by Megan Green
That aching feeling deep within my gut quadruples in intensity as I lift the phone to my ear. “Lex?”
“Brandon, it’s Liv. Something is wrong. She started bleeding. She told me not to call you—at least not until we knew something—but I just had to.”
As soon as I hear the word bleeding, the rest of the words all start to run together. Lexi’s voice continues its frantic pleas, and I try to focus on what she’s saying, but all I can think about is Liv. Liv and our baby.
I can’t lose them. Either of them.
“Where are you?” I interrupt, my words coming out a little more harshly than I intended.
“Grover General. She’s back with the doctor now. They wouldn’t let me go with her because I’m not family.”
Liv is all alone in the hospital.
“I’m coming,” is all I say before I disconnect the call.
I slap the phone against Tag’s chest as I head toward the door, his footsteps following close behind me.
I find Coach in the small office in the visitors’ locker room, going over some notes from our last game.
“I need to go, Coach.”
His eyes snap up to mine, narrowing when they see the panic that must be written all over my face.
“We’re only a few hours from game time, Jeffers. What the hell are you talking about?”
“I know, and I’m sorry. But the mother of my child is in the hospital, and I have to get there.”
His eyebrows dart up in surprise. “Child? You’re having a baby?”
I nod. This isn’t exactly how I wanted Coach and the rest of the team finding out, but I don’t exactly have a lot of time here. Coach has kids of his own, and I know there’s nothing that would get him to agree to granting me leave than letting him know mine might be in danger.
“Since when?” he asks, sitting back in his chair, shock still etched on his face.
“Since she got pregnant. Look, Coach, I’ll explain everything when I get back. But, right now, I don’t have a lot of time.”
Tag speaks up from the doorway behind me, “He’s telling the truth, Coach. I can fill you in on some details. Just let him go.”
Coach’s eyes dart between the two of us for a moment before he finally waves a hand toward the door. “Fine. You’ve got two days. Anything longer than that, and I’ll have to go to the GM.”
I shout a, “Thank you,” over my shoulder as I bolt for the door. I don’t bother stopping at my locker and changing out of my sweaty workout clothes.
I need to get to the airport.
I call and book my flight in the back seat of the cab. I can feel the cabbie’s confused eyes on me in the rearview mirror, my tone frantic as I explain I need to get to Colorado as soon as possible. But I can’t bring myself to care. He can think what the fuck he wants.
I jump out of the cab the second it pulls up to the curb, tossing a handful of bills at the driver without even bothering to look. I have no clue if it’s enough or too much, but again…I couldn’t care less.
By some twisted form of fate, there’s actually a flight departing St. Louis in just over an hour, which means I should be landing in Denver in just under three. Since I don’t have any baggage, I breeze through security, arriving at the gate with plenty of time to spare.
I pull out my phone and dial Liv’s number, but it goes straight to voice mail. She must have her phone off inside the hospital. I wish I had gotten Lexi’s number from Tag before I left, just in case she gets any updates before I arrive, but I didn’t think that far ahead. And, by now, Tag is probably out warming up.
I dial him anyway, hoping I can catch him before he heads out to the field. No such luck though.
I fire off a text to Liv, letting her know I’m on my way.
This is going to be the longest three hours of my life.
My phone blows up the moment I turn it back on after we land.
UNKNOWN NUMBER: She’s fine. The baby is fine. We’re heading back to her house now.
UNKNOWN NUMBER: This is Lexi, BTW. Ian gave me your number.
LIV: I told Lexi not to call you. We’re fine, Brandon. Just a little scare.
LIV: You don’t need to come here. Stay and play the game. I’ll talk to you after.
LIV: Brandon?
LIV: Hello?
LIV: I swear to God, if you’re already on your way here, I’m going to kill Lexi.
UNKNOWN NUMBER: She’s resting at home. She said she can’t get ahold of you and has threatened me with dismemberment. Despite her stubbornness, I think she wants you here. I hope you’re on your way.
LIV: Please call me, Brandon.
I’m so relieved to hear that both Liv and the baby are going to be okay. And I can’t help but smile at the different tone each message possesses. Liv and Lexi are about as opposite as two women can be, but I think that’s what makes them work so well as friends.
I decide not to call Liv, instead renting a car and making the forty-minute drive to Maple Lake. When I knock on her door and Lexi answers, I can see the relief as it immediately runs through her.
“Oh, thank God. I was starting to think I was going to have to kill you myself.”
“I got here as soon as I could,” I say, stepping past her and into the foyer. The drone of the TV comes from the other room, and I know that’s where Liv must be.
I make a beeline for the entrance, her voice shouting as soon as I step into the doorway.
“Lex? Who is it? It’d better not be you, Charlie. I told you to get some rest.”
“It’s not Charlie,” I say, moving further into the room so that Liv can see me.
She sits up straight, her feet sliding from the ottoman and meeting the floor. “Brandon? What are you doing here? I told you not to come.”
I shake my head, moving to kneel at her feet. “I know we’re still in the whole getting to know you stage, but if there’s one thing you should know about me, it’s that I rarely do as I’m told.” I give her a wink, pulling her hands into mine.
She gives me a small smile, her eyes glossing over as she looks at me.
“You scared the shit out of me, Tink,” I tell her honestly. “When I got that call, a million different scenarios ran through my head. And they didn’t involve you naked and on my bed, like they usually do when I think of you.”
She chuckles softly, her eyes flicking down to our clasped hands. “Scared me, too. I didn’t know what to think when I saw the blood. Turns out, it’s not uncommon for pregnant women to bleed a little. Especially when they’re under stress. Doc told me to just take it easy for a few days, and I should be good as new. The baby, too.”
I breathe out a sigh of relief. “Good. That’s good. You’ve been working yourself too hard. I was going to say something sooner, but I didn’t want you to think I was trying to be controlling. But you need to take it easy. If you need help, you know…financially…then just let me know. I’ll gladly help you and the baby in any way I can.”
Her forehead wrinkles as she gives me a puzzled look. “I’m fine, Brandon. This didn’t happen because of work. And, despite what you might think, I’m doing just fine financially. I don’t need your help.”
I know I’ve hit a nerve, but I can’t let her keep putting herself and the baby in danger because of her stubborn pride. “I know, Liv. But you can’t blame me for being concerned. You’ve been pulling such long hours at work. And you just said it yourself that this happened because you were under stress. I’m just saying, you don’t need to worry about anything. I want you to be comfortable.”
“That bookstore is the only sort of respite I have anymore,” she pointedly tells me. “It’s the only place I can go where nothing else seems to matter. I don’t have to worry about how in the hell I’m going to pull off being a mother. I don’t have to worry about the looks and whispers I’m going to get when the rest of the town finds out. I don’t have to worry about what’s going to happen when this baby is here, and you decide to pull a runner. I don’t have to
worry about anything but the store and the books I know and love. How could you possibly think the store would be a source of stress for me?”
Her words cut me, completely obliterating the progress I thought I’d made with Liv. “You think I’m going to leave when the baby is born?” The words hurt, coming off my tongue. Is this what she’s been so stressed about? Did the thought of raising a baby on her own cause her to almost lose the baby in the first place?
She shrugs. “I don’t know. I don’t think you quite understand the scope of this. I get that you’re trying to do the right thing. But, Brandon, babies don’t just go away. They take a lot of work. A lifetime of commitment. And I’m still not sure you’re ready for that.”
“So, you’ve been worried about me leaving? Is that what caused this?” I know the words are stupid. That I’m somehow turning the awful thing she went through today into something about me. But I have to hear her say the words. I need to hear her tell me that this is my fault.
Her face crumples. “Oh, God, no. Brandon, I’m uncertain about a lot of things. I don’t know what the hell I’m doing. I don’t have the first clue as to how to be someone’s mother. But there is one thing I’m absolutely sure of. Despite whatever happens between you and me, this baby will be loved. I can handle this. I will handle this.”
The words still sting, but I decide to drop the subject for now. Liv has been through so much already today. The last thing she needs is to fight with me.
I’m just going to have to really step up my game if I want to prove to her that I’m not going anywhere anytime soon.
“Then, tell me what’s bothering you, Tink. Tell me how I can help.”
She leans back against the couch cushions, her breath coming out in a rush. “You can’t. This is something I have to handle on my own.”
I grind my teeth, angry that, once again, she’s trying to keep me at arm’s length. “No. This is my baby, too, Liv. And, if something is stressing you to the point of causing bleeding, then I deserve to know. I deserve to try to fix it.”
“You can’t fix my relationship with my mother. I’m afraid that ship sailed long ago.”
Her words surprise me, the topic of her mother never once having been broached in the hours we’ve spent together. After I asked about the lack of pictures with her parents and she all but blew me off, I figured they weren’t in the picture. Guess I was wrong.
“Your mother?”
She closes her eyes, a look of pure exhaustion settling over her features. “Yes. But, Brandon, I’d really rather not talk about it right now. It’s been a hell of a long day, and I’m tired.”
I get to my feet, taking her ankles in my hands as I help turn her so that she’s lying lengthwise on the couch. I prop a few pillows behind her head, sitting my ass down on the armrest, and then I smooth her hair until she falls asleep.
Once her soft snores fill the room, I step out into the kitchen where I find Lexi leaning over the counter, flipping through a magazine.
“She asleep?” she asks when she sees me. At my nod, she continues, “Good. She’s been awake for over twenty-four hours. I didn’t think she was ever going to calm down enough to sleep. I think you being here gives her a little reassurance.”
I think of Liv’s earlier words about me leaving, and I can’t help but think that Lexi is wrong. I don’t give Liv any sort of peace of mind. But I’m suddenly so damn tired; I can’t bring myself to argue.
“What do you know about her mom?” I hear myself ask.
Lexi’s face falls. “Not a lot. I know she showed up here last night, and I know she and Liv haven’t spoken in years. She left Liv here when she was still in school, and Charlie sort of took her in as his own. It’s why they’re so close.”
Anger seeps through me at the thought of a woman leaving behind her daughter at such a vulnerable and young age. “Why did she leave?”’
Lexi shrugs. “That I don’t know. Liv doesn’t like to talk about her mom. And I’ve never even heard her mention her father. Whenever she speaks of a dad, she’s referring to Charlie. He’s the only family she acknowledges.”
“Do you know why she came back?” I ask.
Lexi shakes her head. “No clue. All I know is that Liv called me after she left last night, freaking out and on the brink of tears. It took me hours to convince her to go to the hospital. She was convinced she’d already lost the baby.”
“She thought she’d lost the baby, and she didn’t want to go to the hospital?” I ask incredulously.
Lexi shrugs again. “I don’t know. Grief makes people do weird things. She just kept saying there was nothing they could do now that the baby was gone, and it was all her fault. I finally talked some sense into her this morning. You should’ve seen the look in her eyes when she told me the baby was okay. I’ve never seen her look so relieved.”
It breaks my heart that she tortured herself for hours, convincing herself that, somehow, something she’d done caused her to lose the baby. I look back to the woman in front of me, so damn glad Liv has someone like Lexi in her life. Who knows what might’ve happened had Lexi not been here to make Liv see reason? As soon as I can, I’m sending Lexi the biggest damn box of chocolates I can find.
“Thank you for being here for her, Lex,” I tell her, hoping my words convey the sincerity of my feelings.
She smiles at me. “Of course. Liv is like a sister to me. And, Brandon?”
My gaze flicks back to her, having traveled back over to the dim light from the TV in the other room. “Yeah?”
“Thank you for being here for her. Liv likes to pretend she’s the biggest hard-ass on the planet. And, ninety-nine percent of the time, she is. But I know she likes having you here. It means a lot to her that you want to be involved with the baby. And it means a lot to me that you dropped everything to get here so quickly.”
Her words make me smile slightly. “So, do I have the best friend stamp of approval?”
Lexi giggles. “Not that you needed it, but yes. I’ve seen a huge change in you since you found out about the baby. Ian has, too.”
“You guys talking shit on me?” I ask, giving her a devilish grin.
“Always,” she says with a flip of her hand. “Though you’ve been making it harder for us lately. If I didn’t know better, I’d say our little Brandon is growing up.”
I think back to the day Tag asked me if I was ever gonna grow up. And I told him I was perfectly fine with being Peter Pan. But maybe there is something to be said for being Peter Banning. You know, the Robin Williams character from the movie Hook. Deep down, he was still Pan. But Robin Williams seemed a hell of a lot more fulfilled than that punk kid who’d snuck into Wendy’s room all those years. Even if he did miss his kid’s baseball game…
I excuse myself, letting Lexi know I’m going to run to the lake house to shower and change, but I’ll be back before Liv wakes.
I leave Liv’s house with a plan.
I’m going to be Peter Panning—one part Pan, one part Banning. I’ll never forget what it feels like to be an immature asshole. I’ll be the parent who gets busted helping his kid TP the neighbor’s house and gets in trouble with his teacher for telling him math is for suckers. I’ll play catch with him anytime he wants, and I’ll always be down with ice cream for dinner.
But I no longer want to be the grown-up man-child I’ve been for the last ten years. The thought of sleeping with a different woman every night no longer holds any appeal to me. And the thought of staying in, snuggled with Liv on the couch, while we watch our baby move beneath her belly sounds infinitely better than going out on the town.
Guess it is true, what Lexi said.
Brandon Jeffers is growing up.
And the only thing I can think about that is…
It’s about fucking time.
Chapter 15
Liv
The first thing I think as my eyes crack open the next morning is how much my damn head hurts.
The second is: Was Brandon really
here last night? Or was that some crazy pregnancy delusion brought on by stress and paranoia?
The events of the last twenty-four hours play through my head on a loop. My mother showing up, the awful things she said to me, the blood I saw when I went to the bathroom.
The intense fear I felt when Lexi suggested I go to the hospital. And the immense relief that flooded through me when the doctor told me the baby was going to be okay.
I’d fought my friend tooth and nail on the whole hospital thing. When I’d seen that blood on my panties, I’d known. I’d known that this was my punishment for actually thinking I could do this. That I could finally find happiness.
In the few short weeks since I’d discovered I was pregnant, I’d gone from a closed-off husk of a woman to someone who was actually excited about the prospect of becoming a mother.
But I’d forgotten where I’d come from. And good things didn’t happen to people like me. I should’ve known that, the moment I finally accepted and rejoiced over the fact that I’d be bringing another life into this world, it would be taken from me.
Fortunately, some unknown force in the universe took pity on me, and I was granted another chance.
I’m not going to blow it again.
The clanging of my screen door pulls me from my thoughts. I sit up from my position on the couch, realizing I must’ve spent the entire night here. The kink in my neck as I turn to look out the window only confirms my suspicion.
“Lexi? Is that you?” I shout, rubbing my fingers into the knot at the base of my skull. The added pressure there alleviates some of the pain in my head as well, and I let out a little sigh of relief.
“Nope,” a husky voice answers me.
Unless Lexi suddenly developed the worst cold in history, I think it’s safe to say whoever just entered my house is not my best friend.
