He rips my shirt up and over my head, and I grab at his. He leans forward, and I pull it off. I’m trying to get his jeans undone when he speaks.
“Light …”
“Leave it off.”
He yanks me to a stop with his hands on my hips, and my heart pounds in my chest. Keep them off, Deke. It’ll ruin everything. I know he’s been drinking. He’s not wasted, but he’s also not sober. If he was, this would never work. “Are you shy, Demi?”
“Kinda.” I lie.
“There’s nothing to be shy of, baby. I’ve already had my fingers inside you.”
I whimper at his words. And there’s nothing fake about it. “Please,” I beg. The lights must stay off. One, he’ll notice it’s not my room. And two, he’ll know I’m a virgin once I start bleeding. Hell, there is still a risk he might feel a difference once that starts. I don’t know anything about it since this is my first time. I just gotta pray he doesn’t notice.
When he doesn’t say anything, I undo the button to his jeans and reach inside, grabbing his cock.
Distract him.
Fuck me! It feels huge. I’ve never seen one in person before, let alone felt one. My heart races in my chest as I wonder if I can pull this off. How painful it’s gonna be. I’ve heard horror stories about it from girls at school. I may have had a few drinks, but I’m not drunk enough to numb the pain.
“Fuck.” He groans, pushing his hips forward, and all nervousness disappears.
I can do this. I take in a deep breath to slow my racing heart. “Yes, please …”
His lips capture mine, and we stumble backward. I hear his jeans hit the floor when the back of my knees hit Becky’s bed. “I Don’t Even Care About You” by MISSIO plays in the house as he crawls on top of me. I’ve already shoved my underwear down my legs to make things easier for him. I feel his finger between my legs. He shoves one into me, and I arch my back. I’m already so wet for him. Just like I was at Silence and when he snuck into my house. Just like I am every single time he enters my mind.
I hear what sounds like a wrapper of some kind, and I take a deep breath, guessing it’s a condom. This is about to happen. I’m gonna have sex with Deke Biggs in my sister’s bed. Boy, that’ll piss her off.
He positions himself between my shaking legs and spreads them wide. I feel his head push against my entrance. I take in a deep breath, and he pushes forward. I cry out as a hot, quick pain shoots through me, taking my breath away.
“Fuck, Demi!” He gives a deep groan. “God, you feel …” His hips press forward, going deeper, and I feel pressure.
“Deke ...” I gasp, closing my eyes, and dig my nails into his back, clinging to him for life.
“Incredible.” He finishes.
I’m trembling and can’t stop. Tears sting my eyes. He pulls out, and I whimper before he enters me again. My breath gets caught in my throat. He places his arms behind my legs and spreads me open even further, and I scream as he leans forward, pressing his chest into mine.
“Fuck, yeah, baby. Open up for me.” His hands grip my hair, and he yanks my head back to expose my neck to him. For a second, I can’t breathe. All I feel is a burning sensation between my legs until he moves. Really begins to move. And then a feeling that I’ve never felt before replaces the pain. Tears of pain and unexpected pleasure run down my face as I lie there and let him have his way with me.
Deke did exactly what I needed him to do. I was hoping that he wasn’t gonna ask me to take control ’cause then I’d be fucked. He’d have known then that I lacked experience. I was banking on the fact that he’s a take-charge kind of guy in the bedroom, and thank God I wasn’t wrong.
I came twice. I had never come so hard. It felt like getting caught under a tidal wave. You try to come up for air just as another one hits you. He was drowning me in pleasure, and I would have died happily.
Then after he was done, I lay in my sister’s bed pretending to be asleep so he would leave me alone. Again, I prayed he would. I didn’t need him to cuddle me or profess his love to me. It was just sex. And I needed him to leave the moment he got his.
After he exited the room, I got up and turned on the light to inspect the damage. I hadn’t bled all that bad. I was worried about that because I didn’t want him to notice it. I was afraid the blood would make it feel different to him, but maybe he didn’t notice due to the condom.
I lock her door just to make sure no one comes in here and survey the room. He left his boxers on the floor along with the condom.
I walk over to the desk that sits in the corner and rip open a drawer to grab a black Sharpie. Then I go back over to her bed and look down at the sheets. They’re mainly just wet from sweat and my come. I grab the sheet and rub it between my legs, trying to be gentle since I’m sore as fuck. I smile when it shows a little more blood on it. I throw his boxers along with the used condom on the now wet and bloody sheets and climb onto the bed. Placing the end of the Sharpie in my mouth, I bite on the lid to remove it and write.
Dear Sis,
I gave him something you never could—innocence.
DEMI
Sophomore year
I wake up with a pounding headache. Rolling over onto my side, a moan escapes my cracked lips.
“Just what the fuck did you think you were doing?” I hear Eli snap. Did he take me home?
I blink, trying to take in my surroundings. I’m in a boy’s room. The clothes thrown on the floor and lack of anything remotely girly give me the first clue. The second is his black hoodie and black bag both sitting on a chair. My memory is a little foggy. How did I get here?
“Oh, come on—”
“No!” He interrupts the girl’s voice. “She could have died.”
I shove off the covers and make my way across the room on shaky legs. My mouth is dry and my head pounds. Cracking the door open, I look at Eli standing by the front door. My sister stands before him on the front porch.
She rolls her eyes. “We were just having some fun.”
“We? David knew what you did?” He growls.
“No. It was Maxwell.”
“Jesus.” He hisses.
She pushes her right hip out. “They like each other, and she needed to let loose and have some fun.”
Liar. She knows I don’t like him.
“So you chose to drug her? Fuck, Becky! What if he had wanted to have sex with her? She wouldn’t have been able to give him consent. Or what if he wouldn’t have cared?”
She looks down, inspecting her nails, confirming what he’s already thinking with her silence. That was their plan.
“God, you are such a fucking bitch.” He sighs.
She looks up at him, glaring. “I’m not here to listen to this. Where is she?”
“She’s not leaving with you,” he answers flatly.
“Eli …”
He slams the door in her face and locks it.
“Eli.” She pounds on it with her fists.
“Go home, Becky!” he shouts before punching the door.
He stands there waiting for her to say something else, but seconds later, her car starts.
He runs his hand down his face, releasing a long sigh.
I make my way back to his bed and crawl under his sheets. They’re nice and cold and feel amazing against my heated skin.
His door slowly opens, and he peeks in to see me now awake. He’s changed his clothes from last night. I remember him sitting at the bonfire and Deke giving me the bottle of vodka. Me walking away and finding David. Then my sister giving me a drink before Eli and I got in his car. Everything else is kinda fuzzy. He wears a white T-shirt that has a band I’ve never heard of and a pair of black shorts. His dark hair damp as if he just took a shower.
“How do you feel?” he asks, coming to sit beside me.
“Lightheaded,” I admit. The room still spins but not as bad as last night. “I have a pounding headache.”
“Here.” He grabs a bottle of water off his nightstand and a couple of asp
irin. “Take these.”
“I heard you,” I say, staring at his dark comforter. Tears sting my eyes. “Why would she …?” I can’t finish the question ’cause I know the answer. She hates me. Always has.
He reaches out, grabbing my chin and forcing me to look up at him. “You’re okay, Demi. I’m not gonna let anything happen to you. You’re safe here.” Then he leans forward and places a soft kiss on my forehead.
Present
Becky didn’t give two shits about me. We weren’t close, but I never gave her a reason to drug me. I still wonder what would have happened had Eli not been the one to take me home that night. He took care of me. Protected me. I passed out thinking I loved him, but I woke up sure of it. But like anything else in my life, if I wanted it, Becky had this need to take it from me.
That’s why I willingly spread my legs for Deke. A part of her sick and twisted mind still loves him, and I wanted to take something from her that she’ll never forget. And Deke will hate me. Now more than he did before.
I was never a slut like my sister, but this one act made me one. I used him. And for what? To piss off my sister. To show them both I’m not to be fucked with? I had never had someone touch me the way Deke did at Silence. And so after I allowed him to touch me, it just went downhill. My mind. My decisions. Now my fucking life. Becky will think of something to do to me, but it’ll be so worth it. My entire body hurts. Will it be like this every time I have sex? God, I hope so.
“What happened the other night?” Lauren asks, sitting down in her seat next to me. “I’ve been calling you all weekend. Did you and Seth break up?”
“No,” I answer.
“What was that fight about?”
“He thinks I’m cheating on him.” I shrug.
Her dark brows pull together. Lauren and I never talk about my sex life or lack thereof. She just assumes Seth and I fuck like rabbits. He’s a college student, after all. A boy with needs. I’m just not the one who fulfills them.
“Are you?”
I give her a big smile. “Well, I wasn’t when we started fighting.”
CHAPTER EIGHTEEN
DEKE
I STAND IN the kitchen staring down at my phone as it rings in my hand. Becky lights up the screen. I press ignore. And what I now see isn’t any better. It’s Demi’s message.
Demi: That you took my virginity. In her bed.
I blink and read it again.
No!
She was a virgin? That can’t be … but I know it’s the truth. I felt it. She was too tight. It had been a long time since I’d slept with a virgin, but you never forget what it’s like. It was too good. She felt too unbelievable. I almost had myself convinced yesterday that it was the alcohol. I was drunk and the liquor had enhanced what we did. What I felt.
I should have known!
“What’s up with you?” Cole asks, entering the kitchen.
“I fucked Demi,” I say more to myself than him.
He nods. “I was there.” He takes a drink of his coffee.
“In Becky’s bed.” He spits out said coffee. It dribbles down his chin and onto his shirt. I feel it land on my arm, but I ignore it. “And she was a virgin.”
“What the fuck?” I hear from behind me.
I turn to see Austin now standing with us. Her eyes are wide, and her hands on her narrow hips.
“I … I didn’t know …” I stumble over my words. Almost fucking speechless. My thoughts a mess. She was a virgin. I took her virginity. I shouldn’t feel proud about that because she tricked me, but I do. I fucked her first, before any other man. Why? Why would she give that to me? She hates me.
“You didn’t know?” she asks me skeptically.
I just shake my head. That’s usually the first thing a girl tells you when she’s throwing herself at you. Hell, I’ve had girls tell me they’re virgins when I knew they weren’t. They never lie about not being one. That’s just another thing about Demi that I’m starting to like. She’s unpredictable.
She runs her hand through her dark hair. “Does Becky know?”
I nod.
Her lips thin, and she steps into me. “Was this part of your game?”
Was it? I wanted her, yes. Would knowing she was a virgin have stopped me? Probably not. But I would have done it differently had I known.
“No.” Cole answers her question when I don’t.
“Did you know this?” she snaps at him.
He nods. “I thought it was odd that he was in Becky’s room, though.”
That’s why he looked at me strangely when I exited the bedroom. He knew I was on the wrong side of the balcony. I was too wrapped up in Demi and my dick to think about it. I would have fucked her in the laundry room if that was where she had taken me.
“I can’t believe this.” She growls. “This is beyond fucked up, Deke.”
“I didn’t know,” I repeat.
My phone rings again, and I hit ignore, not wanting to talk to Becky. I don’t have to explain myself. I’m single and can do whoever I want.
Seconds later, another cell rings, and Austin pulls hers out of her pocket. She sighs and hits answer. “Hello?” Her eyes narrow on me. “I’m so sorry.” She spins around, walking out of the kitchen. Letting me know that Becky has given up and called her best friend.
“She set you up.” Cole speaks my thoughts.
I nod. “Seems so.” She planned on me fucking her in her sister’s bed. She wanted to rub it in her face. But how did Becky find out? Did she text her, and Becky just believed it? I’m not sure, but I’m not going to ask Becky how she found out.
“Again,” he adds.
I grind my teeth and glare at him. “Why do you feel the need to state the obvious?”
He shrugs. “Surprised is all.”
“And what shall I do about that?” I ask, arching a brow.
He chuckles. “Whatever the fuck you want.”
DEMI
I lie on my bed doing homework and listening to music. “Nightmare” by Halsey plays softly in my room. My phone vibrates, and I ignore it. That’s what I’ve done all day. Deke and Becky could have messaged me a hundred times, and I wouldn’t know.
A knock comes on my door. “Go away,” I call out. If it was my sister, she’d just charge right in, so it’s either my mother or Isabella, and I don’t want to speak to either of them.
The door opens, and I sit up when I see it’s Austin.
This can’t be good.
“Hope you don’t mind. Your housekeeper said you were up here. May I come in?” she asks, standing in the doorway.
I wasn’t able to get rid of Isabella for long. After my sister found out what I had done, she called our mother and told her that I trashed the house over the weekend. So my mother called Isabella and told her to get back to our house and clean it. Thankfully, Isabella didn’t rat me out and tell my mother that I paid her to stay away. She kept the cash I gave her and her mouth shut.
I cross my arms over my chest. “Depends. Are you here on behalf of Becky or Deke?” Neither one matters.
She sighs heavily. “I’m here for you, Demi.”
“I’m not sure what that means.”
Without asking again or waiting for permission, she enters my room and closes the door behind her. She sits down on the edge of my bed and tilts her head while she looks me over. She frowns when her eyes run over the faint marks left by Deke. They’re fading, but I don’t wear much makeup, so you can still very much make them out.
“I’m not in the mood for a lecture,” I tell her. I’m not sure which one told her what I did with Deke, but it doesn’t matter. It’s done.
“I’m just worried—”
I laugh, cutting off her words. “About Becky? She’s a big girl. She can handle herself. Trust me.”
“No.” She reaches out and pats my leg gently. “About you.”
Austin has always been nice to me. I didn’t get to see her much back in Collins. She didn’t come around my father’s house very of
ten, but when she was there, she would go out of her way to say hello to me or ask how my day was going, but she never invited me out with them. At the time, I thought it was because Becky filled her head full of lies and made her hate me. Now I know it was because Austin was dealing with her own demons—the GWS.
“Why would you be worried about me?”
She runs a hand through her dark hair. “I don’t know what kind of game Deke is playing with you, but I’ve been a part of a game before, and it would have been nice to have someone on my side.”
I look down at my hands sitting on my lap, unable to meet her eyes. I already know what she went through. And I hate that my sister wasn’t there to help her. She was too wrapped up in Deke to see what was really going on. Or maybe she did and just didn’t care.
“I’m nothing like her,” I find myself saying.
“I didn’t say you were.”
My eyes meet hers, and she gives me a soft smile. I highly doubt she knows what Becky is really like. No one does. No one among the living anyway.
“I’m not here to judge you, Demi. I only came here in case you needed to talk to someone.”
I snort. “And to go tell my sister.”
“No.” She shakes her head quickly. “I want to be your friend. And to me that means something. I would never betray your trust.”
I fist my hands. “Then you’re here for Deke.”
“No, Demi—”
“I don’t believe you, Austin,” I shout, interrupting her.
Silence follows my outburst, and she nods her head once before standing. She turns to leave, and I look down at my backpack next to my bed. It’s open, and the top of her journal peeks out.
“Wait,” I call out.
She comes to a stop and turns to face me. I reach down, pick it up, and walk over to her. “I told you I’m nothing like her, and I mean that.” I hold out her journal. “This belongs to you. You should be the one to have it.”
Her green eyes widen when she looks down at it. Slowly, she takes it from my hand like it’s a grenade that can blow up any minute. “Where did you get this?” she asks clearing her throat.
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