by J. L. Berg
We couldn’t shed our clothes fast enough, uncaring of the wet paint covering our bodies. As we came together and my body moved in hers, the only thing I cared about was making sure she never left again.
Mia hadn’t needed to paint her name on my heart. She already owned it. She always had.
Chapter Twenty-One
~Garrett~
“Wake up,” Mia whispered in my ear.
Sleep gave way, and my eyes opened. I groaned, burying my head in the pillow.
Her faint laughter made me smile. Fingers made their way up my bare back, and I felt her lean over me.
“Hey, wake up.”
“No.” I yawned and reached around to pull her into my arms, so I could go back to sleep.
Soft lips touched mine, and I opened my eyes to find her smiling at me.
“Why are you awake? It’s the weekend. Weekends are made for sleeping,” I said. Giving her naked body an appreciative glance, I added, “And fucking.”
She gave me a slightly amused expression and rolled her eyes. “I’m hungry. You need to feed me.”
“Why is it my turn?” I grumbled.
“Because I made breakfast yesterday. It’s only fair. Plus, I suck at it.”
“Can’t get out of bed. Too warm.”
I pulled her closer and nuzzled my head against her shoulder. I didn’t want to leave this spot, even for food. We could order food eventually. I’d be perfectly happy being naked with Mia during the entire two days I had off. I couldn’t remember the last night I’d spent at my apartment. Every time I had gone back there to grab clothes, it’d felt small and confining. I’d race through my drawers, pulling out whatever my hands touched first, just so I could get out of there quickly.
“It’s summer. That’s a horrible excuse.”
“I just don’t want to.”
Her leg slid up mine. That got my attention.
I lifted my head and found her giving me her best rendition of the pouty face and I knew I was going to cave.
“Okay, fine! But we’re taking a shower first—a really long, sexy shower. Then, you’re making me coffee.”
She agreed, and I carried her from the bed into the bathroom where we spent much too long doing things other than washing.
I was a big fan of shared showers.
Leaving Mia to dry off in the bathroom, I went into the bedroom to find her lotion. I’d made a habit of always being around when she put it on, so I could take over, but I had no idea where she stored it when I wasn’t slathering it all over her body. She always pulled it out of some magical female hiding spot, and I had yet to figure out where that was.
Not wanting to bother her, I checked the top of her dresser and the highest drawer, knowing she stored a few things in there. Then, I looked in the top of her antique vanity. Finally, I decided it must be in the nightstand. Pulling the drawer open, I found it lying on top of a stack of old photos.
The lotion suddenly forgotten, I picked up the large pile and started thumbing through. There were pictures of us from every single school dance, football games, and even the two of us with my parents.
I squeezed my eyes shut at the sight of my father. I had finally found solace through my turbulent journey with Mia, and he wasn’t here to see it. He’d loved her like a daughter and struggled when she left so suddenly. When I’d refused to give answers, he’d retreated from me for a while. I thought he’d assumed something close to the truth, or he had known it from my mother and had been hurt that I didn’t come to him.
Not wanting to lose myself in mourning again, I moved on and enjoyed seeing the younger versions of ourselves staring back at me.
After another couple of goofy dance pictures, I stumbled on something else entirely, and I froze.
It was an ultrasound picture.
I’d seen the many Clare had done throughout her two pregnancies, so I knew exactly what it was the moment my eyes settled on the grainy black-and-white image.
I immediately felt rage at the thought of Mia becoming pregnant with someone else’s child, but I stilled the instant I saw the date. It was almost exactly eight years ago.
A tidal wave of confusion hit me, and I couldn’t look away from the tiny image in front of me.
So many ultrasounds look like little blobby lima beans or blurry nothings, but this? I could see her.
My child, my daughter.
Why does she have this?
“Hey, am I going to get breakfast anytime soon?” Mia said jokingly as she walked out of the bathroom.
I heard the gasp of air fill her lungs seconds before our eyes collided.
Regret, fear, and despair plagued her beautiful features, and I immediately wanted to soothe them away, but I had to know.
“What is this?”
“An ultrasound of our daughter,” she answered quietly, confirming what I’d already figured out.
“I don’t understand.”
She pulled the ties of her robe tighter and joined me on the bed. I hated that she felt insecure around me now. I didn’t want her to feel that way, but I needed her to explain.
“I’ve never told a single soul about that picture. In fact, up until I saw you standing there in that farmer’s market, I hadn’t looked at it in years. Psychologists say bottling up feeling and emotions can be destructive and emotionally damaging, but sometimes it’s the only way you can survive. And that’s what I did—each and every day. I survived. I hid that sonogram photo and every memory I had tied to it as deep and far away as possible. But, then you showed up and everyday since, it’s like a little piece of my wall has crumbled.”
“I don’t even understand why you have this.”
She didn’t even seem to hear me and just continued, like she was purging her deepest, darkest secret.
“I found it when I was unpacking—kind of by accident actually. It was a few days after we first ran into each other and I opened a box I didn’t recognize and there was this stack of photos. I couldn’t resist. I went through each one, remembering our life together and the dreams we had. And then I found it. Oh God, Garrett, I’m so sorry,” she said, defeated.
Please Mia,” I pleaded, taking her hand, “Help me understand,“
She finally looked at me hesitantly but agreed. “I never wanted to leave you. I made the mistake of telling my mother the night of graduation. She manipulated me and used you as a weapon, saying you would never amount to anything with a baby and wife tied to you. She told me I was selfish for stealing your dreams—that I would waste both of our lives with my careless decision. She knew exactly what to say to make me run and leave you.”
I exhaled, letting out a breath I thought I’d been holding for eight years. Knowing she hadn’t been secretly planning and plotting behind my back as I got down on one knee and asked her to marry me gave me a tremendous feeling of relief.
“I knew anything less than the horrible letter I wrote you would send you running for me, so I cried and screamed and finally sat down to write it. I felt my heart die with every false word. I could never stop loving you.”
I reached up and caught a tear as it slid from her cheek. That explained why the letter had been stained with tears but so icy in its wording. She hadn’t meant a single word of it.
“Your mother was wrong. A life with you would never be a waste, no matter where we ended up. You were my dream, nothing else,” I said.
“I know. I, unfortunately, realized that too late.”
“It’s never too late, Mia,” I said.
She turned away and continued, “I was so angry with her. I knew she was manipulating me, but her words struck a chord, and I was paralyzed with fear. I followed her directions and went to this horrible clinic four hours away. She didn’t even go with me.”
I always knew her mom would never win Mother of the Year, but I never knew just how bad it had been.
“What about your dad?” I asked.
“Like always, he just stood back and let her run the show. He gave me a brie
f hug before I left, but that was all.”
My eyes fell back to the picture and the tiny shape in the middle. “Is that where you got this?” I asked, holding up the ultrasound picture, which was creased and well-worn from obvious handling.
“Yes. When I arrived, papers were thrown at me, and I was shoved into this tiny waiting room with other women who looked exactly like I did, scared out of their minds. When they finally called me back, I met Carol. She was a nurse, and she was very kind and loving. Her gentle nature calmed me, but even after the panic settled, I still knew I didn’t want to be there.”
She hesitated, and I waited. I always thought hearing her side of the story would make me angrier. I thought knowing the gory details would be too much, and I would be better off in my blind ignorance. But hearing her tell her version of that night made me love her more.
She’d left me but only because she’d thought she was doing the right thing.
“When Carol saw the uncertainty in my eyes, she pulled me aside and asked if I was sure I wanted to go through with it. I nodded, knowing my mother expected it, but Carol still saw through me. She asked if I wanted an ultrasound. It wasn’t required, but sometimes, it helped make an iffy decision more firm, one way or another. I agreed, and she took me and prepared me for the test. I don’t think I took a breath the entire time I was in that ultrasound room. I knew there was a baby in there. I’d seen my stomach change and grow slightly, but seeing her on the screen made it real. I wiped away my tears as Carol printed that picture for me, and then she left me alone to make my decision.”
Frozen in place by her words, I managed to ask, “What did you do?”
“I walked out.”
~Mia~
“You walked out?”
“Yes.” I nodded.
His eyes were swimming with disbelief and utter confusion. “I don’t understand.”
“I couldn’t do it,” I choked out. “I ran out of that clinic and called my mom in hysterics, screaming that I’d never give up my child,” I turned to look into his eyes. “Our child.”
“I won’t do it, Mom!” I screamed into the phone.
She had obviously expected this, or she just had no soul because her tone lacked any emotion whatsoever. “But what about Garrett, Mia? I thought you were doing this for him.”
“No. Getting rid of our child will never be the answer, Mom. Garrett and I will figure it out together—with or without your support—but I will not do this. I’m coming home.”
“You came home?” he asked quietly.
“No,” I said, the tears creeping down my face as I relived that horrible day. “My mother told me to go to a motel for the night. She said she didn’t want me to drive late at night. I couldn’t believe how quickly she had caved. Little did I know, she had already been planning their move, and she needed a bit more time to finalize everything.”
Garrett nodded. “I remember returning to your house a couple of weeks after you left. I’d already yelled and screamed at all your friends, begging them to tell me where you were, and your parents were my last hope, but they were gone.”
“My parents actually had the move in the works before I dropped the pregnancy bomb on them. After that, they simply sped everything up. My mother was convinced that she would be ostracized by her friends if they ever found out.”
“Why didn’t you ever come back?” he asked.
“I was going to. I couldn’t wait to call you and tell you how sorry I was and how foolish I’d been. After I checked in at the motel, I started to feel sick, and then my sickness turned into blinding cramps. I finally caved and called the front desk for help. Then, they called for an ambulance.”
“You miscarried.”
It wasn’t a question. My eyes met his, and I watched him grieve before me, tears rolling down his face. I crawled into his lap, and we held each other.
“I’m so sorry, Mia. I should have been there. You shouldn’t have been alone,” he choked out, gripping the fabric of my robe like a lifeline.
“It was my fault. I was alone because I ran away. I lost the baby because I ran away.”
He pulled back and sought my gaze. “No, none of that was your fault, Mia. You couldn’t control that. The world just wasn’t ready for her.”
“The doctor said it was my fault,” I sobbed.
“What?”
“They rushed me inside the hospital, and the ER was a madhouse. It was packed, and there weren’t enough doctors for the number of patients. Because of my condition, I was seen right away though. The doctor who saw me strolled in and asked what I was doing so far from home. I didn’t want to lie, so I told him about the clinic, and my last-minute dash out of there. He said I probably miscarried because of the stress I’d put myself through.”
“Is this why you ran? Is that why you never came back to me?”
“It was my fault, Garrett. I destroyed everything, and I didn’t deserve you anymore,” I whispered. I still don’t deserve him.
With conviction, he cradled my face between his palms. “I don’t care what that sorry excuse for a doctor told you, Mia. None of this was your fault. Do you understand?”
I didn’t answer, so he pressed on. “Look at me. I will not let you carry this burden on your shoulders anymore, Mia. Let it go.”
“I can’t,” I said.
“Yes, you can.” He placed a tender kiss on my forehead and silently cradled me in his arms. “Why didn’t you tell me? All those times I stormed out of here, angry with you over what happened, you could have come out and told me the truth.”
“No matter how it happened, it doesn’t change the outcome. Whether or not I chose to walk out of the clinic, I am still the reason our child died.”
“Baby, you can’t keep punishing yourself. We both have to stop living in the past, and we need to learn to move on, but we can’t do that if we’re still being tugged backward. Please, let it go.”
I nuzzled my head in his chest, feeling safe and protected. “I don’t know how,” I answered honestly.
“Can I show you?” he asked.
Lifting my head, I nodded. He smoothed down my hair, letting his fingers run through the damp strands. His head bent down, and he kissed my cheek, lingered over my collarbone, and hovered at my lips.
“You let me love you, every day, forever,” he whispered.
When his lips finally touched mine, I felt every raw emotion he felt being transmitted through our kiss. Love, compassion, desire, and devotion all tangled together as his mouth moved against mine. He untied my robe and slipped it off my shoulders. He kissed the hollow of my neck, and trailed kisses along my collar bone. The towel at his waist disappeared to the floor as he laid me back against the pillows.
“I love you, Mia. I loved you when we were barely old enough to know what true love was. I loved you when you left me, and I’ve loved you every day since. No matter what happens in our lives, that will be the one constant. I will always love you.”
I should have stopped him. As his fingers grazed my skin, leaving a blazing trail in their wake, I should have steadied his hand and told him everything. The story wasn’t finished, and I tried to form the words on my lips, but I couldn’t bring myself to say them aloud.
Would he treat me differently, pull away, or worse…leave?
Unable to bear the thoughts swirling in my mind, I let his touch linger and intensify, as I remained silent, keeping my secret safe for another day.
He took me slowly, making each thrust surge through me like a crashing wave. I wrapped my legs around him, needing to feel him closer, and I savored the sensation.
“I love you, Garrett,” I cried as my orgasm took over, and my body shook.
As soon as the words left my lips, his mouth took mine in a fierce kiss. His pace quickened, and moments later, he cried out my name as he came.
Rather than feeling like we were making up for the time we’d lost, we spent the morning cuddled in each other’s arms as we planned a future, instead of d
welling in the past.
Chapter Twenty-Two
~Mia~
“You know, we can just pick something up at the grocery store for the party,” Garrett reminded me for the tenth time.
I was attempting to bake, and it wasn’t going well. I was a terrible cook, and baking definitely fell into that category. As batter flew from the mixer, he surveyed the disaster in my kitchen. He gave me a lazy grin, and I powered down the mixer.
“No, I want to make something from scratch. I want your sister and Leah to like me.”
His smile grew wider, and I could sense he was holding back his laughter. His eyes flickered with amusement, and his entire body quaked as he tried to hold himself together.
“What?” I asked, folding my arms over my chest with a bit of annoyance.
“You have chocolate batter all over your face.”
The deep masculine laughter he’d been keeping at bay came barreling out as soon as my eyes widened in horror. We only had an hour left until we had to be at Leah’s house, and I still had nothing to bring. I had no perfectly baked brownies, no chocolate chip cookies—nothing. I just had a bunch of weird lumpy-looking batter.
Garrett sauntered forward and pulled me into his arms, grasping my hips with his strong, firm hands. “You don’t need to stress, baby. Leah already loves you. She’s told me a dozen times, and she’s threatened bodily harm if I hurt you. And Clare just needs to get to know you. She barely remembers you, but she couldn’t be happier for us.”
“Okay, but are you sure you don’t want someone else with a bit more culinary expertise? I mean, at this rate, you might die from starvation before our second wedding anniversary.” The words had slipped out of my mouth, and I sucked in a sharp breath as soon as they had been uttered.
