Annie had asked all the questions none of us wanted answers to because she wanted to be prepared and not disappointed. She wouldn’t get her hopes up only to have another dream shattered. My wife was overly pragmatic that way.
“With all women, our ages play a huge factor in the success. We’re both still under that magic thirty-five mark so that’s a big plus, but there’s only about a forty-six percent chance the IVF will result in a viable pregnancy. That’s where the multiple embryos come into play. The more fertilized eggs implanted, the higher the chance of one making it.” Annie would pour out statistics if I didn’t stop her. She could likely teach a class on IVF at this point.
“Okay, so let’s say we implant three and all three stick, then what? We have triplets? We have selective termination?”
I could tell by the look on Dan’s face he hadn’t contemplated these possibilities. I knew how he felt about abortion, which was why he’d had the vasectomy. That would become a huge bone of contention if Annie wanted to do selective termination.
Annie looked around the room, making eye contact with each person standing before her before she said, “I think that’s a decision the four of us would have to make together.”
Lissa had been relatively quiet through this discussion, but she finally put her hand on Dan’s forearm in silent comfort. “Annie and I have talked a lot about this before today. We think we should try three embryos.”
I just stared at my wife’s friend, wondering what the hell she was thinking considering carrying three children. “You’re going to carry triplets? Do you know what that will do to your body?” I couldn’t help myself. I refused to let her go into this blind.
She and Annie laughed together. Dan still looked confused.
“Yes, Brett, I do. But I also know, this is a one-time thing for you guys, and I want to give you the best shot at the family you want. There’s no way I’ll ever be able to get Annie to consider a second pregnancy, and hell, after the first, I may not want to do one.”
She was right. Annie would never let her do this again, and I wasn’t sure at the expense of this one that we’d be able to afford it. We were covering all the medical expenses, any lost time from work for Lissa, medical leave for Lissa, all of her pregnancy needs like maternity clothing, not to mention the cost of our side of it. We’d paid for lawyers and in the end, hoped to give Lissa a nice thank you present. Lissa was right—this was a one-shot deal.
The four of us sat around eating chicken parmesan and salads without the accom
paniment of wine. We’d all agreed if Lissa couldn’t drink while she was pregnant, none of us would. At the end of the meal, we were all in favor of three eggs if we could get them, and prayed for one to make it full term. None of us, including Lissa, wanted to consider ending any of them if they all took. At the end of the day, we were blessed beyond measure.
Chapter Twelve
Annie
I’d gotten so caught up with Lissa and talking about surrogates I’d slowly stepped back from Gray. When I heard from him, I tried to respond to his messages but kept my distance. The guilt weighed heavily on me knowing he needed a shoulder to lean on and had reached out because we had history, but I couldn’t engage in his issues. For the first time in my adult life, I’d chosen myself over someone else, someone I cared deeply for. I was selfish and went after what I wanted. It was terribly uncharacteristic of me, but there was no guarantee this would work, and there sure as hell wasn’t a guarantee Lissa would go through this again. So I’d chosen us.
I hadn’t expected to have to make another choice in the middle of the night, but when my phone rang at two, I ignored it. The noise started over again, Brett reached over me to grab it and answer the incoming call. The sound of the fan overhead was the only noise in the room until Brett barked out a groggy, “hello.”
I had no doubt who was on the other end of the call. Time ticked by or maybe it stood still until Brett finally pulled the pillow from over my head and handed me my cell.
Begrudgingly, I took the phone, and Brett got up to use the restroom, turning the lamp on next to the bed. That didn’t bode well for me. We were harvesting eggs in a few hours, and I didn’t need this shit on my plate.
“Hello?” If I could strangle Gray right now, I would. I thought I’d left late night phone calls behind with that relationship but apparently not.
“Bird Dog.”
He was drunk—piss drunk and slurring his words. My heavy sigh would have indicated my irritation to any rational person, but this was Gray, and he believed everything was always about him—even in the middle of the night.
“Why are you calling me drunk, Gray?”
“I need to talk to you.”
“Can’t we talk in the morning?”
Brett scowled at my suggestion, but he wasn’t listening to the other side of this. I knew where this would go. I’d gotten this same call a hundred times in my past.
“Come see me.”
I could hear the crowd in the background, he wasn’t at home, which meant he was at a bar. “I’m not going out at two in the morning, Gray.”
“I can’t drive.” Each sentence was less coherent than the last.
“Get an Uber.” My patience with this was wearing thin. I didn’t know when I’d developed an irritation for Gray, but he was pissing me off. I struggled not to scream my frustration into the phone.
“You’re going to let me drive home drunk?”
“Hopefully, the bartender is smart enough not to let you drive home. I’ll call you a cab, but I’m not getting up to come get you because you got drunk downtown.” My patience had worn thin. I erupted, “What is wrong with you? When are you going to grow up, damn, Gray?” I sat straight up. My chest heaved with angry words. There was no reason for my overreaction except that Gray toying in my life no longer just affected me.
Brett took the phone from my hand and started speaking. “Gray, man. Where are you?”
In his drunken state, he must have given Brett the location of the bar he was at. This would not go well at all.
“Come on. Put on some jeans. I’ll drive you down there. You can run in and get him, and then we’ll take him home. I’ll address the rest of this at work with him on Friday.”
“I don’t want to go, Brett. At what point in time does Gray become someone else’s problem? Why am I responsible for him?” I flopped onto my back as I whined to my husband.
When I chanced a peek in his direction, he had a goofy grin on his face.
My brow furrowed in confusion. “What? Why are you looking at me like that?”
“I never thought I’d see a day when you’d wish Gray on someone else.”
Watching the fan spin in lazy circles, I laid there wondering where my anger had come from. This wasn’t the person my friends knew, but I was tired of having unhealthy people derail my life. Tomorrow was a huge day for moving my family forward, it was my top priority. I didn’t want to be self-destructive anymore. My life was damn near perfect, and Gray coming in like a thief in the night to steal that happiness wasn’t going to happen.
I didn’t respond to Brett’s comment, there was no point, and I was too ticked off to say anything that wouldn’t start a fight. Against my better judgment, I slid on the jeans I’d taken off just hours earlier and pulled on my shoes. My eyes and feet followed Brett’s perfect ass down the stairs. I loved watching the muscles in his arms flex as he moved. Everything about him made me smile. It wasn’t possible for me to direct my anger at the man I was worried about upsetting.
When we got in the SUV, Brett backed out, and I leaned my head back against the seat. Staring at the side of his face, I thanked God for never answering my prayers, never fulfilling the desperate pleas for my relationship with Gray. “I’m sorry about this, Brett.”
“No need for you to be sorry, but Gray will be when he sobers up and has to deal with me.”
“I shouldn’t have responded to his texts months ago. I knew better, but I always seem to let my past color my future. The thought of having another life on my hands always overrides anything else. My conscience is so afraid of having the weight of death loom over it, it believes it’s saving me from that fate. But I’m just done with this shit. I’m tired of feeling guilty. I’m tired of being the whipping boy. For once in my life, I’m surrounded by positive people, not negative ones breeding discontent. The people I hang out with breed joy, and life, and happiness. I may be selfish, but I refuse to give that up.”
“You deserved all of that years ago. I wish you had let your mind accept it.”
“That’s how I feel right now, but I’m afraid I’ll wake up in the morning and be ashamed I didn’t put him first. That’s insane, isn’t it?”
“No, sweetheart. That’s your nature. But wanting people to be happy doesn’t mean sacrificing yourself. And for years that’s exactly what you have done.”
Brett pulled up in front of a relatively new bar downtown. I’d never been inside, but that wasn’t saying much. At this stage of my life, I didn’t frequent clubs or bars and was saddened Gray still did.
I kissed Brett quickly and hopped out. Before closing the door, I said, “I’ll be right back,” and pushed the heavy metal shut.
There was no doubt I looked like hell. I hadn’t bothered to brush my hair when I’d gotten up; I’d pulled it into a ponytail before bed, and that’s how it remained. Catching a glimpse of my reflection, I didn’t look as horrible as I’d anticipated, but hell, it was the middle of the night.
There were far more people bustling around the joint than I’d expected at this hour. I couldn’t see the pool tables but could hear the crack of the balls hitting each other and falling into pockets. Classic rock played over a really bad stereo system. And people were actually smoking inside—that itself was enough to gross me out. My eyes searched the crowd, and I swatted at some guy who grabbed my ass. The patrons parted like Moses and the Red Sea, and there sat Gray, alone at the bar.
I hoped he came willingly, without a lot of fuss, but knowing Gray, nothing was ever easy. Maybe if I went into this with a positive attitude, he wouldn’t fight me on leaving.
“Hey, stranger. Fancy meeting you here.” I took the stool next to him and propped my elbows on the bar.
“Bird Dog…” I’d seen that smile before, and I knew what it used to mean.
“Come on. Let’s settle your tab and get you out of here.”
“Have a drink with me.”
He waved the bartender over, but before he could order another drink,
I talked over him. “Can we cash out, please?” The guy nodded and turned back toward the register.
“Why’d you come, baby?”
The sullen expression on his face tore at my heart. I had deeply loved this man at one point in my life—or at least some perversion of what I believed love was then. My soul ached at his sadness, the turn his existence had taken. For so many years, I had wanted to be the one thing good in his life, the person who loved him more than anyone else ever would—but it had never been enough for Gray. His inability to cope had always turned into my self-deprecation.
“Brett made me.”
“Do you miss us, Bird Dog?”
Jesus, the bartender needed to hurry. It wasn’t that hard to print out a ticket.
“Do you miss our relationship? The way we loved each other?” He reached out and put his hand on my back.
My skin crawled in a way I’d never felt before. The alcohol on his breath made me gag, and his words repulsed me. I didn’t know what had happened between him and Abby other than what he’d told me, nor did I know what took place with the Slut Muffin, except for Gray’s side of things—but I knew for a fact that Gray did not respect the sanctity of marriage. He could do whatever the fuck he wanted to his own, but he would not ruin mine. Touching another man’s wife, asking her if she missed him—way out of line.
“Here you go.” The bartender chose the perfect time to return with the credit card slip and the card Gray apparently had him run a tab on.
I scribbled a hefty tip on the line and totaled the bill. Gray was slowly returning the card to his wallet when I grabbed his arm and pulled him from the stool. One more second alone with him, and I might hurt him. Rationally, I knew my reaction was over the top, but my heart was terrified Brett would think I still had some connection to Gray, and I’d lose him.
The moment we stepped outside, Gray saw Brett in the SUV. “You’ve got to be fucking kidding me. You brought Brett with you?” Gray threw his arms in the air in some melodramatic performance for those around us.
Freed (Bound Duet Book 2) Page 19
