“Why?” I whisper to myself, placing the necklace up to my lips and kissing it softly, before laying it down beside my laptop.
Turning around to grab some fresh clothes, my heart jumps into my throat and my stomach begins to knot tightly when I hear the whispered word, “Beautiful.”
Blinking a few times to make sure I’m neither hearing or seeing things, I re-open them one final time and see that he’s still standing there, watching me anxiously and appearing nervous. His hair is flat, he looks drained, but he still looks unbelievably handsome.
“Where …? I mean … What …? Is …?”
Stumbling on every word I try to say, he walks slowly towards me, his eyes filled with what appears to be a high amount of emotions, the main one being uncertainty. “You … but you …”
Unable to speak from both the shock of seeing him and his closeness, all I can do is stand frozen to the spot. I feel his breaths sweep across my cheek as he approaches, until he’s standing only a couple of inches away from me.
“Fuck I’ve missed you,” his voice is shaky and he swallows, hard. Leaning closer with his fingers caressing my lips, I gaze deep into his eyes.
Am I imagining this?
His nose brushes with mine and his lips skim lightly over my mouth. His warm breaths make it impossible for me to think straight as he strokes the fingers of his right hand lightly through my hair. Leaning his forehead against mine, he searches my eyes as his tongue strokes softly over my lips.
Unable to think about anything but having him here and so close, I open my mouth, still not quite believing he’s back in my room and back with me. I close my eyes, throw my arms around his neck, and slide my tongue into his mouth. Meeting his with soft strokes, I feel a delicious warmth spreading throughout my entire body.
Gripping at his hair and getting as close to him as I possibly can, by pressing my body hard up against his, I feel him wrap his arms tightly around my waist, his tongue now plunging against mine. I hear a groan escaping from deep within his chest as he grips at my waist, while pressing himself firmly against me. Moving me backwards, I soon feel the back of my body being pressed hard up against the wall.
Feeling his fingers roam across my lower back as he untucks my shirt, goose bumps caused from his touch begin to prickle over my skin, and a deep heat rushes down to the apex of my thighs.
Removing my arms from his neck, I reach for the belt on his pants, hastily trying to unfasten them, but he grabs at my hands, stopping me from being able to loosen it completely.
Pulling away from our kiss, his breathing is heavy, ragged even, as we both take a couple of seconds to catch our breaths. His eyes are searching mine, and I notice that his have become slightly glazed.
Grabbing his shirt and pulling him closer, I crash my lips back onto his, and feel as he hesitates, “Alexis …” he speaks against my lips, and when I open my eyes, his are wide and his shoulders have tensed. “I don’t think—”
“I need you, Brandon,” I whisper shakily, fearing that he’s about to reject me. Removing my hands from his, I reach out and slowly begin to unfasten the buttons of his shirt, keeping my eyes on his the whole time. It feels as though it has been a hell of a lot longer than two weeks since I last felt his touch.
Sliding the shirt over his shoulders, allowing it to fall freely to the floor, I trace my fingers over his chest and abs before lowering them down to the waistband of his pants. His breaths become rapid as my hand slides slowly underneath the denim fabric.
“Fuckkkk,” he lets out in a small growl as my hand brushes over his length, and in the next moment, his lips are back on mine. As he presses me against the wall with a lot more force this time, I find my hands are pinned above my head with one of his as the other trails lightly down my neck, his fingers roaming over my cleavage before he rips open my shirt and stills his movements.
The intensity in his eyes as they roam over me sends heated sparks through my lower abdomen, and I find myself almost panting as his fingers slip further south.
Lifting his head until our eyes meet, he fixes his gaze firmly onto mine as he tugs my skirt up high around my waist. Moving my panties to the side, he skims his fingers delicately over me. Slowly closing his eyes, he leans forward and kisses me again, while sliding a finger inside of me, “Damn, I’ve fucking missed you,” he groans into my mouth.
Gently touching me, with his finger moving in and out in soft, sweet, and tender motions, I let out a moan at how good it feels for him to be back. How good it feels to be so close and intimate with him again, “I love you, Brandon.”
That’s all it takes for him to completely lose his control. Removing his finger from inside of me, he drops his other hand away from where he was pinning mine, tugging at his pants until they’re hanging low to his knees.
Kissing me, seemingly with a newer found need, he grips at my hips, lifting my legs high so they’re resting up and around at his waist. His breathing becomes heavy as he pushes me hard up against the wall, before I feel him sliding himself inside of me.
Clutching onto my hips, he presses himself firm and deep inside.
Staring right into my eyes, he thrusts himself in and out, never breaking any contact with me. His thrusts are firm, but slow. This feels as intimate and passionate as the first time we ever made love.
Letting out a moan of contentment when I feel myself tightening around him, he begins to move faster, his thrusts becoming harder still as I reach my peak, “Fuck!” he growls in my ear, and that’s when I feel him emptying inside of me, and his body beginning to tremble as we come, together.
It takes a while for my pulse rate to slow down and for my breaths to get back under control, with the both of us staying in that same position, still gazing into each other’s eyes as we come down from our intense high. Not being able to help the smile that’s beginning to spread over my lips, I notice him closing his eyes, before letting me down gently onto my feet. When our body contact is broken, I watch as he goes to take a seat on the bed.
Raking a hand through his hair while wiping his brow with the other, removing the sweat that has formed over him from what just happened, he lays back on the bed. I watch his chest rise and fall while grabbing my robe from the back of the door.
I’m about to join him on the bed, we have so much that we need to talk about, but we’re interrupted by his cell phone. Sitting up and grabbing his pants, he pulls the cell from his pocket. His face becomes tight when he checks the caller ID. It doesn’t look like it’s the same cell phone as the one he had before.
“I … Alexis, I need to take this,” he says quietly. “Do you have some beer or something?” he asks as he turns to face me, and this is when I notice just how different his whole demeanor has become. He’s starting to look really uncomfortable, agitated even.
“Sure,” I answer, nodding slightly as I open up the door and walk through towards the kitchen.
Hastily grabbing a bottle of wine and a couple of beers from the refrigerator, I reach for a wine glass, the corkscrew, and then head back to my room, noticing the answer machine flashing red over on the coffee table.
I have more important things happening right now, so I decide to check it later, or tomorrow. The most important thing is that Brandon’s back and he’s in our room, waiting for me.
Heading through and placing everything down on my nightstand, I turn around, feeling both my face and heart fall when I see him slipping into his leather jacket.
“What are you doing?” I step forward, seeing the pained look crossing over his face at my question. “You’re leaving?”
Avoiding my question and any eye contact with me, he walks over to the door, and grabs a hold of the handle, with his shoulders slouching down low, “I never said I could stay, beautiful,” he throws me a pitying look as he opens the door, before proceeding to walk out of my room.
“Are you fucking with me?” I snap out as I follow him, feeling a low blow to my stomach at his words. “Why? What the fuck did I d
o wrong now?”
Reaching midway to the main door, he pauses, inhales a deep breath, but keeps from turning around to face me, “You didn’t do anything wrong,” his voice is low, and as I step in front of him, that’s when I see he looks just the same as he did that other time, when he walked away and left me.
Lifting my hands until they’re cupping his face, I make him look at me, “If I didn’t do anything wrong then why are you so determined to keep on breaking my heart?” my lips begin to tremble when I say the words out loud, and I feel my eyes becoming glazed from the tears that are threatening to fall. “Why?” my voice is a whisper from the lump that’s just formed in my throat.
“That’s the last thing I ever wanted, Alexis,” he answers, his voice weak and tears visible in his now dull blue eyes. “I needed to make sure you were okay, and now that I know, I have to go.”
“You think that I’m okay? Do you think I seem okay? Do I fucking look okay to you Brandon?” my voice turns from steady, to an almost scream as both the anger and the hurt combine. “You left, without so much as a word. You broke my fucking heart when you left the first time! Please … please don’t do this again? What can I do? What can I do that’ll make you stay? I love you. I fucking love you!”
Wrapping my hands around his neck, he flinches away and throws me a look of dismay. Taking my hands in his, he lowers them, before letting me go completely. “I’m doing this for you … I’m doing this for us,” he says, almost as though his words will bring me any form of comfort. He glances at his wrist watch and begins to fidget. “I really have to go.”
Placing a feather light kiss on my forehead, he steps around me, and then hurries over to the door.
“I’m not one of your whores, Brandon.” I spit at him, feeling the tears streaming down my face as my heart begins to hurt all over again. “You can’t just come here, fuck me, and then leave!”
He looks angry at my outburst as he whips around to face me again, “You’ve never been just a fuck to me, Alexis,” his voice sounds strangled as he opens the door and steps halfway through. “Never.”
“Until now,” from my words his eyes dim even more, and a frown forms over his lips. “If I mean anything to you, anything at all, then you’ll stay. You’ll tell me why you left and why you have to leave now.” My voice is pleading as I step closer to him.
“Just … just please don’t hate me for what’s happened or for what’s happening. I’m so fucking sorry,” he looks defeated as he whispers the words.
And then he’s gone, leaving me hurting more than I ever have before.
5.
Wanted
Hurt. Anger. Regret. Those are the main three emotions I’ve been feeling ever since he left. Mainly and surprisingly, I’m feeling all of those things towards myself, not Brandon.
Why didn’t I make him stay and talk this out? Why did I let him walk back out of the door, not knowing when, or if, I’m ever going to see him again?
Why would he think for a moment that I would hate him? For crying out loud I’m in love with him, does he not see that?
I’ve been pacing my bedroom floor for most of the afternoon, trying to make sense of everything, but yet here I am with still no clue about, well, anything.
“Knock knock!” Alyssa’s smile is beaming as she walks in. Striding over, she plants a kiss on both of my cheeks. “How is my favorite lady?”
I smile, although I know it’s not going to fool her. I can already see that she’s eyeing me warily, “Did you have a good time?” I try to sound optimistic, but my voice betrays me as I step away from her, and go to sit myself down on my bed.
“Heaps!” Alyssa clasps her hands together, but her face falls somewhat when I turn in her direction. “Although … something tells me you haven’t had quite as much fun as I have,” she answers. “Don’t tell me you’re still pining over Brandon? Alex, just go and get glammed up and ready. We’ll find you a new Brandon.”
She’s fucking unbelievable.
“I don’t want or need another Brandon,” I say, noticing her eye roll at my words. She crosses her arms over her chest and begins tapping her foot on the floor. “You might find it extremely easy to replace all the guys you date, but me and Brandon, we had … we have something.”
Alyssa has just managed to officially piss me off. Striding out of my room to go in search of a bottle of wine, I bump straight into Ryan, “Whoa! Slow down, sister!” he chuckles, holding me steady before I crash land on my ass. ”What’s the hurry?”
“Wine,” I answer firmly, straightening myself out and brushing myself off, before heading through to the kitchen.
“Well are you almost ready to go?” I hear him call after me, and then I remember. We’d arranged to have drinks and a catch up tonight. “We’re leaving in like a half hour!”
The last thing I really feel like doing is going to a bar. Taking a bottle of red wine from the wine rack and the largest wine glass I can find from the overhead cupboard, I walk back through and sit down at the breakfast bar.
“Hello? I said we have to leave soon,” Ryan tries to grab my attention as I open the bottle up, but I ignore him and listen to the glugging sound as I pour the wine instead. “Earth to Alex!”
“Alright, ready when you guys are,” Neil says, rolling the sleeves back of his deep purple shirt as he walks out from his room. “Are you going in your jogging bottoms?” he jokes, but the smile over his face soon fades when I shake my head and avert my eyes. Glancing back over to him, I try to avoid his gaze when I see the disappointment etching over his features.
I take a sip of my wine before breaking the news, “I’m not really in the mood, sorry guys.”
Neil glances over to Ryan, who shrugs his shoulders and aims his focus on Alyssa, who is now standing by the couch and shaking her head over in my direction, “Brandon,” she implies with a sigh.
Ryan walks over and wraps his arm around my shoulder, “Do you still think that he’s gonna be coming back?” he asks before kissing my hair lightly.
“He came back,” my voice is almost a whisper as I think back to what happened last night. The way he kept his eyes on mine, every time he pushed himself deeper inside of me. How he looked and how I felt when I gazed into the depths of his soul.
“What?” Ryan looks surprised by what I just said. I have to say, I was just as surprised when I saw Brandon standing in my room, in our room last night. “When? Well, where is he? Is he coming out with us tonight?”
“He didn’t stay for long,” I mumble, the sinking feeling in my lower abdomen returning when I think about when I’ll see him again, if I’ll see him again. Alyssa’s right, I am pining, but it’s only because I love and miss him so much.
If he told me he didn't want me and that it was over between us for good, then it would hurt like hell for a while, for a long while. Unless he made it absolutely clear as to why he'd decided to walk away and that it was for a plausible reason, then I most probably wouldn't be willing to accept it. Time heals the pain they say. I'm not so sure about that.
“You sure you’re not coming out with us tonight?” Ryan asks, nudging my arm with his. I notice a slight glint of hope in his eyes. Hope that I’ll change my mind.
Hearing a door slamming closed makes my head snap up, and that’s when I see Neil’s no longer in the room with us, “What’s with him?” I aim my question at both Ryan and Alyssa, and while Alyssa looks just as unaware as I am about what just happened, Ryan seems to understand.
“He’s probably pissed because, A, you’re not coming out with us tonight, and B, Brandon didn’t stick around long enough to say hi. We’ve been friends for a long time, y’know?” Ryan answers, and I can see where he’s coming from, on both counts.
Sighing, I head over to Neil’s room and knock the door, opening it up and stepping inside before even giving him the chance to respond.
He’s lying on his bed, with his arms crossed behind his head, and staring up at the ceiling. He doesn’t acknowledge me
until I climb on the other side and lay beside him, “You’re pissed at me,” I say. There’s no need to ask him this, it’s evident.
“Honestly? No,” he answers after a moment of silence. “I’m upset that you won’t join us tonight, of course I am …”
“Then why are you so angry?” I ask, sitting up and observing him as he lets out a deep sigh.
“We’ve been worried about him too, you know. Brandon, I mean. We’re like brothers but he didn’t stick around long enough to see us? It’s him I’m pissed at, Alex, not you.”
Sighing, I take a hold of his hand and stare up at the ceiling, mirroring Neil’s actions, “He wasn’t here for long. I thought he was staying, I thought he’d come back, but then he left, again.”
“Did he say why he left?” he asks, turning to face me while propping himself up on his left elbow, and resting his chin in his hands.
I sigh and feel another knot forming in my stomach, “Not a thing.”
“He didn’t say anything?” Neil presses, throwing me a disbelieving look when I have nothing else to add.
“Not really … we um … we …”
“What?” he’s sitting up now, waiting for me to continue.
I’m thankful when the door opens, interrupting the uncomfortable conversation Neil and I were just about to have. We’re close friends, but I just don’t feel right discussing what happened last night between Brandon and I with him.
“Hey guys, I’m sorry to disturb your little domestic here, but Alex, there’s a voicemail from your father. He left it early yesterday afternoon,” Alyssa stands forward and holds the phone out to me. She looks unsure about something as she passes it over.
Taking a seat beside me, I notice that she’s watching me with caution, “Thanks,” I say, taking it from her and holding it up to my ear so that I can listen.
Neil’s sitting on the other side of me now, and I can feel both sets of eyes resting on me as the message begins to play.
Misplaced Trust (Misjudged) Page 4
