by Lara Bergen
“Okay . . .” replied Phineas slowly. “Tell her . . . what?”
Candace thought for a moment. “Grr,” she groaned, frustrated. For once, she didn’t exactly know.
She turned and stormed across the stage. “I’m just gonna tell!!!” she huffed.
Phineas watched her go. Then he shrugged as the Ferbettes shuffled over to finish the song.
Chapter 4
“Mom! Mom! Mom!” Candace ran across the mall into the boutique where her mom was shopping. “Mom, you’ve got to see this!”
Linda turned from the rack of clothes.
“Let me guess,” she said, knowing that Candace was always trying to show her some crazy thing having to do with Phineas and Ferb. “Is it unbeliev—”
But Candace didn’t let her finish. Instead, she bulldozed her out of the store and across the mall, shouting, “Come on! Come on! Come on!”
She stopped, at last, just in front of the stage.
“See?” Candace said breathlessly. She pointed up at two shadows falling from behind a curtain that was about to be raised. “There they are, onstage!”
Just then, the announcer’s voice came over the PA. “Ladies and gentlemen, once again . . . Marty the Rabbit Boy and His Musical Blender!”
The curtain went up . . .
. . . And there stood a rabbit boy, and his blender—which was oddly Ferb-shaped.
“Come on,” Linda said, taking Candace by the arm. “We’re going to get you an eye exam.”
Meanwhile, across town Perry the Platypus was just arriving at the new, high-rise offices of Doofenshmirtz Evil, Incorporated.
“Everything is ready!” gloated the villain, rubbing his hands together as he reviewed the blueprints for his latest dastardly plan.
Ding-dong. The bell on the door of Dr. Doofenshmirtz’s office suite rang.
“Oh, what is it now?” he groaned.
He opened the door to find Perry, still wearing his undercover funny-nose-and-glasses disguise.
“Oh! Are you my new temp?” asked Dr. Doofenshmirtz, not recognizing Perry. “Well, let me get you up to speed.” He ushered in the disguised secret agent and led him past his papers and a half-eaten tuna sandwich to an impressive, state-of-the-art control room, complete with a giant blinking video map of the world.
“I know it’s a bit of a mess,” he went on. “I’m just putting the finishing touches on my latest maniacal plan. You’ll see, in a few minutes,” he explained, his voice growing more demented and evil-sounding with each word. “I will unleash an unprecedented reign of terror upon the entire—” he held a magnifying glass up to the middle of his map and enlarged a small area on the eastern coast of the United States “—tri-state area. And Perry the Platypus,” he added with glee, “will never be the wiser!”
Perry stared up at him and whipped off his disguise dramatically.
“Ah!” Dr. Doofenshmirtz gasped. “Perry the Platypus! You’re a temp?” he asked, surprised. “Are times that hard?”
But he soon realized that Perry was doing the same job he’d always done—attempting to foil the doctor’s plans.
“Sorry, Perry the Platypus,” he said, smirking, “but you are too late.”
He reached for a giant lever and pulled it. The building around them began to shake, and, within seconds, what had seemed like a regular office high-rise transformed into a thirty-story robot with long, pincer arms and feet the size of locomotives. Perry was now trapped inside a giant robot with Dr. D.
“Ha-ha-ha-ha!” laughed Dr. Doofenshmirtz as his robot rose up from the ground and began to stomp across the city.
“When it comes to havoc,” the villain crowed, “nobody wreaks it like me!”
But Perry wasn’t about to let Dr. Doofenshmirtz destroy the entire city of Danville—or the tri-state area! While Dr. D.’s back was turned, he yanked a panel out of the wall and touched two wires together. The robot turned and marched in the opposite direction.
“Whoa! Wait, wait!” the villain cried when he saw what Perry was doing. “You’re not supposed to touch that! Hey! No fair! Very clever, Perry the Platypus. I was trying to ignore you, but you’ve forced my hand.” He reached for a button over his shoulder and pressed it—hard. Instantly, mechanical arms sprang out of the wall and clamped around Perry.
“And now . . .” said Dr. Doofenshmirtz, as he finished reprogramming the robot to continue its destruction, “I shall relax with a nice, tasty deli platter.” He sat down and began to fill a plate with salami, olives, and cheese from a large selection in the center of the table. The robot stomped along, crushing buildings, parks, cars, and anything else in its path, while Dr. D. looked with delight at the food in front of him. It was well known that few things went with mayhem and destruction quite like a fine deli platter.
“Oh-ho-ho! Where are my manners?” He looked over at his prisoner, who was pinned to the wall. With all the charm of a gracious host, he fixed a plate for Perry.
“Here you go, Perry the Platypus,” he said, setting it down on a nearby table. “Care for some pepper?” He pulled out a pepper mill. “Just say when. . . .”
He leaned over Perry’s plate and began to grind away. Perry didn’t say when, so Dr. D. kept on grinding.
“Any time . . .” The pile of pepper grew higher and higher.
Perry surely would have smiled . . . if only platypuses could.
Back at the mall, Candace was fuming. First she’d had to deal with Phineas and the Ferb-Tones, and now her mother had outfitted her in a brand-new pair of hideous, black-rimmed glasses.
“Argh. I told Mom I don’t need glasses!” she muttered as she stomped out of the mall. “What the . . .”
Candace blinked, then blinked again. She yanked off her glasses and stared straight ahead.
No way! she thought. But there it was, as plain as day: a bus with Phineas and Ferb’s faces and P.F.T. all over it!
Well, at least, Candace thought, her mom would believe her now.
Or would she? The bus was pulling away!
“No! No! Wait!” Candace begged, calling after the bus.
But hang on!
Was that a picture of Phineas and Ferb plastered across the side of an office building? Candace grinned and headed back into the mall. “Oh, Mo-om!” she called.
She ran through the mall until she finally found her mother in a department store.
“Mom!” cried Candace, grabbing Linda by the arm. “Come here, you’ve got to see this!”
“But Candace,” said Linda, who was still trying on a jacket, “I haven’t paid for this yet!”
Candace didn’t care. She dragged her mom right out of the store, jacket and all.
Woo-woo-woo! went the alarm as Candace and her mom passed through the detector at the door.
“Hey!” yelled a security guard as he started chasing them through the mall.
“See?” cried Candace as she led her mom outside. She watched her mom’s face as she pointed behind her to the wall where she’d seen the huge sign for P.F.T.
Linda looked where Candace was pointing and said nothing. Curious, Candace turned around.
“Aaagh!” she screamed. The building wasn’t there!
That particular building had resided directly in the path of Dr. Doofenshmirtz’s building-robot and had been demolished only seconds before Candace arrived with her mother.
Candace stood frozen, trying to figure out where the building had gone while the mall guard walked up and nodded sternly at Linda. “Uh, ma’am?” he said. “You’re going to have to come back and pay for that.”
“Yes, of course, officer,” she replied, blushing.
As Linda followed the guard back inside, he turned to look at her more closely. “Hey, weren’t you Lindana?” he suddenly said.
Linda smiled shyly. “Yes, I was,” she said with a chuckle. “I can’t believe you recognized me.”
“Well, I was a huge fan,” he told her. “I loved that hit single you had in the ’80s—‘I’m Lindana and I Want to Have F
un.’”
Linda smiled more brightly. Somebody actually remembered her!
“You still have to pay for the jacket,” he said.
Linda nodded. “I know,” she said with a sigh.
So many things were happening at once. Dr. Doofenshmirtz’s pepper pile was growing higher and higher. The giant robot was marching on. Candace’s blood was boiling, and her mother was paying for her new jacket. And in yet another part of the city, the biggest record company in the world was offering Phineas and Ferb the deal of a lifetime.
Chapter 5
“Boys,” said Ben Baxter, the president of Huge “O” Records, “let me start by saying, we love your act, and we want to be in the Phineas and the Ferb-Tones business.” He gestured to the other executives gathered around the conference table. “Uh, by the way,” he added skeptically, “aren’t you a little young to be pop stars?”
Phineas and Ferb exchanged a look on their side of the table, then turned back to Ben. “No,” Phineas replied.
“Well, okay, then!” Ben flashed a wide smile and quickly whipped out a large stack of papers. “We’re prepared to offer you a very lucrative contract . . . if you’ll just sign exclusively with us for your follow-up single.”
“Follow-up single?” Phineas stood up, outraged, and leaned across the table. “Who do you think we are? Some two-bit hacks who’ll keep writing new songs just because you’ll pay us obscene amounts of cash?” He reached out and grabbed Ben Baxter’s contract and bitterly tore it into pieces. “Phineas and the Ferb-Tones are strictly a one-hit wonder!” he declared. “Good day to you, sir!”
And together with Ferb, Isabella, and the rest of the one-hit-wonder Ferb-Tones, Phineas marched out of the conference room without looking back.
Satisfied, Phineas pulled out his checklist as they waited for the elevator. “Diva tantrum . . . check!” he said, marking off the second item on his list.
The elevator doors opened and the group stepped in. As the doors slid shut again and they began to descend to the ground floor, Phineas listened for a moment to the catchy, mellow tune drifting down from overhead. It was their song!
“Elevator music . . . check!” This was easier than he’d thought it would be!
Back inside the conference room, Ben Baxter merely shrugged.
“Ah, who needs ’em?” he said. He held up a tape and his eyes flashed. “We’ve still got this videotape of their performance. We can do live CDs, DVDs, podcasts! Heck,” he went on, “we can digitally re-create their images to make our own sitcom—The Phineas and Ferb Show! We can squeeze twenty years of entertainment out of this one videotape!”
He was so excited about the gold mine in his hand that he didn’t even realize what was happening outside the window behind him.
Across the room, another executive jumped up and pointed out the window. “Ah!” he cried. “That giant robot is coming right at us!”
Ben Baxter turned around . . . and could not believe his eyes.
Sure enough, as it continued on its path of destruction, Dr. Doofenshmirtz’s giant robot was just about to crush the Huge “O” Records headquarters.
Inside the robot, however, Dr. Doofenshmirtz was still earnestly grinding away at the pepper mill.
“Wow, you sure like a lot of pepper,” he told Perry, as the mountain of spice grew. “I’m more of a paprika man myself.”
Perry eyed the pile, then closed his eyes. With the cool resolution of a seasoned spy, he blew hard at the pile of pepper.
A cloud of spicy black dust erupted and filled the air.
“Kwahh-kuhh-kegh-kah!” The villain coughed. But he was not to be deterred so easily. “It will take more than condiments to foil my brilliant plan!” he spat as he waved the cloud away. His eyes grew wide as a deep, bellowing sound began to echo all around them. The floor, walls, and ceiling began to tremble and quake.
“Ah . . . ah . . . ah . . . CHOOOOO!”
The robot was sneezing! As it did, it shot Dr. D. and Perry out of its robot mouth. They went tumbling into the air and straight through the window of the conference room at Huge “O” Records.
They hurtled past the stunned record executives. “The tape!” hollered Ben Baxter as Perry flew by and snatched it out of his hands.
“Aaagh!” cried Dr. Doofenshmirtz as he and Perry crashed through the opposite wall and fell, head over heels, toward the ground thirty stories below.
Cool, calm, and collected as always, Perry grabbed hold of the videotape and pulled it smoothly out of its case. Then he tossed it around a flagpole like a rope as he shot past. He used the tape to swing himself safely around and onto the pole—while Dr. Doofenshmirtz kept falling.
“Aaagh!” the villain hollered. Bracing himself for the worst, he landed with a surprising boing! He’d fallen onto a mattress truck!
“Phew!” sighed Dr. Doofenshmirtz. “What an unbelievable stroke of luck!”
But Dr. D.’s luck was not quite as good as he thought. He had landed on an Amazing Folding Mattress Company mattress. Before he knew what was happening, it folded in half like a taco—with him inside.
“Oh!” he groaned. Then he sighed. “I’m okay. Still better than—”
BOOM!
The foot of his broken robot crashed down on top of him.
“Curse you, Perry the Platypus!” Dr. Doofenshmirtz mumbled from under the robot’s two-ton boot. Thanks to Perry, he’d been foiled again!
Phineas and the ex-Ferb-Tones were just getting off the elevator, completely unaware of the chaos and destruction the robot was wreaking outside.
They walked out the Huge “O” record company doors to find Perry, back on all fours, strolling by.
“Oh, there you are, Perry,” said Phineas—clueless, as always, about his pet platypus’s secret life. “Come on, guys!” he called, leading the group to the bus stop. “We still have one thing left to do.”
Chapter 6
Back at the mall, the television announcer was just taking the stage.
“And the winner of today’s Super American Pop Teen Idol Star is . . .” He stepped aside as the curtain behind him rose. “Marty the Rabbit Boy and His Musical Blender!”
The long-eared musician patted his blender and took a bow.
“Oh, give him a hand!” the announcer went on. “He’s going to Hollywood!”
From a bench not too far away, Candace looked on glumly.
“Hey, Candace,” said a gentle voice from behind her.
It was Jeremy.
He sat down beside her—but even that didn’t cheer Candace up.
“What’s wrong?” he asked.
Candace sighed and pointed over to the bug-eyed rabbit boy. “I’m better than that guy!” she told Jeremy. “Oh!” She shook her head. “I should’ve taken blender lessons,” she groaned.
“So why did you run off earlier?” Jeremy asked her, confused.
Candace clenched her fists and narrowed her eyes. “My brothers!” she said hotly. “They always ruin everything!”
Jeremy shrugged. “Well . . . you like to sing, right?” he said.
Candace looked over at him. “Yeah,” she answered.
“Then you shouldn’t let your brothers’ fun ruin your good time. You know,” Jeremy went on, “if you get the chance to sing, you ought to sing.” He put his hand on Candace’s shoulder. “I gotta go,” he told her. “I’ll see you later.”
Candace smiled as he walked away. She stared happily after him until she heard someone else call out her name.
“Hey, Candace!” It was Phineas on the microphone, back up on stage. He had his guitar around his neck, and Ferb was beside him, ready with his keyboard and drums.
The band was back together again! And a crowd was rapidly gathering around them.
“You’re still the hundredth contestant!” Phineas went on. “Want to come up and help us out?”
Candace stood and squared her shoulders, thinking of Jeremy’s words as she did. She took a deep breath—Phineas wouldn’t hav
e to ask her again. In an instant, she’d joined him onstage.
Each time it was Candace’s turn to sing, she gave it her all. She really did love being on the stage.
“That was great!” Candace exclaimed as the song ended. The audience whistled and cheered so loudly she felt like an honest-to-goodness pop star. It was almost too good to be true!
She held her hands up and let the audience’s adoration sink in.
“Thanks, you’ve been great!” called out Phineas, as he stepped up to the mic and waved. “This is the last time we’ll ever sing that song! We’re retiring. Good night!”
Candace froze, her arms still up, as she watched him and the rest of the Ferb-Tones turn and casually walk away.
CLICK. THWONK.
The lights went off, and an announcement came over the PA: “The mall is now closed and will reopen at nine a.m. tomorrow. Thank you for shopping with us.”
Retiring? She couldn’t believe it!
Candace had come so close to being a pop star! But, thanks to her brothers, she’d been foiled again!
Part Two
Chapter 1
It was another sunny summer morning. Phineas and Ferb were outside, and Candace was in her room practicing lines for her role in the fall drama-club production. Sure, it was still summer, but you couldn’t be too prepared. Candace had gone over the lines again and again . . . and again.
“To think, to dream. Whether ’tis nobler to love, I know not.”
She sighed and clutched her well-worn script to her chest in a tight hug.
“Ah, The Princess Sensibilities, my very favorite play . . .”
Grrrr. Growwwl. GAAAHHHH!
She frowned at the truly dreadful sounds coming from the backyard. She’d been hearing them all morning long. How was an actress to concentrate?