Once the door closes, I focus my attention over on Neil, seeing that he looks deeper in thought than ever, “Are you going to say anything?” I ask, my voice sounding unsure.
“Are you keeping it?” he snaps out.
“I’m sorry?”
“Alex, you’re nineteen years old … Brandon’s hardly the most fucking reliable of guys, I mean, FUCK!” Neil stands and paces the floor, appearing to be getting angrier by the second, lifting his hand up to his face with pure mortification crossing over his features. “Hey, this is our dad, say bye bye now and tell him you’ll look forward to seeing him again in twenty fucking years!”
“Neil! What the fuck is wrong with you?” I ask, standing and walking closer to him, about ready to slap him hard around the face for speaking to me in that way. Who the hell does he think he is?
Snickering at me, he takes a breath before stepping closer to me, “I’m just trying to look out for you, that’s all, Alex,” he answers me, his tone softer as his eyes begin to glaze over.
“No, no you’re not, you’re being spiteful!” I snap at him, stepping away and making my way towards my room. “I thought you of all people would be happy for me, not be so cruel. I love him, and he loves me. I’m sorry if the girl you love so much didn’t love you back, but this isn’t all about you!” I shout, not being able to hold it in any longer.
Hot, angry tears are dripping down my face as I close my eyes. Exhaling a deep, deep sigh, I turn around, finding myself not being able to even look at one of the people who is supposed to be one of my closest friends.
***
Still angry from the harsh words that came out from Neil’s mouth, I haven’t been able to think about anything else since I came into my room. That was four hours ago.
Shortly after I came in here, I heard the main door closing, so at least I know he’s no longer in the dorm. I don’t think I would be able to handle another screaming match with him right now, or ever. He looked callous, he was so mean. One of my closest friends purposely went out of his way to hurt me, without any purpose at all.
Opening my door to go and fetch my cell phone from my jacket, I walk over and check all of my pockets, but I can’t find it in there.
Checking the couch and surrounding places it could be, I still don’t see it anywhere, so I do what I usually do and grab the landline to call my cell.
Hearing my usual ringtone sounding out, I look around me and try to follow where the music is coming from.
What?
Stepping closer towards Neil’s room, the music is getting louder. He used my cell?
I knock on the door a couple of times, and although I really don’t want to be seeing him right now, I need to call Brandon and see if I’d be able to visit him a day earlier than we’d originally planned.
The only reason why I’m not there with him now is because I was supposed to be in class, though after the news I received this morning, I don’t see me attending either the rest of today’s classes or tomorrows.
Knocking louder, he still doesn’t answer and not really having any patience left, I walk right in.
Vibrating on the nightstand is my cell phone, and as I walk over to grab it, I trip on something and stumble to the floor. Cursing myself for being so clumsy, I go to stand up, but still my movements when I see what it was that I just tripped up on.
A diary.
A pink diary.
The diary.
Why in hell is Holly’s diary here in Neil’s room?
Confusion overcomes me as I rest back on my heels. Picking up the small book, I try to make sense of why it would be in here. Maybe it had gotten mixed up with his things before we travelled back home from my fathers?
The diary has been here all along? I feel the relief whirling through my veins at knowing that this could actually be all we need. We could get Brandon’s blackmailers put behind bars, and have our forever, once and for all.
Opening it up, it falls to the same page as it had on the day I first laid my eyes on it at my fathers.
Thursday.
Its eleven o’clock and he just called. I love when he calls to say goodnight, although I wish he’d have stopped by like he said he was going to. My mom and dad invited him over to have dinner with us, but at short notice he had to cancel, something about having to go to another band meeting.
He’s dedicated, I’ll give him that. He loves music and since he started the band not so long back, he’s worked hard to try and get The Vultures some local gigs. I just wish sometimes he was as dedicated to our relationship as much as he is to his mic.
Skimming over the written pieces that I’ve already seen, I note that the band written in here is the same as the one Brandon had put together. I knew it. I knew I wasn’t going crazy.
Saturday.
Instead of sitting around and waiting for my cell to ring, I went to the mall with some girlfriends and bumped into Neil and Ryan. They’re going away to travel soon and because I don’t have any plans later today, they invited me along to the movies. Brandon seemed a little relieved when I told him I wouldn’t be sitting in on a Saturday night alone and told me to call him when I get home.
Sunday.
I should have stayed at home. I should have called Brandon, but I couldn’t. I can’t believe what happened last night … actually happened, and I want to hurl every time I even think about what I just did.
I’m in love with Brandon. Brandon Taylor. Nobody else. We’ve only been together a couple of months, but I know he’s meant for me. We haven’t even slept together. He said he doesn’t want to rush things and when I’m ready, he’ll make it special. Really special. I know he’s been with a few girls before but I know he means what he says. I’m a virgin, or I was, at least up until a few hours ago.
I hate myself. I need to tell him. I need to tell him what I did.
Friday.
I thought keeping away from him for the last few days would wipe away what happened on Saturday night. Instead though it’s made things a whole lot harder. I’ve avoided Brandon all week, and to make things worse, he thinks it’s his fault. I should have told him what happened. I should have accepted any consequence and just told him, but I don’t want to lose him.
‘Hey by the way, I lost my virginity to some guy last weekend, so you want to go to dinner?’ I don’t think that would be the smartest of things but it’s probably likely to come out like that. I want to look in his bright eyes and see the love and warmth staring back at me, not the hurt.
He thinks it’s because he’s been spending too much time with the band and not enough with me. He thinks this is why I’m upset. How do you go about breaking the heart of the one person you love?
Saturday.
My cell won’t stop ringing but it’s not particularly someone I want to speak to. Neil’s not taking the hint no matter how many times I tell him that I love my boyfriend. I just wish he would stop calling me.
Brandon stopped by briefly earlier, kissed me, and told me he’d be picking me up later on in the afternoon for dinner. Dinner and a movie. He was literally standing on the porch for around sixty seconds before he had to head away again. Seeing him has made me realize that telling him might not be one of the better things to do. Dinner and a movie, tonight, with Brandon. I love him so much. I never want to be away from him. Ever.
Fuck.
Throwing the diary across the room, I can’t stop the tears that are cascading down my face and dripping through my shirt.
Holly cheated on Brandon, with Neil?
Neil did this? He can’t have, he just can’t have.
Before I have a chance to think about anything else, I find myself running towards the bathroom, hurling the entire contents of my stomach into the bowl, and then some.
Leaning myself against the cool tiles in the bathroom, I try and take long, deep breaths, and will for this horrible and sickening feeling to go away.
Not sure on how long I’ve been sitting here, I go back into Neil’s room
and pick up the diary again, this time flicking through all the pages, until it stops on a photograph. A photograph of Brandon and a pretty blonde haired … FUCK.
The photograph Neil had in his cabinet the other day, the one he said was a girl he’d been seeing. That photograph … that photograph was of Holly.
I can’t think. I can’t straight at all. Finding myself to be walking around, having absolutely no idea where I’m going or what I’m doing, I hear the main door closing.
Shaking uncontrollably and unable to stop my heart from banging so hard in my chest, I hear a voice.
Neil’s voice.
“I’m just grabbing it now, and then the real party can begin,” his laugh is harsh, evil even.
Son of a fucking bitch!
Glancing around the room, I have nowhere else to hide but in his closet, and I only just manage to close the doors on myself before he enters the room.
“Yep, sure is!” he laughs into the mouthpiece. His voice makes me want to throw up again. “A one-way ticket to San Francisco, yep, only I have one more thing I’ve gotta go and take care of before I leave this fucking place for good.”
He doesn’t sound like the Neil I know, he sounds like a completely different person. Tell me I’m dreaming this. Tell me it’s a horrible nightmare and at any moment, I’m going to wake up in Brandon’s arms, happy, ever so happy without so much as a care in the world.
“Got ‘em, it’s time to end this once and for all … see you on the other side.”
With that I hear his footsteps as he leaves the room, and I swear I’ve been holding my breath this whole time.
Time to put an end to this once and for all?
Stepping out of the closet, I grab my cell and call Brandon’s, pleading out loud for him to pick up.
Calling over and over again, but still not getting an answer, I throw the stupid thing across the room and watch as it hits the wall, smashing into what looks to be hundreds of pieces.
Grabbing the diary again, I run out of Neil’s room. I run out of the dorm. I run out of my building.
I need to get to Brandon … before it’s too late.
18.
Misplaced Trust
The tears that have been streaming from my eyes ever since I found out about Neil haven’t let up, not even on the way over here.
It took me almost twenty minutes to wave down a cab, with that and being held up in Seattle’s busy traffic system, it’s taken me well over an hour to reach the cabin.
Throwing dollar bills at the driver, I don’t wait around for the change. He can keep it, it’s worthless to me anyway. Everything is if Neil’s already gotten over here first.
Running up the steps to the cabin, and pounding on the front door with everything I have, I scream for him to let me in, and plead for him to be okay.
“BRANDON!” I shout, and keep shouting over and over again. “PLEASE!”
My fist is beginning to swell from how hard I’ve been banging on the doors, trying to get him to answer me. I’ve tried both the front and back doors, I’ve even tried to wedge open one of the windows, but there’s still nothing.
Looking all around me, yanking my hands through my hair as I try to think of a way to get inside, my eyes land on a pile of bricks to the side of the back porch way.
Picking one up and throwing it directly at the nearest window, I step back as the glass smashes, with shards flying in each and every way possible.
Using my jacket to wipe the glass away, I climb up through the window, and after searching through every room throughout the entire place, shouting out for him as loud as I possibly can, there’s still nothing.
No sign of Neil, and no sign of Brandon.
My heart hurts. It feels like its bleeding inside. I need to find him. I need to warn him that it was one of our closest friends all along, someone who we’d completely misplaced our trust in.
Dammit! Where the hell is he?
Hearing the landline phone sound, I run over to it, hoping it’s him and that he somehow found out about all of this, “Brandon?” my voice sounds hoarse from the amount of screaming I’ve been doing.
“You’re at the wrong lake, beautiful.”
No. No. NO!
Breaking down as Neil ends the call, I fall onto my knees and cry. I can’t stop the tears, because I don’t think it’s in any way possible.
Retrieving the phone, I dial for a cab, and just hope that I can get there in time.
***
Entering back into the outskirts of Seattle, I’m only roughly five minutes away from him, if nothing else manages to stand in the way.
Leaning back against the seat, feeling exhausted from all the tears I’ve shed, I try and make sense of it all.
Neil? I still can’t … I still can’t believe any of this.
Closing me eyes, I try and think back over everything, right from the beginning, right from when Brandon first arrived here … right from when he first arrived here, and stole my heart.
“We’re here, Miss,” the cab driver alerts me, and I do the same as I did before. I throw a whole load of dollar bills at him and hastily climb from the cab, removing my heels as I sprint down the pathway and towards the lake.
Pausing when I get there, I look around, but I don’t see anything. Looking along each of the pathways, there’s no one in sight, no one at all.
Feeling so tired and extremely weak, I turn around to face the opening, and that’s when I see it.
Cautiously walking over to the rotting, wooden door of the small building, the padlock is no longer there and the door is ever so slightly open.
Inhaling a sharp and shaky breath, I place my hand on the door and push on it gently, hearing it creak as it slowly opens.
Taking a small and hesitant step inside, the room is almost pitch black, apart from the small oil lamp that’s flickering on the other side of the room, but only giving out a minimal glow.
“Brandon?” my mouth is dry as I search around for him, and when I turn to face the same way as I came in, I see the door swinging fully closed.
Hearing a mumbled cough from behind me makes me swing back around, and that’s when my whole body freezes and my blood runs ice cold.
“Brandon!” I cry out, running over to him when the dim light shines over only part of his face. He’s slumped against the wall and as I kneel down beside him, I notice him clutching his arm tightly, with only his eyes revealing the pain he’s in.
“No, go, get the hell outta—“ his eyes are wide, appearing almost full of fear as he tries to tell me something, but the footsteps behind me draw my attention away from him.
“It’s nice of you to finally show your face, Alex!” the sound of his voice makes my stomach roll and my skin crawl.
“What the hell did you do to him?” I shout, standing back up on to my feet as I charge straight towards him. “What did you fucking do?”
Striking a match and lighting another lamp before he answers me, he holds it out in front of him, and that’s when I see the pure evilness within his eyes, “Don’t be turning all of this around on me, Alex,” he begins, letting out a harsh laugh as he grabs a hold of my arm and begins to drag me across the room, and over to where Brandon’s sitting.
“Let’s start with … HIM!” he barks out, pointing his finger over to Brandon as he begins to shake his head. “Always getting the girl!”
“This … this is what all of this is about?” Brandon scowls at him as he attempts to move, but stills his movements, and instead, he clenches his eyes shut before slumping back against the wall. He looks in absolute agony.
Shaking his head, Neil begins to look amused over something, ”But there was one girl that you didn’t manage to get, and one that I did, isn’t that right, Alex?”
No, no please do not tell him about you and holly.
Closing my eyes, I hope to God he doesn’t say anything about what happened between the two of them. It will crush him.
Brandon glances between the two of us,
his eyebrows furrowing with confusion, “What is he talking about?”
“Oh don’t worry, Brandon, it wasn’t this girl ... I don’t class just a kiss as getting what I want,” sounding highly amused with himself, Neil throws me a wink, and I feel Brandon’s eyes on me.
“What is he talking about?” Brandon asks, his jaw tightly clenched as the anger builds in his eyes. “You kissed him?”
“No, no, he kissed me and I pushed him away, that’s all, I promise, ask Zach, ask him, he was there, he—“
“When?” he growls, now focusing his deathly glare over on Neil.
Laughing and stepping closer towards me, Neil kneels down and reaches out to me. Lifting my hand, I push him away, which only encourages him to let out another joyful snarl, before grabbing my arm and pulling me up onto my feet.
“Let’s save that for another day,” he says, waving his hand around as though he doesn’t have a care in the world. “How about we talk about Holly?”
“You leave her out of this! Don’t you think you’ve done enough already?” I snap out, trying to free my arm from his grasp but failing miserably.
“I did her alright!” he laughs heartily, a wide smirk appearing over his face,
“You’re sick!” I can’t even bear to be within his proximity.
“You’re lying, Holly would never …” Brandon’s voice trails when he looks over to me. I close my eyes and lower my head, wishing Neil would say whatever he has to say and then just leave us the hell alone.
“I have proof, don’t I, Alex? You’ve read it, you’ve seen it with your own eyes!”
“I hate you!” I spit at him, “You’re a—“
“Enough! Let’s play a little game of chicken, shall we?” he interrupts me again, and this time, he reaches into my jacket pocket and pulls out the diary.
Misplaced Trust (Misjudged) Page 15
