“Nothing,” I said, settling back on my bed with what I hoped was a bored sigh. This was probably my greatest acting challenge to date. And if I was going to keep being an actress, then I’d better get used to it. “I’ve just been really busy. Rehearsal and all. I’m tired, tell me about you!”
She grinned, sitting down on her own couch. “I went to this audition today…” As Sarah babbled on, I settled my head back against the pillows, listening. Normal life had to resume, or at least what was left of it. It had to or I wouldn’t survive. It just had to resume without Liam.
CHAPTER 13: AMYThe next morning, my alarm pierced through the silence at 6am. It was the earliest I could manage to get up and still feel half decent. The dancers often got up at 5am, used to having to go to rehearsals before and after normal schooling. Now they were here, they used every waking moment to practise.
I knew, however, that I would be the first awake in the drama wing. My fellow actors were the ones who were rushing down the halls to class with less than a minute to spare, on a daily basis.
I turned on the shower, relying on the water to wake me up. Last night, I had printed a fresh copy of my script, and transferred notes from the mangled one. Three days ago, I would have still felt disappointed that Liam had gone through with his choice to have someone else play Beast for almost all the shows. Today, I was glad of it.
My new partner, Deon, was a senior student, and a great actor. He had been at the school since he was six, and he knew every trick. He was funny, and kind, and took time to explain to me some terms I had not yet grasped in class. We got along well in class, and I knew rehearsal was going to be fine.
Out of the shower, I dried my hair and applied a bit of makeup. It wasn’t something I normally wore, but this was the new me; the me without Liam; the me who could make it on her own.
By 7am, I was walking down the halls of the dorms, towards the theater. I barely glanced at the hallway with the nearly invisible door where I had found Liam. I couldn’t change the truth about him, but I could move on.
He hadn’t tried to contact me at all in the past two days, nor had I messaged him. I guessed my dramatic exit had made it clear that I couldn’t deal with this.
I did miss him, of course, although it was hard to admit it. I missed his arms around me, his sweet gentle kisses that came and went too fast when we snuck away to my room on lunch hour. I missed his guidance on my work and rehearsing alone in my room without anyone to point out flaws was starting to send me in a panic.
But all that had to be behind me. Whatever issues Liam was working through weren’t mine to deal with. How could I trust him ever again?
I hadn’t expected to find anyone in the theater at 7 AM. I had checked online, and it wasn’t booked by anybody. The rooms at school were open from 6.30 AM until midnight to all students to practise what they needed. Bigger rooms, like this theater, had to be booked in advance or used with the understanding that someone could book it at anytime. I hadn’t bothered, but I had figured no one else would be up this early. And I was right.
And so became my routine. Up early every morning, before the rest and into the theater just as the janitor unlocked the doors. The script to Beauty and the Beast became as natural to me as breathing. I had always wondered how it was possible to memorize a two and a half hour play, but I began to see it was easy. Deon was a lovely partner, who worked at my pace rather than surging ahead and expecting me to follow.
Sarah became my confidant again and we spoke every night. I dismissed Liam as a ‘bad idea that should have never happened’, and she pretended to believe me, even on nights when I didn’t believe myself.
And in class, Liam behaved like I was any other student. He spoke to me only when I needed direction and he was emotionless. His eyes were dark, cold and distant. We no longer caught each other’s gazes in class, no longer took separate directions just to sneak to my dorm.
With Liam not taking up all of my time, I began to make friends with my classmates, learning to trust them on and off stage. It was a slow process, of course, to learn to talk civilly to the girls that had shunned me for the first half of the semester. But now that Liam ignored me, their jealousy ebbed away, and we soon spent hours giggling in the hallways and reciting the same lines over and over until we were sick of them.
The girls showed me websites to submit for auditions on my own, and we often spent lunch hours tailoring each other’s resumes and emailing casting calls to each other. Although no one emailed me back, it felt like a good start; like I could do this on my own.
I was happy. I was afraid to admit it at first. I was afraid that things were too good and would disappear as quickly as they had appeared. But even Dad began to comment on the change in my manner, my speech and my mood. I was finally living the dream that I had longed for since I first set foot in the academy as a child, and being involved with the Headmaster had never been part of it anyway.
One morning, however, everything began to change.
The strands of the popular pop song reached my ears before I even fully opened the door to the theater. The lights in the audience were off, and the only light on was the main light on the stage. Porsche was flying through a dance routine, and attempting to cover the song as well, although her voice wasn’t quite the same as the pop singer.
She looked different than her ballet persona; her limbs moving with speed instead of slow grace and her red hair was flying all over the place. Porsche was gorgeous, in every way that counted, and I briefly wondered if Liam had told me the truth about their relationship. Or perhaps I had just been a pawn in the game.
“Sorry, I didn’t know the stage was in use,” I said, turning to go when she spotted me at the end of the song. She smiled, panting slightly and came to the front of the stage.
“No, no. I have an audition later so I thought I’d practise. But I would get slaughtered if anyone knew I was taking the stage from students. Hop on up.” She went to get a water bottle, gesturing to me to come up the steps. “How are you, Amy? I heard you were sick a while back.”
I blushed, looking away. The look that she gave me told me that she knew the full story behind it.
“What are you auditioning for?” I asked, changing the subject. She smiled.
“Broadway.”
“But you’re a ballerina! And a star ballerina!” I protested. She shrugged.
“Sure. But you can’t be a ballerina forever. Like being a model, you age out of it fast, or you get injured and have no backup plan. In musical theater, there are parts galore for an older crowd. So once ballet is over, I can continue to dance. And maybe sing. But I doubt it.”
“It sounded good,” I offered her an encouraging smile. “Are you here to teach too?” Porsche guest taught the dance classes whenever she was in town, often jet-lagged and right off a plane. Her life was something I could only dream of, and it gave me hope, that even with a beeping watch reminding me to take my pills, I could still have a good career.
“Possibly. Auditions can take five minutes or keep you waiting two hours, so it depends when I get back. I’m hoping to be back in time for the five o’clock class, but the audition is at three, so who knows.”
“Wow,” I said, awed despite myself. “Are you excited?”
She shrugged again, reaching to tie her hair back.
“The average working performer goes to ten auditions before getting one job, so you can’t dwell too much on all of them. My stats are a little higher, maybe one in five, but still not a reason to put all my eggs in one basket.”
“Oh,” I said as I reached the stage. “I guess my stats are about 1 in 1 right now.”
“The only audition you’ve done is for here?” she asked, surprised. “Really?”
“Really,” I shrugged. “Stroke of luck. Or…a little more”
“You have to come with me!” She said abruptly, and my mouth hit the floor.
“What? No, I can’t. I mean, I haven’t submitted, I haven’t rehearsed, I d
on’t even know what it’s for, I don’t have a resume, I don’t…”
“I’ll make a call.”
Liam’s deep voice surprised me from the wings. He approached from stage left, and unconsciously, I froze. I wasn’t quite sure what we were supposed to say or do now.
“That isn’t necessary,” I managed, finding my voice. Despite the fact that his voice was kind, it made me angry. I didn’t need any more hand outs. It was the first time we had spoken one on one since it happened. Mostly, he just barked directions at me from across the stage, and I obeyed them without answering.
“This industry is all about whom you know, Amy,” Porsche said a gentle smile on her face as she came to stand beside me. “And getting your foot in the door, however you can. Lots of people are talented, so you have to stand out.”
“But…” I started to protest.
“If you didn’t come here to try and succeed, why did you come?” Liam’s voice had taken on that cold distant chill that I used to know him so well for. There was no warmth between us, no light, and no connection any more. “Who’s the casting director?” He addressed Porsche without so much as meeting my eyes.
“It’s Shannon,” she said, taking another sip of her water. “Which means she will needlessly remind me about the time I tripped in front of her?”
“At least she’ll see you,” There was the warmth I remembered, but it wasn’t directed at me. “Amy, you’ll go with Porsche after your English class this afternoon. If you’re feeling up to it.” His eyes bore into me, but I held my ground.
“I’m fine,” I said.
“Just for an acting call,” Porsche tried to reassure me. “We won’t force you to be a triple threat yet. Use the monologue you did for Beauty, it’ll be perfect.”
“Right,” I nodded, my heart hammering in my chest. I knew he was right. They both were. This industry was as much about whom you knew as what you could do. So, deciding to take the high road, I nodded. “Thank you.”
“What am I calling Shannon for?” Liam said, just as he turned to leave. “She’s probably casting 80 things right now.”
“Gatsby,” Porsche replied, rolling her eyes. “I told you about 60 times.” He raised an eyebrow.
“And you think you’d be a good Daisy Buchannan, then?”
“No, but Myrtle Wilson played by Porsche De Ritter has a nice ring to it.” She winked at him, and he sighed, heading out.
“Break a leg. And Amy?” He barely looked at me. “Try not to waste the whole day telling everyone. You have school work to focus on.”
“I’ll do that,” I replied, trying hard not to glare after him. He didn’t look back, strolling off as if he had said a pleasant goodbye. When the tension in the air cleared with his exit, I cleared my throat.
“Gatsby?” I turned to Porsche in shock. “That’s a huge production! Everyone in the school submitted for that at least twice. I think I submitted three times. Isn’t it set to star a Hollywood superstar as Gatsby himself? And that’s Shannon Valirie casting it? Didn’t she cast Wicked and Phantom and….” I could barely catch my breath.
“Sure is,” she grinned. “You read it?”
“I read it at home, by myself. I know the story. But…”
“Then you’ll do fine,” she replied. “Most actors have so many auditions they show up without a clue, anyway. But don’t focus on that now. You came here to rehearse something else, I think.”
“I did,” I nodded, but suddenly, Beauty and The Beast didn’t seem so important.
The day went by in a blur. It took every ounce of concentration I had to not think about it. Even though I managed to get through class and rehearsal and no one asked why I was actually like a space cadet, I still couldn’t help but watch the clock every ten seconds. At least watching the clock kept me from watching out for Liam.
It still happened, much to my annoyance. I found myself quickly searching a room for him, or my heart skipping half a beat when he walked in. If our eyes happened to meet, they still lingered for half a second, but now, they held no warmth.
At exactly 2:55, I met Porsche at the front of the school.
“Do you think this is ok?” I asked, gesturing down to my outfit. “I mean, do I have time to change?”
“They want to see you, not your wardrobe. You look fine,” she assured me, placing a hand on my shoulder. It was only then that I noticed the band-aid on her arm.
“Are you ok?” I asked, pointing to it as we began to walk. It was a 25 minute walk to the audition studio.
“Sure,” she shrugged, pulling her sleeve over her hand and putting her thumb through one of the fashion-placed holes in the cuff. “A little infection a couple days ago. Nothing that an IV wouldn’t take care of.”
“I know that story. You’re still on AZT, right? Nothing yet?”
“I am,” she looked to me. “It’s nice to have someone who actually understands the medical jargon.”
“Yeah.” I nodded, giving her a grin. “It is.”
Porsche took a deep breath, looking me up and down before continuing.
“It doesn’t really matter anyway. I’ll live my life and then when it comes to its natural end, Liam turns me.”
I knew that. In the back of my mind, I had known that about her. He had told me. But hearing her say it out loud was still shocking.
“But why would you go through all of it?” I asked. “Once the disease descends into full blown AIDS, it’s going to be brutal, and we all know that.”
“Because I will have all of eternity to be immortal,” she replied. “And a very short time to remember what being mortal is.”
I didn’t really know what to say to that, how to continue this conversation. It was surreal to be talking completely seriously about vampires.
“He’s a good person, Amy…” she started, and that’s when I caught her off.
“I really don’t want to talk about it, Porsche,” I snapped, shaking my head. “It happened, and it’s over. And it’s a lot more complicated than him simply being…what he is.”
“I get that,” her voice was still gentle, despite my tone.
“Well, you don’t, because you get to be immortal when it’s done,” I replied. She glanced at me, sharply.
“And you want that?”
“No!” The thought had never even crossed my mind. “Can we talk about something else?”
“Sure,” she looked away and despite our agreement, we lapsed into silence until we hit the audition studio. It was small, smaller than I had been expecting, and there were very few people in the waiting room when we walked in.
“Professional auditions are smaller,” Porsche told me, as she signed us in. “You usually have to have a resume a mile long and be personally known by the director.”
“Lucky me,” I said, as I took a seat. The other two people in the waiting room were beautiful male actors, probably not much older than me. I was grateful for the fact that we didn’t have to sit there with someone competing directly with us, and so I settled in comfortably, watching them warm up. “Are you guys dancers?” I asked when I had caught their gaze one too many times.
“Yes,” One of them, the more beautiful of the two, I felt, nodded. He had dark hair and light blue eyes that contrasted beautifully with his dark skin. “Are you?”
“No.” I shook my head. “She is, though,” I said, indicating Porsche, who uncrossed her legs and smiled, although it was tight lipped.
“Braedon and I know each other,” she said. “Braedon, this is Amy, the scholarship winner of the Academy this year.”
“Well, well, well. Looks like Liam is still picking them pretty,” he held his hand out to me, and I shook it, but immediately felt uneasy. There was something about the way he looked at me that I didn’t like, as if he were judging me. I felt myself sit up straighter. I may have gotten here on a scholarship, but I had talent too. If there was one thing I still trusted about Liam, it’s that he wouldn’t have thrown the school to the wolves by casting a
horrible actor even if I hadn’t been the best one.
Porsche had been right about the waiting. It was agonizing. Despite being the only four in the waiting room, it was over and an hour and a half before someone appeared at the door. Exiting just ahead of her was another group of what appeared to be dancers, tired and sweaty.
“Alright, next group? Dancers, you’ll be at dance call for two hours, so if you need to call anyone, do it now.”
“Wait for me?” Porsche asked, as she stood, putting her stuff away. “You’ll probably be called in and done before me.”
“Uh…sure,” I said, shrugging. She was just about to leave when she turned back.
“Shoot. Amy, be a dear and text Liam, tell him I certainly won’t be able to teach today,” she said it without even waiting for an answer. If she had gotten one, however, it would have been a frustrated growl from me. And I’m sure she knew that. This was a set up.
I slid my phone out of my pocket, scrolling down the contacts. Liam was still saved as ‘Lover’, lest anyone find my phone when I left it lying around. My heart was hammering more than before. The nervousness of the audition combined with the fact that I now had to make contact with Liam. The only audition I had even done was with him and the only acting advice I had ever gotten was through him as well. Doing all of this alone was weighing heavily on me.
At the last second, I hit call instead of SMS and brought the phone up to my ear. It rang once, twice, three times, and I was hoping it would go to voice mail when Liam picked up.
“Hi, it’s Amy,” I said, the words tumbling out.
“Yes?” He sounded annoyed and I could hear the background noise of the school hallways.
“Porsche just went in for dance call, so she wants me to tell you she won’t be able to teach tonight. And I’m uh…still waiting.” My heart was beating so hard that I could barely get the words out. I felt sweat dripping down my back and I knew my voice was trembling. I was frustrated at myself for feeling this way, but no matter how many calming thoughts I tried to think, nothing was helping.
“Ok,” Liam sounded gentler now, and the noise in the background faded. “Is everything alright?”
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