by Wendy Smith
Kaia returns with a teddy bear, and I swallow hard. It’s old, even older than when I saw it last, but I’d recognize it anywhere.
Brooke smiles. “I think Kaia’s introducing you to her very special friend.”
“Is that your special friend?” I ask.
Kaia nods, handing the bear to me.
It used to be mine. She was a newborn when I gave it to her.
Brooke grasps my arm. “Only me and Rosalyn have been allowed to hold him so far.”
“Is that right?” I turn to Kaia. “Do you want to know a secret?”
Kaia grins. “Yes.”
“Your special friend used to be my special friend.”
Her little eyebrows twitch in confusion.
“There’s something very special about Cole that you need to know.” Brooke gives me a nervous look. I take her hand in mine and squeeze it. “Cole’s your daddy.”
Her brown eyes widen. “My daddy?”
“Yes, baby.” Brooke takes a deep breath. “He’s come back to be with us, Kaia. He was away for a while.”
I slip my arm around Brooke’s shoulders, and plant a kiss on her temple.
“Did you lose us, Daddy?”
Smiling, I pull my arm back and pick up Kaia so she sits on my lap. “In a way, yes.”
“You found us. Yay!” She claps, and Brooke laughs.
I wrap my arms around my little girl and hold her tight. “Yes, I found you.”
And I’ll never lose you again.
“Why does Mommy have to go to work?” Kaia pouts, and cuddles in closer to me.
“She needs to make money to buy food and things.”
“I wish she was here.”
I sigh. “So do I.”
She yawns.
“Ready to go to bed?”
She shakes her head. “I want to stay with you.”
How I love this kid. “We can lie down right here and watch TV until you fall asleep if you like.”
She wraps her arms around me. Since we told her I’m her father, she’s been stuck to me. She’s not asked any more questions about where I’ve been. I think she’s just over the moon that I’m here.
I’m not sure what Brooke told her about me in the past.
“You know, you’re a lot like your mother.”
Kaia looks up at me.
I smile. “You’re sweet, and kind, and loving. And you have these beautiful blond curls just like her.”
She grins as I curl one around my index finger.
“But you have my eyes. And I want them back.”
With her eyes wide, she giggles. “Daddy.”
My heart explodes when she calls me that. I won’t ever get enough of it.
“Come on then, my little princess. Let’s watch this show. I bet you’re asleep by the end of it.”
She yawns again, and this one’s bigger.
“Someone’s really tired. I promise I’ll be here in the morning.” I lie on my side, and she snuggles down beside me.
Stroking those curls, I lean forward and take a deep breath of her strawberry-scented shampoo.
“I love you, Kaia,” I whisper.
“Love you too, Daddy.”
I don’t watch the television. I watch her fall asleep with a huge lump in my throat.
While I can’t make up for the missing years, I can make sure I’m here for her from now on.
No matter what.
15
Brooke
We spend the following weekend at Cole’s place.
Despite all odds, I managed to convince Marcus to give me Saturday night off. Spending time with my family is so important now, but it’s been ages since I took any holiday and he turned out to be more accommodating than I thought.
Cole’s house is beautiful.
It’s one level, and it’s got a decent yard, similar sized to the one at our old house.
Kaia’s eyes light up at the sight of it. She gets to play in the playground at day care, and we go to the park sometimes, but this is what I’ve always wanted for her—somewhere she could run around and play when she felt like it.
She squeezes my hand as we take it all in.
Inside the house there’s furniture, but that’s about it. There are no pictures on the walls, no personalization. It’s very cold, but at the same time I can see how we could make it our own. I could see myself living here.
“I haven’t been here long, so I haven’t put my stamp on the place yet.” Cole wraps his arms around me from behind, and I grip his forearm. “But maybe you two can help me do that.”
“Where’s my room?” Kaia asks.
“Kaia.” I stare at her with wide eyes. “We don’t know what Daddy’s sorted out yet.”
“It’s this way. I bought a couple of things for it to make it Kaia’s room, but it still needs a lot of work.
I follow him up the hallway. Kaia’s room brings tears to my eyes.
It’s sparsely decorated. There’s a single bed in the corner, and a plain white bedside cabinet. But on that cabinet is a night light, projecting stars onto the ceiling.
Her eyes grow wide. “Look, Mommy.” She climbs onto the bed.
“I haven’t done anything in here yet, but I thought we could decorate it. Maybe get some stencils of her favorite cartoon characters. You’ll need to tell me who they are so I can pretty up the room.”
“It’s lovely.” I peck him on the cheek, and he smiles.
“I just want the two of you to be happy. And I want to be the one to do that for you.” He loops his arm around my waist as we watch our daughter get comfortable on the bed. “Let’s close the curtains, Kaia. Then we can see the stars.”
Letting me go, he crosses the room and pulls the curtains across.
“I can see them!” she shrieks.
I laugh. “They’re so cool, baby.”
“I like Daddy’s house.”
Cole’s eyes meet mine. “I do too.”
He grins. “Come with me.”
“Can I stay here?” Kaia asks.
“Of course you can.” I laugh.
Taking me by the hand, Cole leads me down the hallway to the next room. My eyes widen at the size of the bedroom.
“This is our room.”
Against the wall is a king-sized bed. Matching furniture’s on either side, and in the corner, there’s a huge walk-in wardrobe. I’ve never lived anywhere this big.
“It’s beautiful, Cole.”
“No. You are.” He grins, lifting my hand to his lips.
Anxiety rises in my chest. The last time I was shown around a house and told it was mine was when we were back home and looking around the place I was thrown out of.
“This is our house, babe. Yours and mine. No parents involved.”
I smile. “How did you know what I was thinking?”
“It was written all over your face.” His thumb strokes the back of my hand. “You know, when I found this place I didn’t think I’d have you back in my life. But more and more it feels like it was just meant to be.”
“Kaia certainly loves her room.”
He chuckles. “She sure does. All I want in life is to put a smile on her face. And yours.”
“It’s working.” I lean my head against his. “Keep it up.”
“There are a lot of things that I’ll keep up around you.”
I laugh, elbowing him in the ribs. “Stop it.”
He grabs me around the waist, lifting me off the ground and dumping me on my back on the bed.
“Ohh, this is comfortable.” I raise my hands above my head, closing my eyes. “I’m going to sleep so well tonight.”
“I wasn’t planning on doing a lot of sleeping.” He bends over, planting a kiss on my exposed stomach.
“Mommy, is this a nice bed too?” Kaia leaps at my head, bouncing on the bed.
“It’s lovely.” I grab at her, pulling her into my arms.
She rolls toward me with a giggle.
This is perfect.
Kaia loves this place, but it doesn’t take her long to head to the couch and point at the TV.
“Do you have cartoons, Daddy?” she asks.
“We’re not going to spend all night watching cartoons.” I laugh. “What’s in the kitchen? I’ll make dinner.”
“I thought we could order pizza,” Cole says. “I don’t feel like cooking, and you have the weekend off, so I don’t think you should do any work.”
Kaia nods. “I like pizza.”
“Everybody likes pizza.” He tickles Kaia’s tummy, and she giggles. “What type of pizza?”
“Pepperoni.” She doesn’t hesitate. On the rare occasion we have pizza, it has to be pepperoni since she saw a cartoon with a character that was a pepperoni pizza slice.
“Good choice. Pepperoni it is.” He grins.
Planting a kiss on my lips, he plucks his phone from his pocket and dials the number.
I close my eyes as I lean back on the couch and smile at the sound of the television.
“You need to learn to say no to her,” I whisper when he ends his phone call.
“I know. I don’t know if I could say no to you, either.” He slips his arm around my shoulder, and I lean into him while we watch Kaia’s favorite cartoon.
I lose myself to this feeling. We can be a family again, and it’ll be better than before. We’ll start with a foundation of real love and build on that. We’re doing this because we want to, not because we feel we have to.
Kaia crawls over my lap and sits between us. She’s like a pig in mud, she’s so happy. I can’t even imagine what it’s like for her having both of us.
I miss my parents more than ever.
“You okay?” Cole asks over Kaia’s head.
I nod. “Much better than okay. I think I’m actually happy.”
“No way.” He grins. He leans over and gives me a tender kiss.
“Daddy,” Kaia growls.
After dinner, I get Kaia into her pajamas, and she falls asleep still sitting between us on the couch. She has this need to be near Cole, and I get it. I feel that need too. The bond between them is already so strong.
Cole tucks Kaia in while I head to the shower. The en suite bathroom is bigger than the living room in my apartment. I strip off and start up the shower.
I sigh as the warm water hits my shoulders. The shower has amazing water pressure compared to mine, and I close my eyes, running my fingers through my hair.
I laugh when Cole embraces me from behind, his large hands working their way down to between my legs.
“I didn’t hear you sneak in. What are you doing?” I tilt my head as he nuzzles my neck.
“Hopefully giving you such an amazing experience in my shower that you’ll move in.”
I part my legs a little to give him access, and he finds my clit with his fingers.
“Cole,” I gasp.
“This is how things are going to be from now on. You and me like this.”
“I’m not complaining.”
He rubs my clit, and I arch my back against him. Cole knows how to touch me, how to make me melt for him. And I’m not complaining as he speeds up, holding me as my legs tremble with my climax.
“Now I get to wash you off.” He laughs.
He soaps up a sponge, and runs it over my back before bringing it around the side and up between my breasts.
“I’m just going to go to sleep.” I laugh.
“You’re not sleeping until after I’ve been inside you.” His hand drops down to my thighs, and I protest when the water disappears.
He takes the showerhead and rinses me off before the shower cord wraps around me. I lean back against him with the water hitting my clit.
“You don’t play fair.” I gasp.
He hangs the showerhead back up, turning me around and pulling me into his arms. “I just want to make you happy.”
“You are, Cole. You don’t have to do anything special to make that happen.”
He peppers kisses up my neck, and I sigh. “I have a lot to make up for,” he murmurs against my skin.
“Well, you can do that tonight. Right now, I want to get dry and have another slice of pizza.”
He grins. “Then bed?”
“Then bed.”
With one last kiss, I step out of the shower, plucking a towel from the rail. Walking into the bedroom, I open Cole’s top drawer.
“I should shave.” Cole rubs his chin as he follows me out of the bathroom. “Make it really smooth for you.”
I pull on one of his T-shirts.
“Why are you covering up?” He holds his hands out as if pleading with me.
“While you’re shaving, I’m going to explore your house.”
He chuckles, wrapping his arms around my waist and pulling me to him. “It’s your house too.”
I reach for his face, running my fingers down his cheek. “I love you.”
“And I love you. This weekend is about convincing you to take the final step. I want you and Kaia to move in.”
“I know you do,” I whisper.
“Don’t be scared, Brooke. It’s real. I’m real. I want to spend the rest of my life with you. Make this a real marriage.” With a kiss to my nose, he lets go of me and turns back to the bathroom. I take it as my cue to go and do my own tour of the house.
There are two more bedrooms with no furniture in them, but I smile at the possibilities. Beside the living room, there are carpeted steps that lead down into what looks like an office.
An old desk and chair occupy the far end of the room. Cole said he works from home sometimes, and I guess this is where he does so judging by the laptop sitting on the desk. I run my fingers around the edge of the wooden desk stopping when I spot a manila folder on the desk.
There’s a photo of me sitting on top of the folder. I’m on my way to work, just outside Kaia’s day care. My skin crawls. Someone’s been watching me?
I open the folder. My head spins as I flick through photo after photo. Me leaving for work, me arriving at both my day and night jobs. My stomach plunges at the sight of Kaia playing in the playground at day care.
There are other papers detailing my life. There’s nothing left private. My address, who I work for, and Rosalyn’s address information. I clap my hand over my mouth as tears fall. Is Cole having us followed?
Maybe I shouldn’t have trusted him.
“There you are. Ready for bed?”
I look up to see him standing in the doorway. It wasn’t enough for him to tear my heart apart once. Now he’s gone and done it all again.
“Brooke?”
“What the hell is all this?” I pick up the open folder and slam it on the desk.
“I can explain.”
“I trusted you. Why are you having us followed? There are photos of my baby in here.” I’m yelling, and I don’t care. What is wrong with him and his family?
He draws closer, his palms down, as if he’s trying to calm me. “I’m not having you followed.”
“Clearly you are. Why, Cole?” Tears stream down my face.
“I had to find you. After three years of not knowing where you were, I hired someone to track you down.”
“Not knowing where I was?”
“Mommy?” Kaia stands in the doorway, rubbing her eyes.
“Oh, sweetheart. Why are you awake?”
“I heard noise.”
“I bet you did.” I smile. “I’m sorry.”
Walking past Cole, I scoop Kaia into my arms and carry her back toward the bedroom. “Come on, sweet girl. I’ll stay with you.”
“Brooke. Please let me explain.”
“I’m getting Kaia back to sleep.”
When we reach the bedroom, I place Kaia on the bed and turn around. Cole’s right outside the door. I wipe my tears with my palm and close the door, leaving him on the other side.
“Mommy, why are you crying?”
I climb into bed beside Kaia, and pull her into my arms. “It’s just that we’re somewhere different
tonight. We’ll be home tomorrow. Then you can sleep in your own bed.”
She nods, her head resting on my arm. I love this kid with everything I have, and the thought of someone following us, following her and taking snapshots, terrifies me. I’m not sure if I want to hear Cole try and explain this.
It scares me that someone got so close to her.
She’s asleep within minutes, and I’m left looking at the stars projected onto the ceiling. I can’t help the tears that fall. That first night without Cole four years ago plays on my mind. Once he left, I felt so alone, and that was before the axe fell from his father.
Tonight, I’ve got that falling feeling again.
Which axe will fall next?
16
Cole
I don’t sleep well.
When I climb into the bed I thought I’d be sharing with Brooke, it’s cold and lonely.
I’m an idiot. I should have explained everything up front. I should have destroyed that file. There are so many things in my life I should have done, and when it comes to her I’ve consistently chosen the wrong path.
I’m not sure what time I fall asleep, but I wake to little hands playing with my face. She pulls my bottom lip out, and tugs on my ear.
I open one eye.
“Hello.” She giggles.
“Hi.”
“You have to wake up, Daddy. Mommy and I are going to the bus stop.”
I’m up in a flash. “You don’t have to.”
“I think we do.” Brooke stands in the doorway.
“Can we talk?”
“I need time, Cole. We’re going home.”
I get out of bed and walk to her. “I need to explain.”
She nods. “I know. But right now, I need some space. I’ll call you later in the week.”
“I’ll drive you home, then.”
She shakes her head. “No. You stay there. There’s a cross-town bus close by. Besides, Kaia likes the bus. Don’t you, Kaia?”
Kaia nods. “I like Daddy’s car too.”
“Give your dad a kiss, and we’ll get going.”
Small, wet lips land on my cheek, and I laugh as she leaves slobber on my face.
