by Lara Bergen
The filming of The Curse of the Princess Monster was officially finished.
Chapter 5
Later that day in the editing room, Phineas and Ferb were busy turning all the scenes they’d shot into a cinematic masterpiece. The recording was playing on a large computer, and Ferb was meticulously cutting and pasting scenes into order. Candace sat miserably between them, gnawing at her fingers.
She watched scene after scene on the computer. Just as Candace had feared, they were not pretty.
“Here’s your big dramatic scene, Candace,” Phineas said eagerly. She cringed as the bedroom came into view.
“To think . . . to—to stink . . . to . . . to—”
Candace winced as she watched herself lying there, gasping and panting, battered and banged and totally bruised.
“Oh,” she moaned, pounding her head against the table. Tears poured out of her eyes like they were fountains. “This is horrible!” she wailed. “I can’t let anybody see this!”
“That’s what is called a rough cut,” Phineas said cheerily. “Ferb’s going to fix it in editing. Tighten up the dialogue,” he explained as Ferb plugged away on the computer. “Do a little voice modulation. Play with the filters.”
Candace could see some of what he was talking about on the monitor before them. The computer program seemed to change everything around. Mostly, though, she kept her eyes covered with her hands.
“And now, take a look,” said Phineas finally.
Candace slowly and reluctantly slid open her fingers and peeked out at the screen.
“To think . . . to dream . . . to be free of the curse.”
“Ahhh!” Candace gasped. There she was on the screen, looking positively awesome and gorgeous, speaking her lines perfectly—with real background music and everything!
“I . . . I . . . I look beautiful!” she squealed, clasping her hands together in glee.
“That’s what they call movie magic,” said Phineas.
“You two are the best brothers a great actress could ever have!” cried Candace. Then she threw her arms around them . . . something she’d never done before. She couldn’t wait for the movie to premiere.
Academy Awards, look out! thought Candace. Here I come!
Chapter 6
Candace didn’t have to wait long for the premiere. The producer set up a sneak preview before the day was through.
“We packed this theater with teenagers,” he explained to Candace, Phineas, and Ferb, as they stood outside the movie house. “They’re our target audience. If they like it, we’re in business. If they don’t . . .” He drew his finger sharply across his throat to indicate that the whole project would be dead.
Inside, the young audience quieted down as the lights dimmed and the title sequence began.
“The Curse of the Princess Monster!” said a low, sinister voice.
Instantly, the whole place erupted in cheers.
“Looks like we’ve got a hit movie!” declared the producer.
Phineas and Ferb high-fived each other, and Candace jumped for joy.
Whoopee! she thought. At last, her dreams of movie stardom were really coming true!
A couple of blocks away, Dr. Doofenshmirtz was showing Perry his very latest invention.
“Now, Perry the Platypus,” he said as they stood on a balcony high above the unsuspecting city below, “watch carefully as I demonstrate the Age-Accelerator . . . inator!”
The device was strapped to his back and, as he jumped into the air, a laser shot out from the top and blasted a glowing green beam through the sky. Dr. Doofenshmirtz aimed it at a park where children were playing, and the beam landed on a toddler who was happily riding a seesaw with another child.
Perry watched as the cute little toddler grew into a big, hairy adult. He got so heavy so quickly that he sent the kid sitting on the other side of the seesaw flying through the air.
“Hooray, it works!” crowed Dr. Doofenshmirtz. “And now, to make some perfectly aged cheese!”
Still wearing his age-accelerating machine, Dr. D. strode back into his office and up to his big wheel of cheese. He took aim—and fired.
The cheese ripened before their eyes. “Ah, perfect!” he exclaimed, delighted, cutting off the laser. “You can actually see the pungent aroma!” He cut off a large, fragrant hunk and handed it to Perry. “Here you go, Perry the Platypus. But I’m warning you.” He wagged his finger. “Once you start, you won’t be able to stop.”
Perry eyed the cheese skeptically. He didn’t approve of the villain’s methods . . . but his cheese did look good.
“I’ll go get some crackers,” Dr. Doofenshmirtz told him, heading toward the kitchen. He was back in a moment, carrying a tray.
“We’re in luck,” said Dr. Doofenshmirtz happily. “I still have some leftover melba—” But he stopped abruptly and froze in midstep. His hands started to shake, and he dropped the tray of crackers.
CRASH!
“Whoa! Oh, no!” he cried. Where moments before his perfect wheel of pungent cheese had gloriously rested, there was now only an empty pedestal. “The cheese! What happened to the stinky cheese? Perry the Platypus!” His eyes zeroed in on Perry—who looked more like a Frisbee than a platypus. “You ate all the cheese?” he wailed. “No! No!”
Perry tried to look innocent. But there was no hiding the distinct wheel-shaped bulge in his belly. It had been fabulously irresistible cheese.
The villain looked up at the machine, which still hung heavily on his back. “I created this for peaceful, cheese-loving purposes,” he moaned, “but now you force me to wield it in anger!”
He aimed the Age-Accelerator . . . inator at Perry and fired away.
But even filled with cheese, Perry was too quick for him.
“Aargh!” growled the villain as he kept wildly shooting. “Perry the Platypus, hold still! Hold still so I can blast you!”
As you may have guessed, Perry would do anything but hold still.
Back at the movie theater, the young audience was whooping and cheering like crazy.
“Wow, those kids love it!” the producer said with a laugh.
“Yay!” cried Candace. “Superstardom, here I come!”
But out of nowhere, a glowing green beam passed through the roof of the theater. A moment later, the sounds from inside became decidedly different.
“Boo! Boo!” The audience was livid!
“What’s going on in there?” exclaimed Phineas.
Followed by Ferb and Candace, Phineas ran into the theater. He threw open the heavy doors and discovered a bunch of grumpy old people!
“It’s too loud with all the rock and roll!” shouted one man.
“A waste of my time,” grumbled another.
“Where are my teeth?” an old woman asked.
And out they shuffled in a surly, white-haired mass.
The producer stepped up with a handful of questionnaires collected from the audience. “Sorry, kids, they hated it,” he said. “The movie’s dead.”
He turned and walked off, leaving Candace stunned and speechless.
“Well, at least we had fun!” said Phineas.
“Fun?” exclaimed Candace. “What about me? I was gonna be a star!” Had she really gone through all that torture for nothing? Nothing at all?
“Don’t worry, Candace,” Phineas told her. “We saved a copy of your best scenes. We’re going to put it on our Web site right away!”
Well . . . thought Candace skeptically. Her brothers’ site did get a lot of hits. Maybe she could still become famous.
They headed back home, completely unaware of the real drama unfolding thirty stories above their heads.
High in his office, the evil scientist Dr. Doofenshmirtz had Perry cornered at last. After all, a walking wheel of cheese can be only so nimble.
“Yah, ha, ha!” laughed Doofenshmirtz crazily. “I have you cornered!” His gizmo was set at DANGEROUSLY HIGH and poised to shoot.
“This time I’ll hit you with
everything I’ve got!” Doofenshmirtz cried. “Say good-bye, Perry the Platypus!”
He pulled the trigger, and everything went green. But it was only a second before the machine exploded, in a blast of noise and light! The room was filled with the screeching of metal being wrecked . . . and then everything fell eerily silent.
Dr. Doofenshmirtz peered through the smoke left by the explosion.
“Wait, wait, wait. That’s not right,” he muttered, as his ruined machine disintegrated. Then he looked down at Perry. “Oh, Perry the Platypus.” He laughed. “Just . . . just look at yourself! You really let yourself go.”
Sure enough, Perry appeared to have aged at least eighty years (and not gracefully, either). His fur was wrinkled. His beak was drooping. It was all he could do just to stand with the help of a cane.
Little did Dr. Doofenshmirtz know that he looked a hundred years older—and that Perry had a surprise up his wrinkled sleeve.
The platypus grabbed his chest and ripped off the sagging skin in a single, heroic movement. Underneath was good old young Perry, fit and ready to face crime head-on.
“Oh, so, you had on an Age-Accelerator-inator-proof suit, eh?” cackled Doofenshmirtz. “Well, I have a little surprise of my own!”
He grabbed his lab coat and tore it off (along with all his other clothes), just as Perry had, to reveal . . . an old man in droopy black socks and polka-dotted underwear! Dr. D.’s aging machine had been effective, indeed.
The old man sighed. “Well, it’s already four thirty,” Dr. Doofenshmirtz said, looking at his watch. He turned and scuffled off with a sigh. “I think I’m going to bed. Hmph.” He coughed mildly. “Curse you, Perry the Platypus,” he said unenthusiastically.
* * *
Back at home, Candace was getting her first look at Phineas and Ferb’s webcast masterpiece.
“Oh, boy!” said Phineas, as the title came on the computer screen: The Swamp Monster of Danville.
“This is going to be great!”
Candace watched excitedly. But her face slowly fell as everyday white shoes came stomping into view on the screen. Where were the fancy costumes?
The shoes flattened a cardboard house . . . then promptly squashed an unsuspecting monster.
The shot shifted to a fierce, terrifying face—one that was definitely Candace’s. No doubt whatsoever. Her eyes were wild, and her teeth were bared ferociously in rage.
“YOU . . . GUYS . . . RUIN . . . EVERYTHING!”
The words rumbled out of her mouth in slow motion.
As she watched in horror, Candace wanted to scream. Where was Candace the princess? Where were her dramatic lines? Where was the fabulous beauty shot Ferb had edited just that afternoon? This was nothing but the video they’d gotten of her storming in on them that morning!
She looked like a monster, Candace realized. And she sounded like one, too!
She, Candace, was the swamp monster of Danville!
If only she were a monster, then she could have stomped on them right then and there!
“Whoa, check it out!” exclaimed Phineas. He pointed to the number quickly rising at the bottom of the screen. “Five million hits already! I bet everyone we know saw it! Enjoy it while it lasts, Candace,” he said, smiling up at his sister. “Fame is fleeting.”
Candace winced. She could only hope so!
And then Ferb spoke up. “But the Internet is forever.”
Candace moaned. Foiled again! She fainted and collapsed on the floor.
“Good night, Candace.” Phineas grinned.
He wasn’t sure why Candace wasn’t thrilled. As far as he and Ferb were concerned, the film was evidence of another totally awesome summer day!
Don’t miss the fun in the next
Phineas & Ferb book . . .
Adapted by Helena Mayer
Based on the series created by Dan Povenmire & Jeff “Swampy” Marsh
Phineas Flynn popped up in bed, his eyes wide open.
“Hey, Ferb!” Phineas tossed a pillow across the room, aiming for his brother, who was still fast asleep. Phineas didn’t get it. How could Ferb sleep on a day like this?
After all, it wasn’t just any day.
This was it, the big day. The day Phineas had been waiting for all summer long. “It’s Candace’s birthday!” he shouted, blasting Ferb out of dreamland. “We gotta do better than last year.”
Last year’s birthday had started out okay. Candace had loved her cake. It was chocolate chocolate chip (her favorite) and covered in pink and white frosting (her double favorite).
But Phineas had made a big mistake. It never occurred to him that Candace would want to eat the cake. Eating was seriously dullsville and Phineas had something much more exciting in mind. Something like a giant gorilla hiding inside the cake, waiting to jump out when Phineas yelled, “Happy birthday, Candace!”
It also never occurred to Phineas that Candace was afraid of gorillas.
Especially giant gorillas hiding inside of birthday cakes.
“Not our best work,” Phineas admitted. Ferb didn’t say anything, but Phineas could tell he agreed. “This time, it’s gotta be something huge!”
This year, Phineas was determined to give his sister a birthday present that wouldn’t make her scream and run out of the room. And he knew just how to do it.
