“Do what? Teach Toby? Or is it Catherine you aren’t pleased with?”
He glared at her. “The girl is amazingly inept,” he said. “But she can’t help what she is. With an enormous amount of practice she’ll be a run-of-the-mill pianist. She’s a nice enough child, with a mother who wants her to have some social skills.”
“And Toby?” she asked, her fingers halting as she spoke, the needle shining in the light. When he was silent, she continued.
“You see yourself in Toby, Jake. You recognize his talent, and it hurts to imagine him going where you can no longer go, to know he dreams of doing things you may never accomplish again.”
“You know how to get to the heart of the matter, don’t you?” he said gruffly. “Am I so obvious, Alicia? Are you saying I’m jealous of the boy?”
She dropped her sewing beside her on the couch and rose to come to him. Kneeling beside his chair, she touched his hand, and he felt the warmth of her fingertips, knew the comfort that hand could bring him. Her eyes were soft, tender with caring, and he thought of how undeserving he was of her concern, how needy he was of her warmth.
“No, you’re not jealous, just grieving for what might have been in your life,” she said quietly. “But you won’t turn your back on him, of that I’m certain. You’ll give him the chance he needs to fulfill his destiny, Jake. Because you’re a man of honor and you cannot look upon talent without wanting to encourage it.”
“I’m all of that?” he asked, his mouth twisting in the semblance of a smile. “You think too highly of me, Alicia.”
She shook her head. “No, I only speak the truth. You’re a man who’s been robbed of a career. A man who settled for second best, because he had no choice. Toby is giving you a chance to use your gift in another person’s behalf. If you succeed at this one thing, it will have made your existence worthwhile.”
He bent to her and his lips touched her forehead. “How did you get so wise?”
She tilted her head back and her eyes were filled with a sheen of unshed tears. “Jake? Will you do something for me?” she asked.
“Yes, if I can.” He turned his hand to grasp her fingers, knew a moment of pleasure as her hand conformed to fit against his palm. He noticed a faint scent of flowers from her hair, and the fragrance drifted up to him and lured him closer, made him recognize the feminine grace she carried with her. If she were willing, he’d—
Her next words threw him for a loss, almost as if her mind had followed his down the road to intimacy, a road he yearned suddenly to travel.
“Will you kiss me, Jake?” She bit at her lip, as if she felt she’d been presumptuous, and moved his thumb to brush the place where her teeth had left their mark. “I know we don’t have a real marriage. I know what I am,” she added with a smile. “But I feel the need of knowing the touch of a man’s lips against mine.”
“I kissed you on our wedding day,” he reminded her. “Not good enough?” His brow twitched upward as she smiled again.
“I want to be kissed as if you really care about me.”
“I do care about you,” he said softly. “You are a very appealing woman, Alicia. It’s only a lack in myself that keeps us from having what you call a real marriage.”
He released her hand and cupped her face between his palms, then bent to her again, this time taking her mouth in a kiss that began as a tentative brush of lips, only to turn into a blending of mouths that startled him. She tasted good, sweet and yet not cloying. Her mouth was firm beneath his, softening as he touched her bottom lip with his tongue.
She opened to him at his silent bidding, allowing him to explore the heat of her mouth, the ridges, the edges of her teeth and the rasping surface of her tongue. He suckled there, carefully, gently lest he startle her. But it seemed she was not fearful of him, for she clasped his wrists firmly and leaned into the caress.
Too long, he thought. He’d kissed her for too long, and had gone far beyond what she’d asked for. Her lips were full and pink, her mouth tempting him to remain there where he’d taken his pleasure for those few moments. His body was reacting to her in a way he remembered from his marriage. He wanted her, and yet…he did not feel right to offer himself to her as a man.
With a sigh, he released her, raising his head, looking down into lovely eyes that shone with an emotion he could not accept from her.
“Is that what you wanted?” he asked, deliberately injecting a teasing note into his words. “Did I meet your expectations?”
She stilled beneath his hands, her face flushing, the fine texture of her skin turning rosy with embarrassment. “Yes, to both your questions,” she said. And then she drew away from him and rose swiftly. She was graceful, he thought, regardless of her statuesque form, and he admired her elegant demeanor.
Now she looked down at him and her eyes misted over again. “I think I need to go up to bed,” she said. “I have a few papers to grade, and I want to look at Jason’s work.”
He nodded. “Whatever you say.”
“Do you need anything?” she asked.
Your warmth. He winced, fearful for a moment that he’d spoken the words aloud. He shook his head. “No, nothing. I’m about ready for bed myself.”
“Shall I blow out the lamp then?” She bent to the flickering light and looked his way again.
The glow turned her eyes to liquid, her skin to porcelain, stained by the flush she wore, and her hair gleamed as if fire dwelt within its depths.
“Yes. I’ll follow you,” he said. He watched as she climbed the stairs and heard her door close before he rolled to the back of the house to enter his lonely room.
CHAPTER TEN
IT HAD BEEN MORE THAN a month since school let out. Alicia had been living the life of a full-time housewife for four weeks, the last day of classes freeing her from teaching with the prospect of a permanent vacation from the schoolhouse. Though she loved her students, it was a relief to set aside that part of her life for the days and years she would spend in Jake’s company.
Other summers had found her seeking out employment at various places. This year was different, with her contract to teach null and void. Her skin was turning golden from the time she spent outdoors. A garden was flourishing behind the house, Rachel pronouncing her thumb to be green as grass. The garden had been late going in, but the growing season was long, and the vegetable seeds she’d chosen to sow were rapidly turning into recognizable plants.
Jake sat in the shade and watched as she weeded, offering comments that amused her. He’d sent her to the store for a hat in the midst of her initial planting spree. “You don’t need to get sunstroke,” he’d said sternly. “Who will fix my dinner if you get sick?”
“I never get sick,” she’d told him arrogantly. “You obviously wouldn’t know a healthy woman if you saw one.” And then at the stricken look on his face, she touched his hand. “I’m sorry. I speak before I think sometimes. I didn’t mean to make you…”
“It’s all right,” he said. “I’m too easily reminded sometimes, but I’m getting better.”
“Yes, you are,” she’d said, agreeing without hesitation, bending to press her lips against his cheek, a deed he seemed to enjoy, if his smile was any indication.
Now she watched him from beneath her hat brim. He held a book on his lap, and she knew for a fact he’d turned nary a page in the hour he’d sat there. “Enjoying your novel?” she asked brightly, catching his attention.
He looked up at her, as if pulled from some deep contemplation. “Yes. It’s a good story.”
She denied herself the pleasure of teasing him, of asking him about the plot line, and instead rose and carried her basket of weeds to the compost pile at the back of the yard. “We need a goat to keep the grass down,” she said. “Poor Jason is tired of whacking away at it.”
“You wanted him to have chores,” Jake reminded her mildly. “I’ve been trying to cooperate with your list.”
“Well, at least he doesn’t have to do arithmetic problems
until school starts again. He was thoroughly sick of that ordeal.” She paused halfway across the yard and looked around her at the work yet to be done.
“But you let him go fishing,” Jake said. “Did he work on his bedroom?”
She sighed and reflected for a moment on the perpetual degree of disorder in Jason’s room. “He tried this morning. The dirty clothes are gathered up and he made his bed. I thought about going in there and dusting, and then letting him sweep the floor.” She made a face signifying distaste.
“Then I thought it might be better left for another day. I’m not any more fond of housework than he. I’m so glad we have Mrs. Bates coming every week.”
“You have enough to do,” Jake told her. “Just keeping the garden and cooking and looking after Jason and me is a full-time job.”
She looked dubious. “You think so?”
He leaned forward in his chair, and she thought his face took on an admiring look. “I think you’re doing well at the task you’ve taken on, Mrs. McPherson. I asked you to marry me with one thing in mind. I wanted someone to take care of Jason and get him turned around. You’ve done that and more.” He thought her smile trembled at that remark and for a moment rued his own honesty. In fact, he wasn’t certain how honest his words had been. He’d married Alicia for more than practicality. He’d found her to be a woman he could admire, perhaps even love one day. It was for certain he’d like to have her in his bed. But he was wary of that sort of intimacy between them, and he would not embarrass her by suggesting it. Not yet, anyway.
“I’ve done that and more? Are you sure?” Her left eyebrow twitched as she urged him to continue. Jake’s assessment was good for her soul, and heaven knew she could use a boost for her sagging ego.
Jake grinned. This was the Alicia he’d wanted in his home, this woman who taunted him, teased him and cajoled him out of his isolation.
“We haven’t eaten so well in years, as you very well know. And my evenings are spent in pleasant company these days. Jason has learned new games, and I’ve enjoyed hearing you read to him. He was in desperate need of a mothering influence, Alicia. You’ve filled the bill abundantly.”
“Well, it’s good to know I’m considered pleasant company,” she said lightly. “I thought for a while you were going to toss me out on my ear, when we first began.”
“I was tempted a couple of times,” he admitted, “but I recognized that I was better off with you than without you.” And wasn’t that the truth?
“That makes me feel appreciated,” she said, returning to her garden and digging around the plants with a small tool. She looked up at the sky. “I hope we have rain soon. The ground is so dry.”
“Should be coming on by tonight,” he said.
“How can you tell?” She looked up at the clear sky, wondering what he saw that escaped her notice.
“I was raised on a ranch, remember? It was our business to know the weather.” He pointed to the west. “See the clouds just above the horizon? Those are rain clouds. Should be dumping on us by early evening.”
She shot him a dubious look. “All right, Mr. Know-it-all. We’ll see.”
He was right, she conceded hours later. The sky opened up just after sunset, a particularly beautiful sight with heavy clouds silvered by the fast-falling sun in the west. Red-and-pink hues painted the underside of the rain clouds, and when the heavy drops began falling Jake and she rushed in from the porch.
They’d taken to sitting out there of an evening, and neighbors had at first looked surprised, then pleased to see them. Townsfolk raised their hands in greeting when they strolled by or buggies and wagons made their way up the road. She felt more a part of the community, Alicia decided; marriage to Jake had given her that.
The weeks seemed to pass swiftly, the calendar leaves turning, the garden coming in well. She learned from Rachel how to can tomatoes, when her sister-in-law came to visit in early September. They spent hours in the kitchen, laughter resounding from the walls, Rachel teasing her, Alicia responding in kind.
“You’re happy, aren’t you?” Rachel asked, regarding with satisfaction the rows of jars filled with tomatoes ready to store in the pantry.
“I’ve never been so contented.” Alicia spoke with emphasis, needing to convey the full extent of her feeling.
Rachel shifted uncomfortably, and then leaned closer to Alicia. “I’m going to ask you something, and you needn’t answer if you don’t want to.” As if she gathered her courage, she met Alicia’s gaze head-on. “Are you still sleeping upstairs?”
Alicia frowned. “Of course. Where else would I sleep?”
Rachel made a face. “How foolish. I can’t believe that two reasonably intelligent people like you and Jake would not take advantage of being married, and spend your nights together.”
Alicia blushed, felt the crimson staining her cheeks and waved a hand as if to dismiss Rachel’s words as folly.
“Ours isn’t that sort of a marriage,” she said. “We both knew what we were agreeing to when we spoke our vows.”
“Are you telling me you have no interest in Jake as a husband?”
“I didn’t say that,” Alicia said quickly. “I just said ours is not that sort of a relationship. We spend a lot of time together and we get along reasonably well. We just don’t share a bed.”
“Well,” Rachel said bluntly. “You’re missing a good bet, Alicia. Good loving is the glue that holds a halfway decent marriage together. It also makes a really good marriage seem like a slice of heaven.”
Alicia sat down heavily in a chair. “You’re probably right. I’d move into his bedroom if he asked me, but he won’t. Then, too, I’d have to take off my clothes in front of him and I don’t think I could do that.”
“For heaven’s sake, why not?” Rachel seemed totally flabbergasted by Alicia’s words. “None of us are perfect. I’ve been as close as a woman can be to a man right up until I had my two children, and Cord never seemed to mind. He just worked around things.” Her grin spoke of good memories, and Alicia felt a pang of envy that she would never know such intimacy.
“On top of that,” Rachel said, “Jake has flaws, too, you know. It would no doubt be difficult for him to be exposed to you. He’s a proud man, Alicia, but I’ll warrant you’d love him in spite of his physical limitations, wouldn’t you?”
“I already do.” It was an admission she’d made before, but now it was even more valid, Alicia realized. Jake had come to be the focal point of her existence over the past weeks. Her days began with fixing his breakfast and lingering over coffee as they planned their hours together. They also fought, sharp words flying between them, arguing over bits and pieces of their lives.
Yet, she knew that Jake derived great enjoyment from their verbal sparring, as did she. They never deliberately caused pain. Not since the day Jake had called her dense. She had been very wounded by the insult, until Jake admitted his wrongdoing.
She’d give him credit for that much. He’d owned up to his mistakes, more than once. The man she’d married had changed: a gradual softening of his moodiness, a slow acceptance of her in his home, and an appreciation of what she did to make his life easier.
From the parlor she heard Toby begin to play the piano. Beside her, Rachel stilled, her eyes widening as she listened.
“Who?” she asked. “Not Jake, surely.”
“No. Toby is his student. A talented boy Jake has taken under his wing.”
They listened together for long moments, and Rachel smiled. “It’s good for him, isn’t it? Do you think he’ll ever play again?”
“He says not,” Alicia said. “I yearn for the day when I see him at the keyboard and hear the music he’s capable of coaxing from that piano. But he says it’ll never happen.”
Rachel’s eyes seemed to look far into the past as she listened, and then she shared her thoughts. “The first time I saw him he almost blasted me from the piano bench, told me his piano wasn’t to be touched by anyone. And then he called me Cord’s pl
ay toy.”
Alicia gasped in horror. “What a horrible slur on your reputation!”
“Well,” Rachel said with a smile, “it wasn’t long before I actually was his prized possession. Though whether or not he considered me a play toy might be another story.”
The music stopped, and Alicia heard the low rumble of Jake’s voice and the answering tones of Toby’s, the boy’s excitement apparent even though she could not make out his words.
“What does Jake say about the boy?” Rachel asked.
“He says he’s very talented, and probably has a great future if he gets the right training. But he’s well aware that the sort of training Toby will need might not be what his parents can afford. He tries hard not to show his feelings. But I know he cares.”
Rachel looked out the back door to where Jason and Matthew played in the yard. “Are you getting along all right with Jason? Has he called a halt to his reign of terror?”
“Well, that’s one way of describing his stunts,” Alicia agreed. “He’s been much better, but some days I think he resents me being in authority over him.” She hesitated a moment before sharing what had been in the back of her mind for several weeks.
“I think Jason is jealous of Toby.” She lifted a hand to halt Rachel’s response and continued. “He knows that his father is pleased with Toby’s progress and Jason needs that same kind of approval from Jake. He has my approbation, but it’s not nearly as important to him as that of his father.” She made a wry face. “After all, I’m only a woman.”
“I’m glad he thinks of Jake that way, but I hate that he makes you out to be the bad guy.”
Alicia laughed softly. “I’m a teacher, remember? I’m used to the image. I’ve had to cope with worse than Jason in my years of working with children. It’s just that he pushes me to the limit sometimes. Things like taking a bath twice a week don’t go down well with him. Jake made him clean up behind himself when he tracked dirt in, and that had more influence on him than all my yattering.”
“I still think you’re the best thing that’s happened here since Rena died,” Rachel said stoutly. “You’ve been married four months now, Alicia. Do you think things have improved a lot since May?”
Redemption Page 14
