“Think you can go back to sleep?” he asked, his lips close to her ear.
“I want to… but I’m afraid to.”
His heart twisted in his chest. She’d never admitted to being afraid of anything. He thought of her as fearless. The small admission struck at his heart like a hammer’s blow. “Then I’ll stay here with you,” he offered in a whisper. “If that would help.”
“Yes, please,” she whispered back, snuggling closer. “This is helping.”
He felt her warm breath feather against his neck and closed his eyes. “Whatever you need, Maggie.” Her hair was like satin under his fingers, even softer than he’d imagined. “I’m here.”
“Thank you.”
They sat that way for a while, his hands continuing to sweep in long, slow strokes along her back. It was how he used to comfort his kids when they had nightmares, when they’d woken in the middle of the night calling for him. They’d always called for him, not Trish. They’d known, even when they were wee, that he was more nurturing than their mum was. Now he used every soothing tactic he could think of to comfort Maggie. Eventually, he felt her body slump against him, heard her breathing even out and slow…
With caution, he pulled back to peek at her face. Her eyes were closed, her breathing deep. She’d fallen asleep. He eased her back ever so slowly, laying her down, pulling the blanket over her and tucking her in.
He sat and gazed at her in the moonlight; she was so beautiful and thankfully at peace. Her long hair spilled across the pillow, her sweet lips parted as she slipped into deeper sleep. Good for her. With a tentative hand, he reached out to smooth back a few strands of her hair that had stuck to her forehead.
He ached for her. Holy Christ, she’d been worked up. Whatever nightmare had gripped her had done so with sharp talons, merciless. Her cries in the darkness had shocked him into action and pierced his heart. He’d wanted to swoop in and rescue her, and she’d let him. She’d let him hold her and comfort her, quietly grateful. She’d needed him at that moment and he’d been glad to be able to help. He hadn’t felt needed in a long time.
The whole episode left him reeling.
His eyes drank her in as things clicked for him. For all her outer strength, Maggie still wrestled with her demons. Was she strong and savvy? Yes. Worldly and accomplished? Sure. But after today’s talk on the bus and what he’d seen tonight, he knew she was more vulnerable than she’d ever admit to. She fought for normalcy every day as much as he did. Though he’d thought them to be fundamentally different, they were more alike than he’d realized. That was both a comfort and an epiphany.
*
The next morning, Maggie woke slowly, her eyes opening to shafts of sunlight streaming through the white lace curtains. The sound of deep, heavy breathing drew her eyes to where Colin slept. He lay in the huge bed, the covers down to his waist, one arm flung over his head. He wore a plain white T-shirt, and she knew he had on blue striped pajama bottoms beneath the blankets. His thick hair was mussed and dark gold stubble coated his strong jaw. Appealing as hell, she thought. A quick snore escaped him and she smiled.
Then the night before came rushing back to her. A shiver twisted down her spine, racking her whole body. She rarely dreamed about the accident so viscerally anymore, but last night’s nightmare had gripped her so hard it stole her breath. Slivers of it flashed through her mind and she shuddered again.
Colin had held her. Quieted her, got her to calm down, let her take comfort from his strong, warm body and his soft, soothing words until she’d actually fallen asleep in his arms. He’d sat with her patiently in the middle of the night, giving her what she needed, sweetly caring for her. He’d been gentle, kind, and exactly what she’d needed.
Now, recalling that, more than anything she wanted to climb into the bed, curl into his side, and feel his solid warmth again.
She gazed at him for a long beat. Tempting. Soooo tempting. But she couldn’t do that to him, it wasn’t right. With a sigh, she got out of bed and headed for a shower. There was more sightseeing ahead today, and she wanted to let him catch up on whatever sleep she’d stolen from him.
*
On Sunday evening, after a pleasant day together, they got back to Dublin just past seven. Groaning a bit from stiff limbs as they got off the bus, Maggie figured they’d go their separate ways. She didn’t want to; she wished she could invite him to go home with her, get in her bed, and explore every inch of him all night long. But he wasn’t ready for that yet, she suspected. He was wrapped up so damn tight.
As she opened her mouth to say goodbye and thank him for joining her, Colin asked her if she’d have dinner with him.
Her heart skipped a beat. The way he was looking at her… he didn’t want the day to end yet either. Maybe he was ready for more than she thought? “Dinner? But you just spent all weekend with me.” She tossed him a playful grin as she joked, “Aren’t you tired of me by now?”
“No,” he said. The corners of his mouth turned up, a hint of sheepish and a lot of sexy. He stood there patiently, just gazing down at her.
Her heart fluttered. God, he was adorable. A knotted up burly bear with a sweet, kind heart. And lips she was dying to taste. And beautiful blue eyes that showed there was so much more on his mind than the short, polite things he said.
The noises of the city—cars driving, people walking by and talking, horns and shouts on the air—seemed to fade away as she stared back at him.
“I have to admit,” he said quietly, “I do enjoy your company.”
Delight and want made her stomach give a wobbly flip. She finally gave in to the impulse she’d been squelching all day. She dropped her duffel bag to the ground by her feet, placed her hands on his shoulders, and stood on her tiptoes to sweetly brush her lips across his.
“What are you doin’?” he whispered against her mouth, his eyes wide.
“Kissing you in the middle of Dublin.” She pressed her lips to his softly and his breath hitched. Loving that, she did that again, lips brushing against his with a feather’s touch. “Confession: I’ve been wanting to kiss you all day.”
“Is that so?” Amazement sparked in his eyes. His hands slowly lifted to her face.
“Mm hmm.”
Her heart started racing, adrenaline coursing through her. His fingertips stroked her cheeks as his gaze locked with hers.
She kissed him again, still soft and gentle, still testing, gaging his reactions. His body was tense, holding back, but his eyes revealed how much he wanted her. As usual, there was so much going on in those bright blues… but right now, desire was the winner there, clear as day. It gave her a rush and she shivered from it.
“Actually,” she said, “the full truth is, I’ve been wanting to kiss you for weeks.”
His gaze burned into her. His hands slowly swept along her jaw, then cupped her face. “Well… if we’re being truthful, I’ve been wantin’ to kiss you for weeks too.”
“Then you should,” she whispered, smiling up at him. “I mean, I already kissed you first…”
He closed the gap between them. Tentative, achingly slow, he explored her mouth with deep, searching kisses that sent warmth surging through her whole body. Sighing into his mouth, she kissed him back, falling into him. His arms snaked around her waist to pull her closer, pressing her to him. Her arms locked around his neck as she angled her head to kiss him harder.
The chemistry simmered, bubbled, and built, the growing tension between them a delicious ache. His tongue swept inside, finding and tangling with hers. Groaning into her mouth, his fingers dug into her hips as he drew her in tighter, squeezing her, learning her, slowly possessing her. They stood and kissed for minutes… hours… she wasn’t sure. She didn’t care. All that mattered was Colin.
She felt his erection press against her belly and a surge of lusty power shot through her veins. Her fingers ruffled through his hair, along the scruff on his face, down his back. It took everything she had not to slip her hand between them and rub he
r palm against the hard evidence of his arousal. She wanted him in her bed and in her body, right that minute, right that second. Urgency and heat flooded her senses.
“I want you so bad,” she whispered into his mouth.
Panting, he broke away and leaned his forehead against hers. “Christ…” His eyes opened slowly to stare into hers. “We have to stop.”
“Why?” She couldn’t catch her breath either. “Because we’re in the middle of the street, in the middle of the city?”
“Aye.”
“Let ’em all watch.”
“Exhibitionist.”
“You know us rowdy Americans.”
He laughed, but then nudged his hips against hers ever so slightly. The delicious pressure made her whimper with lust.
“This is dangerous,” he whispered.
“You need a little danger in your life,” she murmured, scraping at his bottom lip with her teeth. She wriggled against his hard-on and he groaned.
“You’re wreckin’ me here.”
“Good. I wouldn’t want to be the only one.”
He looked into her eyes. “What should we do now?”
She took a deep, shuddery breath. She wasn’t ready to leave his embrace, but they had to be able to walk down the damn street. “Let’s get some dinner. We’re both hungry, right? And then…” She wiggled a bit against his hips and he groaned again, his eyes slipping closed. “…you can take me home.”
His eyes snapped open and flew wide. “What?”
“You heard me. Take me home.” She dropped her voice to a heavy whisper. “And take me to bed.” Her fingers danced along the back of his neck, giving him delicious little shivers. “If you want.”
“If I want?” he echoed, incredulous. A hoarse laugh huffed out of him.
“Colin… I’m curious, so I’m asking.” Her fingertips played along the shell of his ear as they continued to hold each other. “When’s the last time you had sex?”
“Jesus…” His face flushed and his gaze shifted away. “A long time.”
Oh God, this sweet man. Wanting to ease his sudden awkwardness, she caressed his cheeks. “A really long time?”
“A pathetically long time.” The sides of his mouth curved. “Except for one quick time, a few months back, it’d been years.”
“Ah. Okay.” She bit down on her lip. “Sorry, need to know, dying to know. How many years?”
He swallowed hard and frowned harder. “Maggie…”
“Since you were married, right?” she asked gently.
“Since long before I asked for the divorce,” he said.
His quiet confession walloped her as she did the quick math. Six years at least, likely more… Holy God, this poor man needed a hot romp of a night. He needed her.
She kissed his lips with exquisite tenderness. “I want you, Colin. Come home with me tonight. My place.”
Despite his reddened cheeks and pained expression, his eyes held hers as he whispered, “You sure about this?”
“Completely.”
He kept staring at her, but his muscles had tensed beneath her hands. She kneaded the ones in his neck. So much going on in his eyes…
“Are you afraid you’ve forgotten how?” she joked.
A shocked chuckle burst from him. “Aye, perhaps.”
“I bet you remember quickly.” Smiling, she kissed him again and pulled back. “Let’s go have dinner. You’ll need a lot of fuel for what I have in mind for you, boy-o.”
Chapter Nine
Colin was wired. All through dinner, sitting across the table from Maggie, he tried to put on a good front, acting calm and collected… while his insides were rioting. She wanted him. They were going back to her flat after dinner to have sex, no doubt about it. Adrenaline pulsed through his body and he felt it down to his toes; even his hands were tingling. How in bloody hell was he supposed to eat? Barely able to, he made himself choke down a burger. Maggie just sat there with a sexy little smile on her face, one of anticipation. Her dark eyes twinkled as she talked, telling him about some of the places she’d be visiting over the upcoming week. He didn’t hear half of it.
Worries gnawed at him, the anxiety building.
With one exception, he hadn’t had sex in over eight years, by his calculations. That part of his marriage with Trish had died long before they’d finally called the time of death. And the one time he’d attempted to be with another woman, a few months ago, it had been an embarrassment. He wanted to forget the night ever happened.
This was so different. He really liked Maggie. Admired and respected her. And was so bloody attracted to her… he was afraid he’d disappoint her. Or make a fool of himself somehow. He didn’t know how to seduce a woman anymore. He wasn’t sure he’d measure up. Maggie was worldly, beautiful, had likely been with several other men at this point, and he… goddammit, his nerves were jangling.
“Stop thinking so hard,” she said, as if she’d read his thoughts.
“I’m—I’m not,” he lied, but felt heat singe his face and cursed himself for it.
She pushed her euros for her half of dinner across the table at him. “Yeah, you are. I can feel you freaking out. Stop it. Relax. We’re going to have a great night.”
He blushed harder and said nothing, concentrating on the check.
She reached for his hand and gave it a squeeze. “Look at me.”
He did, his heart thumping.
She smiled softly. “You don’t have to come home with me if it’s not what you want. I won’t be offended.”
His heart skipped a beat. “Of course I want to come home with you, Maggie. I’m just…” His face flushed anew and he wondered how his blood pressure would hold up for the night. “I’m a little nervous, is all.”
“You’re so sweet.”
“Don’t say that,” he groused, cringing. “It’s not sweet. It’s pathetic.”
“Shut up. It’s not pathetic, it is sweet.” She caressed the top of his hand with the pad of her thumb. “Colin… honey… don’t you think I understand?”
His brows lowered, not fully gleaning her meaning. “Not really, no.”
“I didn’t sleep with anyone for over two years after Zack died,” she said. Her flat statement made him snap to attention. “The first time, I was a nervous wreck. I was in Rome for a month. Met a gorgeous, unbelievably sexy man. Things progressed naturally… and I, um… I wanted to, but even more than that, I felt like I had to get it over with, out of the way, you know?”
Colin stared, listening, his heart suddenly in his throat.
“I was shaking when we went to bed,” Maggie admitted openly. “I told him I was nervous, but didn’t tell him why. Just said it’d been a long time for me. He was lovely, patient and gentle, and it went fine… but I got out of there as soon as it was over, went back to my room, and cried for hours. I felt like I’d cheated on my husband. It made me miss him all over again. It was awful. That’s the truth.”
Colin sighed and interlaced his fingers with hers.
“But I got past that, with time. So yes, I’ve been with other men over the past three years. And enjoyed being with them. Very much.” Her eyes widened as if something occurred to her and she blurted, “It’s not like I have a sailor in every port, mind you! Not at all!” She laughed and it eased the knot in Colin’s chest a bit. “I’m just trying to say that the first time was so hard. I remember very well how nervous I was. What it was like to climb back in the saddle after a long time out of it.” She squeezed Colin’s fingers. “And I’m honored you’d like to climb back in with me. I’d like to make it wonderful for you.”
A rush of warmth streamed through him. Maggie was an exceptional woman. He cleared his throat and said, “I’m honored you want to with me in the first place.”
“Oh good, we’re a mutual honor society.” She smiled brightly. “Let’s get out of here and do something about that.” Then she leaned in close and whispered, “I have protection, back at my flat. So don’t worry about that part, at
least. Okay?”
Then they were walking back to her place, each carrying their duffel bags. Going to the Cliffs had been a nice reprieve; he hadn’t been there since his late twenties. Spending time with Maggie had been wonderful. She was so easy to be with. He’d hated going anywhere with Trish. On top of being a drama queen who wanted everything her way, Trish had to meticulously plan out everything down to the most minute detail, taking most of the fun out of it. They’d always ended up tense, angry, fighting. It was one of several reasons they barely went on trips.
Inversely, going anywhere with Maggie was a breeze. She was flexible, curious, engaged, loved being spontaneous. Always wanting to explore, unafraid to ask locals questions—but in a friendly way that endeared her to them, never by being obnoxious or pushy. Maggie was a delight, through and through. It struck him again how much he liked her; how much he enjoyed talking with her, roaming with her, just being in her sunny, upbeat presence.
He wondered if she knew that, if he’d conveyed it all. He wasn’t sure. But maybe she did know… after all, she’d invited him to her bed. She could’ve chosen anyone for that, but she’d chosen him. His nerves were still sparking, but he swallowed it down.
“This is it,” she said, stopping at a rounded stone archway.
“This close?” He knew she’d said she was staying “around the corner” from the pub, but this was literally just round the bend. They’d walked maybe sixty meters.
“Yup. Told ya.” She opened the heavy front door and he followed her inside.
The building was clean, looked reputable, and something in him was relieved for her. Before he knew it, she was ushering him into her flat. Small, cozy, and plain, he searched for any hints of her marks on it. She’d been staying there for almost a month; it surprised him to see nothing that really spoke of her. No pictures, no personal items that stood out. It was as if she were staying at a hotel that she’d be leaving by checkout the next morning, not making herself at home in a flat she’d live in for three months.
“I, ehm…” He placed his bag on the floor by the door. “I’ll just leave this here.”
Love in Dublin Page 10
