by J. L. Berg
I pressed the buzzer and waited. I admired the bright colors she’d chosen for her trim and porch, and I hated the fact that she could keep her plants alive. I had the exact opposite of a green thumb. What would that be? A black thumb? Well, whatever it was, I had it. If they could, plants would scream and run away from my presence, knowing I would be their ultimate demise. I also couldn’t cook worth a damn. I was the antithesis of Martha Stewart.
The door was suddenly thrown open, and I was engulfed in a sea of ebony hair as Liv dove forward and threw her arms around me.
“Mia!” Liv squealed, pulling back from her hug attack to give me her signature megawatt grin.
I always loved Liv’s smile. It could light up an entire room. Her smile was genuine and encompassed her entire face. Her brown eyes twinkled and warmed, her right cheek dimpled, and her entire personality shined through. God, I had missed her.
“Amelia Emerson! You haven’t changed a bit! You’re just as skinny and gorgeous as ever. But wait, hold on,” she said, stepping back to assess me for a moment. “Turn for me.”
I rolled my eyes and did as she’d said, making a complete turn on her front stoop. I hoped her neighbors couldn’t see this little spectacle. I would be staying here for a bit, and I didn’t want them to think I was Liv’s crazy relative coming to visit.
“Your boobs got bigger!” she practically announced to the entire block.
“Oh my God, they did not!” I said, folding my arms over my chest.
“They did so,” she fired back, pulling my arms away to expose the area in question.
Suddenly, I felt underdressed next to my long-lost friend. She was very put together—in a strange way. It was much different than the Liv I remembered. She had on a gorgeous maxi dress that hugged her curves and highlighted her own rack nicely. Her jewelry all looked handmade, nothing like the pricey designer pieces our parents use to buy. The bold silver necklace and matching earrings she wore accentuated her long neck and shiny black hair. Her appearance was very eclectic and artsy but in a hip and sophisticated manner.
I looked like a bum standing next to her. Since I had been traveling all day, I wasn’t wearing anything fancy. I had on a faded Old Navy tank top and a pair of jeans I’d probably owned since college. Besides the pendant around my neck that I never took off, I didn’t have any other jewelry on. To complete my fashion train wreck, I was wearing flip-flops that didn’t even match.
Yay, me.
“Well, whatever you say, but I still think they are bigger. Is that a thing? Are they supposed to get bigger in our twenties? Because mine sure haven’t. I heard they sometimes grow with pregnancy, but that shit definitely isn’t ever happening to me, so I’m stuck with my mediums. I’ve never had any complaints though. What do they say? A handful is all you need.”
I just stared for a moment, thrown off guard by what she’d said, but I laughed it off. Shaking my head, I said, “You haven’t changed a bit.”
“Oh, but I have. Can’t you tell?” She tossed her hands up as if to acknowledge her surroundings as validation of her epic change.
“Yes, you need to tell me all about this,” I said, waving my pointer finger in a circle to incorporate her entire look.
“Oh, I plan to. Let’s get you inside and make some tea.”
Of course she drank tea.
As we made our way through her home, I took notice of the hand-carved wood artwork on the walls and the unusual paintings scattered everywhere. I couldn’t help but wonder how my privileged friend had gone from being a senator’s daughter to wearing moonstones and making tea.
I settled into a chair at her worn kitchen table and drew my knees up to my chin.
“Still folding yourself into a ball, Mia?”
It was the second time I’d heard her say my former name. I’d given that name up when I left my old life behind. When I’d walked away from Virginia, I’d stopped being Mia, and I’d started using my proper name, Amelia.
Mia was the name he had given me, and I couldn’t bear to hear it. I didn’t deserve it anymore.
“I go by Amelia now,” I simply said.
“Okay,” she said, sending me a strange look. “Still folding yourself into a ball, Amelia?”
“Yes, I guess some things never change.”
She gave me a long stare as she filled up the teakettle. “No, they don’t.”
We moved from awkward conversation to silence for a while as she moved about the kitchen, pulling out snacks and tea from some weird tin. She was so different, yet I could still see parts of my old friend there. Some of her mannerisms were the same, like how she bit her bottom lip as she became impatient while waiting for the water to boil and how she rocked her hips when she was standing. I used to call her a valley girl for that silly movement after seeing the girls on Clueless do it. She would just laugh it off and keep doing it.
Liv finished pouring our tea—some weird herbal blend and set the mugs on a tray along with a plate of cookies. She brought everything over and set it on the table and joined me. I added a bit of cream to my tea and grabbed a spiced cookie to nibble on.
“So, are we going to talk about why you ran out of here like a demon on graduation night and then never came back? Or are we going to continue to ignore it?”
I knew she would ask, yet I still hadn’t prepared an answer.
“I…had to leave. I just…I’m sorry, Liv. I’m not ready to talk about this yet.”
I looked up, expecting to see hurt or anger, but she was radiating understanding.
“Okay, I can deal with that—as long as you’ll be ready to talk someday.”
“Okay,” I agreed, not knowing if that day would ever come.
As we continued to eat our cookies and sip our teas, something was tugging at me, something I needed to know. It was more than what Liv had been doing since high school, more than whether that ice cream store was still down the street from my old house. I needed to know about him.
“Liv, I need to know. Does Garrett still live here?”
Saying his name out loud hurt. I didn’t think I’d actually said those precious syllables in years. Hearing it spring free from my lips felt like I was cutting deep into my own flesh. It felt raw and ragged, like gravel against my vocal cords, and I was ashamed for even saying it.
She gave me a sympathetic gaze. “I don’t know. After you…after that night, he hounded me for days that turned into weeks, trying to get a clue as to where you went. When I finally convinced him I was in the dark like he was, I didn’t hear from him again. He went off to college, and that was it.”
We were supposed to go to college together—the beginning to our crazy life, as he’d called it. We’d picked out all of our classes together. He was going to be my brainy architect, and I was going to be his sexy teacher. But I’d left, and he had gone alone.
Now, I was here. I wondered where life had taken him.
I only hoped he was happy.
Chapter Two
~Mia~
It had been a week since I came home, back to the place I’d sworn I would never return. When I’d fled down that dark, deserted road on that night so long ago, I’d promised myself I would do him the favor of never returning. After I’d caused so much pain, he deserved that at least.
So, why now? After all this time, why had I come back?
Once again, I was running.
It seemed to be something I was highly skilled in. When the walls of my carefully built life in Atlanta had started to cave in on me, I’d needed out, and I had bailed. I’d packed up everything I owned, and I’d found myself on the interstate, headed for home. It always felt safe and secure here, and I liked the person I had been here—before the end.
In the week since I’d returned, I temporarily moved in with Liv. Living with Liv was great. After so much time and how different we had both become, I had been afraid that things would be awkward and that the friendship we had once shared would be gone. But it wasn’t, and we naturally fell into t
hat sweet spot—somewhere between best friends and sisters. I hadn’t realized how much I missed her until I had her back, and I didn’t think I would ever forgive myself for pushing her away for so long. The fact that she’d opened up her home and life to me after eight long years and one email just showed the type of person she was. I didn’t deserve such compassion.
She wanted me to move in permanently, but I’d spent years living with others, and for once, I wanted to live on my own. I needed to live on my own. I was twenty-five years old, and I didn’t think I even knew myself. Who was I without someone else? I’d come here in search of something. That had to be it, right? I needed to find out.
I picked out a great house not too far from Liv. It was old and needed work, and it was pricey because of the neighborhood, but I took it on the spot. With my preapproved loan and sizable down payment—thanks to years of saving money—it would be mine in a week.
After throwing together breakfast this morning from the last of the groceries, we decided a trip to the farmers’ market might be fun. Liv said she would go every week to get local produce, rather than buying from the grocery store. According to Liv, big-business grocery stores that choked out small farmers were going to be the death of our society.
“Who the hell are you?” I asked as we roamed around the streets filled with vendors selling everything from kale to nuts to strawberries.
“I’m the same girl. I’m just an upgraded, more worldly version,” she said.
Her sassy smirk reminded me of a younger Liv.
“But how did this upgrade happen? I mean you didn’t just wake up one day and decide that trust funds sucked and hemp bracelets were way cooler.”
She gave me a pointed looked and snickered. Then, she continued her search for the perfect tomato, squeezing one and then another, as I watched.
“It was college actually.” She picked up a juicy red tomato and turned it over in her hand before placing it on the scale with the others she’d picked out.
The man on the other side of the stand told her the amount she owed. They finished their business, and we moved on.
“I was sitting in a sociology class. It wasn’t my major at the time. It was just something I was taking to fill a general ed requirement. The professor was lecturing about the African society and how they had been basically crippled by the AIDS epidemic. I remember sitting there, staring at these pictures in my textbook. I was bored out of my mind. I looked down at my nails to see a chip in my Very Berry nail polish, and I was just beside myself. I was so annoyed because I’d had a manicure only three days earlier. My professor was in front of the class, speaking about people dying, and I was pissed because my nail was chipped. I mean, how bitchy is that? I don’t know. I guess I just had a light bulb moment.”
“You were not a bitch,” I said, trying to defend the friend I once knew.
“No, I know that now, I guess. I’ve done alright, despite my parents trying to turn me into the most pretentious being on the planet. But I still came from wealth, and I knew it. I always had someone to take care of me. My father was there to pay my tuition and rent, and a huge trust fund was waiting for me when I turned twenty-one. I was set for life.”
“So, you became a hippie?”
“No, bitch!” She laughed. “I told my parents that I didn’t want my trust fund anymore and that I didn’t see the point of going to college to prepare for a career if I wouldn’t need to work. I wanted to make my own way. So, I switched majors. I dropped business for sociology.”
“Oh, man. Your dad must have been so pissed.”
“Yeah, he didn’t take it too well,” she said.
“And then, you became a hippie?”
“Oh my God! I am not a hippie!” She giggled.
“I know. I just like giving you shit.”
“Well, at least that hasn’t changed,” she said, giving me a shoulder nudge.
We continued shopping, and I helped by picking up carrots and freshly baked bread that smelled like heaven. Liv hadn’t been kidding when she said she visited the farmers’ market a lot. Almost every vendor knew her by name and would give her a special price or throw in a few more veggies or goodies into her bag with a wink and a grin. She’d give them a hug and ask how their families were doing. They really loved her down here, and it wasn’t surprising.
After college, Liv had gone to graduate school and gotten her master’s degree. She now earned her living as a family counselor. She worked with families who were going through hard times, like divorce, death, or other difficult transitions. From what she’d shared, I could tell it wasn’t easy work, but the love she had for others radiated through everything she did.
With our bags loaded, we started to make our way back to the car, weaving through the crowd and enjoying the sounds of people talking and soft music playing. I smiled when I heard a child laughing. I turned to see a child being thrown over his father’s shoulder.
“Garrett! Stop it! I’m too old to be carried!” The child laughed.
“You’re never too old to be tackled, Connor! We’ve got to get you ready for football!”
That voice—even after eight years, I would recognize it anywhere. My stomach fell to the concrete, and my feet cemented to the ground. I was frozen, completely frozen. Everything slowed. The street noise melted away, and each and every shopper disappeared until I saw him. He had the boy slung over his shoulder. They were both laughing and breathless from their horseplay. He looked older, but it was still him. He still had the same jet-black hair, emerald eyes, and dazzling smile. A beautiful blonde woman was smiling at the two of them as they joked around.
My heart finally caught up to my brain, and it felt like a jackhammer was beating hard and fast in my chest. My hands shook, and my knees suddenly felt weak and wobbly. I had no idea how much time had passed since I saw him.
Minutes? Hours?
I didn’t know, but it couldn’t have been long since Liv was just now noticing my crazy behavior.
“Amelia, are you okay? You look like you just saw a ghost,” she said.
When I didn’t respond, she must have glanced up because I heard her gasp. She’d seen him, too.
“I-I need to get out of here—now,” I gritted through my teeth.
“Are you sure?”
I just nodded and started to turn. I couldn’t face him. He probably hated me.
He had a kid. That hurt. My hand went to my chest, trying to rub out the pain settling there. He had a child. That meant the blonde standing next to him was probably his wife. Garrett was married. It had been eight years. Of course he would be married. I didn’t know why I was surprised, but he wasn’t supposed to be here. He had moved away. He was supposed to stay away. I couldn’t be here if he was still here. I couldn’t breathe if he was still here.
“Come on, sweetheart, let’s get to the car,” Liv said gently, grabbing my arm and guiding me toward the car.
I just gave a brief nod as I let her lead me.
We hadn’t made it three steps before I heard the words that made my heart come to a screeching halt.
“Mia? Mia, is that you?”
~Garrett~
Since the night she’d left with nothing more than a hastily scribbled note that reduced my heart to ashes, I’d been haunted by Mia’s face everywhere I went. I’d seen her the very first day of my freshman psychology class, sitting in the front row, as I remembered how much she had wanted to earn her degree in child psychology, and eventually teach.
Maybe it will give me a leg up on our own hellions, she’d always said.
I would see her in the airport every time I flew. If I caught a glimpse of a brunette beauty with brilliant blue eyes, I’d wonder where she was going and who she was going to see.
And now, with Connor on my shoulders and Leah next to me, holding her daughter, Lily, I saw her again across the farmers’ market. Out of the corner of my eye, a wisp of brown hair caught my attention, like it always did. But this one was different. This brunette h
ad just the right amount of natural auburn mixed in, and the way the shimmery strands reflected the sun reminded me of summers gone by. I pivoted around just in time to see her face before she turned away into the crowd. My heart recognized her before my mind did, and my heartbeat galloped to full speed the second my eyes saw her.
I’d spent so many years imagining this moment—the day when I saw her again. I didn’t know how many hours I’d wasted, wondering what it would be like to have Mia walk back into my life. Would she come running back, apologizing for everything and begging for forgiveness? Would she look the same? Would she still want me like I wanted her? Or would she have moved on in the way I couldn’t?
Before I could even register the fear and trepidation of the unknown that would have me running in the opposite direction, straight for the sanctuary of the ignorant and unaware, I called out to her.
She turned, and I saw her, all of her, for the first time in eight years.
She looked shell-shocked, frozen, and scared. She had a death grip on the woman beside her.
On a closer look, I recognized Olivia Prescott. We’d gone to high school together. I hadn’t seen her in years, but I remembered her because of Mia. They had been best friends, so we’d spent a lot of time together. The last time I’d seen Olivia, I hadn’t been the sanest of men. I probably owed her an apology.
“Hi, Garrett,” Mia said softly.
She didn’t seem surprised to see me. That paired with the death grip and panic on her face led me to believe she’d spotted me first…and she must have been fleeing when I called out to her.
She had chosen to run, rather than face me—again.
Fuck, that hurt.
“You look well,” she said politely.
“You, too,” I answered awkwardly.
