“That’s funny,” she teased. “You never struck me as the indecisive type.”
“I’m not.” His gaze held hers. “I once told you I’d wait for you to come to me. Maybe I was waiting? You did come to me, did you not?”
“That’s not what you meant at the time.” Gwen’s heart pounded in her ears. His warm hands massaging her feet renewed those heavenly sensations that only Sebastian could conjure within her.
She wanted him to fill her, wanted to lose the emptiness that had become her soul since her confrontation with her father. Would that truly be wrong? He was her husband after all.
Her pride rebelled and she fought for a way to salvage it. If she made love to Sebastian without giving herself completely, would that suffice?
“What are you thinking?” His hands stilled.
“Nothing,” she lied then tucked her feet underneath her skirts, taking great care to ensure that he couldn’t touch her anymore.
Sebastian leaned into her, his elbows resting on her thighs, as he sat inches from her. His close proximity caused her heart to lurch in an involuntary response.
“That marks the second time tonight I don’t believe you.” His velvet timbre betrayed his intimacy.
Gwen didn’t move. She couldn’t. In truth, she didn’t want to.
“What are you thinking?” he asked again, this time his tone was husky.
“I don’t really know.” Gwen inspected the damask pattern in her gold gown in a deliberate attempt to avoid her husband’s gaze.
“Yes, you do.” He reached for her chin, tipping her head toward him. His voice was now seductive. “Don’t hide from me now.”
Gwen paused, inhaling a deep calming breath that failed to slow her rapid heartbeat. “What do you want me to say?”
“I want you to admit how angry you are with me.” Sebastian pushed a stray curl away from her face.
“I am furious with you.” Her tone was low. She meant it … for the most part.
He ran his thumbnail over one of the pleats in her skirt. She slapped his hand away, annoyed.
“You must believe me when I say,” he moved his thumb to another pleat, “I have no intention of changing your mind about that and asking your forgiveness again.”
Gwen smacked his hand again.
“I happen to find your flushed cheeks and clenched fists rather attractive.” He found another pleat.
Smack! This time, he moved his hand just in time causing her to hit her own thigh. It further infuriated her.
In a grave tone, he added, “I lied to you and that was reprehensible. I know it was a serious offense for which I take full responsibility.”
“Do you know what infuriates me the most?” Gwen whispered, leaning toward him.
He met her heated gaze. “I have a feeling you’re going to tell me.”
“Yes, I am.” She placed her thumbnail on a crease in his trousers. “What really infuriates me is the fact that I can never stay angry at you for very long. Hurt and disappointed, yes, but not angry.”
Sebastian gazed at her under hooded lids. “Why is that, do you suppose?”
“I don’t know.”
“Don’t you?” He leaned closer to her, close enough to kiss her as his warm, sweet breath lingered on her lips.
Her heart skipped a beat. “No, I don’t. The realization drives me mad.” She pinched his thigh.
“Ouch! What was that for?”
“Because you drive me crazy.”
“I think you love the fact that I do. It adds to my allure.” Sebastian smiled that dazzling smile that made her tipsy, his baritone honeyed. “I know you’re mulling something over in that brilliant brain of yours. Tell me what you’re thinking.”
Gwen’s eyes searched his. “I want to go back to the way we were but I refuse to be vulnerable again.”
“I’ve never known you to be fearful.”
“Well I am.” Her own honesty unnerved her. Was she exposing too much of herself to him? “I learned a lot of truths recently and the one commonality between each them is that I believed every lie that was told. From you, my father, even my mother.”
Sebastian brushed his thumb over her cheek. “I understand.”
“Do you?” She watched him as he nodded. “I can’t be this close to you without remembering how intimate we were and wanting it again. Yet, try as I might, I cannot allow myself to trust you or myself for that matter.”
His thumb idly caressed her cheek then trailed to her jaw line. “We are in a quandary, aren’t we?”
Her eyes widened. “Do you think?” she asked, her question rhetorical.
“There’s only one solution.” Sebastian leaned closer to her then paused, heightening the suspense Gwen supposed.
So thrown off guard was she from his nearness, from his warmth, from his husky murmur, that she wasn’t prepared for his proposal.
“Make love to me, Duchess.” Sebastian’s impassioned plea sent her senses reeling.
Gwen felt as if the ground beneath her had just tilted. “I beg your pardon?”
“You heard me.” Sebastian kissed her neck.
She pushed him away then leapt from the chaise in an effort to create as much distance between them as possible. “What gave you the idea that we should—”
“Be intimate?” Sebastian finished for her, smiling behind his hand as he studied her pink cheeks and agitated state.
Gwen wanted him. She had admitted it to him. Why was she so surprised that her husband would need no further encouragement?
With every step Sebastian took towards her, his wife took one step backwards he noted with a sly grin, failing to hide his amusement.
“You have lost your mind!” Gwen took one final step backward before bumping into the marble fireplace mantle.
Seizing his chance to corner her, Sebastian placed his hands on either side of his wife using the mantle for support. “What is so wrong with my proposition?”
“Where should I begin?” Gwen averted her eyes from his, her arms crossed in front of her.
Sebastian stood still, his feet planted firmly in front of her. He already knew that Gwen forgave him and that she loved him.
What more did they need?
Standing idle while his wife pondered when and where she would come to him made no sense whatsoever. He needed her to realize how much she needed him, how much she wanted him. Then and only then would Gwen truly belong to him again.
He proceeded with his plan confident that once his wife gave her body to him, her heart would follow suit.
“Answer me, Duchess, why are you hell-bent against making love to me tonight?”
Her voice was raspy. “I can’t give myself to you yet.”
Yet. That one simple word sent Sebastian’s heart soaring. “Gwen, we love each other. What more do we need?”
He traced a path from her ear lobe to the nape of her neck with his index finger. Her soft skin quivered under his touch.
“We need trust, Sebastian.” Gwen inhaled a ragged breath, clearly shaken by his nearness.
His hands hovered above her gown’s modest neckline. “I trust you, Duchess.”
He moved closer to her. Close enough to feel her chest rise and fall.
“That’s not what I meant,” she whispered. Her resolve was weakening.
And he knew it.
“I know what you meant and it will come in time.” Sebastian’s fingertips trailed up and down the slope of her graceful neck.
Her tone was unyielding. “I won’t lose myself in you again.”
His hand stilled. “Then let’s get lost in each other.”
For the first time since that awful day in the garden with her father, Gwen experienced something other than the emptiness that had drained her heart. Sebastian offered her an escape from the darkness that overwhelmed her and she was desperate for the reprieve.
“I won’t lose control,” she said it more to convince herself than her husband.
Sebastian’s soft lips trac
ed a warm trail of kisses down her neck. “You don’t have to.”
Her resolve faltered as her yearning for him intensified.
“Think of it as my penance.” Sebastian’s throaty whisper betrayed his own urgent need for her.
He kissed the soft nape of her neck and Gwen leaned into him. It was a slight motion, but one she was certain he’d perceive as her resolve weakening.
“What will it be, Duchess?” There was a hint of challenge in his tone.
“Repent.” The word had escaped her lips before she could stop it. Then, just as Gwen began to fear that she had lost control, a wicked thought occurred to her.
“I think I know just the way.” Her tone was purposefully deep and seductive.
His azure eyes widened. “Am I going to like what you have in mind?”
Gwen knew by his response that she had succeeded in seizing control once again.
“That remains to be seen.” She reached for the waistband of his trousers then tugged, pulling him closer to her. “You trust me, don’t you?”
His voice was raspy. “I trust you.”
“Good,” just as Sebastian leaned forward to kiss her, Gwen pressed her index finger against his full lips. “I think your reparation should commence as follows. You will undress and lie on the bed.”
He grinned, “Not bad so far.”
Gwen reveled in the power she held over him, the control she had obtained at long last.
After placing his hand against the small of her back, Sebastian pulled her closer to him. “Tell me more.”
She unbuttoned the top two buttons of his pristine shirt then traced the path of several wispy strands of curly chest hair with her fingertips. “You cannot touch me until I advise you that you may.”
His hands fell to his sides, “Why not?” He sounded like a little boy being denied a sweet by his parents.
“Because this is your punishment, and no one said it would be easy.”
“All right,” he shook his hands as if to rid them of the urge to caress her. “What am I supposed to do?”
Her fingers traced a path to his torso. She heard his breath catch as she explored lower. “You are going to lie there like a good husband until I give you permission to participate.”
“This will be the longest night of my life,” he muttered.
Gwen grinned at the dejected expression that masked his bronzed features. “Are you certain you’re up for this, Your Grace?”
She had no idea the hidden meaning he derived from her words until he placed his hands on her derriere and crushed her against his length.
“I am certain that I’m up for this.”
Her eyes widened at his arousal, hardened as it was by the mere thought of things to come. “Well then, no more contact until I say so. Get undressed and lie on the bed.”
Sebastian’s eyes locked with hers. He then obeyed, removing each piece of his clothing starting with his jacket and shirt, then his riding boots and breeches. Once finished, he tossed his breeches to his wife and stood there in his naked splendor.
Gwen studied him with open admiration. His body, tanned and muscular, was beauty personified.
You’re beautiful.
A deep heat crept over her cheekbones as she remembered saying those words to him on their wedding night. She had been so naïve and she now despised herself for it.
Gwen vowed not to give that much of herself tonight, perhaps never again. Everyone in her life had lied to her. She would not allow herself to be that vulnerable and would protect her heart at any cost. She refused to show her deep love, devotion, or blind faith any longer.
Gwen followed her husband to the bed, where he reclined on his back, propped up by the many fluffy pillows behind his head. The mattress sunk ever so slightly as she knelt beside him, beginning her torture by exploring every inch of him with her soft fingertips. If quizzed, she could recite each curve, each mark, she realized as her fingers trembled with her every caress.
Gwen recognized that his body tingled from her soft touch and she gloried in the power she held over him. His erection hardened, sending a thrill up her spine. It was that realization that gave Gwen the courage to be more aggressive. She straddled him then used her tongue to trace a hot path across his chest.
Having learned a great deal from him, she was using all of the techniques Sebastian had taught her. Her tongue, moist and warm, flicked one of his nipples.
A throaty groan escaped from his lips.
Gwen nipped the taut, masculine bud with her teeth before tracing a hot path to the other.
Sebastian’s fists clenched the satin duvet cover, his heightening frustration obvious by his jagged breaths.
Once satisfied that her mouth had covered every inch of his chest, Gwen traced a path to his full lips. She used his own accomplished kisses against him, performing the same dexterous seduction that he had performed on her.
Gwen licked his lips with her tongue before prying them open for entry in search of his. He joined her in a soul-searching kiss, as if realizing that although he vowed not to touch her, his kisses weren’t part of the bargain.
She pulled away then asked in a silken tone. “Is this killing you?”
His indigo eyes were as rough as the sea, his voice guttural. “Yes.”
“Do you want to undress me?”
Sebastian nodded in silent affirmation.
“Say please,” she cooed, enjoying every minute of his torture.
“Please, Duchess, I can’t take much more of this.”
Duchess. Why did that endearing nickname make her weak in the knees? She rebelled against her lovesick heart by further tantalizing him.
Only when she was certain that his desire was at a breaking point, did she relent. “Show me how much you want me.”
Sebastian’s hands released the bedding they’d been clutching for dear life. Instead, they combed through her thick, mahogany mane as his mouth devoured hers in a mind-numbing kiss.
He kissed her with an intensity she’d never before experienced. Primitive, driven by lust, it was the complete opposite of the gentle, amorous lovemaking they’d previously shared.
She welcomed his savage hunger. Driven by her own carnal desire, her lips were as hard and demanding as his as he undressed her with an urgent need, failing to open many of the delicate buttons on her gown due to his trembling hands.
After cursing the uncooperative garment, Sebastian gave up on proper etiquette and ripped the fabric open. Several buttons flew through the air as he freed her of the heavy garment.
Next he popped open her corset, the metal hook and eyes allowing him quick access. He then rolled her onto her back against the soft mattress.
She realized too late that he was going to tease her just as she’d done to him.
Sebastian nibbled on one of her nipples through the stretched fabric of her chemise and her breasts swelled in response.
Gwen arched her back, a raspy moan escaping her. As if satisfied, Sebastian turned his attention to the other nipple waiting at attention for him.
She knew her control had long since vanished and Gwen no longer cared, lost in the smoldering sensations his mouth was generating within her.
Her quickened pulse pounded in her ears as he inched the soft material of her chemise over her abdomen, then breasts, and at last over her head before tossing it on the floor.
With his fingers entwined within her thick mane, Sebastian rose into a kneeling position, taking her with him.
Gwen pushed him against the soft mattress and straddled him. Sebastian crushed his mouth against hers, devouring her with his urgent kisses as he grabbed her buttocks then lifted her up over his hard shaft.
The sensation of easing downward, her moist core welcoming him, tightening around him, filled her with an urgent need. Gwen wanted more of him, demanded it, as her nails dug into his back.
She instinctively began rocking back and forth. Sebastian moaned in response, driving himself deeper into Gwen’s sweet refu
ge. She sensed her release fast approaching with each and every motion.
The rhythm of their bodies sought an earth-shattering crescendo. Gwen cried out as her body radiated in a divine rapture, the room splintering into a million pieces. She then collapsed on top of him, still intimately joined as spasms continued to wrack Sebastian’s body, now slick with sweat from their strenuous lovemaking.
Gwen laid her face in the nape of his neck, the scent of his woodsy cologne lingering. Making love to him just now was different than before. She had made certain that it would be.
Until this night, their intimate acts had always been spiritual; however in a matter of minutes their lovemaking had morphed into something much darker. Gone were Sebastian’s gentle kisses, sensual exploration of her flesh, and declarations of love. Although her body responded with a fiery force, although her husband filled her with his seed, she felt incomplete.
Even though she still remained joined with him, Gwen was certain that she had never felt farther away from Sebastian than at this very moment. She raised herself off of her husband then rolled onto her side, her back to him.
Sebastian embraced her from behind, pulling her closer against his length before kissing her shoulder. “Are you all right?” His voice was rough with emotion.
Did the emptiness consume him, as well?
Gwen nodded as a lone tear drifted down her cheek, signifying the magnitude of her loss. What they shared tonight was sex. Love had nothing to do with it.
Would it ever again?
Sebastian pried his arm away from her then reached for the blanket at the end of the bed, draping it over their naked forms.
The fireplace crackled. It was the only sound that filled the room other than their labored breathing.
Shame washed over Gwen, replacing the heated passion of moments before. She wondered if Sebastian still loved her.
If so, would that love survive this night?
Gwen awoke acutely aware of the soreness between her legs. She rolled onto her back and placed her hands over her eyes trying to assimilate the events of the twenty-four hours. How could a day that had seemed so manageable turn into such a calamity?
She turned only to find her husband’s pillow vacant. Bolting upright, Gwen scanned the room. Sebastian wasn’t there and the realization numbed her heart.
Dance with Deception: Scandalous Secrets, Book 1 - Exclusive Edition (Scandalous Secrets - Exclusive Edition) Page 25
