“Then what do you want?”
I run a hand through my hair.
I want my friends back.
I want Becky to have never been involved.
I want Kellan to have never hurt you.
But I say none of those things. “I … I don’t know …”
“How should I feel?”
That’s an easy one. My hands fist. “You should fucking hate me.”
Her eyes hold mine, and she lets out a long sigh. “I hated you before, Cole.” I flinch at her words, remembering that’s what she had written in her journal. I hate Cole! “And now I love you. There may be things you do that I don’t agree with, but I’ll never go back to hating you.” She pulls the covers back. “Come here and lie down with me.”
“It’s the middle of the day,” I growl.
She shrugs. “Do you have something to do? Somewhere to be?”
Honestly, I’m still surprised she’s here and didn’t leave like Deke did. Fuck … Deke. “I need to go find Deke …”
“He’s where he needs to be, Cole,” she says softly. “Give him time.”
He’s with Becky.
I know that’s where he went. Deke isn’t usually the one to blow up. He can hold on to things for months. Years even. I should know, but this is Becky we’re talking about. The girl he loved. She’s right. He’s going to need some time. And this is what I’ve wanted—uninterrupted time with her. Alone.
I kick off my shoes and remove my jeans along with my shirt and crawl in bed next to her. She curls up to my side.
“Can Becky still live with us?”
My brows raise. “You still want to be her friend?”
She nods. “It sounds like she needs one now more than ever. She’s lost a lot too, Cole. And who knows how much she liked or loved Eli. Do you think a part of her loves Deke?”
I run my fingers down her bare side, trying to calm my racing heart. “She told me the other day while we were at your father’s house that she did.”
She sighs heavily.
I lean down and kiss her bare shoulder. “I’m sorry.”
She pulls me to her and closes her eyes. “Don’t be sorry, Cole. You did what you thought was right in an impossible situation.” She looks up at me. “I’m proud of you, Cole.”
My throat tightens. “Don’t be …”
“No matter what you say or what you do, I’m proud of what you did.” She gives me a soft smile and cups my face. “I always saw more of you than you let people see. And I was right.”
“About what?” I clear my throat, hoping she doesn’t hear how rough my voice is.
“You were just hurting. All you needed was someone to show you that you’re not alone.”
CHAPTER SEVENTEEN
DEKE
“12 ROUNDS” BY Bohnes blares in my car as it squeals to a stop in Becky’s father’s driveway. I make my way up their front porch and don’t even bother knocking this time. I shove the front doors open, and the sound of them hitting the interior walls bounces off the grand foyer and travels up to the high ceilings.
I take the steps two at a time, gripping the banister to pull me up and barge into her room.
“I said no. I’m not having this conversation with you again!” Becky stands at the foot of her bed, and she’s arguing with her sister. “Deke?” She jumps in surprise when she spots me. “When did you—”
“Get out, Demi!” I order, interrupting Becky. Normally, I don’t mind an audience, but right now, I’d rather not have one.
Without even looking at me, she just lifts her chin and walks out, slamming the door shut behind her. The kid is always angry. She reminds me of a female version of Cole.
“What are you doing here, Deke?” Becky asks, taking a step back and looking down at my fisted hands. My entire body is tight. My teeth clenched. Too bad putting distance between us isn’t going to help her.
“You have something to tell me?” I take another step closer to her.
She frowns, shaking her head, but it stops midway, and then she swallows, her eyes growing larger. “He told you,” she whispers.
I chuckle at the look of terror in her eyes. I’m just as much of an evil bastard as Cole is. All the GWS are, or the group wouldn’t exist. But Becky has never seen this side of me. She’s about to though. I never wanted to hurt her or scare her, but now, all bets are off.
“Deke …” She takes a step toward me. “Let me explain …”
“Yes, please explain how you were fucking my best friend!” I grind out. I should have seen it. I should have known. There were signs, but I ignored them.
Her bottom lip begins to tremble, and she pulls it between her teeth. “Cole made me …”
“What? Made you what? Fuck Eli?” I throw my head back laughing, and my chest vibrates. “Please, the next thing you’ll be telling me is that Eli raped you.”
Her eyes narrow on me and burn with hatred. She goes to open her mouth, but I step into her, and she shuts it immediately.
“See?” I lift my right hand and run my knuckles down her neck and feel her pulse race. She doesn’t have all of her makeup caked on today. I always told her she never needed it. “Cole thinks he saved you.” I lower my lips to her ear and whisper, “But all he did was bury you.” She whimpers. My free hand grips her hip, and my fingers dig into the material of her jean shorts. “Because I know where you were supposed to be that night.”
She begins to tremble. “It’s not what you think …”
I pull my face from hers. “So you weren’t pregnant?” I ask with an arch of my brow.
Her face pales while her blue eyes stare up into mine. There’s no doubt that Becky is beautiful. The only problem is that she knows it, and she uses it to her advantage. I just never realized how much she played with people until now. I may have secrets, but I don’t pretend to be something that I’m not.
I can be your fucking god—merciful.
Or I can be the fucking devil—ruthless.
Who I am depends on the person’s actions.
She’s frozen in place, her eyes wide and lips parted. I remove my hand from her jean shorts, and it slides underneath her T-shirt, lifting it up to expose her bare stomach. I run the tips of my fingers over her scar ever so gently. “Guess this was a lie, too.”
My eyes meet hers, and they’re full of tears. “Pl …ease.” Her voice shakes.
How easy the tables can turn. I give her a cruel smile. “You know I love it when you beg me, baby.” My hand starts to slide upward, but she shoves it away and takes a step back from me. Not in the mood to fuck around.
The first tear runs down her face. I watch it in complete fascination, thinking it’s a good look on her. That I should have made her fear me more than try to make her love me.
“Was it mine?”
No one knows how far back Becky and I go. Cole believes I’m in love with her, and a part of me was, but we started fucking long before he told me she had broken up with David. I had to pretend I didn’t fucking know. That just gave us the green light to go public. And the fact that Cole went all alpha for Austin, making the entire school aware he was claiming her, took the attention off what Becky and I were doing. The few whispers I did hear were shut down quickly for her sake. But we had been fucking for months prior to that. David be damned.
“So keeping us a secret had nothing to do with you and David. It had to do with you and Eli.” Until he died. I get it now. Fuck, I was stupid for her. “Was the child …?” I begin to ask again, but my voice trails off. I chuckle. This bitch! “You weren’t even pregnant.”
“Yes …”
“No.” I shake my head. Of course. How could I have forgotten? “You weren’t.” She swallows nervously. “I remember us hooking up the weekend before that in my parents’ pool house, and you were on your period.” Her face falls. “Don’t you remember, baby?” I ask, reaching out for her. I pull her to me, and her body shakes. “You told me that I couldn’t fuck you ’cause it was that time of t
he month”—I lower my lips to her ear—“and I told you blood didn’t bother me.” Fuck, this bitch has told so many lies. “I can’t believe you let him take the fall for you.” I understand why Cole did what he did. I would have done the same thing, but this is why she never wanted me to find out. Because she knows that I can prove she lied to him. And no one wants to be on Cole’s bad side.
“He blackmailed me.” She swallows as new tears run down her face. “Cole …”
“To be friends with Austin.” I nod. “He told us that too.”
“Us?” Her eyes widen.
I smile down at her. “See what I mean by bury you?”
She places her hands over her mouth and sobs into them. “I’m sorry …” she cries out.
“You will be,” I say and give her my back, ready to leave, but her hands grip my upper arm, and I stop, willing to give her a few extra seconds to grovel. I want her to feel weak. Alone. She shouldn’t have fucked me over.
“Please, Deke,” she begs. “It’s not like you haven’t kept secrets from me.”
“What I did was none of your business.” Simple as that.
Her watery eyes narrow on me. “You lied to me!” she screams. “You killed Kellan!”
“I have.” Then I turn and step back into her. “Want to know the truth, Becky?” I grab her blond hair and yank her head back, making her cry out. Lowering my lips to her ear, I growl, “I’m a murderer.” Her body trembles against mine, and she breathes heavily. “I’ve killed a total of five people.” Cole was the only one who physically put his hands on Jerrold when we went to his house and he drowned him in his pool that night, but we all played our parts. I take full responsibility for my actions. I wrap my free hand around her throat and give it a little squeeze. “Do you wanna be my sixth?”
She gasps.
I let go of her and take a step back. “You … What …? Why, Deke?” she rambles.
I’d never kill her. But the fact that I can scare her excites me. My dick is already hard. Now I understand how Cole got off on this shit. “It doesn’t concern you.” I turn to leave.
“Wait! Please?” she begs. “I can fix this.”
“No. You can’t.” Things have gone too far. There’s no going back now.
“Deke? Please? I can’t lose you,” she cries.
“You already have.” I reach for the door handle, but she places her hands on my back, gripping my T-shirt and causing the collar to choke me.
“I’m sorry. Is that what you want me to say?” she grinds out. “I lied. And I’ve felt terrible about it. Austin is my best friend. And I love you. You love me.”
“Not anymore.” I shake my head.
“I don’t believe you,” she argues. “There has to be something I can do. Please … tell me.” The desperation in her voice makes me smile.
I turn around and cup her tear-streaked face. She sucks in a long breath, and her body presses into mine, now interested. Funny how women turn to sex when they’re desperate for forgiveness. “Unless you plan on falling to your knees and opening that mouth of yours so I can fuck it, I have no use for you.”
EPILOGUE ONE
COLE
AUSTIN, LILLY, AND I have been living in our house in Texas for a month now. Deke and I are about to start our first year in college. Lilly will be in first grade.
I thought over time that I would begin to forget what happened to Austin. That maybe putting distance between us and Collins would make it better.
I was wrong.
I thought over time I would begin to understand she was okay. That Kellan could no longer hurt her or take her from me.
Again, I was wrong.
Moving hasn’t helped the nightmares or the memories that flood back. I’ve learned that loving someone comes with a price. Your sanity. And if they thought I was fucked up before, now they’ll think I’ve gone mad. Now I understand what I have to lose. It happens at night when I try to sleep. I’ve never been one to get much sleep to begin with, but now it’s worse than ever. Maybe it’s because things are going so well. Our plan worked, but I feel like I’m just waiting for the other shoe to drop. So my worst fears come to life when I close my eyes.
He’s dead.
I continue to sit in the ditch. The lights from my wrecked car allow me to see everything clearly. I silently rock back and forth with Eli in my arms. I cling to him as tears run down my face. It’s hard to breathe, and my head pounds. My entire body hurts, but I ignore it.
“Cole?”
I look up to a familiar female voice.
“Becky?” I ask in disbelief. “What are you doing here? I told you to go …”
“I can’t just leave you here,” she cries. Her arms are crossed over her stomach to hold her bloody, ripped crop top in place. “I did this …” She swallows and looks around the street with wide eyes. “They’re all dead.”
“Fucking go!” I dismiss her.
Her eyes fall to Eli. “I don’t know what happened …” She sobs.
I close my eyes. “Just go, Becky! I’ll handle it.”
“You’ve been drinking,” she reminds me.
My jaw tightens. “Becky …”
“They’ll arrest you, Cole. They’ll think you killed them all…”
“I did!” I scream at her. “I fucking did this!” I hang onto my friend’s lifeless body. “I did this.” I can’t hold the tears back as they run down my face. “Just go, Becky.” I choke out the words. Tonight was my decision. I wanted to go out, and I dared them to drink. It doesn’t matter who the fuck was driving. It was my car! They were my responsibility.
I hear her run from the scene for the second time.
“Please …?” I beg to no one.
I drop my forehead down to Eli’s and close my eyes. “I’m so … sorry …” I choke on the words. They’re pointless. “I promise. I promise I’ll take care of Aimee.”
I hear the sirens in the distance. They’re too late.
I pull back and look down at him; his short dark hair grows like vines, transforming into long, thick, and dark strands. His face thins, his sharp jaw and high cheekbones changing to a petite face with a button nose. Short dark lashes replaced with full, long ones. His large body turns small and fragile.
“No!” I shout, shaking the body in my arms.
“No, no, no.” It’s Austin.
Her green eyes are open and stare up me, but they don’t see me. Nothing but cold and death. Then she blinks. Her eyes find mine, and she speaks, making my heart stop. “You succeeded, Cole. You broke me.”
I sit straight up, gasping for air. My bare chest covered in a thin layer of sweat, and my heart pounds so hard it hurts. I lean over and turn on the lamp that sits on the nightstand, bathing our master bedroom in light. Looking to my right, I see Austin next to me. She lies on her side, facing the window that leads out onto our balcony, her dark hair fanning the white pillow.
I take a deep breath and place my hand on her bare back. Leaning over, I kiss her soft skin. She shifts but doesn’t wake. My anger rises when I think about how fucking close I was to losing her. How close I was to having to spend a life without her because someone who was supposed to be my friend got too close to her.
I shove my hands through my hair and get out of bed. I throw on a pair of board shorts, turn off the lamp, and grab my phone before heading out of our room. I head downstairs, walk down the hall, and look into the cracked door to see Lilly fast asleep in her princess bed. Then I make my way out the back door and onto the patio into the hot summer Austin night. When I was here looking for a house, I only had one requirement—a pool.
I connect my Bluetooth to the outside speakers and turn it down so it doesn’t wake the girls. After picking a random Spotify station, I dive into the pool, enjoying the cold water on my warm body and begin to do a lap. Even now that I’m awake, the memories still creep up. Take over. There’s never an escape from them.
“We’ve got a pulse,” a man yells. “It’s weak but there.” Th
ey place Austin on a stretcher. Strap her down, and then they’re pushing her out of the kitchen.
I stand in the now silent room covered in her blood. Dazed. Completely and utterly lost. I walk into the hallway and see the officer and a medical examiner standing over a dead body at the bottom of the stairs. Celeste.
They call out my name, but I ignore them and walk right out the front door. I have work to finish. I’ll find them later once I’m done. I see my car still parked in the driveway, and I fish my phone out of my pocket and dial Deke’s number. “Hello …?”
“Where the fuck are you?”
“Cemetery …”
I pop up out of the water, eyes closed, and take in a breath. The air burning my lungs. When I open my eyes, I see Austin sitting on the edge of the shallow end wearing nothing but one of my white T-shirts. Her legs dangle over the edge and into the water, making soft waves as she moves them back and forth. Her dark hair down and over her right shoulder.
“Build You Back” by Dark Signal plays softly from the speakers, and my chest tightens. No words could be truer than the ones in this song.
I swim over to her. She opens her legs, allowing me to stand between them. My hands go to her bare thighs, and I squeeze her like she’s going to disappear into thin air before my eyes.
“Wanna talk about it?” she asks softly.
I just stare at her. How do I tell this woman that I see her lying dead in a pool of blood every time I close my eyes? I’ve never been good at expressing any emotion other than anger. And time hasn’t changed that. I tell her I love her every chance I get, but even she knows that the darkness lingers.
I told her the other night that I was done with blood. Seeing her bleeding out cured me of that sick disease. After killing Kellan, my need for revenge was over. But that doesn’t stop my need to protect her. That doesn’t stop my fear of losing her.
“I’m okay,” she assures me as if she can read my mind.
DARE SERIES COLLECTION Page 53
