She knew what he wanted, but part of her also knew that he wouldn’t push. If she’d learned anything in the past day, it was that Campbell respected the boundaries others drew. That was one characteristic that made him almost impossible not to like.
And despite herself, Varina felt compelled to give him something, even if it wasn’t the something he wanted.
“I came back because my father asked me to,” she said. “That’s why I’m here.”
Campbell furrowed his brow. “Your father?”
She lifted a shoulder in a half shrug. “Yeah. He… I guess toward the end of his life, he became determined to find me. Cancer does that to a person. Makes them rethink their mistakes. Makes them… I’m still not sure how the lawyer lady did it. I don’t do credit cards, and I don’t have a bank account, besides the savings account my folks set up for me when I was a tot. All my cells are burners because of the lack of credit thing. But who knows.”
“Did you not want to be found?”
“I never really thought about it either way. I figured Lina would be happy as long as I didn’t come back.” She rubbed her lips together. “Lina thought I was cursed. I guess I did too for a while. After Legion was exorcised, and I became a demon magnet… I was the last thing of my mom to be tossed from the house. She was looking for an excuse to get rid of me. If nearly killing Bobby hadn’t done it, then the demons did.”
“Bobby?”
“My half-brother.” Varina looked away. “Legion was in control then. I stabbed him. Lina nearly blew my head off. Right there in that hallway.”
She heard Campbell swallow, but didn’t turn to him.
“Dad managed to talk her into letting me live. They locked me in the study. I don’t know how long I was there. I was in and out of being me.” She exhaled a slow, ragged breath. “I still don’t know why it took Lina until the demons came knocking to kick me out. But Dad didn’t fight. He didn’t say she was wrong when she called me evil. He didn’t tell her to stop when she hit me. He didn’t stand up for my mother when Lina called her a whore. But I’m the one in the will. Isn’t that funny?”
“Yeah. Funny’s definitely the word that comes to mind.”
The bite in Campbell’s voice surprised her. Varina met his gaze, her heart skipping. She wasn’t accustomed to people being angry on her behalf, and she wasn’t sure how she felt about it.
“I’m the one here,” she said. “Lina’s not. Dad’s lawyer said he was adamant about that. Afraid she’d contest the will, which she will. Of course she will. My goal is to be out of here by then.”
Campbell nodded.
“Dad wanted me to find something. Trouble is, I don’t know what and neither does the lawyer. He was incredibly cryptic, which makes me think it was something big.” She paused. “That’s why I came back here. To find whatever it is that he wanted me to find.”
“Even though he did what he did. Tossed you aside.”
“Yeah.” There was nothing else to say to that, so she didn’t bother to elaborate. A long beat lapsed between them. “I’ve been homeless for twelve years. I bounce. I don’t stay. I have places I go. I can’t get too comfortable, because wherever I go demons eventually find me. I have people I know here and there. They put me up.” She inhaled. “Sometimes they get sex as payment.”
Something sparked in Campbell’s eyes, and his nostrils flared. But he didn’t say anything.
“When you don’t have a home and you don’t have a bank account, you use what you do have.” Varina held his gaze. “I’ve had my body. It wasn’t mine when I was a kid, so I don’t mind when it’s not mine so much with others. And it doesn’t happen now as much as it once did. I’m not as desperate as I used to be. But I don’t stay there—in my body, I mean. In my head. When I’ve had sex before, I’ve checked out. It’s never been… I’ve never felt sexual, like I said, because I’ve never wanted it. It’s just been a way to survive.”
The air was so thick she could have choked on it. The tremors running through her body were small but hard, as though something was chipping away at her insides, boosted by every pregnant second that passed without a response. Campbell’s face was unreadable. Her every cell awaited his condemnation or pity, either of which would spell the end of whatever this thing was between them.
Anything else… Well, she wasn’t sure what she’d do with anything else.
At last, Campbell moved forward. “That’s not me.”
She frowned. “What?”
“With me…if…” He let out a long breath. “You don’t have to survive with me.”
“I know I don’t,” Varina retorted, heat rising to her cheeks. “I survive fine enough on my own. You just showed up.”
“I just mean—”
“I know what you just mean, thanks.”
“It doesn’t sound like it. I meant what I said upstairs. I like you. A lot. And yesterday…” Campbell hesitated, scrubbed a hand down his face. “If we ever fuck again, and I seriously hope we do, all I meant is I want you to want it too. I want you to want it the way I do. ’Cause if you don’t, there isn’t a point.”
“You getting your rocks off isn’t a point?”
“The women I’ve used for sex have used me right back. I’m a believer in mutual gratification.”
“I wouldn’t know it.”
He took a step forward, his eyes darkening a shade. “What do you mean? You weren’t gratified yesterday?”
“I…” Varina looked down, her cheeks flaming. “That’s not what I meant. I meant I wouldn’t know—dammit, this is why I didn’t wanna talk about it. It’s not a big deal. It just is what it is. I’ve never felt sexual before because it isn’t something in my life.”
“Do I make you?” He tipped her chin up. “Is that what you meant? I make you feel sexual?”
Varina wet her lips, which drew his attention down. He studied her mouth for a long moment before redirecting his attention to her eyes. The heat she saw there had her heart somersaulting. In the whole of her experience, she’d never had a man look at her like that.
There was lustful intent—she knew that look well. But this was more.
“Yes,” she said before she could stop herself. “You do. And I don’t know what to do about that.”
“Mmm…” He leaned closer, his lips brushing hers. “I have a few suggestions…”
God, he felt warm. Warm, solid and good. She wanted to lean into him. Wanted to scale her hands under his shirt, feel his warm skin under her fingers. She wanted him to press her against the counter, tear her clothes off and fuck her until she couldn’t remember her name.
But that was a bad idea.
She wasn’t even sure if she liked feeling sexual yet—if she wanted to embrace this level of vulnerability. Since she hadn’t experienced it before, she had no way to evaluate the risks. Measure just how much, or how easily, handing this much power to Campbell could turn into a huge mistake.
Varina sucked in a breath and placed her hands on his chest. “Campbell…”
A wry grin tickled his lips. “Sorry,” he said, though he didn’t quite look it. He waited a beat before moving back a step. “That’s a shame, though.”
Her throat tightened. “Yeah.”
Campbell looked at her a moment longer, retreated back another space, then another. “I’m gonna go change the sheets on the bed upstairs.”
She blinked, her mind tripping to catch up with the change of topic. “Oh.”
“I’ll do your room too. If Legion comes back…” He trailed off at that, and the last of the heat drained from his eyes. “Well, it’s coming back. There’s no helping that.”
“No, there’s not.”
“Right.” He sighed. “When it comes back… I know what to expect now. What happened earlier won’t happen again. I know that didn’t help you, and that’s why I’m here. To help. I’ll be a better help next time.”
Varina nodded, though her heart wasn’t in it. Those were easy words to say—harder to put in
action. She should know.
Still, she couldn’t make Campbell see that. He had to get there himself. Face the demons he carried with him, else they would just continue to grow until every facet of his life was dominated by fear. He couldn’t get better until he admitted they existed, if only to himself.
The demons one couldn’t see were always the scariest.
But that was a lesson a person had to learn on their own.
No matter how much she wanted to help him.
13
Once the sun started going down at Mount Zion, everything became dark in ways it didn’t in the city, or even other spots of isolated country. It was symptomatic of being surrounded by so many large live oaks. As a child, Varina had loved watching beams of light play through the gnarled branches of the beautiful old trees. She’d sit on her mother’s lap, usually found on a rocking chair on the upper veranda at dusk, and take in the cooling air and colorful hues of nightfall.
The part of her life here that Varina could genuinely call her happiest was also the most faded in her memory. Now, standing on the aged veranda, she fought against the wear and tear of time, trying to pull one of her mother’s stories out to play. One about the fireflies—how they were really pixies, and their blinking lights were for little girls like Varina, in case they were out too late and got lost.
She rubbed her arms, trying to ignore her stinging eyes. Her mother would spend what felt like hours telling her stories, rocking her back and forth as she played with her hair. That had been one of her mother’s favorite pastimes—playing with her hair. She’d even come up with a story about a brave little unicorn to keep Varina still. Truly, her mother had been a children’s book writer who had just never got around to putting her stories to paper.
All had been quiet since the encounter in her bedroom. Varina had spent the rest of the day searching through boxes on the third floor, though she hadn’t made much of a dent. Every time she heard a noise, she’d stop to investigate—and houses as old as this one were prone to making a lot of noise. An underlying sense of unease tagged her every movement, though she couldn’t say for sure where it was aimed—at herself for reasons she understood, or at Campbell for reasons she didn’t.
Campbell had given her a good amount of distance as well. He’d changed the linens on both their beds, as promised. He’d also given both their rooms a thorough scrub, which she had found considerate, if unnecessary. Around five o’clock, he’d gone downstairs and started fooling around in the kitchen. A culinary master the man was not, but he made a mean grilled cheese sandwich, and he could plate potato chips like nobody’s business.
They’d eaten in silence—one of those between awkward and companionable. There wasn’t much to discuss that hadn’t been touched upon already, and she preferred the quiet to small talk any day. At least she knew what to do with the quiet.
It seemed so strange that only a day had passed since she’d met him. Not even a full day since he’d shown up here. Since they’d torn each other’s clothes off and fucked like animals in the entry hall. A part of her had become accustomed to him, which in itself was somewhat alarming. She took comfort in knowing he was near, not for any reason other than it was nice having someone else around. Someone to share her silences or help her fill them. Just someone.
Which was the moment Varina realized just how lonely her life had been.
She wet her lips and rubbed her arms again, turning her attention to the darkening sky. Lonely. Even the word was depressing. She hadn’t had much reason to evaluate her mental happiness in the years since she’d left here. Being out there—even bouncing between foster homes and halfway houses—had been a better existence than living with Lina and the shell of a person that had once been her father. But she’d made connections of out necessity and convenience, not because she’d given a damn about any of those assholes. She forged relationships so when the day came that knowing someone could help her out, she wouldn’t be left in a lurch. She knew just enough people to have favors owed, and to owe a few favors.
No one had known her the way Campbell did. And he’d only been here twenty-four hours.
Varina sighed one of those full body sighs that seemed to drain half a person’s energy. She wiped at her eyes, then turned back toward the door. “Goodnight, Mom,” she heard herself say, then immediately felt foolish for such sentimentality.
Her mother had been dead for nearly twenty years. Odds were, she had better things to do than coddle her grown-ass daughter.
The moment Varina stepped back into the house, she felt herself tense. She couldn’t help it. If the air was heavy outside, and it almost always was due to the humidity, it felt damn near gelatinous inside. It was something she learned to ignore the longer she was here, but stepping outside had provided a few minutes away from the house’s oppressive energy. Even if Legion wasn’t about to strike now, the symptoms of its presence were everywhere.
She held her breath and waited.
No. There was nothing.
She exhaled slowly and shut the heavy door behind her. The budding sounds of night went silent as she closed herself in, which gave Mount Zion a tomb-like feel. And for the first time since arriving at her former home, she was at a loss for what to do. The fall of night made everything seem more dangerous—made the shadows longer and the creaks more prominent.
The third floor remained a mostly untouched museum awaiting her exploration, but she didn’t think she would be any better at concentrating now than she had been earlier.
She could go downstairs and see what Campbell was up to. She could ask him what he intended to do about Legion, what their options were, and what came next.
She could also hop on his lap and ride him until neither of them remembered their names.
Or she could tackle the task she’d been putting off.
Varina pressed her lips together and shifted her attention to her bedroom. She hadn’t been in there since Legion’s cameo. There were other rooms in the house that would feel less ominous, but that would be false comfort. It would also be running from the thing that frightened her. Add to the fact that she had endured much worse inside that room, and she knew she couldn’t move. It wouldn’t make any difference. Legion would follow her wherever she went.
You could always ask Campbell to share.
A pleasant little tingle ran down Varina’s spine. It was a bad idea. For reasons that were important, but hard to remember the longer the thought remained in her head.
Varina steeled herself and started for the stairwell. Once her feet hit the bottom floor, she hesitated again, unsure of where to turn. From the sound of things, Campbell was in the parlor, though what he could be busying himself with, she didn’t know. There wasn’t a lot to do at Mount Zion that didn’t involve digging through boxes, battling demons or—
Her gaze fell to the fainting couch they had occupied the night before, and she pressed her thighs together, a rush of heat storming her body. Her heart skipped, her pulse quickened, and her skin itched from the reminder of how he’d worshiped her. His tongue running circles around her nipples, his fingers strumming her clit as he pushed his cock into her.
For so long, sex had been one of those things Varina had assumed men just enjoyed more. She’d had her share of orgasms—or at least, what she’d thought were orgasms—and while she had more or less had a good time, the whole messy act had always struck her as little more than a bargaining chip. Sometimes it was the best way to cure insomnia.
Had Campbell never shown up here, she likely would have dismissed what had happened at Rat Trap as a distorted memory, something heightened by her nerves and mixed feelings about being back in her childhood home.
Varina shook her head and forced herself to look away from the fainting couch. She moved forward down the entryway, pausing just long enough to glance in the gentlemen’s parlor, where Campbell sat at the grand piano, staring at the keys.
She frowned, but didn’t stop moving. Instead, she redirected her attent
ion to the closed door leading to her father’s study. Once she was within reach of the doorknob, she stopped and considered it, a familiar tightness seizing her chest. This was the one room in the house she hadn’t really explored since she’d arrived, beyond a cursory glance when she’d completed her first sweep.
Varina swallowed and turned the knob. The door stuck—it always had—but her muscles remembered just how hard to push and where to apply pressure. In a blink, the door was open. She hesitated a moment longer, then flipped on the light.
The room looked as it had the day before. Dark green wallpaper—period appropriate, of course—that was faded and peeling. None of the scratches she’d given the walls remained, though she wasn’t surprised. Lina would have done whatever she could to erase Varina’s presence from the house.
Varina swallowed and looked up, fixing her attention on the cast-iron gasolier, one she’d spent hours studying once upon a time. A Cornelius and Baker gasolier, if memory served. Cobwebs adorned every curve.
Underneath the gasolier was her father’s desk and typewriter.
Still a typewriter. His editor must have hated him.
Varina’s eyes stung. She forced her feet forward, her gaze eating up every inch of the desk. Like the gasolier, cobwebs were strewn in every which direction, some in disturbingly thick patches. She stifled a shiver and tore her fingers through the fine thread, though for what purpose she didn’t know.
A sheet of paper was fixed against the typewriter’s carriage, half covered in text. Varina edged nearer and leaned over. It appeared to be a scene—not a letter to her, or anything quite so useful. The last words typed by famous horror novelist Jenning Jefferson.
The last words he’d ever type.
There was that pang again. Varina sniffed, which was unadvisable since she inhaled a good amount of dust, then proceeded to lose herself in a sneezing fit. After she regained control, she turned from the desk, wiping her watering eyes and fixing her attention to one of the bookshelves.
Deliverance from Sin: A Demonic Paranormal Romance (Sinners & Saints Book 5) Page 14
