by Claire Adams
As if Ryan knew that she had messaged me, he said, “Have you heard from Emerson?”
I fiddled with my phone through my pants pocket. I wanted to message her and at least acknowledge it, but at the same time I didn't.
“Someone else text you today?” he said it like he knew she had.
“Nope.” I frowned and took the beer he was handing me.
“Sorry, man.” He popped the lid off his bottle and lifted it to his lips. I did the same, thinking about what had happened with Chris.
“She wasn't there when I got to the office.”
“Oh.” Ryan looked up.
“She was apparently at Chris’ and I got to hear him tell me all about what it was like to—” I meant to set my bottle down, but I slammed it against the workbench top.
“Wow, I've heard it all now,” Ryan laughed.
“It isn't funny.”
“Dude, you know as well as I do that she isn't sleeping with that asshat.”
I looked at him, and he shrugged.
“Then again, you told her you guys aren't together so... who cares?”
“The thought of another man touching her makes me sick. Literally sick to my stomach.”
Ryan nodded, took another pull of his beer, and then started to speak again. He opened his mouth and then shut it again without saying anything. He took another pull before dropping the bottle to his thigh.
“I just don't think she would do that. Even if she had the opportunity. I don't think so. Would she really be that easy?”
“She’s known him for years.”
Ryan smiled. He lifted his finger in the air as if he had an idea.
“So, she’s known him for years and decided to sleep with him just now? Seems a bit suspicious to me.” He shook his head as if it was a ridiculous idea.
“I don't know what to believe anymore.” I lifted my bottle and drained it. “Throw me another.” I reached my hand out just as the bottle came flying across the room.
Ryan tapped his head as he said. “Don't get all caught up in here.”
I nodded and drank. We drank all the beer and then moved into the house and drank all of my bourbon. We played PlayStation, and I was distracted. It was a good night, until I laid down and thought about Chris and Emerson together.
Chapter 28
Emerson
The days I spent with Rachel had been just what I needed. I didn't think about work or my grant or even Luke... much. She kept me busy. We shopped and shopped and even found me a gorgeous bridesmaid dress. I helped her pick out a cake style and settle on a place for the wedding reception. And that was just day one. Day two started with her waking me up like a kid on Christmas morning.
“Hey!” She sat on the edge of my bed, bouncing rapidly.
“Morning,” I grumbled. She was always the morning person, and I was not. Her smile was wide, and I knew that meant that I was going to be getting up really, really soon.
“I am so glad you are in town. So... today, I was thinking we could go dress shopping while Charlie is at his conference. Ya know. THE dress.”
“Wedding dress?” I raised my eyebrows and gave her a small smile.
“Yes. I couldn't think of a better person to do that with.”
I perked up. “Okay.”
“Get to moving, missy.” She slapped my blanket covered butt and pranced out of the room. As she turned into the hall, she called over her shoulder. “I've got your coffee, and it's calling your name, Emmy, Emmy, Emmy, Emmy...” Her voice got quieter as she moved into the other room. I stretched my arms over my head and let out a big yawn and then sat up. I reached for my phone, and before I even opened the screen, I sat it back down. My feet hit the cold hardwood floors, and I cringed, jerking them back up into the covers.
I laughed, remembering a conversation about how cold the floor was when we first moved in. I counted down to three in my head and then ran across the room and into the bathroom across the hall. After jumping in the shower and brushing my teeth, I walked down the hall and grabbed my chair at the bistro table.
“Here ya go, sunshine.”
Rachel was being extra sweet, which worried me a little.
“Okay. I let ya have a day without questions, so it’s time to talk out why you are really here.”
I lifted the coffee cup to my mouth taking in the warm, rich liquid. I needed a lot more caffeine before there would be any conversation. I grunted and took another sip.
“What’s really going on with the big, burly lumberjack living next door?” she asked.
I sat the coffee cup down and watched the liquid swirl around in the cup before I spoke.
“I don't know anymore.”
“What do you mean?”
“I don't even know. Luke and I are hot and cold. At the moment, he thinks I like Chris.”
“Do you?” She walked over and sat down.
“I don't know. I mean I have known Chris forever. Maybe there could be something there.” I rolled my eyes at the thought.
“What?”
“He doesn't give me butterflies.”
“And the lumberjack does?”
“Luke.”
“Right, Luke.”
“When he is near me, it's the best and weirdest thing I have ever felt.”
“You get all fluttery inside?”
“Yeah. I guess that’s what you’d call it.” I shrugged.
“But not with Chris?”
“No, but it doesn't mean that I couldn't feel like that about him eventually.”
“So you would give up what you feel when you are around Luke to maybe find it eventually with Chris?”
“It’s not that, it’s that Luke is making me question everything. Why does he keep questioning it? I mean, if he’s going to question us... question me... what does that say? And eventually, I’m going to move to Portland, and Luke isn't.”
“So, you want to take the easy road. That doesn't sound like the Emmy I know and love.”
“I don't know what I want. I thought I did, until Luke started acting all whatever. Sometimes, I want to just blow everything off and just be with Luke, and other times I get mad because I want to do that. Wanting Luke doesn’t make sense. But Chris, Chris would be a logical, safe bet. Right?”
She shook her head. “I think you need to really consider what you’re giving up. I'm not saying that you couldn't have the butterflies and fireworks with Chris or maybe someone else down the road, but you do have it with Luke now.”
“I know, and it's overwhelming most of the time.”
“How so?”
“Like I said before, my body knows when he is around. A flush roars through me when he’s near, and when he touches me, even a simple tap on the skin sets my body on fire. It is very hard to concentrate when he is around. With Chris, it's different. More of a friend thing. I don't know. I do know that I can't fall in love with a man who lives somewhere that I can't.”
“You don't like long drives in the rain?” She stood and knocked my shoulder as she walked to the coffee pot, bringing it toward me and refilling my cup.
“No, I don't,” I deadpanned, and she laughed, turning to put the carafe back.
“Maybe you should just sleep with him and then sleep with Chris and then date whoever is better in bed.” She said flippantly.
I almost spit coffee out of my mouth and then choked. I felt her tapping my back as I tried to wipe my face and catch my breath at the same time.
“I was just saying. Don’t go dying on me.”
“I can't sleep with both of them.”
“Why not?
I tilted my head at her. “Wait? You were serious?”
She laughed. “Okay, so you won't, but my point is this: don't make all your decisions based on geography. And I may or may not want to live vicariously through you, so you need to start sleeping with one of them.”
I smiled at her, and we laughed.
“Okay, enough about boys for now. You have twenty minutes, and then we
are going to Jenna’s to look at dresses.”
“Yes ma’am.” I turned my cup up and finished the coffee.
***
Rachel walked out of the dressing room and slowly twirled, the off-white fabric slowly following her movements.
“I don't know,” she said when she stopped. “It doesn’t really make me feel something.”
“If you don't know, then move along.” I smiled and shooed her back into the dressing room.
I waited a few minutes while she tried on several more. She shouted no a few times and then opened the door. She came out in a silver dress with pink flowers along the bottom and several going up the side and connecting at the bodice. The flowers encrusted the heart-shaped neckline. When she turned, there was a pink bow tumbling down the back. While it wasn't my style, it was exactly what I would have picked out for Rachel. When my eyes traveled back up the dress to hers, I saw the tears as they dripped down her face.
“It's perfect.” She smiled and wiped at her face.
“Do you like this one?” The lady that had been helping her asked.
“This is it!” Rachel stated. The lady turned around and hit a bell, and cheers broke out across the small shop.
Once we had grabbed a bite to eat, we went to the cake shop to taste several flavors of wedding cake.
I didn't much care for the red velvet. Why would you want that as a wedding cake? I always thought wedding cake was white, but I was educated about it today. I chuckled to myself as the plates were set in front of us.
“What?” Rachel looked at me as she stabbed a piece of white cake with her fork. I watched her face as she rolled the cake around in her mouth. I took a bit of mine and decided it was going to be my favorite no matter how it tasted.
“That's really good.” Rachel smiled over at me.
“It's my favorite.”
“It's the only one you’ve tasted.”
“And?” I smiled. We moved along to several other flavors, and even after we tasted all the cakes, the white cake was my real favorite.
“I like the white cake best.” I pointed at it. Then swiped my fork through the icing again.
“I really like the marble cake, but I think I agree that the boring old white cake is the best one.” She took the last bite from my plate, and I groaned. “I hate that you’re always right.” She pointed out then laughed when I grinned. She stood and said to the lady behind the counter.
“We will see you next week. Please look over our online catalog and also send whatever pictures you find, and we will see what we can come up with for your special day.” As she was talking, I pulled my phone from my pocket and looked down hoping for a message from Luke. Still nothing. I looked at the time, knowing my flight would be leaving that evening. I was kind of hating that I had to leave.
“I am so thankful you’re here to help me get all this done. I’d been dreading it. I just always thought you’d be here,” Rachel said, threading her arm through mine as we walked.
“Well, I am here. And once I’m done with this grant and start working for Granddad full time, I’ll be able to come out more often.”
“I’d be okay with that,” she nudged me.
“The dress is amazing, you know,” I told her, trying to focus on something positive instead of the fact we were heading back to get my things and go to the airport.
“Yeah. It kind of is. And to think, I had to try on all those mediocre dresses until I found the one that made me feel something,” she bumped my shoulder with hers. “Ya know?”
I knew what she was saying, and it had nothing to do with her dress.
***
Nine hours later, I was walking to my truck and climbing in. It was raining like it did nearly every day in late spring. I drove to the office just to check on everything before I headed back home. I wanted to see Luke. No... I needed to see Luke.
“Hey, Emmy. We weren't expecting you until Monday.” Samantha said when she saw me.
“I was just coming by to make sure everything was in order since I was gone for a few days.”
“You are already so much like your grandfather.” She smiled and handed me the mail that had been sitting on her desk in a basket. I walked down the hall and into the office. There were folders strewn across the desk I had claimed as mine, and I just stood there looking at them.
“Chris was in here this morning looking for something,” John said from behind me. “Welcome back, by the way,” he laughed.
“Yeah, thanks, I think.”
“Speaking of Chris, can we talk before you leave?” John asked.
“Yeah. I’ll stop by your office in a bit. I’m just going to find out what he was looking for.” I turned to go to Chris’ office. He stood as soon as he saw me and made a beeline for me.
“Emmy, you're back.” He smiled broadly.
“I am. What were you looking for in my office?”
“I needed a file.”
“Which one?” I watched as he shuffled papers on his desk looking for the file he had taken from my desk. He handed it over, and I thanked him, turning back toward the door. I glanced around his office, no clue how he could keep up with anything. As I did, I caught sight of my umbrella and one of my scarfs laying in the corner. I crossed the room and picked them up.
“What are these doing in here?” I lifted the umbrella and scarf.
“I found your umbrella by the door and carried it back, but your office was locked, so I put it there.”
I studied the scarf my grandfather had given me.
“The scarf… I don't know? Maybe the cleaning lady moved it in here.” I turned and walked out of his office, heading straight to see John. My gut said there was more to this than he was admitting, but I wasn’t in the mood to ask questions or get into it at the moment, so I took my things and left.
“You wanted to talk to me, John?” I stopped as I was reached his door.
“Yes. Can you come in and shut the door?” I pushed the door closed behind me, not exactly sure what was going on. He started filling me in on a few things that had been happening around the office. As I listened, I slowly sank into the chair in front of his desk. Plans for a couple of upcoming jobs were missing; that was his biggest concern. Then, he informed me he’d seen Chris with my mother a few times during the week and asked if there was anything weird about that in my opinion. I gave him my two cents on my mother’s desire for playing matchmaker. That brought him to the last thing he wanted to tell me about a man who had been there looking for me and that there had been a confrontation with Chris. When he started describing a man that seemed to be Luke, I was floored.
“I followed him outside, just to make sure Chris didn’t try anything underhanded after the way he’d talked to the guy,” John said.
“What was he driving?”
“A white pickup.” My heart skipped a beat. Luke had been here for me.
***
I sped down the driveway, kicking up gravel all the way to the house. My tires skidded to a stop. I ran up the steps and went to grab the handle on his door and stopped, thinking maybe I should knock. I raised my fist and hit the door a few times. When he didn't answer, I walked around to his shop and tried to look in, but it was locked, and that meant he wasn't home. I walked back to the front of the house and noticed the RV was gone. Luke’s truck sat in the driveway, but Ryan’s wasn’t there. Still, they must have gone somewhere. I walked up to his door again, pulled the screen door open, and tried his door, but it was locked. I lifted my phone, but put it back in my pocket. I wanted to talk to him face to face, not on the phone or over text messages, so I would just have to wait until he got home.
***
I spent Saturday morning on the porch as per my usual. I had thought a lot about everything that was happening. My feelings for Luke had come about quickly and fully. In some ways, I knew where I belonged. There were just so many uncertainties, and I wasn't sure how to fix those. I stood at the sink rinsing out my coffee cup thinking a good walk into
the woods would help me clear my mind, so I changed clothes and headed out.
The further I got into the woods, the wetter it got. I started slipping and sliding around on the trail, but I made it to my meadow. I hadn't expected to see Luke standing in the middle of it. I stopped and just watched as he moved slowly doing what looked like Tai-Chi or something similar. I’d never seen him do that before. I wanted to walk to him, but I stood there appreciating the view—him shirtless, his skin shimmering with sweat and the backdrop of the large trees was intoxicating. I sat on the root of a tree and just relaxed.
After about fifteen minutes of watching him, I began my approach quietly. Or so I thought. A large branch cracked under my foot, and he looked over his shoulder, narrowing his eyes. I continued to walk toward him, and he slowly turned to face me.
“I didn't know you were out here.” I sat down my backpack. “Don’t stop on my account.”
“I didn't know you were back.” The rumble of his voice sent tremors down my skin.
“I got back last night. I came by to talk to you, but everything was locked up.” I found his gaze, and I wasn't sure I liked it.
“I've been out here a few days.”
“Alone?” I asked.
“I needed to clear my head. Get myself in check.”
“I think we need to talk.”
“Yeah?” He tilted his head to the side, his gaze still searing mine.
“John told me that you were there looking for me and that Chris told you to leave.”
“You know about that?” He took a step toward me.
“John told me you were there to see me.”
He took another step, and so did I.
“I didn't like that Chris has been with you,” he words were pained.
“He hasn't. It has never been like that,” I assured him.
“It still isn't something you want to hear another man say about someone you care about, true or not.”
“I'm sorry? I don’t know what else to tell you. It’s simply not true.”
“There’s a lot we should talk about, Emmy. I just don't think we should talk about it now. I need some time.” He looked away, and I knew I had lost him. He was hurt, and it showed.
