by KL Donn
“How are you today, Kennedy?” He was trying to reach her with familiarity. She saw it for what it was. Too many things had been happening around her and he probably thought it might help.
It didn’t. If anything, it constricted her throat even more because she felt the need to respond but couldn’t force the words out.
After a few minutes of silence, she dared a look up to see everyone watching her. When she clashed gazes with the doctor she could see his eyes searching hers. Looking for clues as to what she needed, but she didn’t know what she needed so how was she to tell him. She felt fragmented, far more so now than ever before.
Every noise was her laughter; every shadow was him watching.
It was a never-ending nightmare that she couldn’t fight her way out of.
When he clapped his hands together and looked away asking, “Where’s her drawing pad and pencils?” everyone seemed to jump at once in search of them.
“Found them!” She heard the victory in Dee’s voice like she’d found the one thing to help her. Only she was terrified she was beyond help now.
As he placed them in her lap, she stared at them for what felt like hours when a pencil was placed in her hand. Leaning forward he told her, “Just feel.” Like it was so simple.
Turned out it was. He helped her open to a clean page and she began scribbling what she thought were just random lines at first when they suddenly turned into a great swell of a wave. Pausing to look at it, she heard the murmurs around her but didn’t pay attention to what was being said, rather focusing on her drawing.
As she kept moving the pencil, erasing and redrawing, faces became clear. Her parents, her brothers, Keeley, Dee, and finally a blurred circle of what could have been her, Linc, and Creed. It was still unclear on what they were.
Placing her pencil down she looked up to see everyone tense as if waiting for something. “Can I see it, Kennedy?” Dr. Schroder asked her.
She held it to her chest protectively, not knowing what the drawing actually meant so sharing it felt like she was exposing herself. Exposing emotions she wasn’t ready to reveal yet.
“Please?” he implored with such a compassionate look in his light green eyes that she found herself passing her sketch pad over.
He spent so much time studying each line and shade that she started to fidget and cast uncertain glances around the room, never able to focus on one thing for more than a second or two.
When he spoke again she felt the blood drain from her face; her blood turned to ice in her veins. “Your family is whole and happy on one side yet you feel out of depth in the middle with this young woman — I’m sorry dear, I didn’t get your name…” he trails off.
“Uhh, Dee is fine,” she tells him with a watchful eye.
“Right. You feel out of depth in your friendship with Dee. You want to tell her but you’re afraid to. I can understand that and I’m betting she will too. What troubles me is the blur you’re feeling with these men.”
A loud gulp breaks the silence as he inspects the drawing and, in turn, Creed and Linc. Realizing the noise came from her, her face flames in embarrassment. “Tell me, Kennedy. You’re overwhelmed with them?” Nod. “You feel like your mind and heart are at war where they’re concerned?” Nod. “You want to move forward, but something’s holding you back?” Nod.
“Sunshine?” Creed asks beside her, grabbing her hand. “Is this too much for you? Are we too much for you?” The uncertainty in his eyes held her captive and made her heart ache. She reached deep inside her soul for the answer but came up empty. Needing to move past the pain she was feeling, she wasn’t sure how to answer so she shook her head no. They weren’t too much; her feelings for them were.
Leaning forward, he placed a soft kiss on her forehead. It was when they did simple things like that, that she thought she would be ok to let them in. To let them know everything— the good and the bad.
“Kennedy?” Dr. Schroder’s voice had her looking to him again. “You need closure.”
Shock held her immobile. Had someone asked her what she needed in that moment she couldn’t have said with any certainty what it was, but as soon as he mentioned it she knew he was right. She had so many unanswered questions about her abduction and torture, and she was too afraid to put voice to them to get the answers she needed.
“I can see in your eyes you never thought of that, did you?” Shaking her head no, he continued. “I want you to think, Kennedy… if you could ask one question, get just one answer, what would it be?”
She thought about it long and hard. One thing that had always bothered her more than everything else that had happened to her was why? Why torture her? They had been after Emily, yet Emily had very minor injuries compared to her own. She would have the scars as a reminder for the rest of her life, but Emily only had a few memories.
“Why me?” she asked so softly she feared no one heard her.
Twelve
Why me? The words played over and over in Creed’s head. They knew more now than they did before the girls were taken, but was she ready for the answers? Would she be able to handle them? “Have you read any of Emily’s letters, Sunshine?” He wondered.
Shaking her head no at him, he struggled with how to answer her without breaking her spirit further. “When they found you and Em at the mall, the woman saw a way to torture her husband for not letting her touch Emily. She wanted to break Emily. For what we don’t know, and I don’t think we ever will. But from what Em said he didn’t want her carved up, he wanted her flawless. And because of that, his wife took it out on you.”
The sadness and understanding in her eyes nearly broke him. Her emotions were shining through so brightly he could practically taste them. “So I was a pawn to them?” she asked sadly. At his nod a tear rolled down her cheek, hanging in limbo as it reached her chin before dropping to splash on her hand.
“Sunshine, do you still have Em’s letters?” Linc asked from her other side with a light hand on her shoulder. Nodding her head, he told her, “I think you should read them.” With a small nod, she left them all sitting there to go up to her room in search of the letters.
“What do we do here doc?” he asked.
“I think you need to continue moving at her pace, don’t let her go faster than what she’s prepared for, and honestly, I think she’s ready to go home. She needs to go home. She has a burning need to find answers that I don’t think she even realizes. I’ll put a list of trustworthy and dedicated doctors together for her to reach out to back in Texas. But gentlemen?” he asked. When they both looked at him, he told them flatly, “Do not for any reason leave her again. She started opening up to me when you two came. I once told her not long before you got here that maybe the reason for your voices bringing her back from her nightmares was because you were her saving grace. That maybe she was ready to learn to live again. For her sake, don’t make me wrong. If she needs me please call; otherwise, I’ll see her in two days for her regular appointment and give her those names.” With that scolding he left and they waited.
·٠•● ●•٠·
Opening the box with Emily’s letters, she hesitated upon grabbing the first one. Was she ready for this? Was she capable of absorbing her friend’s guilt and finding out more about her captors? “Grow some balls, Kenny. You need to move on,” she whispered out loud.
Picking up the first one, she opened it with shaking fingers…
Dear Kennedy,
I sit here and I watch you, hoping you’ll open those startling blue eyes of yours. I wait to see the laughter, and I wait and I pray but nothing happens. You know what I fear most? I’ll see hatred instead of laughter. That you’ll blame me for what happened because lord knows it’s all my fault.
Everything. All the pain you’ll feel. The scars you’ll bear. I’m to blame. I just hope one day you can find it in your heart to forgive me. I beg you to forgive me.
I’m so sorry, Kennedy.
Emily.
“I forgive you, Emi
Opening the next one she continued to read…
Oh Kennedy,
I’m still watching and waiting. I sure hope you aren’t stuck in your head reliving the pain again. I want to enjoy the fact I’m free from the fear, but now I’m drowning worrying about you. You’re always on my mind these days.
Your parents are so scared of how you’ll be when you wake up. They’re afraid you’re going to hate them for doing this to you. Please be ok, Kenny.
Emily.
These letters were slowly killing her inside. All the pain everyone felt because she kept trying to hurt herself. She was so selfish.
Kennedy,
Today has been three weeks since you’ve been in the coma, and my fear for you has worsened. I’m afraid you’ll never wake up. I’m afraid you’ll hate the world when you do. But worst of all, I’m afraid your hate for me will have grown.
You must be so hurt. Sometimes you’ll jerk around in your sleep, your eyes will flutter from side to side letting us know you’re there but you’re stuck. I just hope you’re not stuck back in hell.
I can never say sorry enough that I have caused you so much pain. If I could go back in time and never ask for help again, I would. It would kill me not to have Dane and Coop in my life, but for you, I would suffer any fate to make you happy again.
I wish you could see all the things happening around you. Your brothers and Keeley have gotten closer and their love is something to behold. It leaves me breathless at times. And Linc and Creed stand sentry at your bedside all night long, every night. They never leave until Keeley makes them go home to get some rest and even then they fight about it.
They’re still so angry at your parents for putting you in this restful slumber. I wish they weren’t, but I understand. I see you struggling to wake every day. I now know you are, in fact, stuck back in hell and I wish I could take it all away for you, Kenny. I wish you would never have asked me to go shopping with you. I wish for so many things, but my biggest wish right now is that when you do wake up, you’ll find peace.
God, I miss your laughter, Ken, your light. You had this bright light that I envy the hell out of and I hope that one day you’ll move past all the bad and find it again.
Emily.
Tears were a steady stream down her cheeks now. The guilt Emily felt was in her every word, every tear stain on each piece of paper.
Reading the letters didn’t give her all the answers she sought, but it gave her a sense of peace she didn’t know she’d been missing. Reading through Emily’s eyes gave her new perspective on how everyone was and how everything had happened. She had a lot of hurdles to overcome before she was whole again, but she knew with her family and hopefully Linc and Creed at her side she could fight her way to happiness again.
For the first time in longer than she could remember a genuine smile graced her face and she felt a ray of hope pierce her heart. Putting the unread letters back in the box, she put it away and made her way down the stairs to Linc and Creed.
·٠•● ●•٠·
Eyes on the stairs, Linc didn’t pay attention when Dee said she was leaving and to call her if Kennedy needed anything. His mind was solely focused on what Kenny was reading and if it was going to make her feel worse or better? Would she find the answers she needed or have more questions?
“Should we have read those before letting her?” he questioned out loud.
“They’re from Em, you know she wouldn’t do anything to hurt Kennedy.”
Rubbing his hands down his face, he was filled with doubt and worry for her. She had so much to work through in her mind that he sometimes felt like they were making things worse for her. He had this urge to own her, to bathe her in pleasure, but every time he felt the need to he could feel her pulling away.
Growling in frustration, he looked at Creed as he now paced at the foot of the stairs. “What the fuck do we do? What if she’s never ready for us?”
He stopped pacing long enough for Creed to shoot him a look. No, not just any look but the look, the one that says about a thousand things conveyed in approximately a five-second glare. Pretty much telling him to shut the fuck up. Yeah, that look.
“Fuck,” he muttered.
Hearing a noise from the stairs, Creed stood up when he saw Kennedy descending as he came to stop just below her. She had a new air to her, one he couldn’t explain. She just looked different, peaceful maybe? Like she’d gained a new sense of understanding.
There was a fire in her eyes that had been missing since they’d met her. The wild look she usually had was gone, too, and she didn't slump in defeat. His respect for her grew. His attraction blew out of proportion and his heart beat so fast and hard he feared it would explode from his chest.
“Sunshine?” Creed questioned while he tried to catch his breath at her transformation.
Raising her hand to his cheek, Linc watched his brother lean into her hand and close his eyes savoring her touch. “I’m getting there, Creed. I read a few of Emily’s letters.” She looked him in the eyes as she said that. “Can we sit?” she asked.
Nodding their heads, they made their way back to the couch waiting for her to follow suit. When she sat down between them, she grabbed each of their hands bringing them to her chest, hugging them. “I should have read them sooner,” she began to explain. “I was so scared to, though. It took me so long to realize I didn’t blame her for what happened that I forgot how she must blame herself. As much as it pains me to say, this wouldn’t have happened if I didn’t know her. But it did, and I have her in my life. I don’t know Emily well but I know she’s a good person, and I know she did not intend for it to happen.”
Taking a breath and peeking at the both of them, Creed nodded for her to continue and he gave her a reassuring smile that they were with her all the way. “Emily holds too much blame of this on herself, and I need to go home and tell her how I feel. I need for her to understand that she’s not at fault so she can move on too. It was so incredibly selfish of me to leave the way I did and not think of everyone else.” He had heard the tears in her voice before he felt them falling on his hand.
Letting go of her hand, Linc grabbed her hips and brought her to his lap so she was straddling his hips. “God, you’re beautiful, Kennedy. You know that right?” When she blushed and lowered her head in embarrassment, he lifted her chin. Before she had a chance to speak, he planted his lips on hers.
She melted against him and just like that she caved. Pulling her closer, he could feel her body vibrating with excitement. He’d be lying if he said he wasn’t shocked. She was accepting him, which had him deepening the kiss.
Sucking her bottom lip into his mouth, he nipped and licked until she opened for him. Weaving their tongues together, his cock started to jump with every breathy sigh and moan she let out. When she wrapped her arms around his neck and pressed her breasts to his, he could feel her stiffened peaks. The way she rubbed against him had him moaning out loud.
Pulling apart to take a breath, the look on her face was serene, blissful, happy; it had him frozen in shock. He’d done that. Made her feel those things. It was something he aimed to do for the rest of their lives.
When she let loose a full body shiver followed by a soundless gasp, he saw Creed smirking from behind her. Trailing a bright green and blue feather lightly across her skin, he understood.
Raising an eyebrow in question, Creed nodded his head toward the front door where there was a small vase with peacock feathers sitting it. He smirked at Linc’s shock.
“Linc,” she moaned drawing their attention. “Creed.” She opened her eyes piercing them with her glowing blue color soft with lust and want. “I’m ready.”
“Fuck,” he muttered.
“Shit,” Creed whispered.
She was going to own them.
·٠•● ●•٠·
You can do this, Kennedy; you’re ready. They won’t hurt you. Hell, you can pretty much see their love for you in every touch, every look. She thought to herself as they looked at her to gauge her readiness for such a monumental step.
Shaking off any fear she felt, she tried to show them how confident she was in her decision. She was ready for them. To have them, to be owned by them. Her demons tried to lurk but she pushed them back. She may not be ready for the world, but for these two trusting, caring men? Yeah, she was more than ready to show them the very last pieces of her soul.
“Are you sure, Sunshine?” Creed whispered against the back of her neck as he trailed the soft feather along the insides of her arms.
As he hit a particularly sensitive spot on her elbow, her hips pushed harder into Linc’s and she gasped in shock upon feeling his hard and very large appendage. “Yes,” she whispered on a soft breath when Linc’s hands tightened on her hips.
“I want your lips, Sunshine,” Creed demanded as he rained small kisses along the side of her neck until she turned her head to meet him. As soon as their mouths collided she was lost in sensation. Lost in the sensuality of his expertise at giving her exactly what she needed. Knowing she needed to go slow but taking her just a little bit past that.
He explored her mouth with his tongue, taking everything he could reach. So lost in his kiss and touch as she was, she didn’t notice when Linc removed his shirt until he started to untie the straps on hers. Shivering from the light breeze against her bare flesh, she pulled back from Creed’s demanding mouth.
She could feel all cylinders in her brain backfiring as she got her first look at Linc’s bare chest. It was a work of art. He had thick tribal markings weaving around his arms to his shoulders and pecs and then wrapping around to his back. It was like they were hugging his body, holding him in ways she only ever dreamed of.
Needing to see how they looked on his back, she pulled his shoulders forward to get a look when she felt the feather slide lightly up her spine. It caused a full body shiver and her back to arch so that Linc’s face was now planted firmly between her breasts.
-->
