Jesse might break her heart again. Being with him might impact her future with HORNET. But not being with him when her whole heart and body demanded it, seemed like an insult to Danny’s sacrifice.
Both Jesse and Tuc looked her way right then. They seemed to be intently talking about her, which wasn’t a comfortable thought. Maybe her career with HORNET was already over. If that was the case, what was stopping her from pursuing something more with Jesse?
She held Marcus for a few minutes more, and cried a few tears of her own. “I wish I’d known Danny better.”
“He was impressed by you.” Marcus gave a watery laugh. “He also called Jesse a few names for not snapping you up.”
She laughed, too. “I think we would’ve been really good friends.”
“Yeah.” Marcus finally pulled away and swiped at his eyes like he was angry with himself for the tears. “He was a—a great friend. The best.”
“He was more than that. He was your brother.” She leaned in and kissed his forehead, then cupped his beard-stubbled cheeks in her palms. “And please don’t think you need to be a tough guy right now. You’re allowed to cry.”
A large shadow fell over them and she gazed up at…everyone. Jesse, Gabe, Quinn, Seth, Harvard, Ian, Jace Garcia, and Tucker. Even Jean-Luc had been brought over in his wheelchair by Rex, the medic from Tucker’s team. The women, Audrey and Phoebe, stood off to the side.
One by one, they each embraced Marcus, then paid their respects to the coffin. Gabe and Quinn both pounded a pin into the lid—their SEAL tridents. Jean-Luc murmured something in another language, then lay his gris-gris on the coffin between the pins. Tucker stood with his hand on the coffin for a long time, his expression torn between devastation and rage.
When it was Ian’s turn, he held onto Marcus a bit longer than everyone else. “I’m sorry,” he said in a broken voice. He turned away without looking at the coffin as if he couldn’t bear the sight of it.
They were family.
Having come from a very dysfunctional family herself, their bond was a beautiful thing to witness. And, God, she wished she didn’t still feel like such an outsider.
“It’s time to take him home,” Gabe finally said.
Marcus nodded and took hold of one of the coffin’s handles. Jesse, Harvard, Quinn, Seth, and Tuc took up positions around the coffin. Together, the group lifted it and moved silently across the tarmac to the plane.
The others, including Tuc’s men, all saluted as the procession passed.
Chapter Thirty-One
The Hornet’s Nest
Somwhere over Atlantic Ocean
“Jess, you have a minute?”
Jesse stopped and cursed silently. Now that everyone was safely onboard the plane, his only goal was to make sure Lanie was okay and comfortable. He’d been on his way to her bunk, but that was Gabe’s voice calling to him from the conference room. If it were anyone but Gabe, he’d tell them to fuck off. He wished it were anyone but Gabe. Unfortunately, it was the boss-man and he respected the guy too much. He backtracked to the door and peeked inside.
A few years ago, Tuc had remodeled HORNET’s jet to include several bunkrooms, a prison cell, and this conference room. There was a wide array of technology on the walls meant to help plan missions, and a table that sat ten.
“Have a seat.” Gabe was in his usual spot at the head of the table. He waved a hand, indicating Jesse should sit. A laptop sat in front of him. Harvard must have given it to him—Gabe was good at a lot of things, but technology was not one of them. Not to mention, it had a Star Trek sticker on the back, which certainly wasn’t Gabe’s.
Jesse jerked his thumb over one shoulder. “I was actually on my way to check on Lanie…”
“This won’t take long,” Gabe said.
So much for getting out of this. Not that he really thought the excuse would work, but it had been worth the shot. Steeling himself for whatever was about to go down, Jesse stepped inside and shut the door when Gabe indicated he should. He took off his Stetson and placed it on the table, but didn’t sit down even though his ankle, now in a plastic air cast, was throbbing. “If this is about the field commander position, I already talked to Tuc.”
“I know.”
“And?”
“And we’re discussing your suggestion.” He waved that conversation aside like it was an annoying bug. “That’s not why I called you in here.” He pinned Jesse with his gaze. “You need to stop treating me like I’m going to break.”
Okay, that hadn’t been anywhere on Jesse’s radar for this convo. “W-what?”
“I’m not dead,” Gabe said very evenly, “and I’m not dying anytime soon.”
“With all due respect, boss, you nearly did die.”
Gabe’s jaw tightened, but then he inclined his head in acknowledgement. “Yes, I’m aware, but that has nothing to do with why I’m getting out of the field. Audrey’s pregnant, and I intend to be around to help her raise our baby.”
“Oh. Wow. Congratulations.” Now Jesse sat. Or more, collapsed into the chair. It felt a bit like Gabe had dropped a bomb on him. Though he knew Gabe wasn’t taking a dig at his parenting failures, he still couldn’t help but think of how much he’d missed of Connor’s life.
“Thank you,” Gabe said, and the big man all but shone with happiness for a second before he shut it down and slid seamlessly back into badass commander mode. “I’m not taking a step back because I’m broken. I can still do the job.”
“You tire too easily,” Jesse pointed out.
Another slight incline of his head. “You’re right. I’m not at full strength. Yet. My doctor assures me I’ll get there. I’m alive and I’m healing and that’s because of you.”
“No. I didn’t do anything—”
“You think I got lucky?” Gabe interrupted. “That it was a miracle I survived?”
“Yes. By all accounts, you should have died.”
“No, that’s only by your account. You think you did nothing, but everyone I’ve talked to about the hours after I was shot says differently. Including Lanie, and she was right there by your side through the whole thing.”
Jesse said nothing to that. He didn’t know what to say.
Gabe grabbed his cane, pushed back from the table, and stood. He motioned to the computer. “There’s someone here who has been wanting to speak to you for some time.” He limped out, pausing only to squeeze Jesse’s shoulder as he passed. “Whatever you decide, we’re behind you.”
Jesse sat in silence for a whole minute once Gabe was gone, staring at the back of the computer. Finally, a voice with an accent somewhere between British and Indian said, “Hello?”
Jesse got up and walked over. He recognized the thin, spectacled man on the screen—Dr. Jayesh Bhatt, the surgeon who had handled Gabe’s initial surgeries in the UK, and one of the most revered trauma surgeons in the world.
Jesus. He should’ve taken some time to clean up in the last few hours. He still looked like he was in war zone. He tried unsuccessfully to brush down his out of control hair, then took the seat Gabe had vacated. “Dr. Bhatt.”
Bhatt smiled warmly. It creased his cheeks and crinkled his dark eyes behind his glasses. “So you’re the medic who saved Gabe’s life.”
“Oh no. That was your doin’. I just kept him alive long enough to get him to you.”
“No easy feat, given the situation and the damage done. I know of maybe five, ten others with that kind of talent, and most of them are doctors. I can assure you if anyone but you had been on the battlefield with him, he wouldn’t be alive today to share the joyous news of his impending fatherhood. Absolutely no question in my mind.”
“It was luck.” Jesse’s throat tightened and he cleared it. “I’m not as good as you think I am. I lost one of our men today.”
“I’m sorry to hear that. What happened?”
“He was shot in the chest by a sniper. Hemopneumothorax. I made the decision to open him up right there, try to clamp the bleed, but once I got in…”
He trailed off, remembering the pulpy mess of muscle that should have been Danny’s heart. “His heart was destroyed.”
Bhatt sighed, took off his glasses. “I’m about to tell you the hard truth of medicine, Jesse. One I still struggle with even after nearly thirty years of practicing. You can’t save them all. You’ll lose ones you thought were stable, and you’ll save ones, like Gabe, you thought were not long for this world. If you weren’t able to save your man today, I’m sorry to say there’s likely nobody who could’ve. It’s a hard truth, like I said, but it’s one you need to learn to live with if you want to practice medicine.” He paused and stared into Jesse’s eyes for a beat. “You do want to become a doctor, don’t you?”
Again, his throat tightened, and his heart started banging hard enough to put a rock concert to shame. “More than anything. It’s all I’ve ever wanted, but I can’t get into med school.”
Bhatt replaced his glasses and sat back. “Are your university marks bad?” His smile said he already knew the answer to that, but Jesse replied anyway.
“No. I worked my ass off in my undergrad classes and rocked the MCAT, but I don’t have an honorable discharge from the Army, and I’ve been to therapy for depression and anger management. Nobody’s willing to take a chance on me with my past.”
Bhatt sat back in his chair. It was evening wherever he was, orange-pink sunlight spilling across his face from a window somewhere off screen. In the background, a call to prayer sounded over loudspeakers.
Bhatt looked toward something to his left, then refocused on the screen. “I won’t be back in London for another week, but when I get home, I’ll send a letter of recommendation to any university in the world. Your choice.”
Jesse half rose from his seat in shock. “Sir?”
Bhatt gave his eye-crinkling smile again. “I’m willing to take a chance on you.”
Chapter Thirty-Two
It was a long while before Lanie was comfortable enough to find sleep, and not because the jet’s bunks were uncomfortable. Tucker Quentin hadn’t skimped on creature comforts during the jet’s remodel. But her side hurt, and her heart hurt, and she couldn’t shake the feeling that Jesse was avoiding her.
She finally fell asleep somewhere over the Atlantic. When she woke, the plane was over land. She groped around under her pillow for her phone and the time. She’d slept for six hours. They had to be close to home now.
She rolled over and realized for the first time she was no longer alone. Someone had claimed the other bed.
No, not just someone. Her someone. Her only one.
Jesse was propped against the wall, long jean-clad legs hanging over the edge of the bunk. He’d traded one of his boots for an air cast, and she was glad to see it. About time he took care of himself instead of everyone else. His Stetson tipped down over his face like a cowboy in an old Western and judging by his lolling head, he was sound asleep. He’d wake up with one hell of a neck ache.
She swung out of her bed and grabbed her pillow. She stuffed it between his shoulder and the wall and gently pushed his head toward it.
He woke with a start, then winced and rubbed his neck. “Ah, damn.”
God, he was cute sometimes. “Why didn’t you lay down?”
“I didn’t mean to fall asleep,” he said and yawned. “I came in to see how you were doin’, sat down, and that’s the last I remember.”
“How long were you out?”
He checked his watch. “Twenty minutes.”
Not nearly long enough, she thought. Exhaustion lined his handsome face and carved shadows under his eyes. She reached out and gently traced one of those lines with her fingertips. He caught her wrist, turned his lips to her palm. The tender brush of his lips sent bolts of desire right down her center.
She stepped toward him, letting her intent show clearly in her eyes. He didn’t try to stop her. She climbed up onto the bed and straddled his lap. Kissing him, the man she’d loved for more years than she cared to admit, felt like a trip down the rabbit hole, where reality and unreality collided. But this time she let herself fall, because whether or not this was real, she needed it. Needed him. She’d put on the tough act for the benefit of the guys, but in truth, her nerves were shot. Jesse knew it, too. That was why he was sitting here, watching over her, when he should be resting himself. He knew her. He knew that without him, without this kiss, she’d be lying in her bunk, sobbing, trying to pull herself back together so nobody saw how much the last twelve hours had destroyed her.
Oh God, she wanted him.
She surged forward and sealed her mouth back to his. He groaned, a rumble of need from deep in his chest. His hands moved from her hips to her spine, pressing her closer. She broke contact just long enough to pull off her shirt. He tensed up underneath her at the sight of her bullet wound and played his fingers over the edge of the white gauze bandage.
“Don’t. I’m okay. We both are.” She stopped his hand, and instead guided it up to her breast. He cupped her, molded her into his palm. She loved watching him explore her body, loved the contrast of his tanned skin against her darker. He traced light circles around her nipple until it puckered so hard it ached. Only then did he dip his head and suck it into his mouth, simultaneously relieving some of the delicious pressure building inside her and igniting it.
She bowed back, giving him better access. “Jesse, I need you. Do you have—”
He was already pulling a condom from his pocket. She lifted herself enough to finish undressing. Watched him unzip and roll the condom on. There was something undeniably sexy in the careless way he handled himself. She prowled back onto his lap and settled over him again, but he caught her hips before she could sink down his length.
“Lanie, wait. Are you sure you’re well enough to do this?”
She leaned in and nipped his bottom lip. “Yes. I need you.”
“Thank God.” He filled her in one deep thrust. Her body ached from the beating it had taken, but she ignored it all, rolled her hips and focused on the heat and sensations only Jesse had the power to stir within her.
Each time their bodies came together, she felt more alive. Although they both may have come close last night, neither of them was dead yet.
She came fast in a long sweep of pleasure that left her bones rubber and her muscles liquid. But no, she wasn’t ready for it to be over yet. The connection was too intimate, too perfect. Everything she needed. She slowed the roll of her hips until she was barely moving, instead using her inner walls to stroke him.
Jesse’s entire body coiled tight. His head fell back against the wall, and his hands tightened around her waist. The tendons in his neck popped as he fought to hold back his orgasm. Even now he was fighting, always so afraid to lose his grip on his control.
She leaned forward, nuzzled his neck, kissed his ear. “I love you, Jesse.”
She tightened around him again. His fingers dug into her back and his hips bucked upward as he finally let go.
“Oh, Jesus,” he breathed and leaned into her, pressing his forehead to her chest. His breath cooled the sweat on her skin.
She smiled and tangled her fingers into his hair. They’d knocked his Stetson off. “Helluva long night,” she murmured.
And, like that, the deep, strong bond she thought they’d just forged together snapped.
“Yeah.” Groaning, he picked her up, set her aside, and stood to deal with the condom. He came back a moment later, zipped and buttoned. A sure sign he wasn’t looking for a round two. He stared at her for a long moment, and she got the feeling he was rehearsing some kind of speech inside his head.
Oh yeah. He was definitely going to break her heart again.
And, still, she didn’t regret it.
He picked up his Stetson. Knocked it against his thigh like it was dirty. “My head’s fucked right now. I keep replayin’ Danny’s…and then Connor and you and—” He stopped, seemed to regroup. “I’m gonna need some time, Lanie.”
“Okay,” she said slowly. She c
limbed off the bed, found her underwear and tank top, and pulled them on. Whatever was coming, she was sure it wasn’t a conversation she wanted to have naked.
“I’m gonna need some time,” he said again, and she wondered if he was trying to convince himself or her. “Unless you still want our relationship to be only about sex?”
“You know I don’t. Honestly, I never wanted to stop there. I was just…afraid.” She drew a breath. If she was going to tell the truth, it was now or never. “You broke my heart when we were kids.”
“I know,” he said softly. “I feel awful for that. I didn’t know what I was doin’.”
“I loved you, Jesse Warrick. I guess I never stopped.”
“What I feel for you… Christ, it scares me.” He put the Stetson on and gazed down at her from under the brim. “But I’ve been down this road three times before. Every time I thought I was in love, and I thought the woman I loved was in love with me, through thick and thin. And every time, I got my heart stomped on. I don’t want to get hurt again, but more than that, I have to think about Connor. I’ve spent way too little time thinkin’ about what’s best for him and I need to make that up to him.” He lightly traced her cheek with the tips of his fingers. “So give me time to sort out all of my shit. Can you wait for me?”
She nodded and he bent down to kiss her very gently on the lips. Then he was gone.
She touched her lips. Yes, she’d wait for him. Hell, she’d already waited nearly twenty years. What was a few more?
Chapter Thirty-Three
Two weeks later
Alta, Wyoming
The call from Gabe hadn’t been unusual in itself. Lanie had taken many calls from him in the past. What was unusual was the formal nature of his request to meet him at Quinn and Mara’s house. He sounded stiff, even for him.
After he hung up, she stared at the phone for a long moment.
They were going to fire her. It was all she could think. She’d killed Schumacher and didn’t follow protocol and now they’d decided she wasn’t working out for the team and—
Code of Honor (HORNET) Page 21
