by J. L. Berg
People say counseling is for the weak.
It’s not.
Liv had found an amazing therapist who had experience working with couples who had suffered the loss of a child. Mia actually began seeing her before she showed up at my doorstep that fateful autumn day and we thought it would be good to continue the process with both of us. Counseling had taken courage. Walking into an office and baring our hearts and souls to a complete stranger with the expectation that somehow the doctor had the means to help guide us through the pain and suffering we couldn’t do on our own had taken immense courage. She’d helped us in ways no one else could have.
Three months later, we were stronger than ever.
Just as I was putting the finishing touches on the chicken salad, the doorbell rang, signaling our first guest.
Not wanting to appear as a rude host, Mia came flying down the stairs, pinning her hair up as she came. Her makeup had been redone, but it was understated as usual. The amethyst dress had replaced the jeans. She looked breathtaking. The plunging neckline made my brain go haywire, and her high-heeled boots gave me second thoughts about our houseguests.
Too late now.
My sister’s voice was the first I heard as her and Logan entered, followed by Maddie and little Ollie. They immediately took off for Sam. Being the gentle dog he was, Sam just rolled over and took the brunt of the children’s affection with grace, allowing them to climb all over him as he waited patiently.
“The place looks fantastic, guys!” Clare exclaimed. “But, um…not that different from the last time we were here. You didn’t have to host anything fancy to have us over!”
Mia threw me an evil look and mouthed the words, I told you so.
No one else knew my ulterior motives but me. So, now, as my family was starting to arrive, I could agree that using the excuse of a housewarming party to get them all over here months after I’d moved in was pretty lame.
It would have made more sense to wait until Super Bowl Sunday or just told them I wanted to have a cookout…in the middle of January. Yeah, that didn’t make sense either.
Stealth was not my thing. I would make a terrible spy.
“Oh, you know…any excuse to have you guys over,” I threw out awkwardly.
This routine continued as the rest of my family arrived.
As Declan took his wife’s coat, he joked, “You know, Garrett, if you wanted to see me so badly, you didn’t have to throw a party!”
I was going to kill them all.
In addition to my family, we’d also invited Logan’s best friend, Colin, and his family, who my mother had basically adopted as another extension of the Finnegan family. Liv was also joining us. Everyone who was important to the two of us was here.
It was just like I’d planned. Everything was perfect.
After everyone arrived and we all had been properly greeted and hugged, we headed into the kitchen where I’d set up everything for dinner. Since it really wasn’t a housewarming party, I’d gone light and casual on everything. Chicken salad, fresh rolls, seasonal fruit, and several other sides that had been brought by my family. Clare had gone all out and brought a huge platter of baked goods that would no doubt feed the entire block. Leah, being the minimalist, had picked up a casserole at her favorite cafe down the street.
Every time we gathered, we would still feel the stinging absence of my father. I thought we’d all come to the conclusion we’d never fully get used to the idea of life without him, but we were adjusting. We were a family with or without him, and he would hate the idea of us crumbling because he wasn’t here to hold us together. So, we’d continued on as best as we could. Life moved on, and so had we. The holidays had been the hardest, but we’d found new ways to adapt, and having the young ones around always brought meaning and purpose to the season, even for those who were grieving.
We all made plates of food and scattered throughout the house. We kept the kids at the kitchen table to avoid a food catastrophe, but the adults fanned out into the living room, sitting on the couch and floor, as we enjoyed talking about work and family life.
I sat on the floor in between Mia and my mother, who was sitting above me on the sofa. I felt my mom’s warm hand touch my shoulder, and I turned toward her and saw her clutching Mia’s hand as she smiled.
“I’m so happy for you two. This house is beautiful. What you’ve done and accomplished together is beautiful.”
I knew she was speaking about more than the house. We’d managed the impossible, and this house was just the physical representation of the future. Part of our healing had been coming clean with everyone we loved. There were no longer any secrets with my family. They all knew the hardships Mia and I had faced so long ago and the recent ones we’d overcome. Mia had been so nervous about telling everyone, but I knew my family. It had only made them love her more.
“Thank you, Mom,” I said, sliding my hand up to grab hers.
We finished dinner, and I got kicked out of the kitchen as my family cleaned for us. As dessert was brought out, my palms started to sweat. It was just about showtime. I snuck a peek at Mia. She was leaning over the counter, checking out the goodies Clare had brought over, and talking about school. Since Clare was a high school teacher, she was always interested in Mia’s recent return to college.
“It’s good! I’m still a bit rusty. I feel ancient, but it’s only a few classes and two semesters, so I think I’ll survive.”
“You are not ancient!” I reminded her.
She’d finally stopped punishing herself and enrolled back in school to get her teaching credential. It had been a decision that was all hers, and I couldn’t be prouder. Of course, now that she was one step closer to her dream, she was starting to look to me to start pursuing my own.
I only had one at the moment, and I thought it was time to start living it.
Just as I was opening my mouth to make an announcement, asking everyone to gather in the living room, Clare yelped and then cursed.
“Oh, shit!” she cried.
“Mommy said a bad word!” Ollie said, which caused an uproar of laughter.
Clare turned, and I caught what all the commotion was about. She’d managed to spill her entire glass of wine down the front of her ivory-colored blouse, and it was now running down her pants onto the floor. I turned around immediately.
“My top!” she whined, shaking her arm in an attempt to whisk away some of the moisture.
Logan immediately stepped in front of her, blocking her view from the rest of the room. The men in the room immediately began chuckling.
“What are you doing?” she barked.
“Your blouse is now see-through, babe,” he said with a touch of amusement.
“Oh my God,” she muttered in horror.
Picking up a towel off the counter, I took several steps backward until I was in arm’s reach of Logan and handed it to him. The other women in the room helped clean up around her, and Mia took her upstairs to find something else to wear.
I looked around and huffed.
Okay, so that didn’t go exactly as planned, but there is still time.
After about twenty minutes, the women finally descended. Looking less stressed, Clare was now dressed in a pair of Mia’s jeans and a dark brown sweater without a speck of wine anywhere.
“I need chocolate!” Clare announced as soon as she hit the bottom step, which got an encouraging agreement from everyone else in the house.
Soon, everyone was grabbing dessert plates and digging into the platter of cookies and brownies and cutting slices of Mom’s homemade banana cream pie.
I guessed I would begin my plans after dessert. That was fine.
I helped myself to a brownie and sat down next to Mia, who was snacking on a cookie and speaking to Declan about his latest project. My foot tapped nervously as I waited for everyone to finish.
How long did it take to eat a dessert?
Of course, after everyone finished, another round of dishes had to be done.
/>
Can’t do anything when there are dirty dishes in the sink.
That would surely end the world.
Once that was all done, I finally made my announcement. “Hey, guys, could I get everyone into the living room for a minute?”
They all gave me strange looks, and a few grabbed extra cookies as they went, but I managed to get all the adults and children seated quickly. Mia thankfully sat by herself in a chair, which made my life a bit easier.
“Thank you guys so much for coming. It really means a lot to Mia and me. This home has really become the embodiment of our new life together, and—”
“Oh, shoot,” Leah said suddenly. “Lily’s got a diaper situation, and wow, it’s, um…awful. Can we pause this for about five minutes while I go take care of this?”
Pinching the bridge of my nose, I nodded as she got up and took off for the office, grabbing the diaper bag as she went.
This was not my day—at all.
They all stared up at me expectantly.
“Well, just talk among yourselves!” I said, waving my hands.
I walked into the kitchen for a breather. I heard Liv and Mia continue their earlier conversation about going to the farmers’ market next week, and Clare joined in that she wanted to go as well.
Declan followed me into the kitchen, grabbing a couple of more cookies. He said, “It’s for the kids,” and then he turned as he was about to walk back out. “Hey, man, you okay? You seem a bit tense.”
I turned around, and he must have read something in my expression. Maybe it was because he’d been in my shoes before because his eyes suddenly went wide.
“Oh! You’re gonna…oh! Here? Okay. Shit. And we keep interrupting. Yeah, that sucks. Okay, uh…I’ll go make Leah hurry up.”
He dashed out of the kitchen, and within a few moments, Leah was flying back into the living room, flashing me a huge grin as she found her seat. I took a deep breath and came back into the room.
“Okay, so what I was saying was, Mia and I really appreciate each and every one of you, which is why I wanted all of you to be here.”
I hadn’t even turned to her. My hand had barely made a single twitch to move to my pocket when Logan’s cell phone went off.
“Motherfucker,” I cursed under my breath.
And now, I was cursing in front of my widowed mother.
Awesome day.
“Sorry! I’ve got to take this. It’s the hospital.”
I waved him off, and he dashed into the office for privacy. Two minutes later, he returned. He broke the news that there was an emergency at the hospital, and he’d been called in. Clare rushed into action and offered to drive him. Within minutes, they’d kissed everyone and rushed out the door with the kids. Mostly everyone followed their leave, and soon, Mia and I were left with Declan and Leah, who are both dragging their feet.
Leah gave me an apologetic hug as I shook my head.
“It’s okay,” I whispered in her ear. “There’s always the Super Bowl.”
~Mia~
I bent down and picked up the pillow off the floor. I placed it back on the couch, fluffing it as I did. Next, I refolded the blanket the kids had pulled down to make a fort in the dining room, and I draped it over the arm of the chair. Stepping back, I admired our cozy little living room. Looking back, I remembered what it looked like when I’d first moved in—a couch covered in plastic and a pile of wood flooring. Now, it was warm and inviting and more than I could have ever imagined. I’d never imagined this house becoming my home in so many ways.
I’d bought it as my huge step out on my own. I’d thought I needed to be on my own to find myself. It had turned out that I wasn’t searching for myself. I had been searching, reaching, and clawing my way back to Garrett. There were pieces of myself I still had yet to discover, but I hadn’t done it alone. Coming back here to this house, this city, and this man had helped make all of that possible. I was whole again because he helped make it possible.
I no longer dwelled in the past, afraid of my future. I had no idea what our future would bring, but that was part of life, wasn’t it? The great unknown. I knew there would be more tears, more struggles, and more heartache. But with them, there would also be tears of joy, happiness, and love. Life was a balancing act. Sometimes, there were moments that tipped the scales, and we found ourselves walking in shadows, but as long as we had those who loved us, we’d always find the light again.
“What are you thinking about?” Garrett asked against my ear as his arms wrapped around my waist.
“How wonderful you are,” I said with a grin as I snuggled up against his warm body.
“Mmm…is that so? I think you should show me.”
His hands tightened around my waist, and he spun me around until we were face-to-face. His eyes glimmered, and his mouth was curved into a wicked grin.
“Oh, yeah? And how exactly would I do that?” I asked, feigning innocence. I might have batted my eyelashes for effect.
His hands went to the hem of my dress, and he started to pull it up, higher and higher, until my black thigh-highs were exposed.
“Fuck, it’s a really good thing I didn’t know about these when my mother was here.”
A giggle escaped my lips. “That would have not happened while your mother was in the house!”
He gave me a dubious look. “Do you not remember the many study sessions in my room or that time in the garage when my parents were inside making dinner?”
My cheeks instantly heated at the memory. He always had been a bit of a daredevil.
“Okay, point taken. But we’re older now and responsible!” I added.
“Mmm…challenge accepted,” he purred in my ear as he curled his palm around my backside.
“You’re seriously deranged.”
“That’s why you love me,” he said.
His lips met mine, and his hand slid up my thigh and over the lacy edge of my thigh-high. He pulled my leg around his waist. He lifted me and carried me over to the couch, and as my head hit the freshly fluffed pillow, the doorbell rang.
“Seriously? I just can’t catch a break today!” Garrett cursed, causing me to snort out a laugh.
I stood, adjusting my dress and smoothing out the wrinkles, and I walked the short distance to the front door.
“It’s probably Leah or Liv. They must have forgotten something,” I suggested.
I looked around for any missing toys or Tupperware. I didn’t see anything, but that didn’t mean there wasn’t anything lurking around. There were tons of hiding places.
As I pulled open the door, a gasp escaped my lips, and I froze. There, standing before me, was someone I hadn’t seen in years, someone I hadn’t expected to see again.
“Dad!” I exclaimed as Garrett’s hand curled around me.
He didn’t look anything like the man I remembered. Standing before me was someone I would have never recognized as my father if I happened to pass by him on the street or in a congested crowd.
He was dressed down, wearing jeans and a black button-down shirt. He still looked put together and handsome, but I couldn’t get over the jeans. Never in my life had I ever seen my father in denim. My mother would have had a stroke.
“What are you doing here?” I asked. I was still completely bewildered by not only his physical appearance but by his mere presence alone. I hadn’t even known he knew where I lived.
“Are you going to invite me in?” he asked with a slight grin. Shoving his hands in his pockets, he rocked back on his heels in what appeared to be a nervous gesture.
“Oh, of course. Please, come in. Would you like some coffee? Dessert maybe?” I offered awkwardly.
Maybe you’d like to explain why you are standing in my foyer after eight years of silence?
He politely declined, and I took note that his impeccable manners hadn’t diminished over the years. He’d always carried himself well even if he was on the quiet side.
“You remember Garrett, don’t you, father?” I said, nea
rly choking on the rusty paternal word for the man standing before me.
My father nodded, and I watched him turn his attention to Garrett, who had remained noticeably quiet since my father had made his grand entrance. His body was tense at my side, and I knew it was taking great restraint not to take charge of the situation and defend me against the man who had caused me so much pain. Instead, he was pulling back and allowing me to lead. He was allowing me to make up my own mind, and it was one of many reasons I loved him.
“Yes,” my father answered, sticking out his hand in a formal gesture toward Garrett.
Garrett stared at his outstretched hand for a moment before finally giving in and taking it in the quickest handshake known to man.
“Good to know you two made it back to each other,” he said.
“It wasn’t without difficulty,” I said, firmly meeting his gaze.
He let out a deep breath and turned away, shoving his hands back in his pockets again. He paced the small space in circles, like he was churning up the courage to speak.
“I left your mother,” he finally said to my utter astonishment.
“What?” Garrett and I both said in unison.
“The divorce was finalized last week. I’ve been living in a separate apartment for five months, waiting for everything to be settled. I wanted to be sure before I contacted you.”
His pacing was driving up my anxiety, so while I tried to process everything, I ushered us into the living room. I watched him take a seat in our flea market chair we’d recently bought. It was antique and had needed a bit of love, but after some new fabric and a bit of elbow grease, it had turned out great. Seeing my father in my living room, sitting among my things, was odd.
“Why? Why did you leave her?” I asked finally.
He cocked an eyebrow as surprise spread across his features, so I amended my question. “I mean, why now? After all this time?”
He nodded in understanding and settled back in his chair.
“It was you honestly. It should have always been you. I should have left her a long time ago, but I was too weak and afraid of what would happen to my life if I did. Everything I did completely and utterly revolved around that woman. I feared what would have happened to me. Hell, I feared what she would do to me if I left. I let her run my existence. I even let her destroy the one relationship I cherished more than anything. That was you.”
