Maybe while she was up here, Varina would find the reason she had listened.
In all his years, Campbell had never done something as mundane as grocery shopping.
Seemed this assignment was all about experiencing new things.
The entire experience at the supermarket had been surreal, felt through someone else’s skin. Pushing a cart through various aisles, marking things off a list, guessing at quantities and experiencing a rush of embarrassment whenever anyone made eye contact with him. Like someone would be able to tell, just by looking at him, that he was out of his element. Earlier, at least, when he’d come to Walmart, he’d had a specific goal—something he could grab and bag with little ceremony.
For someone who had literally battled to save the world, Campbell found he’d had few days stranger than this one.
When he pulled the Olds back down the live oak lined drive to Mount Zion, he found his day was about to get even stranger—or at the very least, more annoying.
His sister, Luxi, was sitting on the front porch steps. Even from a distance, he could tell it was her—and for a flash, panic spiked through his system. If Varina found Luxi, shit would happen. She’d either think Luxi was a demon, due to her signature, or cotton on to the fact that it was very unlikely that two beings could walk around with nearly identical signatures and not be related in some capacity. He doubted he could sell the demon-possessed story a second time.
Campbell none too delicately climbed out of the Olds and slammed the door shut. He didn’t bother waving at Luxi as she strolled toward him. He didn’t want to guess as to the reason of her visit. If Luxi was here, interrupting him on assignment, the cause couldn’t be good.
“What are you doing here?” he snapped, rounding toward the back of the vehicle to pop the trunk.
“Ah. In another one of your famously good moods, I see.”
Campbell gathered an armful of bags, pivoted then started for the house. “Whatever you’re doing here, you’re not. Varina isn’t the biggest fan of our kind.”
He heard a rustling, and the next second, Luxi was at his heel, groceries in tow. He would thank her if he weren’t about to strangle her for showing up.
“Well,” his sister drawled, stomping behind him loudly as though her mission here was to make as much noise as possible, “if my reason for visiting is any indication, she likes you just fine.”
Campbell nearly stumbled, but managed to right himself before catastrophe struck. “Great,” he muttered as he led her to the kitchen. “So how many people know?”
“Believe it or not, just Grayson and me.”
“You told Grayson?”
“Ahh, don’t worry about him. He has no reason to blab to anyone.” Luxi turned with him and set her bags on the island beside his. “And don’t worry about your special lady friend. I made sure she was occupied.”
Campbell arched an eyebrow. “What did you do?”
She snorted and lowered her arms. “Relax, Jumpy McAdams. She’s upstairs going through a bunch of dusty old junk. I double-checked before I parked my ass outside.”
“You realize she could come down any moment. And your signature has a radius.”
“You realize you can’t fart in these old houses without the neighborhood hearing. If she so much as gets a splinter, you’ll know it.”
“So be a little louder, will you?”
Luxi waved a hand. “Relax. Pixley worked some funky mojo on me, as Pixley is wont to do. What happens in this room stays in this room.”
And apparently taking this as license to socialize, Luxi braced her hands on the island and pushed herself up until she was sitting, her ankles crossed.
Campbell narrowed his eyes. “Luxi, what the hell are you doing?”
“Seems I’m taking time outta my day to be yelled at for doing you a favor.” She pulled out a folded bundle of paper from some hidden compartment in her clothes, hesitated in some attempt to be cute, then handed it over. “Congratulations, Campbell. You’re VD-free.”
His scowl deepened as he stuffed the pages into his back pocket. “You didn’t come all the way here to talk my…problem.”
Luxi mock gasped. “You have a problem? Is it the boy kind?”
“Luxi, seriously. Varina might not see you, but you’re not exactly stealthy.”
“If that weren’t so true, I’d be seriously pissed right now.”
He crossed his arms. “What the hell is going on?”
Luxi blinked, her big brown eyes wide as saucers, and for a moment Campbell was certain she’d cave and disappear…which would be for the best for everyone, but now he was curious. And trying very hard not to overreact before she spilled the proverbial beans.
At last, she sighed and relaxed, her shoulders slumping. “Well,” she drawled, waving toward him, “it’s about that.”
He stared at her. “About what?”
“Your test.”
“This test here.”
“Yeah.”
“You know it’s not real, right?”
“Well, of course. But it…” Luxi gnawed on her lower lip and tucked a clump of brown curls away from her face. “Grayson heard me and Pixley talking. About…well…”
He felt his face go so hot he was surprised it didn’t start to melt off. “What?”
Luxi waffled again, and this time, she took his patience with her. What little of it there was left.
“Seriously, Lux. Start talking, or get the fuck out. I don’t have time to—”
“Grayson wants to have a baby.”
That shut him up. He stared dumbly at his sister for a long, awkward beat—one of those silences where the air itself seemed to wait for guidance.
Finally, he mustered a weak, “What?”
Luxi winced. “He… I dunno what brought this on. Well, no, that’s not true. I think the whole thing with Lilith can take the blame. But when he heard that you needed…” She eyed the forged medical records. “He started asking questions. And he wouldn’t stop. I finally just had to scream at him to get to the point, and he said that kids were always in his plan and he wanted to keep them there.”
She met his gaze again, and he could see now what he hadn’t before. His little sister was terrified.
The part of him that was committed to protecting those he loved rallied.
“Why are you coming to me with this?”
It just didn’t rally well.
Luxi scowled. “Gee, thanks.”
“No. I’m serious.”
“That helps.”
Campbell held up a hand. “Lux…this is pretty heavy shit just to throw at me without warning.”
“Yeah? How do you think I felt when Grayson started reciting his favorite baby names?”
“I’m not the guy you come to with these problems.”
“Clearly.”
“No, that’s not what I mean. I mean I’ve never been the guy you come to. So I’m a little lost as to why you’re here now.” He pointed at her, daring her to contradict him. When she didn’t—when all she did was glare in response—he continued, “It’s always been Ava or Gula. You and Invi have gotten closer too, but you’ve never come to me for advice.” He paused. “That’s what you’re doing, right? Coming to me for advice?”
“Yeah,” she deadpanned. “And you’re making a pretty good case as to why you’re not on my emergency speed dial.”
“Well, can you blame me?”
“Yes.”
Campbell rolled his eyes. “You know I’m right. You chose to come to me over Ava or—”
“I know what Ava and Gula would say,” Luxi snapped. “Invi too. There’s no fucking way I’d take this to Ira, which means Cassie’s out of the question because, love her though I do, I don’t trust her to keep her yap shut. That leaves you and Ace, and since Ace isn’t exactly known for his sage advice, you drew the short straw.”
“And I am?” Campbell replied. “Known for my sage advice?”
“I know you’ve been a help to Invi.”
That was a nice way of not answering the question. He sighed heavily and dropped his head forward, willing the universe to grant him patience. “Okay,” he said, his tone even and measured. “You say you know what Ava and Gula would say.”
“Yes.”
“Which would be…”
“Well…” Luxi shifted, and he looked up to see she had her arms spread. “I don’t exactly look like Mom of the Year material, do I?”
The immediate answer was no. Of everyone he knew, and that was quite the list, Luxi was one of the last people Campbell would ever associate with motherhood. It had nothing to do with the fact that she was his sister, or even being the Sin of Lust. In all her interactions, she was abrasive and forthright, and her patience had a fuse maybe a hair longer than Ira’s. Picturing her chasing a passel of screaming brats was amusing, but not something that seemed realistic.
But the concern on her face was real. The conflict there, the confusion. And he realized then what he should have realized from the beginning—she wasn’t here because she was afraid of saying no.
Campbell frowned. “You think they’d tell you that you shouldn’t do it.”
“No,” Luxi said. “I know they’d tell me I shouldn’t. That it’s a crazy ass idea. That Sins weren’t supposed to have kids and that even if they were, I wouldn’t like it and I’d resent Grayson and start wondering why I’d tied myself to a guy who so clearly doesn’t understand me or where I came from—who wants something from me I don’t think I can give. That this entire thing has been a big mistake.”
He let that settle a moment before clearing his throat and asking, “Pretty specific thoughts coming from Ava and Gula in this hypothetical, huh?”
Luxi crossed her arms and looked away. “Can’t help it if they’re predictable.”
“Uh huh.” Campbell took a step forward, his protective big brotherly instincts outweighing his concern that Varina might pop downstairs at any moment. In all his days, he’d only seen Luxi afraid twice, and both times were recent history.
Since he had a pretty intimate relationship with fear at the moment, perhaps he was qualified to address her concerns. He was doing a shit job of making himself feel better, but maybe he could help her.
He hoped he could help her.
“You know I’m not Grayson’s biggest fan,” Campbell said slowly.
She snorted, not meeting his gaze. “Who is?” She seemed to be folding in on herself, her shoulders hunched as though someone was about to pack her up and take her away.
“You.”
She murmured unintelligibly.
“But even though I’m not his biggest fan, that doesn’t mean I don’t like him.”
At that, she drew her head up. “You do?”
“I said that doesn’t mean I don’t.” When she narrowed her eyes at him, Campbell brought his hands up again and heaved a long sigh. “The guy is nuts about you, Lux. And he… I saw the way he fought for you that night.”
Grayson had been a combination of rage and grief, lobbing powers he didn’t understand and could barely control at everything standing between him and Luxi. The former pastor hadn’t been a Sin long, and word on the street was he wasn’t very good at his job. But no one could deny how much he loved Luxi. Shaky grasp on powers notwithstanding, he’d thrown himself into a fray with little knowledge and less experience, ready to face down eternal black for the woman he loved.
That willingness, that lack of fear for himself, was something Campbell didn’t get. He doubted he ever would. He didn’t know how anyone, let alone someone who had already come so close to complete nonexistence, as Grayson had, could be so cavalier with his life.
Campbell took a step forward. “Do you think you made a mistake with him?”
The confusion in Luxi’s eyes had shifted—a layer peeled back so all he could see was a reflection of what lived in his chest. The same beast, raw and powerful, that thrived on uncertainty and doubt. In a perverse way, it made him feel better, knowing the fear monster had its pick of victims. Knowing he wasn’t the only one trying to shake it free.
“No,” Luxi said at last, her voice hoarse. She looked like she might cry, which truly terrified him. Luxi wasn’t the sort to cry—she had when she’d thought Invi was dead, but Campbell wouldn’t be surprised if that had been the first time. His little sister was a tough cookie.
“No?” he prodded.
“I just… He wants me to be this thing I’m not.” She sniffed. “So maybe I’m the mistake. He had this life before. Plans and shit. Nice house, white picket fence, and a couple of kids. Suburban paradise. That ain’t me. I’m not mom material.”
Campbell shrugged. “Do you want to be?”
She blinked.
“’Cause I think that’s the only question you gotta ask, Lux. If this is even something you’d want to do. If you don’t, then you and Grayson need to have a conversation.” He waited a beat. “But if you think you might wanna have kids, then that’s all that matters.”
Luxi was staring at him like he’d started reciting Bieber lyrics. “Huh?”
“What Ava, Gula, and Ira think doesn’t matter. Same for Invi and Ace. Hell, even with me. I’ve never pictured you as having kids. None of us, really. It’s not in my wiring…or any of the others, I don’t think. But there’s a first time for everything.” He offered a small smile. “And it’s not just kids. I never pictured you choosing to spend eternity with one guy, either. Sure as hell didn’t think it’d be a former pastor. But here we are. So if you wanna be a mom, be a mom. That’s all I’m saying.”
The air settled with another silence, though this one wasn’t as heavy. Luxi relaxed and drew her thumb under her eyes, presumably to ward off evidence that she’d come close to tears.
After a long moment, she exhaled and offered him a soft smile. “See,” she said, “this is why I came to you.”
“Yeah, I’m a smart guy.”
Right. He was a regular genius. If only dealing with his own fear was as easy. But what haunted him was something deeper than a rousing speech could change. It didn’t have form, didn’t have a logical beginning or end. It simply was—the monster under the bed, waiting in the shadows for him to let down his guard and relax his mind. There was no reason behind it, and no way to just shut it off. Telling himself to snap out of it just made it angry, and when it was angry, it grew until the blackness surrounding him threatened to swallow him whole.
“Luxi?”
She met his gaze.
“You…you were ready to die for Grayson.” He paused. “You thought you were going to. Right?”
The corners of her mouth tugged upward. “Which time?”
A fair question. “Does it matter which time?”
She shook her head. “No. And yeah, I was.”
“Why?”
“Why? ‘Cause he might be an annoying former human, but he’s my annoying former human.” She looked away a moment. “I dunno how it is for others, but I figure if recent events have any weight to them, that if you really love someone, you’re pretty much committed to doing whatever you can to help that person.”
“So you lose your mind.” That was one way to view his siblings’ willingness to sacrifice the world to save their lovers.
Luxi barked a laugh. “Actually, that ain’t wrong. You do kinda lose your mind. I did. When I found out Grayson was in Hell, that he was being tortured, everything else stopped mattering. I didn’t care what it took to get him out. I didn’t care if Lucifer killed me.”
“I don’t get that.”
She shrugged. “You haven’t been in love.”
“And…you weren’t afraid?” He swallowed. “After, I mean. You were going to die, and then you didn’t. Were you afraid?”
Luxi didn’t respond. Instead, she tilted her head, her brow furrowing, and her gaze sharpened. ”Are you okay?”
“What?”
“I mean…is there something you need to talk about?”
“I… No. No, I was j
ust curious.”
“You’ve never been that kind of curious before.”
A steady rise of panic began climbing up his throat. Campbell shivered hard, his muscles tensing. The familiar ache magnified under Luxi’s scrutiny, and at once, his heart was thundering in his ears, his head light and his skin prickling. His legs itched with the need to move—move hard and fast away from her. Away from the conversation. Just away.
If she saw the shell of a man he’d become since Rome…
Well, that couldn’t happen. No one could know. No one could know how weak he was. How he’d died that night, only to come back as half a person.
“You need to go,” Campbell all but shouted. “She doesn’t want you here.”
True concern etched Luxi’s face. “Hey, you can talk to me.”
“I mean it. You need to not be here now. Go.” He patted the pocket where he’d stuffed the faux medical results. “Thanks for these. But get the fuck out. Now.”
The worry intensified, if anything, but she said nothing more. Instead, Luxi offered a solemn nod, and disappeared without further ado.
10
It took much longer than it should have for Campbell to realize it wasn’t his heart that was doing the pounding. Well, not the pounding that echoed through the main entry hall, at least.
The floors tilted a bit as he navigated toward the front door, his temples still pulsing with the receding waves of his most recent episode. He struggled through his mental fog, determined to remain focused. Just because Luxi had nearly seen the mess he’d become didn’t mean the world was ending again.
Though that was what it felt like. Because if Luxi had seen him, if she’d had an inkling of how fucked up he was, then his world would end.
Campbell paused at the front door, grinding the heel of his palm into his forehead. The pounding intensified.
He had to gather his bearings, get himself fixed. No one else could see him like this.
He also needed whoever was on the other side of the door to fuck off, but being that this wasn’t his house, he knew that wasn’t up to him. So he inhaled a breath and forced his body to still, then wrenched the door open.
Deliverance from Sin: A Demonic Paranormal Romance (Sinners & Saints Book 5) Page 11
