“Of course not,” she said vehemently, and behind her back she crossed her fingers.
THE WEDDING was short and to the point. The minister spoke briefly about the sanctity of marriage and Alicia felt like squirming where she stood. That she and Jake would have no problem with the vow of purity was a given. He wasn’t about to trot off to the saloon to take up with one of the girls who plied their trade in the rooms over the bar. And heaven knew that she had no inclination even to flirt with any of the men of her acquaintance.
Jake would be enough for her to handle. But intimacy between them would only confuse the matter.
“With this ring I thee wed.” The words were familiar, but never had they applied to her, and Alicia felt a thrill that made her shiver as Jake took her hand and placed the ring they had chosen onto her left hand. He looked into her eyes as he spoke the vow, holding her hand even after the ring was in place. Her fingers trembled in his grasp, and he clasped them more securely.
Then the minister spoke the final phrases that would make their marriage legal. “Since Jacob and Alicia have repeated their vows…” His voice intoned the solemn words and Alicia knew a moment of panic.
In her innermost being she recognized the wisdom of this union. And yet, she felt she was walking into a chasm, feeling her way, without a light to guide her and no path marked for her journey.
“I now pronounce that they are man and wife…” Jake’s fingers tightened again and she returned the pressure, her other hand occupied with holding the small bouquet of wildflowers Rachel and Cord had brought to her for this occasion.
The young minister smiled at Jake. “You may kiss your bride, Mr. McPherson.”
Surely not. She looked down into Jake’s gaze, her panic sending color to her cheeks. But it seemed that he felt no such trepidation for he tugged her closer, and his other arm reached up to draw her down within reach of his lips.
She obeyed his unspoken command, for surely it was more than a request. He was leaving her no choice, she thought, and closed her eyes. He obviously had more experience in this endeavor than she, and so she allowed him to take the lead.
His lips were warm against hers, his mouth open just a bit, so that she knew the scent of his breath. She thought a small trace of spirits clung to it, and wondered if he’d had to fortify himself for the ceremony. His lips moved against hers, brushing gently in a warm, welcoming gesture, and then he released her and she stood erect once more.
Cord was reaching for Jake’s hand, even as Rachel hugged Alicia tightly. Tears were flowing in abundance and Rachel wiped her eyes even as she smiled. “I always cry at weddings,” she explained. “And this one is special. Welcome to the family, Alicia. I’m so glad my brother-in-law had the good sense to marry you.”
“That was going to be my line,” Cord said with a laugh. He released Jake’s hand and turned to Alicia. “Hello there, sister,” he said quietly, his gaze warm as he met hers. He bent to her, kissing her forehead, then her cheek, and his arms enclosed her in a gentle embrace.
With that Melody, Matthew and Jason descended on them and Alicia was greeted by Melody, who announced that she was going to be the most envied girl in school. Jason grinned, his eyes sparkling with delight, then stood as close to Alicia as he could get, as if he staked a claim on her. “I’ve got a new mother,” he said proudly. And then frowned.
“What am I supposed to call you?” he asked her.
“Whatever you like,” she said warmly. She glanced at Jake and, taking note of the tightening of his mouth at Jason’s words, she backtracked. “Maybe Miss Alicia would be best until you decide that for yourself.”
Jason’s smile broadened. “All right. I can do that.”
The dining room table was opened to its fullest length. With the addition of two leaves it held the entire group, including the minister and his wife. Rachel would not hear of Alicia helping to serve and Melody lent a hand instead. The room was clean, aired only yesterday, with the draperies tied back and the sashes open to the fresh air.
Alicia had found tablecloths in the buffet drawer and had pressed one for the occasion. Fold lines had almost seemed permanent, but she used a damp cloth and managed to leave them without wrinkles. Now she looked down the length of the table and knew a moment of happiness so sharp it almost took her breath.
To think that only a month ago she had not known Jake McPherson, had only heard bits and pieces about him from the town gossips, and had grieved over the child who so obviously needed a parent’s love and guidance. Now she had taken her place in this home and was partially responsible for the boy.
Cord lifted his glass filled with lemonade and offered a toast to the couple. His words were few, his message clear. “Joy and long life to you both, and happiness within the walls of your home.” With a grin in Jake’s direction, he added a final thought. “You have a wonderful bride, brother. I’m not sure you’re good enough for her, but she seems to think you are, and that’s all that matters.”
Jake raised his glass and bowed his head a bit, as if he received the toast with pleasure. “I agree, totally,” he said, and took a long swallow. He was handsome, Alicia thought, in a white shirt that had been starched and ironed. His suit fit him well, with no need of padding over his wide shoulders, and he’d left the lap robe in his room, eschewing it for the trousers that were pinned in place beneath the remaining lengths of his lower limbs.
He’d made special note of her new dress and his gaze had been admiring as she told him the particulars of Rachel’s work. “She did a nice job,” he’d said. “You look just like a bride should.”
They went to the dining room and gathered around the long table. The meal was tasty, and yet Alicia barely noted the food that went into her mouth. The three children ate quickly, anxious to be excused from the table. They left to go off and play with admonitions from Rachel to keep their clothes clean for church on Sunday.
“You’re no fun,” Cord told her in an undertone. “How are two boys supposed to have a good time and stay clean while they’re doing it?”
She shot him a long glance. “You aren’t the one who had to iron Matthew’s white shirt and scrub the grime out of his trousers.”
“Enough said,” Cord murmured, capitulating without an argument.
Within an hour the minister and his wife were gone, Rachel and Alicia were cleaning up in the kitchen, and the brothers were tugging at the dining room table, Jake in his chair at the far end, so that Cord could remove the leaves. “You want this tablecloth out here?” he asked, carrying it into the kitchen.
“Put it in the pantry,” Alicia told him. “I’ll send it to be washed tomorrow with the rest of the laundry.”
“You know, I could almost envy you,” Rachel said, her mouth turning down. “Imagine the luxury of having someone else scrubbing out your clothes.”
“It’s either that or I’ll have to do it in the evenings and hang them before I go to school the next morning,” Alicia said with a shrug. “Jake said that since his wash lady has been doing it for three years, it wouldn’t be fair to remove her source of income just because he’d gained a wife.”
“That makes sense to me,” Rachel agreed.
Alicia leaned closer. “I’ve never been fond of a scrub board, anyway.”
“Are you about ready to get these young’ uns home?” Cord asked, looking out into the yard where the two boys were kneeling in the dirt, shooting marbles. He winced. “You’ll be grumbling tomorrow, Rae, when you get a look at Matthew’s trousers.”
They gathered up their children and Cord harnessed his mare, leading her from the side yard where she’d been cropping the grass. Rachel stacked her dishes in the basket she’d brought along and looked around the kitchen, then cast a sidelong glance at Alicia.
“Are you all right?” she asked. “You’re quiet all of a sudden.”
Alicia pinned a bright smile in place. “Of course. I’m fine. Just tired, and maybe a little let down after all the excitement.”
Alicia nodded and then had another thought. “Jake doesn’t go, does he?”
“No,” Rachel said quietly. “Not since Rena…” She paused for a long moment. “Neither does Jason. I’ve hoped you might be able to change that.”
“Don’t count on it. Not right away, anyway.” Maybe not ever. If Jake balked at the idea, she would have no comeback. And getting him beyond the front porch seemed an insurmountable obstacle right now.
“I’ll be there, anyway,” Alicia said. She hugged Rachel, holding her close for a few seconds. “Thank you,” she whispered, kissing the other woman’s cheek.
Rachel looked deeply into Alicia’s eyes. “It will be fine. Just wait and see.”
“I know,” Alicia answered staunchly. “I’m sure it will.” But the thought of climbing the stairs to a lonely bed on the only wedding night she would ever have made her heart wrench with sadness.
She smiled, hoping that her lips did not tremble as she repeated Rachel’s words. “It will be fine.”
CHAPTER EIGHT
JAKE HAD REMOVED HIS TIE by the time the surrey rolled away. “Never did like getting all gussied up,” he muttered, stretching his neck and loosening the collar of his shirt.
“Well, you clean up pretty good,” Alicia said, straightening a lamp on the library table and then plumping the pillows on the couch. Unable to look him full in the face, she busied herself with meaningless chores, aware that he watched her closely.
“One thing I’ll never have to worry about with you is getting a big head,” he told her.
She glanced at him quickly, aware that her words might have caused him to bristle, but his smile reassured her. And then the smile faded and he seemed to be considering what he would say next.
“What is it?” she asked, already pretty sure of the topic he was about to open. It had stuck in his craw since right before the wedding ceremony, and she’d been relieved that he’d let it ride until now. “If we’re going to talk about the piano, get it said, Jake.”
He waved a hand at the instrument, although his eyes did not follow the gesture. “You know how I feel about the thing,” he said gruffly. “It was not pleasant to see it taking over the whole room again.”
“It’s always taken up the same amount of space,” she told him.
“Don’t be dense. You know what I mean. You took the sheets off of it and got it all dusted up, even put those dratted flowers on it.”
His words stung, but she did her best to shrug them off. “I thought it looked odd to have it all draped and hidden from sight. If you like, I’ll take the sheets out of the laundry basket and put them back.” She waited for his snarl, certain he would let her know, in no uncertain terms, that he was upset with her.
“I’d rather never see the thing again,” he said harshly. “If there was an easy way to get it out of here, I’d already have done it.”
“It’s a beautiful instrument,” she said quietly. “I would give much to be able to play it myself. I fear my childhood lessons left me with little knowledge. Although, I suspect my lack of talent was the real problem.”
“I’d rather you didn’t open the lid,” he said. “Music is no longer a part of my life.”
“How sad.” She turned from him and walked out of the room, aware that she’d riled him enormously. That he hadn’t made an issue of the matter while Cord and Rachel were present was a small miracle, she decided.
Don’t be dense. He had the ability to come directly to the point, and she had been the target once again.
The stairs were beneath her feet and she climbed to the second floor silently. The sound of Jake’s chair against the floor caught her ear and she knew he watched her as she reached the top of the staircase. “Are you going to bed?” he asked.
“I thought I might. Why, did you need something from me?” And wasn’t that a foolish question. The man was self-sufficient, at least insofar as tending to his lying down at night and rising in the morning. He had no need of her.
“No. As you may have noticed, I prefer to be alone a good share of the time. It was a polite question, Alicia. Appreciate it. I’m not often polite.”
She bit her tongue. She would not add to the flame of his anger. The sun was low in the sky, would have sunk below the horizon by the time she donned her nightgown and took care of the new dress. There didn’t seem to be much else to do, anyway. The rules of their association had been put in place and she must abide by them.
It was fully dark when she heard Jason coming in the back door. It slammed behind him and then Jake’s low tones could be heard from the kitchen, his words indecipherable. Probably telling the boy to go to bed, she thought. In a few minutes, the stairs were attacked by Jason’s boots, his feet thumping on every step.
She’d lay odds he’d not wiped them on the rug by the kitchen door and had no doubt left his mark behind him all the way to his room. She could tell when he paused outside her door, and she thought she could almost hear him breathing, just the other side of the wooden barrier.
“Miss Alicia? Are you sleeping?” he asked, his voice soft, as if he feared it would carry to the rooms below.
She came near the door and answered, equally as restrained. “No, I’m awake, Jason. You may come in if you like.”
He opened the door, sticking his head inside the room, as if he would not unduly invade her privacy. “I just wanted to tell you good-night,” he said. He looked across the room toward the bed, and she was aware that he could not see her clearly in the deeply shadowed room. “I’m glad you’re here,” he said. And then the door shut with a click.
“WILL YOU GO TO CHURCH with me?” she asked Jason at the breakfast table. Already dressed for Sunday morning service, she’d tied a large apron around her middle to protect her clothing. The meal was simple—eggs and pancakes, along with a pan of fried potatoes. She’d used up yesterday’s leftovers, and found a jar of applesauce in the pantry to add to the meal.
“Do I hafta?” the boy asked plaintively. “I’d rather go fishin’ in the creek.”
“I’m sure the fish would wait until this afternoon to be caught,” she said, trying her best to lighten the rebuke. As his mouth drooped, she forced a smile. “You may make your own choice, Jason. I’m going, anyway, with or without you. I just thought it might be nice to have a handsome gentleman escort me down the aisle.”
He squirmed in his chair and shot his father a pleading look. “As Alicia said, it’s your choice,” Jake told him.
“You never go anymore,” Jason said defensively. “I don’t know why I should have to.”
She rose from the table and gathered up the dishes, then checked the time on her watch. She had only a few minutes until she must leave if she planned on being there early. And since she tried to avoid bringing attention to herself by arriving late, she’d made it a practice to be among the first arrivals.
“We’ll have our Sunday dinner about two o’clock, Jason,” she said. “When you hear the church bells ring for the second time, you’ll know you have two hours before you must be here.”
“Yes, ma’am.” He looked relieved that she did not pursue the matter further, and rose from his chair.
“Please, may I be excused,” she said, prompting him.
He wrinkled his nose but dutifully repeated the phrase, and at her nod left the room.
“What are you fixing for dinner?” Jake asked, pushing his chair from the table.
“I have a pot roast on the back burner,” she said. “I’ll let it cook during church service and finish the rest of the meal when I get home.” The reservoir on the side of the iron cookstove held hot water, and she scooped out a panful and carried it to the sink, pouring it over the dirty dishes in the basin. Bubbles foamed from the soap she’d poured in, and steam rose hot against her hand.
“Don’t burn yourself,” Jake admonished her, as if he felt obliged to make conversation of a sort. The meal had been eaten in
silence, as she’d decided it would be up to him to speak first after their unpleasant exchange the night before. Now he’d made two attempts to draw her into some sort of dialogue, to no avail.
To be fair, she knew she must accept his feeble attempt as a peace offering. At least as much of a peace offering as she was ever likely to get from the man. Another panful of water was splashed on the dishes, then she pumped cold water to fill the wash basin. In minutes she’d washed and dried the dishes and put them away in the kitchen cupboard. Words were hard to come by, she decided. For everything she could lay her tongue to held more than a touch of sarcasm.
“Well,” she said, untying the apron and hanging it on a hook, “I’ll be leaving in a few minutes for church. As soon as I get my hat and gloves.”
“You look nice this morning,” he said, his appraising glance touching upon her second-best dress and rising to her hair. “You don’t usually wear combs. Those look pretty against your dark hair.”
“Thank you,” she said politely, aware how suddenly ill at ease she felt with him. If this was what being married had done to her, she didn’t like it one little bit. She’d have to get over her snit from last evening and put it aside. Either that, or spend the rest of the day searching for something to talk about.
He rolled from the kitchen and she watched the door swing shut behind him. Her hands were trembling and she forced them into fists, then rubbed at her eyes with her knuckles. Using one of his cuss words was a temptation she almost succumbed to, the single harsh syllable ringing in her mind.
And then her head rose and she marched from the kitchen and up the stairs to her bedroom. Her hat was pinned in place in moments and her gloves smoothed over her fingers. The stairs needed a new piece of carpet laid, she thought as her boots thudded softly on each step. She’d talk to Jake later today—it would give them something to converse about. He sat in the parlor and she paused in the doorway.
Redemption Page 11
