by Lynn Vroman
I buried my face in his chest, the strange combination of fire and familiarity racing through me. “It’s not that cold once you get used to it.”
His chest rumbled. “Liar.”
“Pretty much.”
We lay there for bit, without saying anything, until the bed stopped moving. He rubbed my back, one strong finger moving from the base of my spine to my neck. The energy sizzling through my limbs warmed the places where his body didn’t protect mine from the mattress.
“Do you still want to hear about the history books?”
The movements of his finger down my back relaxed me so much I’d almost fallen asleep. But the promise of more information had my eyelids staying open, if only halfway. “Yeah.”
He stopped and started a few times, a habit he seemed to have, before speaking. “When you live in Exemplar, you’re taught about the dimensions and your responsibility as a Guide or Protector at an early age. We’re fostered out at six during our first cycle to train, learn.”
“At six? That seems so young.”
He continued to rub my back. “It’s just the way it is. We all have a responsibility, being privileged.” He spit out that last word as if it were a curse. “Anyway, the biggest lessons we’re taught are the histories, the evolutions of humankind.”
“Evolutions?”
“All dimensions are essentially the same, just in different evolutionary stages. In some dimensions, humans are not as evolved physically, like the squid in Arcus. Many more are not as evolved socially or technologically as we are in Exemplar,” he said. “But the fundamental link holding the universe together is that each dimension has gone or will eventually go through the same changes, even if the worlds are different.”
“That sounds…complicated.” I snuggled closer, my eyes droopier. “So, where is Earth on the evolutionary scale?”
His body tensed. “It’s archaic compared to Exemplar.”
I reached up to pat his arm. “Hey, at least I didn’t go someplace where we’re still monkeys.”
“At least.”
“So, what do Guides do with the energy exactly?” After everything, I still had no idea how the whole thing worked. “Why doesn’t energy stay in the same dimension?”
Tarek continued to trail that finger up and down my back, hypnotizing me into relaxing every muscle. “When the body gives out, energy is transferred to the Warden, who holds it until a Guide is able to come to the dimension. Back when–”
“Give me the condensed version, please.” I burrowed closer. “My eyes are about to shut.”
He laughed. “Okay, okay. So long story short, energy has the ability to evolve, even if the dimension’s evolution is slow. Some energies deserve better their next cycle, some need or should stay in the dimension they’re in, while others…devolve, I guess? Those are the energies that need to be disbursed, ah, destroyed, or taken to dimensions for self-reflection, punishment.”
“Dimensions like Arcus, you mean?”
“Yes.” He pulled me closer, the move making it difficult to keep my lids from slamming shut. “So, tomorrow…”
“I go to school.” My words slurred together, the floating monstrosity never so comfortable.
“But–”
“I need to go. If I don’t, Dad will kick my ass. You can drive Wilma’s car, take me there, and pick me up at three.”
“If that’s the only choice I have, I guess it’ll do.”
“It is, and you need to leave soon.” I snuggled closer, clinging tighter.
“No, I think I’ll stay.”
Lena
As big as he was, Tarek didn’t make a sound when he climbed out the window and replaced the screen.
The minute he left, cold invaded my body. I tried to sleep for another hour, but without extra blankets and clothes, it’d be impossible. The idea crossed my mind to get up and go through the usual bed-prepping routine. Of course, the chance the bed would suck me in again was enough to change the plan to a shower.
When I slogged to the kitchen, Mom was up, arranging saltine crackers on a plate. Deep circles shaded her eyes, and her hands shook as though she experienced the same withdrawals as Dad. I dropped my backpack and snuck up behind her, wrapping my arms around her waist.
She patted my hands. “Hey, honey.”
Relief loosened the knot in my stomach. “Love you, Mom.”
No telling how long she’d been awake, but it must’ve been enough time for whatever trance she’d been under to dissolve. The pattern became apparent. When Dad spoke, his voice pulled the strings on his marionette wife, but the effects were finite. Mom stood in front of me now, not the puppet.
“You sleep okay?”
Hmm. I guess worshiping the television and obeying the evangelical, alcoholic husband slipped your mind, Mom?
“Uh…yeah, sure.”
One look in her eyes dissolved any leftover animosity, as lucid emeralds turned to scrutinize my face.
“Hey, you need to listen, okay?” When she nodded, I continued, “Whatever happens, I’m not leaving you. No matter what, nothing’s gonna scare me.”
Her eyes filled as she nodded again. She swallowed a few times and put a shaking palm on my cheek. “I’m going crazy. I say things and… It’s like I can’t control it.”
Dad’s morning hacking caught my attention. I squeezed the hand on my cheek. “You’re not crazy. We’ll get out of here, just like we planned.” I rushed to finish when the bedroom door clicked opened. “Just don’t tell him. Be strong.”
“You better hurry, peanut. We can’t have you missing the bus.” As soon as he spoke, her brilliant eyes clouded, and a scowl twisted her lips.
Mom went around me and into his arms, ogling him like he was a god. “Listen to your father, Lena. He knows what’s best.”
I grabbed my backpack, filled with the rest of the stuff I needed to get to Jake’s, and left, saying nothing to either of them.
∞ ∞ ∞
No kids stood at the bus stop since the thing wasn’t due for another fifteen minutes. Not one person in the entire park was ever that eager to get to school. Since most people living here didn’t have a job, the foggy morning silence gave me a chance to walk into Wilma’s place without any tongues wagging.
After yesterday, I’m sure Tarek’s presence was a main topic of conversation. All I needed was one of the gossip hens mentioning to Dad they saw me sneaking off to visit the strange guy at Wilma’s.
The smell smacked me as soon as the door opened. Sausage and coffee had my stomach screaming, and the biscuits Tarek pulled from the oven made my mouth water.
He turned when I shut the door and smiled. “Hungry?”
His hair, still damp from a shower, was tied back with one of the hairbands Wilma always had lying around. I recognized the shirt he wore, one of Wilma’s old extra-large, faded black men’s Tshirts. She wore them because they were comfortable, let her breathe, she said. The shirt wasn’t a baggy sack on Tarek. Soft cotton hugged every muscle, particularly his chest and biceps.
I studied my hands as a treacherous blush burned my cheeks. “Starving.”
He took a plate from the cupboard, piling it high with sausage, eggs, and a buttered biscuit and set it on the small kitchen table. “Sit.”
It didn’t take much to coax me, especially since the last thing I ate were the noodles from last night’s dinner. I got over how Tarek looked in the shirt, too. Food always had a way of distracting me from everything else.
I squeezed ketchup on my eggs and scooped everything into the biscuit, forcing myself not to inhale, trying to taste every bite. Zander brought me breakfast sometimes, pulling it out of his backpack with all the flair of a magician. It irritated me, the way he always made it a big deal, as if his charitable act was doing me a favor–more like giving himself a few karma points.
Total opposite of Zander, Tarek made no comments. He just shoved the plate on the table in front of me and sat down, concentrating on stuffing everything on his he
aping plate into his mouth.
Well…if he could do it…
Grinning, I dropped the delicate act, only using enough manners to keep food off my clothes.
I finished first and went to get a paper towel. My chair sliding against the tan linoleum didn’t interrupt Tarek’s breakfast, his head still bent and focused on his eggs. As I wiped my face and sat down, I studied his hands, huge and littered with tiny white scars. The tears hiding behind my eyelids surprised me. I mean, I had only known the guy for like less than three days.
But I had no idea how he got all those scars. I’d bet the old Lena knew. His Lena.
Jealousy ripped through my core, stabbing my heart as realization hit like a sledgehammer. He wasn’t here for me. As much as I wanted to tell him about his role in my dreams, I couldn’t. I didn’t want him to get excited or happy–because that would only make him want her more. It would make him think she still existed. The Lena he knew…the Lena I wasn’t.
“I’m not her, you know.” The words escaped before I could clamp my mouth shut.
He stopped eating. After a slow swallow, he put down his fork without looking up. “I know.”
I swiped at a renegade tear. Why the hell was I crying? “I don’t think you do.”
Another swallow bobbed his throat. His silence screamed at me, declaring what I knew to be true.
Anger from somewhere deep and hidden seethed at the surface. “Can I ask you something?”
He nodded, still looking down. “Anything.”
“If she was so great, why did I end up here?”
His head popped up at the question, those gray eyes drilling right into mine. “What do you mean?”
“It sounds like she was a criminal, or at the very least, an asshole.”
His eyes turned to stone. “She wasn’t.”
I held up my hands, shaking my head. “Hey, don’t get pissed at me. I’m just stating the obvious.”
He stared for what had to be five long, uncomfortable minutes before his face softened. After tapping his fingers on the table, looking a bit lost, he knelt in front of me. Another stray tear escaped, and his callused thumb brushed it away.
He sighed. “I know you’re not her, but…I also know who you are,” one of those scarred hands touched my chest, right over my heart, “in here.”
Well, that just caused the floodgates to open. I didn’t know if I was happy or miserable. All I knew was that my skin was on fire where his palm rested.
Tarek pulled the mangled paper towel from my white knuckled fist and wiped my face. “We’ll get through this. Together.”
I hugged him, not even considering we barely knew each other. Because being near him…it was like I’d known him my entire life. “Okay.”
The sputtering bus interrupted. Tarek untwined my arms to open the curtains, revealing kids shuffling up the bus steps single file, as though they were going to the penitentiary instead of school.
Practice for the future…
“Guess we should go, too,” he said.
I wiped my eyes one more time and took both our plates to the sink, rinsing them off and putting them in the strainer. “Yeah, can’t be late. I wouldn’t want to get hit for being disobedient.”
“What’re you talking about?”
After grabbing my backpack off the couch, I opened the door when the bus drove away. “Not important. It’d be just another thing you’d torture yourself with, anyway.”
Tarek grabbed my elbow, preventing me from stepping out to the porch. “Listen, I…”
He leaned in. His chest so close, the heat radiating from his body scorched me. One of those beautiful, scarred fingers traced my jaw as his lips hovered above mine.
I waited, wanting him to tell me–I had no idea what I wanted him to say, really. I just wanted him to kiss me. “What?” My voice hardly rose above a whisper.
His lips pursed as his fingers curled into a fist, dropping from my face. “Nothing. Let’s go.”
∞ ∞ ∞
When we made it to school, Tarek dropped me off right outside the parking lot so no one would see us, especially Jake. As promised, my boss’ Range Rover sat idling in the second row. I ran up and knocked on the passenger window, causing him to jump, obviously looking for me to come from the direction of the bus drop-off. He rolled down the window, masking his surprise with irritation. “You’re late, like, by a day.”
I couldn’t help smiling, even after the crying jag at Wilma’s. He could be so grumpy when he worried. “Sorry. Needed a day.” I dumped the contents of my bag on the seat. All that was left to bring were my new running clothes, a couple sweatshirts, underwear, and the jeans I wore. Of course, Mom’s stuff, too, but I’d have to wait until she quit being nuts.
“This is mostly it for me. Mom’s things are all that’s left.”
“I should just go there, take you guys, beat the shit out of him.” He kept his eyes on the steering wheel.
“And have him call the cops? Bad idea, Jake.”
He rubbed the stubble on his cheeks and gave his best annoyed scowl. “A few more days, then?”
Telling Jake about dimensions, Wardens, and something controlling the minds of my parents wasn’t a good idea if I wanted him to believe sanity still played on my side. “Yeah.”
He reached in the glove box and pulled out an envelope. “Bought some Melatonin.” He handed me the pills. “Tell her to give him all six, make sure he goes to sleep.”
Yeah, maybe I’d give them to her instead?
“Hey, Mom and I thought maybe Saturday instead of Friday? She’s afraid to be there alone if the pills don’t work.”
I hated lying, but the truth was less believable.
Jake nodded. “No, yeah, that makes sense. What time?”
“Don’t know. I’ll go to Wilma’s when he’s asleep, call you from there.” We didn’t have a phone, hadn’t for close to two years. Dad decided the bill got in the way of buying alcohol.
“You want me to come here tomorrow, get your mom’s things?”
“We’ll get them when Dad passes out. He hasn’t been leaving the house much lately.”
He gave another nod but didn’t make a move to put the car in reverse. I knew he was nervous about the whole deal, but as I told him on Sunday, “You have to trust me.”
Jake sighed, scrubbing his face again. “I do trust you. I’m just…I wish things were different, that’s all.”
The last few kids walked in before the late bell, laughing, listening to their iPods…talking. Nothing going wrong in their bubbles. “Yeah. Me, too.”
“So, Saturday?”
I leaned in the window to squeeze his hand. “Saturday.”
∞ ∞ ∞
I made it to homeroom before the bell rang. Zander sat in his usual spot, tapping the top of the desk, staring at the door. His eyes lit when he noticed me. He pulled my breakfast from his backpack with the same theatrics as usual. “Viola!”
No thanks, New Zander. You’ll have to collect the karma points from someone else.
The doughy state of my brain shouldn’t have been a surprise. It’d been that way for three months. Fortunately, my mind stayed clear enough to remember everything going on, even with the clouds rolling in.
He stood up to kiss me, and I let him–for a second. I moved away to sit, taking a sip of the tea he bought steaming on my desk.
Okay, you can have one karma point for this…
He kept standing. “What’s wrong?”
The confusion and hurt shadowing his eyes almost had me cracking. But a sneaking mental reminder that fought through the fog, highlighting all the recent crazy stuff, strengthened my nerve. Keeping him as far away as possible became another necessity. Bad enough I still needed Jake.
“Nothing, just tired.” I pushed the sandwich away and continued to sip on my tea.
“You ain’t hungry?” He said it with so much surprise I had to wonder if he thought of himself as my personal food bank.
“Already a
te.”
He slumped into his chair and stared at me. More like tried to penetrate my thoughts with his eyes. Thank God–or, I guess the Energy Warden?–only Wilma had that talent.
As the morning announcements dribbled from the intercom, I caught a couple kids from the basketball team and one guy from my neighborhood saying crap to Belva. My heart lurched when a tear slipped from her eye, though to her credit, she didn’t say a word. She kept her eyes on her phone, scrolling down the screen.
Total. Bullshit.
I ignored Zander’s demand to stay out of it and went to stand in between Belva and the morons. “It’s nice to see the dumbasses and trash bonding.”
They were as shocked as I was after I spoke. Blood pumped hard through my nervous system, the sound vibrating in my ears. My legs shook a little, too, but I chalked that up to adrenaline. Nope, it definitely wasn’t fear of losing my wallflower status.
Being noticed by a whole new breed of predators. Why not? The more the merrier…
The trailer park kid decided to stick up for his new friends, standing up to face me, his pimply face sweaty and red. “Guess daddy doesn’t hit hard enough, huh, Lena? Maybe I should come over, give him some pointers.”
Ha! Like that was supposed to embarrass me?
“Yeah, Kip? Maybe show him how your little brother beats the shit outta you?” With a swipe under my nose, I flashed a lip curl at the other two. “You all should see how he runs ‘round cryin’ for his mommy after his ten-year-old brother thrashes him.”
I used my best white trash accent, butchering my English to the point of making it a new language. Why give the “good” kids the wrong idea, like maybe they weren’t better than me and Kip. Idiots.
The act worked because they ignored Belva to tag team Kip, now the target.
Guess he should’ve picked nicer friends.
Satisfied that the jocks practiced their bullying techniques on someone else, I turned to Belva, who kept her eyes pointed on her phone.
At least her tears dried.
∞ ∞ ∞
The day wore on with me checking the clock every five minutes. Zander walked with me to every class, though he didn’t say much, and I didn’t encourage conversation either. At lunch, we sat with Belva. She refused to acknowledge us, but I didn’t care. At least everyone left her alone.
