by B. B. Hamel
I raised an eyebrow. “What happened?”
“I’m done with those bastards. I’m done with people that take advantage of me.”
“I get it. You don’t have to speak to me ever again. I’m not going to ask for a single dime from you. I just thought you should know.”
“Thanks for letting me know.”
I stood up, sensing that this was over.
It had not gone the way I had wanted.
I didn’t really know what I had expected. I didn’t think he would forgive me, but I at least expected something a little more than this cold anger he was giving me. I thought maybe we could even talk about it like civil, normal people, but that was impossible.
Bull was just too hurt, and it was my fault. I’d messed up, and I deserved whatever he decided to give me. If that meant he wasn’t going to be a part of my life, or maybe even my baby’s life, then so be it. There was nothing else I could do about it.
“I’ll head out then.”
“Yeah,” he grunted without looking at me. “Okay.”
I put my hand on the sliding door and then looked back at him. “You know, for what it’s worth, I really didn’t want to do it. I just hope you read the article that I actually put out.”
“Sure,” he grunted.
I opened the door and left. I didn’t bother looking back, because I knew he wasn’t looking at me.
I felt so empty in that moment. I had a child growing inside me, but that didn’t change things at all. I still felt broken and alone, and nothing I did was right.
Even though the article I wrote was incredibly favorable, glowing even, it still wouldn’t be enough.
I needed to move on from Bull and start to concentrate on myself and my baby.
24
Bull
I was going to be a father.
Or at least I was going to be something like a father. I had a kid on the way, and if that made me a father, well, I guess I was a fucking father.
I was back in the gym again with Calvin. That was basically my life in the off-season, working out all day and partying all night. Or at least lately it had been just working out all day and keeping it low key at night.
For some reason, the big blowout parties didn’t sound fun to me anymore. It was all a fucking chore, and now that I wasn’t paying the mob to take care of that shit for me, it just didn’t seem worth it.
So I was concentrating on working out. Or at least I was usually concentrating. Today I could only think about Charley and the baby, and what that meant for me.
I hadn’t had a good father figure. I didn’t know what it meant to be a normal dad in a normal family, or if that was even possible for me. My father was a drunk and a gambler, and he left my mother buried in fucking mob debt. I didn’t know what it meant to be good.
But I did know that I needed to try. I needed to step up and be a man again. I took on my mother’s debt and saved her, and now I was going to have to take responsibility for this child. I could bitch and moan about how we were careful and wore condoms and all that shit, but it didn’t matter. The condom broke, and now Charley was pregnant.
Maybe I shouldn’t have trusted her or believed her, but I did. I even believed her when she said that she did everything because of the pressure from the mafia and that she had even decided not to go through with it. I believed her when she told me all these things, but it didn’t change the fact that she did fuck up and betray me.
It wasn’t like I was a perfect man. I made mistakes. I drank too much, fucked too many women, said some things I regretted, like yesterday at my place, when Charley came over. I fucking regretted being such a dick to her. I had just been so angry and in fucking shock that I hadn’t known what else to do.
It was petty, though. There was something bigger than both of us now. We were going to have a baby, and that little baby was all that mattered.
“Yo, Bull.” I looked up suddenly. Calvin was staring at me. “What are you doing, man?”
“Huh?”
“We switched like five minutes ago. What are you doing?”
I looked down and realized that I was doing the wrong exercise. “Shit,” I said. “My bad.”
“It’s cool.” He gave me a look. “You okay, man? You seem more distracted, worse than usual.”
I shrugged. “I’m good, I guess.”
“You guess?”
“It’s nothing.”
“I haven’t seen Charley lately.”
I cringed. I hadn’t told Calvin about what had happened. “We had a falling out.”
“Who’s fault?”
I paused. “Hers, but also mine.”
“That’s how it always is.”
“But she’s pregnant now.”
He looked like I had socked him in the jaw. “You fucking serious?”
“Yeah,” I said. “She’s pregnant, man.”
“Holy shit. Did you get a paternity test?”
“No, I didn’t get a fucking test, and I’m not going to.”
“Dude, you gotta test that shit. I hate to be an asshole, but we have a lot of money, and some women will do whatever it takes to get it.”
“She’s not trapping me with a baby. She doesn’t even want money from me.”
“That’s what they say at first.”
“Fuck off, Calvin. This is serious.”
“I know,” he said. “What are you going to do?”
“I’m going to step up,” I said. “I’ll try and be a father to this kid.”
“What about with her?”
“I don’t know about that yet. Shit’s complicated.”
“Look, I know she’s a journalist. I’m guessing some shit went down around that?”
“Yeah,” I admitted.
“You got a baby now, man. You gotta get over it.”
“I know,” I said. “I’m working on it. I don’t let shit go very easily.”
“I know. I’ve seen you level guys on the field just because they gave you a dirty look.”
I grinned at him. “That’s just who I am.”
“Yeah, but you can’t be right now. This girl needs you, and she’s carrying your baby.”
“You’re right,” I said. “I know you’re right.”
“Move past it.”
“I am.” I laughed, shaking my head. “Since when did you get so fucking serious and smart?”
“I’m growing up, brother.”
“Yeah. I guess we all are.”
We got back to work, lifting and working hard, but my mind was elsewhere.
Calvin was right. I had to get over my shit and move past it. I had to help Charley.
And the truth was, I wanted to help her. I wanted to fucking be with her. I wanted to let go of my prideful anger and do what I really wanted to do, which was strip off her clothes and fuck her deep until she screamed my name. Afterward, I wanted to hold her until our sweat dried on our skin.
That was what I really wanted with her. Despite everything, I had this intense connection with her that I could barely explain. I’d let her into my world, and now I wanted to keep her in it.
No more fucking around. I was getting to work, and I was getting to it seriously.
25
Charlotte
Bull’s anger kept ringing through my mind all that next day at work. I struggled through my normal routine and even managed to talk to Coop about the supposed article I was writing.
By the time I got off work, though, I was fried. My whole body felt heavy as I headed back to my building. I just kept seeing that anger in his eyes, and I wondered if he could ever move past it. I hoped so, not even for my sake, but for the baby’s.
We still had a long road ahead of us, fortunately, and I was hoping he could maybe forgive me a little bit if my article was ever published.
I told the truth about him. Normally when journalists wrote about Bull, they neglected to mention anything but his partying and his womanizing. Instead of doing that, I wrote about all the goo
d things he did.
It was the opposite of a hit piece. It was totally positive and sung his praises. It was basically the best kind of PR a person could hope for.
As far as journalism went, it wasn’t a good article. People weren’t going to be very interested in it, since it just talked about how great Bull was. People wanted drama and negativity and parties, but I didn’t give them any of that. Coop was going to be very unhappy with me.
But I owed Bull. Although he thought I had fucked with him, I really hadn’t, not toward the end. I was just as into it as he thought I was, and maybe even more. Now I wanted to show him that, or at least show him that I wasn’t a horrible person.
I got back to my apartment and checked my phone. No new messages. I climbed the stairs slowly, taking my time, and finally ended up outside my apartment door.
I put my key against the lock, but the door pushed open. It hadn’t been closed all the way. Curious and a little afraid, I pushed it open.
“Hello?” I called out. I stepped inside and shut the door behind me, making sure it was definitely closed.
“Hello.”
I nearly jumped out of my skin. I spun around, and standing there in my kitchen was the mobster from before, the man named Rafa.
“What the hell?” I said.
“Sorry to startle you.”
“What are you doing in my apartment?”
“Waiting for you.”
“You can’t be in here. This is trespassing.”
He laughed. “Get in here. I’m going to break some more laws.”
“No. Get the fuck out.”
“Charley, please come sit with me in the kitchen before I get annoyed.”
His expression was blank, and that scared me more than anything else. I walked slowly into the kitchen and sat down at my little table. He sat across from me and sighed.
“This has been an annoying few weeks. You know that?” he asked.
“Sorry to hear it,” I said.
“Thanks, but I think you and I can make my week better. What do you say?”
“I say you should leave. I’ll get you the money soon.”
“Oh, fuck that money. Five grand? I don’t care about five grand, Charley. I don’t care about it at all.”
“What do you want?”
“I want real money.” He leaned forward. “I want fucking Bull back. You know that man has brought the mob a lot of cash over the years? He has had so many messes that we needed to clean up.”
“I don’t want to hear it.”
“You do, though, for your article. I want you to write the real one, and I want you to sell it to the highest bidder.”
“What are you talking about?”
“Charley,” he said, sighing, “we read the article you put on your Dropbox. Two thousand words of praising him, of sucking his dick. Didn’t you do enough of that already?”
I clenched my jaw and wanted to smack him. “How did you get it?”
“We hacked your Dropbox, obviously. Now, let’s talk business.”
“I wrote what I wanted to write.”
“You wrote trash. I want you to write the real article using the details I provide, including pictures. Then you’ll sell it to the highest bidder, and you’ll give me eighty percent of the profits.”
“No,” I said. “I won’t.”
“You will, or I’ll break your fucking knees, and then I’ll break Bull’s.”
“You don’t scare me,” I said, though I was lying. I was practically shaking.
“Okay, sure. I don’t scare you. But I bet you’ll do it to help Bull, won’t you?”
“I’m not going to trash him for you. I won’t do it.”
“You will.” Rafa stood up. “You’ll find everything you need on this disc.” He took a CD from his jacket pocket and placed it down on the table. “Everything is on there. Write the real article, Charley, or else.”
“You bastard,” I said.
“Bye, Charley.” He smiled and then left, shutting the door softly behind him.
I nearly fell out of my chair. I wanted to weep and I wanted to scream. Most of all, I wanted to get out of there.
Not knowing what else to do, I got out my phone and sent a text. “The mafia came back,” I said.
Two minutes later, Bull called me.
“Are you okay?” he asked.
“I’m okay,” I said, “just shaken up.”
“Stay where you are. I’m coming.”
“No. It’s okay. You don’t have to.”
“I’m coming, Charley.” He hung up the phone.
I stared down at the CD, feeling numb. I didn’t know what the mob had on that disc, but I couldn’t help but think about Rafa’s comment about Bull’s messes. What sort of messes had they cleaned up? There were probably seriously incriminating things on that disc, things that would really destroy Bull.
He’d probably done some awful stuff. I knew some stories, and I’d bet that disc could confirm them. Everything about Bull that I had desperately wanted to know for so long was sitting right there in front of me, ready for the taking.
I picked it up and looked at it. CDs were an outdated thing. I didn’t even have a CD drive on my laptop anymore.
I bent it in half. It snapped. I broke it into tiny pieces and then threw it into the trash.
I didn’t care what Bull had done. I didn’t care what the mob had cleaned up. All I cared about was who Bull was now and what he tried to do to better himself.
I wanted to try to live up to that. I wanted to try to be better. I was done using; I was done blackmailing. I was done with all of that. I destroyed the CD and didn’t feel bad about it at all.
I had made my choice.
I was choosing Bull, even if he didn’t want to choose me.
26
Bull
I drove my own damn car this time. I chose the fastest one I had and tore ass through the busy city streets.
Those bastards were going after her again. I had hoped she had gotten away, but clearly they weren’t letting her go. I didn’t know what they had on her, or if they were just straight up threatening to destroy her career and hurt her, but they weren’t going to have that shit anymore, not if I could help it.
I got to her building fast and parked my car out front. I jumped out and rang her bell, impatience and anger running through my body.
“Bull?”
“It’s me.”
“I’m coming down.”
I clenched my jaw. “Wait. Are they gone?”
“They’re gone. I just don’t want to be here anymore.”
“Okay. I’m down here.”
I breathed my relief and leaned back against the wall. The mob was gone, but they had clearly scared her. Two minutes later, she came down the staircase and out the door.
“Hey,” she said. “I’m sorry.”
“Sorry? For what?”
“For everything, but mostly for texting. I was just so afraid.”
“It’s fine. You wouldn’t be mixed up with Rafa if it weren’t for me.”
“Listen, can I just hang out at your place for a little while? Just until I calm down. Or we can drive around or something.”
“Come on. Get in.” We headed over to my car. She climbed into the passenger’s seat and I got up front. “You can stay at my place tonight.”
“Thanks,” she said, closing her eyes.
“What did he say to you?”
“He wants more money. Gave me a CD with dirt on you. Said if I didn’t write an article with that stuff in it, he’d break my knees and destroy me.”
“Fuck,” I said, gripping the steering wheel. “He threatened to actually hurt you?”
She nodded. “Yeah.”
“What a pathetic piece of shit, threatening a woman like that.”
“I don’t know what to do, Bull. I’m not writing that article.”
“What did you do with the disc?”
“I destroyed it.”
I was surpr
ised. “Thanks,” I said. “Did you look at it?”
“No. I don’t want any of that stuff anymore. I want to be done with that, Bull.”
“Okay,” I said. “Okay. We’ll be fine. Let’s get back to my place, try to calm down, and then we’ll figure out what to do next.”
“Can we call the police maybe?”
“They’re probably paid off. I don’t think that’s worth our time.”
“Shit,” she said.
“It’ll be okay. We’ll figure it out together.”
“You don’t have to do this. You don’t owe me anything.”
I laughed as I headed back to my place. “I know that, but you’re the mother of my child and I need to step up.”
“I thought you hated me.”
“I don’t hate you,” I said softly. “Never have.”
“Sure seemed like it yesterday.”
“I was angry and taken off guard. I didn’t know what the hell I felt yesterday.”
She nodded, looking out the window. “I understand. I didn’t like myself very much these past few weeks, and now you’re stuck with me.”
“I don’t feel like I’m stuck,” I said. “I feel like something important is happening. This kid is all that matters anymore.”
She looked at me. “Really?”
“Really. This kid is all I care about. I’ll step up and do whatever you need me to do. If you need money, you’ll have it. I’m going to be there for this kid, Charley, and for you. We’ll start with the fucking mob.”
“Thank you,” she said softly.
I grinned at her. “Don’t get all soft on me now.” I pulled up into my apartment building’s garage and parked. “Come on. Let’s go.”
We climbed out of my car and headed upstairs. We got into the elevator and rode up toward my apartment. She was quiet, and I didn’t want to press her, not yet at least.
We had a common enemy now. I wanted to be done with Rafa and his people, and she wanted to get away from them, too. We needed to work together to finish this and to finally be free.
As we stepped out into my apartment, I sighed. “Want anything?” I asked her.
She shook her head. “No, thanks.”
