“How could you possibly think that I would want to be just another fling to you?” she asked, her voice quiet and breaking. She didn’t want to look at him anymore. She stormed out of his apartment and slammed his door. She never meant to be dramatic, but fire was meant to be destructive and the only way her spirit knew to move.
I could never regard you as a fling, Sethi, you will always mean the world to me, he thought, wishing he’d had the chance to say it to her. Etyne fell heavily on his couch, considering the events that had just unfolded. Brisethi’s rage was a fire he couldn’t easily extinguish this time. She needed to fizzle out on her own to think about their misinterpreted treatment of one another.
The words she’d yelled had struck a chord in him, and he felt the despair at her perception of how he treated the women from his past - that he couldn’t take a relationship serious. He never thought to let her know that one of them made him choose between her and Brisethi or that he had chosen his best friend over continuing a relationship with Serythe.
If he’d known how she thought of him, maybe he could have approached her better the year before. Etyne cursed himself for pushing Brisethi away and feared she might never open back up to him. He was profoundly confused at what cataclysm could possibly be raging in her mind. All he wanted at that moment, was for her to come back, forgive him, and allow him to finally tell her what he’d kept to himself for years. He didn’t want to go another year of not seeing her without her knowing.
She ran through dark alleyways to take a shortcut to the city’s botanic gardens. The leaves of the trees were shedding hues of orange and yellow leaves as large flakes of snow crashed into each of them. Now that she was out in public, and in uniform, she forced herself to regain her composure and found a cold stone bench, dusting away the freshly fallen snowflakes. She took a deep breath and removed the letter she had carried with her every day from her uniform coat pocket. It was the letter she had stolen from Etyne the last time she saw him. It was dated a year after their two-week long integration, the month she had been taken to Lantheus. She read his words one last time.
Sethi~
Could you possibly be any more cryptic in your next letter? I tease, of course. I’m at a loss on how to respond to your recent message, however. I only hope I’m not misconstruing any of your words. I can’t promise that in two years we’ll still have this mutual blissful feeling of one another, but seeing your face, your smile, hearing your laugh; it all stirs up emotions I try very hard to suppress. They are feelings and emotions that I can’t even write out, but would rather tell you in person. I suppose we’ll find out when we see each other in a couple of years if what we had was real. Spirits guide you a safe expedition, Sethi.
~Etyne
How could she assume that he still thought of her that way after all those years? After finding her rotting away in a disgusting environment? I...misconceived my place in your life, she thought. But it was time for her to move on, just as he had. She had two years left in diplomacy training until they shipped her over to the Aspion Empire. Her tour there would bring new friends, new adventures, and new duties to bring her one step closer to her life’s ambition.
With finality, she conjured a scarlet flame and incinerated Etyne’s letter, his lost feelings of her, into ash.
Chapter XIV
When she fit the last small sack of candies and treats into her bag full of books and small toys, Livian Reej rushed out of her quarters, along the hall, down a flight of stairs, and out of the double doors of the Citadel. She hastily walked to the carriage where Yulana Terrez patiently waited for her classmate.
“Did you grab all of the pastries and cookies?” Livan asked while piling their bags inside.
“Yes, I even resisted the urge to eat one!” Yulana told her, climbing into the carriage and sitting across from her. She rubbed her arm through her overcoat to warm up.
“They smell delicious. The kids are going to love them! I’m so glad the rest of the class helped out with this,” Livian said with the slightest hint of excitement in her voice.
“Oh hey look, it’s snowing,” Yulana placed her head against the carriage’s window to get a better view.
Livian groaned at Yulana’s dismal weather forecast.
“Of all the days to snow, this is the perfect holiday for it, lighten up!” Yulana playfully chided her friend. Yulana smiled at her when she glanced in her direction. Ensign Yulana Terrez had spent the first half of this special day with her parents and brother on the outskirts of Res’Baveth. She promised to spend the second half of the day with Livian. Yulana had spent every other one of her off days with the introverted, carefully self-guarded woman since befriending her the year before.
The two Dominion officer trainees unloaded their goods from the carriage when it arrived at their destination; Res’Baveth’s orphanage. Although the two had frequented the orphanage on a monthly basis, today was a particularly important for the people of Sariadne: the celebration of winter solstice. Winter festivities were held in various districts of the city while families and loved ones partook in gift exchanges in thanks to the spirits of the northern skies for their gift of extended life and mystics.
The home had been rebuilt a few streets away from the original. It was three stories tall, even larger than its predecessor. The first time Livian saw it, she feared the enlargement was because there were more orphans than before, but she was pleased to learn that the donor had requested more and larger play areas for the city’s lost children. On that day, the home’s windows were decorated with paper leaves and snowflakes - products from Livian and Yulana’s visit the month before.
The two young women hurried up the steps. “Happy Solstice Day, kids!” Yulana shouted when they barged through the door of the orphanage with bags full of gifts.
Seven anxious children screamed in delight and ran to greet the familiar officers with joyful hugs. Caretaker Melyca greeted the two recurring guests, thanking them for lifting the spirits of the children’s home on the familial holiday.
Livian began handing out the festively wrapped bundles to each of the seven children. Her spirits lifted at seeing that the amount of homeless children had dwindled in the recent years as more adults adopted and the war seemed to stall procreation for the time being. She knelt down when she handed the final gift to the half-Kiaran girl of only age six. Her big green eyes without pupils revealed the smile hidden behind her gift.
“Thank you, Liv,” the little girl politely told her as she began unwrapping it. Her face was bright with joy at unveiling a stuffed animal in the form of a puppy, much like the one Livian had when she was a child. Around its neck was Yulana’s Dominion Navy issued neckerchief to add their personal touch to it.
“Do you like him?” Livian asked. Seneca was one of her favorite children, not only because she was more intelligent than the others, but she was also the most well-behaved. She was also concerned that the little half-Kiaran would struggle as the outcast among the group once they were old enough to realize her physical differences. Not every Resarian accepted half-Kiarans in their society as her mentor, Major Vorsen, had to find out through his young life. And growing up without a family was difficult enough.
“I love him, Liv, what shall I name him?” Seneca asked, hugging both the plush and Livian.
Livian looked over at Yulana then back down at the little girl, pushing her dark thoughts aside. “Well since he’s kind of a sailor with that neckerchief, the Kiaran word for ‘Ensign’ is Valku. Just a suggestion.” She patted the plush.
“Valku,” Seneca repeated decidedly..
The door to the orphanage opened when Livian’s and Yulana’s instructor, Lieutenant Maclout along with a fellow Citadel instructor, Commander Sooza, walked in loaded down with trays of hot food.
“Spirits bless you all for taking the time out of your special day to be with us,” Melyca spoke through joyful tears. She assisted the two new guests in setting up the dinner table, dodging excited children runn
ing around with their new toys.
“It’s the least we can do,” Yulana replied. “It takes an even bigger heart, though, for someone in your position to care for those who have no one else.”
Livian’s heart ached at the thought of her own caretaker who had been lost in the fire. She was the closest thing she had to a mother. Having nobody else genuinely care for her throughout her young life made it easy for Livian to treat others with disregard. And when those she had been remotely close to had befriended her, they were quick to abandon her. Livian’s outlook on life wasn’t a pleasant one. At least, it wasn’t until the day Yulana pushed her way into her life a year ago. But just as the other temporary friends had come and gone, so too, would Yulana once they completed officer training in two years. Shaking her head, she pushed out the dark thoughts, reveling in the happiness around her.
After the small feast had ended, officers helped the caretaker bundle the children up for outdoor festivities. The botanic gardens was their district’s festival venue for the day as they walked the few blocks through the snow. The gardens were filled with colorful stringed lanterns, festive decorations, fire pits and vendors selling warm beverages to the patrons. Snowball competitions and ice sculptures were set up throughout the labyrinth of naked trees. The constant snowfall enhanced the feeling of the celebrated shortest day of the year for Res’Baveth.
Livian shivered when a small breeze broke through her thick, uniform coat. With her fiery mystic, Yulana warmed the air around them while they walked away from the crowds and the musical band to find the other ice sculptures scattered about the garden. It was only the sixteenth hour of the day when the light behind the clouds began to diminish, enhancing the vibrant colors of the lanterns all around.
“This is definitely my favorite holiday,” Yulana stated, captivated by the ice sculpture carved into an ancient ship.
Livian scoffed. “I prefer summer solstice. The sand castle building and surfing competition is more to my liking,” she explained.
“You just like staring at all of the shirtless men,” Yulana teased, brushing aside strands of her black hair that fell in her face.
“When have you ever known me to care about a man’s physique?” Livian asked.
Yulana rolled her eyes, once again confused by Livian’s cryptic retort. Shrugging at Livian’s last question, she removed a small satchel from her coat pocket and handed it to Livian.
Livian held the satchel in her hand. “Your gift is in my room, I didn’t want to shove it in my pocket. I got you a card game that you can take on your sea deployments that resembles the one I found in Essenar.”
“Oh, with the fancy dice?” Yulana asked excitedly.
“Yes,” Livian smiled. There were times that Yulana reminded Livian of Chief Korteni Pyraz more so than Captain Sen Asel. She turned the satchel upside down as a brass pendant of an anchor embedded with a single gemstone fell into her hand. “‘Lana it’s beautiful,” she finally told her, removing the pendant from her current necklace to replace it with her new one. She gave her friend a hug in thanks for the gift.
Yulana wrapped her warm arms tightly around her shivering friend. “I figured you won’t forget me as fast when I’m out to sea if you have a constant reminder around your neck,” Yulana told her.
Livian reluctantly pried herself away from Yulana’s warm embrace. “I won’t forget my only friend that easily.”
“What about that Pyraz girl you told me about? Or your mentor? Are they not your friends?” Yulana asked.
Livian shrugged. “I haven’t heard from Pyraz since the expedition ceremony and Major Vorsen is only that; my mentor. Which, by the way, he finally replied to my letter about you wanting to meet his friend. He told me that he’s not exactly on speaking terms at the moment with Sen Asel.”
“Oh no, did they break up?” Yulana asked.
“I don’t know, I didn’t ask. I don’t think they were actually ever lovers - they’re both sticklers about the Uniform Code of Dominion Regulations,” Livian replied. “Regardless, I’ve grown accustomed to being without friends. As much as I enjoy our time outside of class, I know we’ll go our separate ways in a few years.” She braced herself against the wave of sadness.
Yulana frowned. “Well, yes, because the Dominion will send me to a ship. That doesn’t mean our friendship has to end-”
“It does and it will,” Livian retorted.
“You’re still bitter after all these years, aren’t you?” Yulana asked in regards to Livian’s vague backstory.
Livian sighed. “I really need to stop telling people about that-”
“It’s a good thing to let it out, Liv. As painful of a reminder that it is, you will eventually be able to tell your story without watery eyes,” Yulana said. “I’m not telling you to move on, but I am telling you not to judge others by what one man did to you.”
“It’s not you that I’m afraid of, Yulana. I do like you, in a lustful sort of way,” Livian admitted. “But I just don’t have the energy and love to give to anyone. I’m afraid of hurting you.”
Yulana tightly held Livian’s hands and met her cerulean eyes, contemplating heavily on how to respond. Part of her wanted to confess that she only wanted something physical as well, while the other part of her hesitated for multiple reasons, one of them being the UCDR. Because of Livian’s reticent nature, Yulana had been unable to fully interpret any of her words or gestures. Summoning her courage, Yulana placed her warm hand on Livian’s cold face and replied with a pounding heart, “Liv, I don’t need your love. And if ever you do have some spare energy, well you know where I live.”
Livian closed her eyes and welcomed the warmth Yulana’s hand. Within seconds, Yulana felt Livian’s lips press upon her own.
Chapter XV
The DSV Rogue remained dozens of miles south of the Pahl’Kiar, hidden among the marshy islands under the distortion shields of Etyne and three other similarly gifted Resarians until Etyne and his select group boarded a smaller vessel.
Etyne remained crouched at the bow of the watercraft, observing the murky swamp. Willow trees and vines crowded over in a canopy, blocking anything left of daylight. He felt the nudge of Lieutenant Brannod Cullin.
“The last letter my sister wrote said that you hadn’t written to Balia. Was she not your type?” Cullin asked in a quiet tone of voice.
Etyne sighed. “This probably isn’t the time or place for discussion,” he said, glancing briefly at his task group.
“Ah, come on, Majah, we can use some light bantah while Gerad here slowly rows us ta shore,” replied their newest officer of the DSV Rogue, First Lieutenant Jenibel Teer. The crew had been relieved that they took on two females at their last homeport, lifting the spirits of the old crew.
“I very much do not need to be a part of ship gossip,” Etyne replied sternly.
“Too late fa’ that, in’it?” Teer muttered, nudging Lieutenant Junior Grade Quttel. He stayed reserved of her quirkiness.
Etyne swiftly turned to scorn Gerad. “Would you row faster, Sergeant?”
“Ey, we’ve no idea wot could be lurkin’ in t’is swamp. ‘Ave you ever been ‘ere, Sir?” Sergeant First Class Gerad replied, scratching the red hairs of his chin.
Captain Deseria Holt sat up from her relaxed position at the aft of the boat, brushing aside several braids of her hair, black as her eyes. “Gerad, honey, don’t take any of the Major’s sass. If your little arms are tired I can take over for you - let mama show you how to row a watercraft full of strong Dominion soldiers and sailors,” she pridefully told him.
The rest of the crew struggled to stifle their laughter.
“Right, right, let’s all pick on the only enlisted person on the boat!” Gerad replied.
“Ahem,” the mostly silent Master Chief Perrit coughed, reminding Gerad that he wasn’t alone.
“Aside from you, ‘course, Mast’ Chief,” he quickly amended.
“So, Balia is a no?” Lieutenant Cullin pressed on, raking his blo
nde hair.
Etyne crossed his arms in disbelief that these were the finest, most tactical Dominion personnel in all of Sariadne and glared at his gloomy surroundings. “There’s someone else,” he reluctantly admitted. Perhaps it was the swamp that changed his mood, or the amount of time he had spent with the six men and women of his task group, that had shifted his mindset to consider them his companions. Everyone on the Rogue knew everyone’s personal life, such was the life of a small ship’s crew.
“Ooooh, do go on, Seh,” Teer added, grinning widely at her commander.
“There’s not much else to say; I lost my chance with her,” Etyne somberly replied, surprised at himself for opening up to his crew.
Teer itched at her ash blonde hair, twisted on either side of her head until it met in the bun behind her. “I’d say the usual, ‘ah, she’ll come around’, but given we’re out here for spirits know how long, she’ll more ‘n likely move on,” she said with a chuckle, earning a scowl in return.
“Thank you, Teer, that’s very encouraging and I’m so glad you’re here to boost our morale,” Etyne sarcastically replied.
“I do wot I can, Seh,” she winked. “B’sides, you’re so brash ‘n serious oll the time, she’ll surely find someone t’ make ‘er laugh.”
“You’re not talkin’ ‘bout wot’s her name ah you?” Gerad asked, halting his rowing.
Etyne remained silent while Lieutenant Cullin nodded his head in answer to his question.
“Who is she?” Teer whispered to Gerad, making no real effort to keep her voice low.
“Dammit, girl, you know you ain’t gotta chance with our commander, you tryn’a get him in trouble?” Holt shook her head disapprovingly.
“Roight, she’s a beau’iful Cap’n ‘o works at t’e palace wit ‘air as fierce as gahnet. She wos in my div’sion in exped’tion trainin’ wit t’e Majah ‘ere,” Gerad replied.
“Wot did he jus’ say?” Teer asked.
“Boy, was that even Resarian you were speaking?” Holt teased his deep, inner city accent.
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