by Lynn Vroman
An hour later, the blood on the walls and carpet were no longer visible to the naked eye. Hopefully it would be enough for the landlord not to ask too many questions. The entire time I scrubbed, Tarek searched the house. For what, I had no idea, but he seemed satisfied when he came to the kitchen while I cleaned out the sink.
Wiping up all the blood, a mixture of mine and Mom’s, had anger seeping in. As much as it might’ve made me sound like a psychopath, the only thing I felt about Dad’s death was relief.
After a deep breath to wash away the lingering rage, I turned to Tarek. “Find anything, Sherlock?”
He cocked his head to the side. “Who?”
“You know, Sherlock Holmes? The inspector? Doctor Watson?” His face showed no recognition. “Yeah, okay. Bad joke.”
“Are we finished here?”
I threw rags and sponges in a garbage bag, tying it up and slinging it over my shoulder. “In more ways than one.”
He took the bag with a smile, guiding me to the door.
As we walked to the car, I said, “Are all of you able to do that, make trees come to life? Break a floor then have it mend itself? I mean, Christ, if you all had that kind of power…”
Tarek started the engine when we both clicked on our seat belts. “No, that was something I’ve never seen.” He pulled onto the main road. “Maybe it has something to do with Casimir’s power mixing with the Protector energy.” Tarek tapped the wheel as he spoke. “Wardens have mending abilities that make them able to live longer, survive the negatives in their dimensions…it’s possible, I guess.”
When tension turned his mouth into a thin line, I sighed, closing my eyes. “We’re in way over our heads, aren’t we?”
He braked at a red light. “Looks like it.”
∞ ∞ ∞
When the car pulled into the school’s parking lot, I half crawled, half stumbled out, the pain riding on my ribcage sucking all my energy. After scrubbing the house and helping with the bags, my body pleaded to stop and sleep. The butterflies zipping through my stomach didn’t help either.
I slammed the door and signaled for Tarek to leave. After the third nod toward the exit sign, he shoved the car in drive and puttered out, parking outside the fence.
Sighing, I trudged to Zander’s car. In about ten minutes the lot would be full with obnoxious people racing to get to wherever seemed more important than school.
As I leaned against the car door, I began to crave that normalcy. I wanted to be oblivious of dimensions, Guides, and Protectors. Mostly, I didn’t want to have to figure out who wanted to get rid of me. The weight of all of it sat in my gut like a stone.
The last bell echoed, and I sat up straighter, keeping my focus on the doors. Knowing Tarek watched everything irritated me. Privacy was what I needed, and when I saw Zander walk out of the building all disheveled and sullen, I wanted Tarek to leave.
I smoothed my hair, suddenly conscious of how bad I must’ve looked. When he glanced up and his face shined, I forgot everything but him. No longer able to stay put, I ran, ignoring the pain shooting through my middle. His arms were already waiting, scooping me up, holding tight.
My body screamed in protest, and this time I couldn’t ignore it. “Ouch. Easy.”
Confusion etched his face until I lifted my shirt some to show him. His smooth cheeks tightened. “Who did that to you?”
“Dad.”
“He’s a monster.” Rage ate at every word, and I could have sworn guilt covered his face. “I’m so sorry.”
“Why? You didn’t do anything. And he left right after. Hasn’t come back, don’t think he will.”
No warning, Zander kissed me, and the dull thump entered my brain. Things needed to be discussed, but for the life of me, I couldn’t remember what those things were.
“I missed you.” He kept his hands around my waist without using much pressure.
“I missed you, too.” The words sounded strange. Logic buried deep in my psyche screamed that I’d barely given him a thought during the last week, except for how to get him out of the picture for a while. But whatever came over me, I decided at that moment that I’d missed him with everything I had.
Thing about heroin, the drug is hard to quit.
He brushed a hand through my hair, smoothing the places it stuck out. “Where’ve you been? I went to your house after work. Jake said he hadn’t seen you…”
Lying didn’t come so easy with him. “We…drove around a while after, trying to figure things out. Wilma let us borrow her car.”
His dark eyes searched mine. “Where’d you stay last night?”
I swallowed. “We ended up at Jake’s. I guess you could say we officially moved in.”
He kissed me again, and this time I kept him close. As we stood there, surrounded by the yelling kids and revving cars, groping each other, clarity stabbed a metal spike through the thick Zander cloud. Uncurling my fist from his sweatshirt, I stepped back a few feet, forcing deep breaths in and out.
“What’s wrong?” His tortured face searched mine.
“We need to talk.” I shook my head, trying to loosen the cobwebs, touching my lips. “I need to tell you something.”
“What? Tell me.” He came closer, putting his palm on the cheek not marred with bruises. “But let’s get outta here, okay?”
“I can’t.”
“Why?” He went to the car, holding out his hand.
“No, Zander.”
“What’s goin’ on?”
I had to dig deep, but his anger helped remind me of how much he didn’t think of me. As far as he was concerned, I was a coward, not able to live with just my weak mother. That dull throb eased up, the lies coming out smoother. “I need some time.”
“What are you saying? You need time away from me?”
“Yes.”
“Why?” His eyes turned bright, shiny with tears.
“I need to…focus on Mom and me, get our lives back on track.”
“And you can’t do that with me around?”
I studied my serrated fingernails. “I can’t afford the distraction right now.”
“So now I’m a distraction.”
Everything I said came out wrong. But one glance over my shoulder at Wilma’s idling car solidified my resolve. “Right now, yes.”
He slammed the car door and stepped forward, stopping when I flinched. “This isn’t over. I gave up everything.” He moved slower this time, standing right in front of me. “I know you love me.”
At least what I said next wasn’t a lie. “I don’t know anything right now, Zander.”
My eyes stayed on my hands, the atmosphere becoming empty and hollow. When I found the nerve to bring up my head, he was already in his car. He gave one last scowl and peeled out of the parking lot, almost hitting another car backing out as his tires squealed and smoked. Kids threw obscenities, both words and creative hand gestures, at his rear window.
I just stood there, my legs unwilling to take me to the car.
Funny thing, as Zander disappeared down the next block, the dullness cleared away. My resolve was strong again, especially thanks to the sight of Tarek, who waited patiently with his window down and looking right at me.
Dumbass is what I felt like then.
∞ ∞ ∞
Silence filled the ride back to the house. I had no idea how to explain why I melted around Zander. Maybe I did love him. But as the car rumbled down side streets, stopping at lights, and grumbling when they turned green, love didn’t register.
The emotion of the moment was disappointment. I’m pretty sure that came from crumbling into a blubbering moron as soon as my baby-faced, anger-prone boyfriend came through the school doors.
I tried to start a conversation about anything other than what I’m sure Tarek stewed over. Every time I cleared my throat and peeked in his direction, his grip on the wheel tightened. His knuckles so void of color, they’d glow in the dark. The muscles in his jaw were just as tense, contracting at five s
econd intervals.
As soon as we pulled into Jake’s narrow driveway, Tarek jumped from the car, not even bothering to shut the door behind him. In his brown leather pants and Wilma’s black shirt, with his messy blond hair, he looked like a medieval blacksmith–or an extra from The Pirates of the Caribbean. The heat coming from every step had a group of teenagers on the sidewalk crossing the street instead of having to veer around him.
He didn’t blend.
Not even a little.
I hesitated before opening my door, willing to take my chances with the squid rather than face the confrontation waiting in the house. After shutting his door, I climbed the porch stairs, gearing up for the inevitable inquisition by my jealous giant. The bathroom door slammed shut as I closed the front door.
At least I had time while he took a piss–or ripped the sink from the wall. Whatever.
I shuffled into the kitchen, spotting a note on the table:
Lena,
Went to work with Jake. He insisted…
The condition of her face would require some fast-talking to customers. Maybe she’d hang out in the office or sit in the back of a theater room watching movies all night. I wasn’t too worried. Jake had been itching for a chance at being near my mom for years. I’d let him have a turn this evening. Besides, her antagonist was already dead. I’m the one who still had a few enemies to worry about.
I yanked the refrigerator door open, grabbing a box of leftover pizza. Putting a few pieces in the microwave and one in my mouth, I pulled a couple of cups from the drain rack and poured soda in each.
When the bathroom door opened and Tarek’s footsteps stopped at the kitchen’s doorframe, I didn’t turn to face him. My eyes stayed glued to the rotating pizza in the microwave. “Pizza will be ready in a minute.”
“It looked like you thought about him a lot.” His voice held no malice or accusation, but I would’ve taken that over the pain coming from every soft word he spoke any day.
“I don’t ever remember telling you I didn’t care about him.” No way would I turn around. Hearing the pain was enough. I took another bite of cold pizza, trying for normal, but had a hard time getting the thick dough and pepperoni down my dry throat.
“No, you didn’t. Matter of fact, you didn’t tell me anything until I brought him up this morning.”
The microwave dinged.
The pizza stayed put.
“What do you want me to say?”
“Look at me.” His plea bounced off the walls and punctured my heart.
I turned to see him clinging to the doorframe, one hand on either side. His face sagged, but his eyes shined bright. “I’ve spent the past seventeen years searching for you.”
“And now that you found me, you’re disappointed?”
Silence answered.
“I don’t know what you expected. Me, sitting around, pining for you?” I threw the half-eaten pizza in the sink. “I didn’t even know you existed until five days ago.” Except that was kind of a lie, but I wasn’t in the mood to share.
He dropped his head for a second before bringing his steel glare back up to mine. “Maybe I wanted you to be as lost as I’ve been. Maybe I did want you to be…you.”
That one little sentence ripped my heart out. Everything we’d been inching toward was now in shatters on the kitchen floor.
“Well, sorry to let you down, but this is all you get.” I waved a hand over my face, pissed off. “Whoever you were looking for doesn’t exist anymore. This is my life now, so excuse me if I want to keep living it.”
He stalked over, gripped me by the shoulders, and with a fluid motion, his lips crashed down on mine. Fireworks burst in my brain. Tingling soaked into my skin, turning to lightning when he pushed his tongue past my teeth, scouring my mouth with an urgency I automatically matched. If I could have melted into his skin, I would’ve done it gladly.
So, this is what it was supposed to feel like.
Too soon, he pulled away, still holding me by the shoulders, giving them a light shake. His voice ragged and heavy, he said, “You’re still in there. My Lena is still there.”
He turned toward the living room, his steps eating up the trembling floor. I picked up a cup of soda and threw it at his head. It missed by a fraction, landing right beside the couch. Soda flew up and smacked the ceiling, slapping the walls, and neither one of us gave it a second glance.
“You think you can just…just…mark me like I’m some sort of prize?” Oh, how I wished the electricity would stop zinging through my body. “She’s gone, damn it!”
It was his turn to keep his back to me as he stared out the window. “Do you love him?”
“I don’t know.” I put a hand to my heart, trying to calm the beating. “But I think there’s more to worry about now than that.”
His shoulders sagged.
“Tarek?”
“I need to go to Wilma, see if she’s found anything.”
I wanted to tell him how my brain went fuzzy and dull when Zander was around. Scream that I owed him nothing. Confess how my whole body still burned from his kiss. Tell him to quit being a damn child. Beg him to stay and not leave me alone. “Yeah, okay. Whatever. I’ll hang out here, wait until you’re done being a baby.” Anger poured from every word.
He went to the door, not bothering to look back. “I won’t be long. Don’t do anything stupid.”
Frustration heated my cheeks. “I guess that whole I’ll-never-leave-you crap only lasted as long as I didn’t hurt your feelings, huh?”
He grabbed his bag without saying another word. The ache his leaving left in my chest was so acute it felt like a heart attack.
I had no doubt he took a part of me with him.
Tarek
The open portal spit him out like a sour grape five feet from his front door. He lay where it dropped him, watching the tear in the atmosphere close, not bothering to go in the house.
Lena was in that body somewhere. His Lena. Her energy flowed through the same form it had always created. Granted, her eyes were a different color, vivid green. They shined with as much intelligence, and now they gleamed like jewels. And she was so strong. Way more open…more alive.
Damn.
Watching her kiss that boy, and being powerless to do anything but sit in the car and let it happen, killed him.
He stared into the bright, cloudless blue sky, watching a fleet of hydro-blimps shower the adjacent field. If he’d have been thirty seconds later, Lena’s father would’ve killed her. Or worse, she would’ve died in Arcus. Yet, all he could think about was her kissing some stupid kid.
Shit.
Who was the asshole now?
He pushed to his feet and shoved through the door to find Wilma at Lena’s desk. “Anything?”
Her chubby face drooped and circles surrounded her eyes. “Why’re you here? I told you I’d come to you, didn’t I?”
The whiskey bottle called his name, and yes, he answered it. “No, you didn’t, and I’m here because it’s my house.”
“So, you left her? Alone? You haven’t met her father yet? His abuse weakens her–”
“He’s dead.”
Wilma stood and poured a drink, too. “This isn’t gonna be good, is it?”
“Did you block me yesterday?” He took a sip of whiskey, needing the burn to avoid going at her again. Having his ego hurt twice in one day didn’t sound appealing.
Wilma set her cup on the counter, whiskey untouched. “No, which means…”
“The rogue must know I’m there and didn’t want me following her to Arcus when Casimir tried pulling her through again. Probably the same person who got at her parents, too–persuasion, it looks like. Not to mention she admitted hearing a male voice inside her head a few times.”
“This just gets better and better.” She took a swig of whiskey after all and waved for him to keep going.
Tarek downed his drink and poured another, telling Wilma everything as she cursed, making a comment here and there. He
didn’t mention the boy. His pride wouldn’t let him. She went back to the desk when he finished, shaking her head and muttering under her breath.
His chest felt heavy, even after spilling everything out to Wilma. The alcohol wasn’t working fast enough. “She’s not the same.”
“I told you that already.”
“I thought she’d at least act the same.”
Wilma folded her hands on top of the book, giving him a sympathetic smile. “She’s two months younger than her eighteenth year.” She stretched her muscles, reaching over her head. “You have to remember this cycle is different. Her maturity level coincides with her actual age.”
Tarek swallowed. “I kissed her.”
“What the hell did you do that for?” She hopped up and slapped him on the back of the head.
“Ouch!” He rubbed his skull, grimacing. “Stop it.”
“The girl’s been through so much, and now she has to worry about you…accosting her?”
“It was a mistake, I know. She let me know it, too.” Didn’t really like how his voice cracked. A few more confessions and he’d be blubbering like a girl.
“You need to realize her energy isn’t going to react to you the way you want it to.” She headed toward the desk. “There’s no room for you in this cycle.”
He let silence fill the gaps, hating that she was right. When it looked like the topic was closed, he went to the fridge and pulled a slice of meat off the boar carcass. Standing behind her shoulder, he said again, “Find anything?”
“Not much. I recognized a couple names and went to check it out. Looks like they retired shortly after Lena’s Tainted.” She didn’t look up from her books–Lena’s books–but her voice tightened a little.
“How many names are on the list?”
“Three-hundred and twelve.”
“That many?”
“Yeah, that many.” She pulled her hair back and tied it with the band around her wrist. “It could take years to find these people.”
“Well, at least we can cut it down to the men. What’s that give us?”
She scanned the paper. “Over half.” With a sideways glance, she asked, “You think Casimir’s the mastermind?”
