“I know that. But do you ever miss him?”
“What do you mean?” Levi said, looking back up at her.
“I know that my athair—my father—used to work long hours and I would miss him greatly. But when he was home, we would play and tease one another. I miss those times.”
“My father doesn’t have time for that. He’s too important.”
The boy’s words broke her heart. All he wanted was for his father to spend time with him—she could see that much—but all Calvin could see was the inconvenience. Could she convince him elsewise?
“What about this,” she asked, kneeling down next to the boy. “You and I become friends and we put all of the tricks and bugs and reptiles behind us. Would you like to be my friend?”
He considered her for a moment then nodded. “Okay. I think I’d like that.”
“Good,” she said. “Now why don’t we sneak down for some dinner?”
The little boy beamed up at her and nodded.
Now if only she could convince his father to start acting like a father, maybe this fractured family could learn to heal.
Chapter 4
Calvin stretched his arms over his head. He was tired today and not sure why.
“Why don’t you head home, boss. I’m sure we can handle the rest of this.”
He looked over at his main ranch hand and smiled. “You know what? I think that’s a good idea. I’ll see you all in the morning.”
“Have a good night.”
Calvin tossed his work gloves onto the shelf near the barn door and headed up the sloping hill toward the house. From this distance he could see Levi and Shona in the front yard. She was just finishing hanging up the wash. She was helping Mrs. Otero again even when he told her she didn’t have to. He sighed, shaking his head.
Then he saw Levi sick his head through two hanging sheets, startling her. He heard her cry of surprise quickly followed by laughter, high and sweet sounding. Then she bent down and tapped him on the shoulder shouting out something that sounded like, “Tag, you’re it!”
He continued walking toward the house but his eyes were glued to the two. Shona ran around the yard screaming like a banshee while Levi chased after her, giggling the whole time. She ducked behind a tree and the two went back and forth until she went the wrong way and Levi slammed into her, bouncing back and falling to the ground.
His delighted laughter rang out but Shona was at his side in an instant and he could tell she was making sure he was all right. The boy just laughed though, falling back onto the grass with a hand around his middle in pain from all the laughter.
Calvin found himself smiling at their antics.
Shona was so good with his son. Better than…
The thought of his wife was a dull ache in his chest. They had never been close and argued more than they’d gotten along. When she’d died he had felt the pain of her loss but not nearly as much as he thought he should have. Did that make him a bad man?
Sighing, he neared the front of the house and paused by the two laughing on the ground. “I see it’s been a good day.”
Levi immediately stopped laughing, blinking several times and sitting up from where he’d been on the ground. Shona, however, still had the remnants of a giggle on her lips as she sat up, smoothing a hand absentmindedly over her hair.
“You’re back early,” she said, pleased.
“I am.” He looked at the boy who’d grown very quiet. His son was usually happy to see him, but lately he’d kept his distance. “I thought that maybe we could take a walk to the river tonight.”
“Can Miss Shona come?” Levi asked.
Trying not to feel the hurt of the boy’s slight rejection Calvin nodded. “Of course.” It wasn’t that he didn’t want her to come, but he’d been hesitant to ask wondering if it would be too forward of him. “That is, if she wants to. Maybe she’d like a break from you.”
The boy’s cheeks heated and Shona instinctively put a hand on his shoulder. “I’d love to come.”
After dinner they all set out down the path toward the river, the golden light of sunset making the leaves shimmer and the heating the cooler evening air with its rays. Levi ran ahead of them, thrashing a stick back and forth and crying out about how he was a pirate.
Calvin and Shona walked in companionable silence for a time until she spoke up. His ears now attuned to her soft accent.
“I’m glad you came home early to spend time with Levi.”
“I happened to finish work early today.” It was mostly true, but even as he said the words he realized he could spend more time away. He trusted his men, though he often times didn’t act like it.
“He needs to see you more.”
Her words were direct yet soft, and he turned to face her. “What are you trying to say?”
The high color on her cheeks matched the fire in her eyes. “You insulted your son today. You never encourage him. You barely pay attention to him. Can’t you see what you are doing? He loves you so much but you—you just don't see it. You could lose his love forever if you’re not careful. He won’t always be a child.”
There were tears in her eyes and his initial response, one he would have made in anger, died on his tongue. Was it true? Could he lose his son’s love and respect?
***
Shona swallowed, shocked at herself for saying what was on her mind so boldly. Her mother had always told her that her tongue would get her in trouble, but tonight it was even more evident that that was the case.
“I'm sorry,” she blurted out. “Maybe I shouldn’t have said that.”
He hadn’t looked up from where his gaze was fixed on the ground in front of them. Up ahead, Levi still played on, shouting at some unseen foe and enjoying the unseasonably warm evening.
“No.” Calvin’s voice drew her attention away from the boy. “I’m glad you’ve shared your mind.”
She wasn’t sure he meant the words though, the set of his shoulders indicating his tense feelings.
“It’s just that he looks up to you and you only have so many years until he’s gone.” She thought of leaving her own parents back in Ireland. “I remember sailing away from Ireland, my parents on the shore waving to my sisters and I. The plague had taken most of our food and ability to make a living, but I had fond memories of them to hold on to.”
“What happened to them—your parents?” His eyes were on her now, intent and silvery in the dimming light.
“They perished not soon after we arrived in New York.” She looked away feeling the sting of tears.
“I’m sorry.”
“You understand the sting of death.”
Their gazes met and she saw the hint of something behind his eyes—guilt?
“I’m afraid Levi’s mother and I weren’t…close.”
“You didn’t mourn when she passed?” she asked.
“I did, just…”
“Not as much as you thought you should?”
He looked down at her, surprised. “How—”
“Greif is not measured by how long we hold on to it. But I do know one thing,” she took a breath, knowing her next words would be just as bold, “you’ll regret missing time with your son if you’re not careful.”
They had reached the river now and Levi was upstream tossing rocks in, his attention distracted by the splashing and rings in the water.
“I know you love him,” she said, stepping closer to Calvin in a bold move. “I can see it in your eyes when you look at him. I think it may just take you some time to find out how to show him.”
His gaze didn’t waver and she was surprised when he stepped closer to her, closing the gap between them.
“How?” he asked, his question almost a whisper. “It’s like I don’t even know how to care for…anyone.”
Shona tried to read between the lines of his words. He was afraid, but was he also saying he cared for her?
“You just do,” she responded. “You don’t let the unimportant things take the place
of what matters.”
“And what matters, Miss Shona O’Malley?”
He slowly reached up and pushed a lock of her hair behind her ear, his fingers sending tingling down her spine. She felt as if the world had slowed down—or was it not even moving at all? Her thoughts shut out everything except for his luminous eyes pouring into hers.
“People,” she whispered. “Riches will fail and time will fade all legacy, but it is people who are important.”
Now his hand rested against her cheek, cupping it as he leaned closer until his lips touched hers.
The kiss held the uncertainty of the unknown but the promise of the future. It was at once sweet and all encompassing, warping her heart in warmth as much as her lips felt his touch. When he pulled away she was shocked by his nearness and yet it felt right.
Then he stood back, shattering the spell of his kiss.
“I'm sorry. Forgive me, I—” he backed away, sending a glance toward Levi who was still engrossed in throwing rocks. “I’m sorry.”
She watched him leave, her heart pounding at the memory of his hand on her face, his lips on hers. Would he be strong enough to realize what truly mattered to him? Or would he let the unimportant rule his life forever?
Chapter 5
It had been a week since their kiss at dusk and Shona knew Calvin was avoiding her. He worked harder than she’d seen yet, almost not even taking time to eat with them or be in the house. She hated it, knowing that he was avoiding a conversation they needed to have, but more for the fact that it was impacting Levi. The boy had sulked the whole week and she hadn’t been able to pull him from the sadness.
Her own emotions were in turmoil as well. She had enjoyed the kiss—possibly too much—and now she wanted more in the way of commitment from Calvin. Commitment to her, but more so commitment to his son. It was clear that he saw Shona as more than his son’s governess, or at least he had in that moment, but would he do anything about that? Or would he allow work to consume his time and ignore what should be most important in his life?
It was nearing suppertime and she climbed the stairs to fetch Levi. When she knocked on his door there was no answer. Peering inside, she saw the room was empty. She hadn’t heard him come downstairs but—
Rushing to the window she saw that it was open behind the curtains. The trellis, now covered in dead vines, was just outside the window. Had the boy climbed down?
Fear struck her like the icy blast of wind. She searched the entire house frantically but couldn’t find him. He wasn’t outside near the house either and she feared the worst. Had he run away? Would Levi do such a thing?
His coat still hung in the entryway and, once she’d pulled hers on, she took his and raced off to the barn in hopes that Calvin would be near.
The few hands left at the end of the day directed her inside where Calvin tended to a horse. She slid to a stop in front of him, the effort of running and her own panic nearly stealing her breath.
“Levi—” she gasped, “He’s—he’s gone.”
Calvin came toward her, no doubt alarmed at her demeanor as much as her appearance in the barn.
“What? Who’s gone? What’s wrong?”
“L-Levi,” she sucked in a breath, “I can’t find him anywhere. His window was open and he-he’s not anywhere.”
Calvin ran a hand through his hair, his worry evident. “I’ll go look for him.”
“I’m coming.”
He opened his mouth to protest, but then closed it. “All right.”
They set off, searching along the way from the barn, but at the house Calvin let out a breath. “Would he go to the river?”
It was the only place they hadn’t looked and Shona felt in her heart that it was right. “He must be there.”
They took off at a near run toward the river and, when Shona almost tripped, Calvin reached back to grab her hand, helping her along the uneven path. She felt the warmth of his strong fingers wrapped around hers and felt better knowing he was looking with her.
They rounded the bend and, just as Calvin had thought, Levi sat on a log at the bank of the river, looking out over the water. His little arms were wrapped tightly around him and he was shivering, but he wasn’t moving.
Shona stopped, holding Calvin back. He looked down at her with curiosity in his eyes. “What is it?”
“You go ahead. I’ll wait here.”
He frowned. “Shona, I—”
“Shh,” she said, placing a hand on his chest as she stepped close to him, her boldness returning. “He needs to hear from you.”
“I’m sorry,” Calvin said, a pained expression on his face. “For not talking with you. For—”
“It’s all right. You’ve had a lot to process.”
“I care about you,” he said, his voice raspy.
It was the last thing she’d expected him to say, and yet somehow it felt right to hear the truth from him in that moment.
“We can talk about it later, but your son needs you now.”
He nodded, placing a quick kiss on her cheek before he went to sit down by Levi.
***
“Hello, son,” Calvin said, sitting down next to the boy.
Levi, shivering with his arms wrapped around himself, didn’t look up, but Calvin could see the tears running down his cheeks. He reached around and wrapped his arm around the boy, sheltering him against the cold.
“We were scared when we couldn’t find you.”
The little boy sniffed, running a hand across his nose, but he didn’t look up.
Calvin tried again, “I’m sorry, Levi. I’ve been working too much and…” What else could he say? He’d been a terrible father. He hadn’t encouraged his son and then he’d let his feelings for Shona cause him to step back but not just from her, from the boy as well.
“I have to admit something to you.” Calvin swallowed and looked out over the frigid river, feeling rather than seeing his sons gaze turn toward him. “When your mother died I wasn’t sure what to do. I’d loved her, but I’d been so busy it was like I’d forgotten what life looked like…before. I'm afraid I haven’t made it easy on you and for that I’m truly sorry. I want to do better. Would you forgive me?”
He looked down and met his son’s vibrant blue eyes shimmering with tears. “Really?”
“Yes. I was wrong.”
“I know you’re important,” he said, wiping his tears away. “I just miss you.”
“I miss you too,” he said, pulling the boy close and cherishing the feeling of him in his arms. How long had it been since he’d held his son like this?
“Dad?” Levi’s voice was muffled against his father’s chest.
“What is it?”
“I like Miss Shona. I think you like her too.” He pulled back to look up at Calvin. “I saw you kiss her,” he made a face but continued, “and…and I think you should love her.”
Calvin tried not to smile too broadly at his son’s kind words, but he couldn’t deny the warmth that spread through his chest at them.
“You think so?”
“Yeah,” he nodded. “She likes frogs. So that’s good.”
Now Calvin did laugh, pulling Levi close. Tears filled his eyes but they were tears of happiness.
Chapter 6
Calvin and Levi walked back toward where Shona stood, Calvin’s arm draped around his son and happiness on both of their faces. Her heart filled with hope at the sight and she prayed that God would continue to mend their relationship.
“Miss Shona,” Levi said, when they reached her and she wrapped his coat around his shoulders.
“Yes, Levi?”
“I'm sorry for running away.”
“It’s all right, just don’t do that again—you gave me a fright!”
“I won’t,” he said. Then he reached up and took her hand.
The three of them walked back to the house and, once Levi had eaten, was given a warm bath, and put to bed, Shona came downstairs to sit by the fire. She was surprised to see Calvin
already sitting there, staring into the flames.
“Calvin?”
He looked up and a smile transformed his features illuminated by the flickering flames. “Come sit with me?”
She obliged and joined him on the small couch wondering what he would say. His words from earlier came back to her.
I care for you.
Did he mean it?
“Shona,” he finally said, turning to look at her, his eyes steel gray in the low light. “Levi said something to me today that I wanted to share with you.”
Her pulse hammered as she wondered what the boy could have said. “What’s that?”
“He says he thinks I should love you.” Her cheeks flamed even as his lips quirked into a smile. “What do you think about that?”
Usually bold, her words failed her and she kept her mouth shut, wondering what he would say in her silence.
“Cat got your tongue?”
She made a face.
“I see. So you want me to be bold for once.” He leaned closer to her, his gaze never leaving hers. “I guess I’d say this: I’ve let work rule my life. It’s taken me away from my son and it’s made me into a man I don’t like. A man who is harsh and a man who brings someone to the West under false pretenses.”
Shona remained quiet, but her heart felt drawn to Calvin. His honesty was refreshing and beautiful.
“I guess what I'm trying to say is that I do care for you. The way you love my son, the way you aren’t afraid to tell me something in boldness…” he shook his head then reached up to cup her face like he had at the river. “I want to get to know you and, if you are willing, to revisit the first reason I asked you to come out West.”
Now she laughed, breaking her silence. “You won’t get off that easily, Mr. Wilkes.” He looked surprised but she continued, “Your next marriage proposal must be much more romantic than the first.”
He grinned and closed the gap to press his lips to hers in a light kiss. “I go above and beyond to show you that I’m a new man, one hopefully worthy of your hand in marriage.”
Epilogue
[2015] Western Love Page 8
