by J. L. Berg
By eight o’clock, my back was aching from sitting in my chair too long, and my eyes were starting to cross. Pretty much everyone else in the office had already left. I shut down my computer and picked up the empty Starbucks cup from earlier. I added it to the pile that had accumulated in the trash can throughout the day.
I’d become him again—the old Garrett, the workaholic who survived on caffeine and coasted through life because he was too afraid to slow down and try to enjoy it.
Without her, I didn’t know any other way. Without her, I was nothing.
I took the long way home, taking side streets and turns I didn’t have to, just so I wouldn’t have to spend any more time than necessary in that dark, empty apartment.
I hated it there. It was too quiet. Every tiny sound, curse, or utterance seemed to be sucked into those claustrophobic white walls. My sheets still smelled like her, and as much as I needed to, I couldn’t bring myself to wash them. I’d lie in my bed, night after night, drinking in that sweet citrusy smell, torturing myself, until sleep would finally pull me into its hellish embrace.
After delaying the inevitable as much as possible, I pulled up to the curb and walked the short distance to my apartment. The sounds of my feet hitting the stairs echoed throughout the hollow space as I made my way upward. I fished out my keys and unlocked the door, pushing it open with my foot. There, sitting on my couch and flipping through channels like she was competing with someone for a speed award, was Leah.
“How the hell did you get in here?” I asked rudely.
“You gave me a key. Remember, Goober?”
“No.”
“Well, you did.”
She flicked the TV off and remained seated as I dropped my keys on the counter. I pulled out a bottle of whiskey from the top of the refrigerator and poured a decent amount of the bottle into a glass from the cabinet.
“Dinner?” she asked.
I joined her in the living room with my substantial glass of amber-colored booze. “Yep,” I answered stoically.
Her eyes swept over me in an appraising fashion, obviously taking note of the new look I was sporting. Her eyes lingered over my disheveled hair and three days’ worth of stubble.
“You look like shit,” she finally said.
“Well, thanks. Love you, too.” I took a long sip from my glass and let the liquid slowly burn down my parched throat.
“When was the last time you ate?”
I raised my eyebrow and shook my head. “Are you my mother now, Leah?”
“Well, when you’re acting like a child, what do you expect me to do?
“I am not acting like a child!” I shouted. The force of my anger caused my drink to slosh forward, dripping down the glass and onto my hands.
Leah cocked an eyebrow and folded her arms, but she remained quiet.
“Mia and I broke up,” I said, the words feeling like gravel against my throat.
“I know, although storming out of her house without so much as a parting word isn’t much of a breakup, Garrett.”
I should have guessed as much. “Is that why you’re here? You think you can kick my ass into shape and make everything better, Leah?”
“Yes. I was the chosen one to come over and try to knock some sense into you,” she confessed.
“Look, you don’t understand—” I started to explain, but she held up a hand, quickly cutting me off.
“She told me everything, Garrett.”
“What?”
“Mia told me everything—the pregnancy, engagement, how she ran off, and the life she had before she came back.”
“You mean, the fiancé she failed to mention,” I bit out angrily. I took another swig from my glass, but all I got was ice. Damn, that hadn’t lasted long.
“Did you ask her if she was engaged, Garrett?” Leah asked rather pointedly.
I walked back into the kitchen for a refill.
“I didn’t have to. He was standing right there, and it’s not like she ran after me when I bailed.”
I unscrewed the cap from the half-empty bottle and bent the tip toward my glass, but I was stopped. Tiny fingers wrapped around the bottle as judgmental blue eyes bored into me.
“Now, you’re starting to piss me off,” I said, pushing off the counter.
I dumped my glass into the sink where it joined several others. There were no plates, just lonely empty glasses. I guessed it had been a while since I’d eaten. Whiskey and coffee had become my new staples.
“Good. At least you’ll be feeling something other than sorry for yourself!”
I swiveled my head, the alcohol now doing its job of making everything feel loose and numb, and looked at her. “She fucking destroyed me!” I roared. “Again!”
Feeling weak, I braced myself against the counter and hung my head in defeat. I felt Leah’s warm touch as she rubbed my back.
“You need to talk to her, Garrett. Give her a chance. Please. There are so many things you don’t understand, so many things that aren’t my place to tell you. You can’t end a relationship like this, Garrett. This is your life. Don’t walk away from something based on assumptions and miscommunications. You both deserve more than this. So, please, go talk to her.”
I lost the will to fight her, so I agreed. If she thought this would fix everything, I was happy to prove her wrong.
In the morning, I’d be knocking on Mia’s door for the last time.
This time, I was saying good-bye.
~Mia~
I’d let him walk away.
I had just stood there as he stormed out the door, leaving me and my mangled heart behind.
Over the last week, I’d spent every waking minute reliving those nightmarish moments. I’d been joyously happy in those brief seconds before we stepped in my house, laughing and joking with Garrett after we’d spent a beautiful night at the river, and then everything had shattered when we found Aiden standing in my living room.
I should have known he would come for me after the endless phone calls, the flowers, and then the letters I’d refused to acknowledge. Without bothering to open them, I’d shoved them in a box that I hid in the back of my closet. Maybe if I had read them, I would have realized his intentions.
I’d been so angry with Aiden as I watched through blurry, tear-filled eyes when Garrett ran out of the house, believing I was the worst sort of person on the planet.
“Why did you say that?” I screamed.
“I don’t know, Amelia. I saw you with another man, and I panicked. I’m sorry,” Aiden answered, his brow furrowed as he slumped down on the couch.
“We are not engaged,” I hissed.
“Only because you ran out on me the night I proposed.”
Folding my arms over my chest, I huffed out in frustration, “And you figured that was a maybe?”
He flinched at my harsh words, and I regretted them at once. Aiden had never been anything less than charming, wonderful, and giving. He deserved so much more than a woman who ran out on a romantic proposal and never returned.
“I didn’t know what to think. You just disappeared.”
I hung my head in shame as more tears etched a path down my cheek. “I’m sorry, Aiden. I just…I’m sorry. I couldn’t accept.”
He nodded, leaning forward to run his long fingers through his short dusty-blond hair. His dark brown eyes met mine, and he took a ragged deep breath.
“Why, Amelia? Why? Is it because of him, the guy that was here?”
Even though my head had screamed for me to go to Garrett, I’d spent the entire evening with Aiden, talking until the sun came up. I’d needed him to understand me—the real me, the one I’d never shared with him. So, for the first time since I’d met him, I’d opened myself up and told him everything.
I’d met Aiden right after college and found him to be funny and easy to get along with. He was a few years older than me, and he’d been just starting his career in law while I had been just starting mine in accounting. He had been completely immersed i
n his career, and from the beginning, our relationship had been casual. He’d told me a wife and kids weren’t in the cards for him, and those were terms I could happily agree to.
After losing Garrett, I had given up on the idea of marriage. It wasn’t something I wanted with anyone else. So, when Aiden had asked me to move in with him a year later, I’d agreed, knowing it would be the furthest our relationship would ever go. I’d thought I would never be pressured for more. I would never have to share more of myself than I was willing.
Over the last year though, things had changed. Aiden’s career had settled. He had become a partner in a firm, and he no longer needed to prove himself by working to death. When he’d started looking at me differently, tenderly, I’d known we were headed for trouble. His fingers would linger on my ring finger, and I’d find him stealing glances at me when he thought I wasn’t looking.
The night he had proposed, he’d pulled out every stop. He’d rented out an entire restaurant, lit hundreds of candles, and decorated every surface with flowers. It had been every woman’s fantasy—every woman but me. To me, it had been a nightmare. The only proposal I’d ever wanted was an impromptu declaration of love on a river bank with a tiny diamond ring and a boy who had stolen my heart when I was still a child.
I want you to be my wife, Amelia. I want you to be the mother of my children. Please, do me the honor and make me the luckiest man alive, he’d said. With a wide-mouthed grin, he’d dropped to one knee.
I’d been frozen stiff from the shock until I’d finally burst into panicked tears before running out of the candlelit restaurant. With shaky hands, I’d gathered as many things as I could from our apartment, and I’d spent the night at a friend’s house. Even though she hadn’t understood my reasoning, the next day, she’d gone over and packed everything else for me while Aiden drilled her on my whereabouts. She hadn’t given in, and eventually, she’d made it out with everything I owned.
I’d left the next day, getting behind the wheel and driving to an unknown destination. When I’d realized where I was headed, I’d pulled into a shabby motel for the night, and I’d emailed Liv from my phone, not expecting her to respond. It had been eight years of radio silence. I had deserted my best friend without any explanation. I hadn’t deserved a response, but being the person she was, Liv had welcomed me into her home with open arms.
I’d left Aiden with no explanation. I couldn’t blame him for the length he went to find me. I should have never ran, but running had always been what I did best and now I had to fix it. It had been unfair and careless of me, and over those few hours after I watched Garrett walk out, I’d tried to make it up to him. There had been so much I’d never told him.
He’d known where I was from, but that was the extent of it. He hadn’t known anything about my family or the type of home I was raised in. Aiden hadn’t known the life I had before. For him, I was a completely different person. I was Amelia. Strong, independent and emotionally stable. After I left home, I bottled so many things up, thinking that by doing so, I was making a better life for myself and the new people in it. Aiden didn’t know about Garrett, the baby, or the consequences of my actions from that part of my past.
I’d falsely let Aiden believe that my heart was still mine to give, and for that, I would forever be sorry. When he’d left the next day, feeling destroyed and rejected, I’d told him he deserved better than a woman who wouldn’t be able to give him her whole heart.
He’d only given me a slight smile, shaking his head, as he’d said, Oh, Amelia, I didn’t deserve you.
I’d spent the next few days desperately trying to reach Garrett, but my calls and texts had gone unanswered.
I feared my decision to stay and finally tell Aiden the truth, rather than running off to explain things to Garrett, had cost me everything.
After sloshing around at work for several days, Leah had finally thrown down the gauntlet and demanded information. She’d pulled me into an empty birthing suite, and I had finally told her everything. I’d cried until my eyes were bloodshot, and I couldn’t make a single syllable without hiccupping. She’d been everything I expected Leah to be—compassionate, caring, and blunt.
“You’ve got to stop waiting for him to come to you and go get him, Mia,” Leah said.
I blew my nose for the tenth time. So attractive.
“I can’t. What if he throws me out?”
“That’s a risk you have to take, but you won’t know until you go over there and do it. Fight for him, Mia.”
She’d persuaded and convinced me that I needed to stop waiting around. The longer I did so, the more damage I could be doing. I’d agreed wholeheartedly and walked out of the hospital, ready to fight for the man I loved and the life I thought we deserved.
Twenty minutes later, I was sitting in my car at the curb of my street, not his, feeling like the biggest kind of coward. I killed the engine, slowly pulled my keys from the ignition, and stepped out of the car. The distance between the street and my house felt wider, and by the time I reached the house, I was gasping for air.
What was I doing? Was I giving up?
Was I that scared of what I’d done, what I’d hidden from him, that I was unwilling to even face him?
My fear had held me back, and now sitting in my house, a week after he’d left, it was still keeping me anchored within these walls, unable to move forward. All those emotions I’d kept bottled inside for so long? They were making a comeback in the most hellish of ways and I suddenly felt like the weakest person on the planet.
I knew what I wanted, but I couldn’t seem to get past my own insecurities to take it.
Once again, the only obstacle in the way of my own happiness was myself.
Chapter Twenty-Four
~Garrett~
My feet felt like lead weights as I dragged my unwilling body out of the car and toward the walkway leading to Mia’s front door. I’d walked those steps so many times now that it felt like I had worn my own personal path down the center. Every interaction, both good and bad, since I’d found her standing in the street at that farmers’ market had begun with me walking down this old concrete pathway, and now, it would end with one final trip.
I didn’t want to be here. With every step propelling me toward that bright red door, my heart jerked and sputtered, and I faltered just a bit more in my stride. My body was in turmoil, and even though I continued moving forward, my heart was screaming for me to turn around and run because we both knew I would never survive this visit. Finally stepping onto the weathered porch we’d never gotten around to repairing, I held up my shaking fist and knocked, and then I waited. Sam’s barking grew louder as he made a mad dash for the door.
God, I was even going to miss the dog.
In a matter of months, my life had become completely immersed in hers. It was to the point where I didn’t even know how to exist without her. Everything reminded me of her. I couldn’t eat without thinking of the meals we’d shared together. I couldn’t sleep because I’d remember the nights she’d spent safe in my arms. All the while, she had belonged to another man.
I heard her a split second before she opened the door. She was yelling at Sam to be quiet. She pulled the door open, and I saw her instantly freeze. My heart lurched at the sight of her standing before me. Even in my anger, I still wanted her, and even as she stood there in stunned silence, I couldn’t help but notice how beautiful she was.
Without a bit of makeup on and wearing nothing but a pair of cutoff shorts and a faded tank top, she was perfection, my natural beauty.
No, not mine, I reminded myself. She belongs to someone else.
“Garrett,” she finally breathed out.
“We need to talk,” I said quickly. My eyes darted around her in search of him.
She nodded in agreement. “Yes, there’s so much I need to explain.”
I ignored her comment. There wasn’t much I really wanted her to explain. I didn’t want details.
I stepped into the foyer, a
nd my eyes continued their erratic dance around the house, searching for any clue of the bastard’s presence. I didn’t think I could handle seeing them together.
“He’s not here,” Mia said softly.
“What?”
“Aiden. He left the morning after you left.”
My fists tightened at my sides, and I felt the blood heat in my veins. Visions of the two of them entangled in Mia’s sheets flashed through my head. “The morning after, huh? Did you have a nice reunion with your future husband, Mia?”
“Stop. Please stop, Garrett,” she begged, tears staining her cheek.
I stalked forward, taking several steps, until I could feel her ragged breath on my neck. “Why? Does it bother you that I finally found out?” I bit out.
“We were never engaged.”
Taken aback, I tilted her chin upward, meeting her watery gaze. “He seemed to think you were.”
“He was angry,” she said. “There’s so much I didn’t tell you, so much I’ve kept hidden from both of you.”
Taking my hand, she led me to the living room. Sitting next to me on the couch, she spent the next hour telling me about the life she’d had after she left me—the real life without any gaps.
She’d met someone. When I had been drinking myself to oblivion just to be able to stand human contact, she had been happy and living with someone.
It fucking hurt, but at the same time, I felt a smidgen of relief, knowing she hadn’t been living in the same hell I had for the past eight years. I wouldn’t wish that upon anyone.
“He really was a wonderful man, Garrett,” she said.
“So, if he was so wonderful, why didn’t you stay in Atlanta?” I asked with a twinge of bitterness in my voice.
I’d said, it was a smidgen of relief, a very small smidgen. The rest of what I was feeling was just raw hostility.
“When I met Aiden, I was all alone in a new city. He was nice and charming and uncomplicated. He was focused on himself, which afforded me the only type of relationship I was able to give. He didn’t want kids or a ring. He just wanted someone to share dinners with and take to work functions.”
