by N. C. Hayes
“None of the former, just one of the latter,” he quipped.
“What?”
“That one is really not my story to tell. Just ask Aydan about it. If you’re lucky, maybe he’ll tell you about how he ended our courtship.” He smirked at the surprised look on my face, then added, “Don’t worry yourself, Lady Advisor. It was almost a century ago.”
The dance ended, and this time the men bowed to their partners. While Gerridan was bent, Stefan appeared at my side and gripped my arm.
“I’ll take the next dance,” he announced. Gerridan rose quickly, his face devoid of all its usual warmth.
“Proper etiquette dictates that a gentleman asks a lady to dance, my lord.” His gaze darted to Stefan’s hand on my elbow.
“I don’t believe I asked for an etiquette lesson,” Stefan replied. Gerridan’s brows shot up and he took a step toward the captain.
“It’s fine,” I assured him, now thoroughly embarrassed. I gave the emissary a tight-lipped smile as the music started around us. He bowed again and stepped off the dance floor, where Stefan now dug his hand roughly into my waist and attempted to lead me in the steps. He reeked of alcohol.
“You’re drunk,” I said. “You’re speaking badly about the king, and now you just completely humiliated me in front of a fellow Cabinet member. I don’t know what’s gotten into you Stef, but you need to get over it. Now.”
“What’s gotten into me?” he hissed, stopping and letting go of me completely. “Isn’t it obvious?”
“No, Stef, nothing about your behavior in the past weeks has been obvious. I thought maybe you just needed time to adjust, so I gave you a second chance tonight and here you are, making a complete fool of me.” I took his hand and led him off the dance floor, beyond where most of the courtiers were congregated. I crossed my arms over my chest. “So what is it? You don’t like the king, yet you serve as the Captain of his Guard and accepted a lordship? You claim to want what is best for me, but now that I’ve been given back my title and awarded a position of power, you ignore me for weeks on end? None of it makes sense—”
“I’m in love with you,” he blurted. “I have been for months, I just never—I never knew how to say it. I don’t know what’s wrong with me, why I’m acting this way. I just needed to tell you.” I gaped at him He shifted impatiently. “Please say something.”
“Stef . . .” I sighed. “I don’t think this is the place to discuss it.”
“No, this is the perfect place to discuss it,” he said. “We’ve spent a year together, Shaye. Are you telling me that you feel nothing for me?”
“No,” I said, “of course not nothing, but this is very sudden.” Stefan stared, waiting for me to elaborate. “The past month—it’s the first time in a year that I’ve been able to think of anything but surviving, Stef. You’ve been such a good friend to me—”
Stefan scoffed. “A friend. That’s it, then.” He turned to leave. I grabbed his hand.
“No, that’s not it—or . . . it’s that I don’t know. This is the first you’ve told me of your feelings. You just spoke to me for the first time in weeks yesterday, and then you spend all night acting strangely and now I’m supposed to, what, throw myself into your arms or walk away forever? I need time. Give me time,” I pleaded. “Let me be your friend, as a free woman.”
“All right,” he nearly whispered. “If time is what you need, it’s yours.”
“Thank you,” I said, squeezing his hand. “Should we have that dance?” He shook his head.
“No, you were right. I’ve had too much to drink. I should go lie down.”
“Okay.” He kissed my hand and left me standing alone and baffled. I saw that I was near a table of desserts and quickly shoved a small pastry drizzled with honey and blackberry sauce into my mouth. When I turned back, Gerridan had reappeared.
“Are you all right?” he asked, looking me over.
“I’m fine,” I said, blushing. “A misunderstanding, that’s all.”
“There was quite a grip on that misunderstanding,” he replied before grabbing one of the pastries for himself and placing it on a plate.
“It was nothing,” I said.
After a moment of silence, he set the plate down. “Shaye, we’re friends, are we not?”
“I would like to think so,” I said. The corners of his mouth were turned downward.
“Then let me make something abundantly clear, as a friend. If I ever see the captain put his hand on you like that again, it will be the last time he has use of it.”
“It wasn’t like that—”
“I don’t particularly care what the reason was, or what your relationship is with that man,” he continued. “But I’ve met enough men in my life to know that these types of misunderstandings tend to escalate.” I could not think to do anything but nod. My hands coated themselves in frost as they hung at my sides. “Good night, Shaye. Please let me know if you need anything.”
“Good night,” I said softly. He bowed his head before turning and leaving me alone again. The music and laughter continued while I watched, my back to the wall.
Across the room, Gerridan joined Hannele, handing her a drink. I wondered if he was telling her now what he’d seen between me and Stefan. A couple of tables away, Kenna stood alone as well, drinking and staring at a blonde woman who seemed to be trying her hardest not to look at the seer, but would occasionally glance away from her friends, toward her, and blush. Kenna set her drink down and walked away, out of one of the servant’s entrances. A moment later, the blonde excused herself from her group and followed through the same door.
Alastair was nowhere to be seen. He must have turned in early for the night. I could not picture the stoic general enjoying himself at parties.
I was debating if it was time for me to retire as well when a shrill laugh cut through the music. The Floinn sisters had finally found their moment and now held Aydan’s attention, all smiles and batted eyelashes as they spoke to him. Aydan looked quite interested in whatever they had to say, and when he replied with a nod and a polite smile the sisters erupted into laughter once again.
I thought of what Stefan had told me about Aydan’s courting history and brought another small dessert, this time some sort of chocolate concoction, to my lips. When the cake touched my skin I nearly cried out. I dropped it to the floor, and realized it was smoldering, having burned to a crisp in my hand. I knelt and banished the chocolate to a waste bin in the kitchens, then swiftly left the hall before anyone could see what I had done.
Chapter Twenty-Five
Even with my tincture, it took nearly two hours to fall asleep. I tossed and turned, playing the evening back over in my head. The coronation, the ball—and Stefan. I wasn’t sure which was the cause of the knot buried in my gut: his confession, or the stories he told me. Gerridan had an explanation for one, but what about the others? I shook my head, feeling silly. Stefan himself had told me that there was no proof Aydan had been involved with Lord Vesper’s death. And why should I care if the king had broken courtships? He’d lived for more than a century, of course he would have had courtships over the decades. I’d had my own fair share of lovers long before I ever knew I was a sorceress— I was a hypocrite for even having an opinion on the topic. Aydan’s love life isn’t for me to worry about, I told myself as I drifted to sleep. The knot in my gut did not go away.
A couple hours later, I woke with a start and sat up straight in my bed, surrounded by darkness. I cast a ball of light to the ceiling and saw that the room was empty, save for Catchfly, who snoozed quietly at the foot of the bed. My nightdress stuck to my skin and I shivered, my breathing ragged, though I could not understand why. Perhaps my tincture had gone rancid.
Now thoroughly awake, I realized I was hungry. I looked up at the clock—half past two in the morning. Too long to wait for breakfast, so I hauled myself from bed and stepped over my discarded ballgown to look for a shawl. Not wanting to bother any servants for food at this hour, I wrapped it around my shoulders a
nd headed into the corridor. I was nearly at the arched entrance to the north wing when I heard footsteps behind me.
“Shaye?” It was Aydan, still fully dressed from the ball, the rose crown on his head. He looked concerned as he stepped toward me. “What’s wrong?”
“Nothing—I just woke up. I thought I’d find something to eat in the kitchens and go back to bed.” Relief washed over the king’s face.
“For a moment, I thought you were sleepwalking,” he said. After a pause, he added, “I wasn’t ready to sleep. I took a walk to clear my mind, and then before I knew it, it was the middle of the night and I was starved. Would you like to join me?” He gestured toward the door to his chambers.
I tightened my shawl around myself, remembering that I wore only a nightdress, but it wasn’t the first time he’d seen me fresh from sleep.
I followed him into the chambers and down the now familiar corridor to the private council room the Cabinet met in nearly every day. He waved a hand over the table and produced plates of cheeses and fruits, as well as some leftover chicken and bread, a bottle of liquor, and two short glasses. I poured a drink for each of us and tried not to make a face when it burned my throat. We filled our plates and ate in silence, and when we’d had enough, Aydan banished the dishes and platters from the table surface, leaving only our drinks.
“How are you?” I asked after a moment. Aydan traced the rim of his glass with a finger.
“Me? I’m fine, all things considered,” he said. “Though, I suppose if I’m honest, tonight was difficult to get through.”
“I could imagine,” I said. “It looked like it would take a toll.”
After a few seconds of silence, he said, “After the Heirs’ Duel, I never thought I’d have this life. I was, well, not content being the Wayward Prince, but I was settled enough. I had my family in Sylvanna and my position on the council. I had a life. Even with the past year to mentally prepare, I couldn’t help but feel inadequate in that temple today.” Aydan drummed his fingers on the surface of the table. “I found myself wishing for Irsa to burst through the door and tell us it was all a mistake.”
“And now?”
“And now, I am the anointed King of Medeisia.” He shrugged. “The scholars will document my reign. I can only hope that it is not used as the example of how not to govern, when some unfortunate future descendant of mine is forced to study it.” Aydan drained his glass then poured another drink before asking, “And how are you? After last night, I mean.” I blushed.
“Fine,” I said. “I’m sorry that I ran out like that. I just—I was overwhelmed. The fire is hard enough to control on its own. I worry what other gifts Lord Ronan has passed on to me.”
“There’s nothing to apologize for. As I said, we’ll figure it all out as it comes. We leave for Sylvanna in a few weeks. They have one of the largest libraries in the world. Perhaps we can make some inquiries with the scholars there.” I nodded in silent agreement. “And all else is well? You’re enjoying your work?”
“Oh yes, very much so.” It was true. Even though so far all we’d done is plan the coronation and attempt to reverse some of Zathryan’s end-of-life decrees. Even with Stefan’s stories on my mind. “I feel like I finally have a purpose in Ayzelle—beyond scrubbing floors and linens, that is. It’s only been a few weeks, but I feel like I could make a difference for the people here.”
“Was it . . .” Aydan started, then paused, looking ashamed. “I never asked what it was like for you here with my father.” I swallowed. “I know that the chambers were breeched. Elise and the others told me that you sent them away, and I know my father made you a servant.” I couldn’t bring myself to look up from the table. “But I also know that couldn’t have been all that happened.” Ice began forming at my fingertips and I quickly buried my hands in my lap before Aydan could see.
“I was interrogated,” I admitted. “They moved me to that tiny room, and every few mornings for months, I was taken to the dungeons and interrogated about my supposed connections to Sylvanna.” Mostly true, I thought. Aydan’s hand clenched into a fist on the table and I pretended not to notice.
“The blood shield,” he said. “Did it hold? Were you hurt?”
“The blood shield held.” Only a half lie. I tried to blink away the memory of anguished screams filling my ears in the dungeon. Relief settled in Aydan’s expression.
“I cannot tell you how sorry I am, Shaye.”
“I was lucky that Stefan was around to help me,” I managed to say. I could taste the metallic tang of blood dripping on my lips. The heavy air of the dungeons bore down on me and then—
I was being dragged by my wrists down a servants’ passage by a pair of guards. The dirty shift I’d been dressed in by my captors was hitched up around my thighs, and a silver cuff was locked on my ankle—as if I could muster the strength for magic. I could barely hold my eyes open.
I heard a door open and was all but thrown through it. I remained there, unable to haul myself up and into the bed. Catchfly was growling from her perch on the edge of a bookshelf. I heard a guard swear, the sounds of a scuffle, Catchfly yowling. I looked up just as one of the men yanked her off the other by her tail.
“Don’t hurt her,” I moaned. “Please—”
“What the hell is going on here?” Standing in the doorway was Captain Whittaker, wide-eyed at the scene in front of him. The guard threw Catchfly onto the bed. “What have you done to this woman?”
“Nothing, captain,” said the shorter of the two guards. “We were told to transport the prisoner back to her quarters. King’s orders.” The captain stepped forward.
“Did those orders include brutalizing her cat while she was left on the floor in nothing but—” He looked down at me, then barked to the guards. “Leave. Now.” The order rang in my ears. I closed my eyes as the door shut behind them.
Then I heard movement as the captain rummaged around my room. A low, constant growl came from Catchfly while she watched him. Suddenly, rough hands slid under me. My body screamed at the touch, but I couldn’t produce the sound from my raw throat.
“Please . . . no more,” I whispered instead, too exhausted to even cry. The captain lay me on my bed. He covered me with a blanket.
“I’ll be back, Miss Eastly,” he said quietly, and left. Catchfly curled herself near my head, and everything else disappeared.
I didn’t know if it was hours or minutes later when my door opened again. I forced my eyes open and saw the captain carrying a pair of buckets and a bundle of torn linens. His armor was gone. He set the supplies on the floor before peeling the blanket from me. He inhaled sharply. “I need to clean you up,” he said. I nodded once, then watched as he reached for the knife strapped to his leg. “I’m going to cut the back of your shift.” Another nod, and he carefully began cutting strips of the once white fabric, now mottled red and brown with my half-dried blood. I winced when his fingers grazed my skin. “I’m sorry,” he murmured. When the whole of my back was exposed, the captain dipped a rag in one of the buckets. “I’m sorry,” he said again as he brought the wet cloth to my skin and I cried out. “I’m sorry—”
“Shaye?”
My attention snapped back to the present. Aydan sat across the table, looking at me expectantly. “I’m sorry,” I said. “I must be more tired than I thought.”
“I should get some sleep too. Gerridan will never let me hear the end of it if I fall asleep during the meeting tomorrow.”
He walked me to the foyer. “About tomorrow’s meeting,” I said when we reached the door. “Would it be possible to postpone until after midday?”
“Technically, you’re in charge of the meetings.”
“Technically, you’re in charge of everything,” I countered. He chuckled.
“I’ll leave a note for Gerridan,” he said. “Would you like me to walk you to your suite?” I shook my head and reached for the door handle.
“No, thank you.” I opened it. “I’ll see you tomorrow.” Aydan pla
ced a hand gently on my arm.
“Shaye.” I looked up at him. “I really am very sorry. For leaving you here.” I forced a smile to my lips. “More than you know. I can’t even begin to explain how—”
“It’s okay, Aydan. Really.” The sad sort of smile he gave made me wonder if he knew I was lying.
We bid each other good night, and I returned to my suite, where I climbed into bed and lay awake until the sun rose.
Chapter Twenty-Six
I sent a note with Elise the next morning to invite Stefan to my suite for a late breakfast. He arrived quickly and greeted me with a kiss to the cheek before telling me I looked lovely. Elise had delivered a tray of pastries and a tea service, which we enjoyed at a small table in the center of my suite while I did my best to pretend like nothing happened the night before. A clean slate, I thought. He was talking about changes he wanted to implement in the Guard once given permission from Aydan.
“Do you need me to arrange a meeting for you?” I asked.
“No need.” He waved off the suggestion. “I sent a request yesterday, and His Majesty replied this morning. I’ll be sitting in on a Cabinet meeting sometime next month.”
“Oh.” I forced a smile. I found myself struggling to come up with things to speak about, and instead let Stefan do most of the talking, which he seemed happy to do. When I told him that I’d inquired about Aydan’s supposed scandals and learned the truth surrounding the events in Auperene, he shrugged, unfazed.
“I was just repeating what I’d been told. It’s good that you and your Cabinet friends feel you can trust him.” He drained his tea, and I couldn’t help but feel wary of that response. Why, I did not know. I knew Stefan, trusted Stefan. So why did every word he said to me in the past two days make me feel defensive? I shook off the feeling and turned my attention back to my friend.
“Speaking of the Cabinet, I should start preparing for my meeting.”
He wiped his mouth on a napkin and stood. “Thank you for inviting me,” he said. “Could I . . . could I escort you on a walk around the grounds this evening?”
