The two fell quiet for several moments, Drew lost in thought. He considered Jeff’s words, wondering if they were true. He’d never quite understood their relationship, but they’d always seemed happy enough.
Happy enough.
Images of Anna’s olive eyes smiling up at him, of that silly grin on her face when she sang off-key, of that real laugh—her head back, her entire body relaxed. He hadn’t spent a lot of time around she and Jeff after things had gotten serious, but he couldn’t recall seeing the two of them so carefree together.
But she’d been happy with Drew, hadn’t she?
He thought back to the look on Anna’s face when he’d told her everything Jeff had said was true.
She’d been so devastated. He’d watched as the joy faded from her eyes, replaced by that bitter sadness Drew was all too familiar with.
That had to mean something, didn’t it?
~*~
Drew was nervous.
He wasn’t much for expressing his feelings—and even less for doing so publicly.
But he’d spent the last week trying to get in touch with Anna, and to no avail. She hadn’t returned any of his texts or calls, and when he’d gone to the community center under the guise of checking in to see how much they’d raised from the prom, Crystal had insisted that Anna wasn’t in.
Obviously, she was avoiding him. He got that.
But he couldn’t let her go without trying.
Hadn’t that been his mistake from the start?
Dave eyed him suspiciously as Drew tapped his foot obnoxiously on the floor.
Normally, Drew was always calm, cool, and collected. Obviously, something was going on.
Rather than put it off any longer, Drew interrupted his partner mid-sentence.
“Sorry, Dave—I just…I’ve been sitting here all morning, trying to convince myself not to do this. But…it didn’t work.”
“What are you even talking about, man?”
“I…” Drew looked down at the panel in front of him and closed his eyes, sighing softly. “I have a few confessions I need to make.”
“Oh, no—are things about to get serious?”
“I’m afraid so.” Drew sighed again. “So…as most of you know, I recently embarked on my very first friendship with a member of the finer sex.” An image of Anna’s smile flashed through his mind. “Except that I’ve been lying about it…well, pretty much since it started. It was never platonic, as much as I tried to convince myself otherwise.”
“Didn’t I call that from the beginning?” Dave interrupted, and Drew rolled his eyes.
“I called it from the beginning. I’m the one who’s always saying that whole idea of a platonic friendship is nothing more than a fairytale. It’s inevitable that somebody develops feelings. And I was right about that. If I’m being completely honest, I entered into this knowing that it was going to be me, this time.” Drew swallowed hard, his heart pounding so forcefully it was the only thing he could hear now.
“You see, about seven years ago, I saw a pretty girl at a party. She was angry, and she was sad—and she was the most beautiful thing I’d ever laid eyes on. I know I’ve always said I don’t believe in love, and especially not love at first sight…but I knew from the moment I laid eyes on her.”
The memory of that night conjured in his mind. He remembered the way she looked up at him, her lips pink from his unexpected kiss.
“I know she isn’t listening right now. But I’m hoping that someone else is, and they’ll—.”
“Why don’t you ask her to meet you—you know, and you guys can have that grand romantic reunion and ride off into the sunset together?”
“Because that’s a terrible idea, Dave.” He shook his head at his partner. “I’m just hoping that one of her friends, or her sister, or anyone will tell her—”
“To meet you at Deepwood. Tonight, at eight.”
“No, Dave, that’s a stupid idea—”
The last thing he wanted to do was put Anna, or himself, for that matter, through something so embarrassing.
“Don’t listen to him. Girls love this kind of thing.” Dave ignored Drew’s protests. “Belle, darling, you know who you are. I know who you are. Probably half of the city knows, by now. You’ve left my partner in shambles. Please, if you’ll accept his declaration of love—meet him tonight, at Deepwood. Eight o’clock sharp.”
“Or just call me. That’s fine too.” Drew added in.
“Well, now that that’s taken care of—can we get back to last night’s game? Fourteen innings, Drew. That’s ridiculous.”
Drew did his best to carry on with the show, but by the end, he couldn’t recall for sure any one thing he’d said. He didn’t linger at the office, already feeling like an idiot and unable to stand the pitiful looks all of the women were offering him.
He drove around for quite awhile, his mind racing. He knew he was waiting for his phone to vibrate, and when, after several hours, it didn’t—he somehow convinced himself that maybe she really was going to show up at Deepwood.
So he stopped at his apartment and took a shower, almost dressing himself in the same black shirt she’d worn the morning they’d agreed to add benefits to their friendship. But instead, he opted for a similar style in gray.
When he arrived at the restaurant, he was seated near the front of the dining area. He felt his foot tapping on the floor as he ordered a drink, his nerves getting the best of him.
And then…he waited.
~*~
“You’re seriously not going?” Alice stood in Anna’s doorway, her hands on her hips. Anna shook her head, not taking her eyes off of the sketchpad in her lap. “Why?”
“Just drop it, Allie. Please?” Alice sighed, obviously frustrated with her older sister. Anna had taken the day off work today, having decided to take a long weekend to try and clear her head. She’d been laying in bed, staring up at the ceiling, when her sister barged in, crossing the room and turning the radio on without Anna’s permission.
As soon as she’d heard Drew’s voice, she demanded Alice turn it off—but, of course, she’d only turned it up.
She had missed the beginning, but she’d heard enough.
It had taken everything she had not to pick up the phone and call him then.
Alice had stood there for several minutes, staring at her sister expectantly. But Anna had only laid back down, asking her sister to turn it off and let her go back to sleep.
She hadn’t left her room since then, and now, several hours later, Alice was back again. “Just get up, Anna Marie. You know you want to go—so why are you playing games?”
“I’m not playing games. What does it even matter to you, Alice? I thought you didn’t believe in the whole monogamy thing either.”
“I don’t. But you’re a mess, sissy.” Alice crossed the room and sat down on Anna’s bed, reaching out and taking the sketchpad from her. Anna bit her lip as tears flooded her eyes. “Why aren’t you going?”
“Because I can’t.” Anna shrugged her shoulders, as if it was just that simple.
Because, for her, it was.
“Why?”
“I can’t be that girl for him, Alice. I can’t be the girl who destroys a friendship.” Anna shook her head. “This whole time, I was so selfish. I never once stopped to think about the position I was putting Drew in.”
“With Jeff, you mean?” Anna nodded. “I think that’s a sacrifice Drew’s willing to make, from the sounds of it.”
“And that’s not something I’m willing to let him do.” Anna sighed, wiping at the tears on her cheeks. “I told myself that it didn’t matter—Jeff was out of my life, and what I did was my business. I was so blinded by whatever we had, I didn’t even consider…” Anna let the sentence go, waiting for Alice to say I told you so.
But she didn’t. Instead, she studied her sister’s face for several moments before finally speaking.
“Do you love him?” Alice asked.
“It doesn’t matter.�
� Anna shook her head. “Jeff is the only person Drew’s opened up to, Alice. I’m not going to compromise that any more than I already have.”
“So, what you’re saying is—you’re not going to Yoko them apart.”
Anna couldn’t help but laugh at the Beatles reference, tears still in her eyes.
“Yes, Allie. That’s exactly what I’m saying.”
“And you’re just going to walk away?” Anna nodded, her voice ripped away by the clenching within her chest. The thought of letting Drew go tore her apart, but she knew, deep down, that it was the right decision for the both of them.
How could she ask Drew to turn his back on his best friend? And for what—the possibility that things might work with them?
As well as she knew Drew, she couldn’t help but doubt his ability to commit. For all she knew, once he realized that Anna was within his grasp, he would realize that he had been chasing after a romanticized memory—and that, in reality, a relationship took effort.
She didn’t doubt that he was capable, but rather that he would get bored with the tedium and…then what?
He would have lost his friend for nothing.
“Oh, Annie.” Alice wrapped her arm around Anna’s shoulders. “Will you be okay by yourself for awhile?”
“I’m a big girl, Allie. You go on. Go have fun.”
“Okay. There’s a pint of Ben and Jerry’s in the freezer. You’re welcome to it, if you’d like.”
“That’s probably the most enticing offer I’ve gotten in awhile.” Anna replied, sniffing quietly. Alice smiled as she jumped from the bed.
“I’ll see you later, okay?” Anna waved at her little sister, and a few seconds later, she heard the shower turn on.
She waited until she heard Alice’s car start before she forced herself out of bed. She knew she was a mess, but she couldn’t bring herself to care. Instead, she walked down the stairs and headed toward the kitchen. She was on her way back up to her room, ice cream in hand, when she heard a knock on the door.
Her heart was pumping wildly in her chest as she froze, terrified it might be Drew.
“Anna Marie, I know you’re in there.”
Anna almost threw the ice cream to the floor as she dashed toward the door, throwing it open. Tears flooded her eyes once more and Nana stepped through the door, taking her granddaughter’s face into her hands.
“I thought you could use some company.”
And Anna did drop the ice cream then, wrapping her arms around her Nana’s neck.
This was exactly what she needed.
~*~
Drew glanced at his phone, dreading it. He knew what he would see once he pushed that button to illuminate the screen.
No new messages. No missed calls.
And hours had passed.
With a heaviness in his chest he’d never experienced before, he waved the waitress over for the bill. He tried very hard to ignore the pity in her eyes as she took his card. When she returned, he scribbled on the receipt and headed for the door.
“Drew!” A voice called out to him and he turned, his hopes rising and falling within seconds.
It was a pretty blonde, yes. She was taller and thinner than her sister, with purple highlights in her hair.
“She’s not coming, is she?” It was all Drew could muster. Alice shook her head slowly, and he could see that it saddened her. “Well, it was worth a shot.”
“She cares about you a lot, you know.”
“Not enough, I guess.”
“No. Too much, I think.” Alice frowned. “Why did you get involved, Drew? If you knew from the beginning that you were going to get hurt.”
Drew shrugged, most definitely not wanting to have this conversation.
“Because—when I kissed her the first time, I knew in that moment that I never wanted to kiss anyone else. Nobody else could ever compare.” He told her the truth, looking down at the pavement beneath him as the memory washed over him.
Truth or not, though, it didn’t matter.
He’d lost her.
“And now?” Alice pressed, and Drew looked up, running a hand through his already disheveled hair.
“And now, I’m going to go home, Alice.” The sorrow he felt was overwhelming him—the sense of loss, of regret…it was just too much to bear. “Tell her I’m sorry, okay?”
With that, he turned around and headed back to his car. He sat down behind the wheel and pulled his phone out, opening up a new message.
She didn’t show.
Jeff: I’m sorry, man. Need anything?
I’ll be fine.
He’d lost Anna before. No matter how impossible it seemed now, he knew he could get over it again.
Chapter Eighteen
Anna wore a simple black dress. Her hair was low and wispy, and she held a wine glass in her hand. Her sister was across the room, dressed boldly in red, chatting it up with a guy with a tattoo on his neck. Nana was behind her, discussing one of her more recent sculptures with a woman younger than Anna.
Out of the corner of her eye, she caught a glimpse of Chandler Duvet. Nana had been right—he’d aged very well, even Anna had to admit. He smiled and waved, heading in her direction. Anna felt her cheeks redden and she turned away, wishing she could find someone in the room to focus her attention on.
“Anna Maloy, it’s as if I’m seeing a living memory right in front of me. You haven’t aged a day.” He leaned forward and touched his lips to her cheek.
“Oh, we both know that’s a lie.”
“The only difference I notice is that you are impossibly more beautiful now than you were ten years ago.” Anna laughed then, shaking her head. “I was sad to have missed you in Italy this summer.”
“It would have been nice to catch up,” she replied.
Anna had finally taken Nana up on her invitation a few months ago. The three of them—Alice, too—had taken a month off and spent their days crushing grapes and drinking wine, creating art…and healing, mostly, for Anna. Nana and Alice, of course, had gone through a score of lovers between the two of them.
She had never been able to muster even the vaguest sense of the passion she’d experienced with Drew, despite her best efforts.
“It looks as though you were plenty busy, though. I’m not sure we would have had time for catching up.” He gestured toward the back of the gallery. “You’ve developed quite a talent, Miss Maloy. Although I can’t say I’m surprised by that.” Anna dipped her head, feeling the blush coloring her cheeks at the compliment.
While in Italy, one of Nana’s friends had invited the three of them to participate in the group show he was putting together for his gallery in Chicago. Tonight was the opening, and it seemed as if every other face in the crowd was one who Anna recognized from her summers at Nana’s cottage.
“Thank you,” she told Chandler. “I hear you’ve done well.”
“Oh, barely more than a starving artist, I’m afraid.” His tone was one of faux modesty.
“Why don’t I believe that?”
“I never could fool you, could I?” Chandler touched her shoulder, and Anna tried to remember the time when she had felt nothing but affection for this man.
Instead, though, she could only conjure images of one dark, disheveled mop of hair, a cocky grin, clear blue eyes…
It was still painful, she admitted.
She would think of him at the most random of moments, and her heart would stop, and she would feel the pain tearing through her.
But it was easier, now. Those moments were far and few between, and she just had to remind herself that their relationship had come with an expiration date. They had simply played their cards wrong—rather than discouraging intimacy, they had thrived on it.
Eventually, the flame would have fizzled out…and everything would have ended much worse than it did.
She turned her head and saw one of her submissions. He was laying in bed, the sheets tangled around him. There was a certain vulnerability about him as he slept, and
even now, she felt that familiar surge of affection beneath her breast.
Anna was fairly certain she would never feel the way she did about Drew again. They had fit together, the two of them. They’d had a harmony between them she knew she would never find with another.
If she was completely honest with herself, which she had tried to encourage these days, she was pretty sure she’d known it from the first moment he’d kissed her.
~*~
Drew groaned as his best friend entered the room. “Seriously, Jeff? Who even wears khakis anymore?”
“Adults.” Drew rolled his eyes.
“Come on, could you please go put on a pair of jeans? I’m almost embarrassed to be seen with you in public.”
“We’re going to dinner, Drew. You’re not supposed to wear jeans—”
“Everybody wears jeans, Jeff.” Drew threw his hands in the air, giving up. If Jeff wanted to dress like an eighty year old man, who was he to stop him? “Come on. We’re going to miss our reservation.”
“Look at you, talking about reservations. You really have matured, haven’t you?” Jeff teased.
“What can I say? I have officially joined the world of adults. I’ve got a dog. And I’m looking at real estate options.” As soon as he said the words, her face danced into view. Hadn’t Anna been the one to welcome him?
Hadn’t she been the reason he’d stayed?
“She’s pretty adorable, too.” Jeff spoke, and Drew had to think for a moment to figure out what his friend was referring to. “Let me see that face again.”
Drew held up his phone. She was a golden retriever—and her name was Bella. He’d found her at an adoption event the station was sponsoring and he’d known the moment her saw her name that they were a match.
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