Love, Lies, & Crime: Anthology

by Kimberly Blalock

  “Who the hell’s always had your ass, Josh? Either you get your revenge on that twisted bitch, or I’ll fuckin’ do it myself,” Drew bites out.

  “Not your revenge to seek, Drew.”

  “Yeah, true. But when the hell’s your bitch ass gonna set shit straight? I’ll be there in case shit gets heavy, brother. Elliott will be outta town again this weekend, and you know Chase is never home. It’s the perfect time.”

  “I didn’t fuckin’ shoot her!” I snap, shooting up from the chair, pacing the floor nervously. I’ve done some bad shit in my life, I’m one depraved bastard. That bitch deserved to die, but I didn’t shoot her. “Brother? Fuckin’ hell he was!”

  “JOSH! Sit down before I call a CO!” Alisa yells, but I continue to pace, my chest tightening with strife, confusion marring my face.

  I snap my head toward Alisa and Agent Ball-Sack, and with a malice-laced timbre I say calmly, “Revenge. You wanna know what the hell happened to Evelyn Hager? It was fuckin’ revenge.” I seethe and my skin flames. “But I didn’t shoot her.”

  “Revenge, huh? Well, why don’t you tell us about that, Josh? It seems you have enough motivation to seek revenge on Drew Varney and James McCoy as it stands. Let us help with that, legally,” Alisa replies, intrigued.

  “What the fuck’s in it for me?”

  “Depends on what you tell us and what charges we can slap Varney and McCoy with,” Agent Ball-Sack replies, stoically.

  I chuckle, “Well y’all best get fuckin’ comfortable, because we’ll be here a long while.” I kick the chair back and sit down, prepared to finally unleash my demons from the darkest level of Hell…every fuckin’ one of ‘em.

  “Thursday, October 16th. Federal Agents Dylan Warren and Alisa Pack interrogating Josh Moore, inmate at the Hatfield County Detention Center in regards to missing person’s case H01-S765T. Mr. Moore has consented to the recording of this interview and has agreed to comply with the nature of our investigation,” Agent Ball-Sack says into the recorder, then places it in the center of the table.

  “Mr. Moore, do you recognize the woman in the photograph?” Alisa inquires.

  Repeating myself for the sole purpose of the recording, I reply, “Yes, that is Evelyn Hager.”

  “How do you know Evelyn Hager?”

  “Evelyn was a family friend.” I pause briefly as the bile crawls up my throat. “And I was sexually assaulted by her for nearly a year.”

  Alisa’s mouth drops open wide as Agent Ball-Sack’s brows furrow deep into the bridge of his nose in confusion. “I’m sorry, do you care to repeat that? You claim you were sexually assaulted by Evelyn Hager?”

  I reply with a quick yes.

  “How old were you when this sexual assault began?” he asks.

  “I was fifteen.”

  Agent Ball-Sack looks at me doubtfully, then sighs in suspicion. “Ah, I see…” He nods, then removes his suit jacket, neatly hanging it on the back of his chair. “You’re a big man, Mr. Moore. I’d imagine you matured early, was obviously very athletic in your younger years. Do you mind to enlighten me on how a thirty-eight-year-old woman, weighing no more than one hundred twenty-five pounds sexually assaulted a fifteen-year-old boy?”

  The very fuckin’ reason I always kept this shit to myself. I knew that nobody would ever believe my claim, and honestly I was too ashamed that I let the relationship get that far. That I let it happen to begin with. “Well, let’s shove double D’s and a bare pussy in your face at fifteen and see if you walk away still a fuckin’ virgin! Oh, but I’m sure your uptight ass prefers dick, uh, Ball-Sack?” I yell, my fist crashing down on the chipped Formica table.

  “Girls, girls, you’re both pretty! Now can you stop with the pissing contest and please continue with the interrogation?” Alisa cuts in, quickly realizing that the interrogation is going south fast.

  “No, I’ll tell ya what. Fuck you”—I point at Alisa then to her prick partner—“and fuck you and the white horse your tight ass rode in on. I’m fuckin’ done with your bullshit. You’re the FBI, figure this shit out all on your own. Call my CO,” I yell, shoving myself away from the table.

  “Josh, please. I really need your cooperation on this,” Alisa urges, but I have no interest in what they’re offering. I’ve accepted my fate.

  “Fuck. You.” My decision is made. Why the hell should I help them build a case against Drew when I’ll only be diggin’ my sorry ass deeper into a bottomless pit. To hell with ‘em all!

  Alisa and Agent Ball-Sack collect their files, stuffing them inside their briefcases then stand from their chairs. Removing a card from her jacket pocket, she slides it across the table in my direction. “Josh, I understand the betrayal you feel from Drew, James…hell even me. But I wouldn’t be here asking for your assistance if it weren’t pertinent to the case. Take some time to think about it. I can’t make you any promises in regards to your sentencing, but I will put in a word with the DA if you decide to help me put Drew Varney away.”

  They exit the room quickly, the heavy steel door slamming shut, echoing a stark silence against the crumbling walls.

  THERAPY SESSION # 4

  Rain splashes against the window, gray clouds hanging low in the sky. My jaw tics with impatience waiting for Dr. Hampton to arrive for another therapy session. She’s late…she’s never late. Always here waiting, but today she’s late. I crack my knuckles, trying to relieve the frustration building in my joints.

  She’s warranted me a bit of freedom as of late. Since I’ve managed to contain my temper during our sessions, regardless of how stressful the moment may become, she’s allowed me to remain un-restrained. The doctor-patient relationship is growing as time passes. I’m beginning to feel dependent on her which is foreign to me.

  After the turn of events over the last few weeks–the divorce from Savannah, to learning that Evelyn Hager didn’t die at my hands, I feel completely unraveled, and I’m eager to spill my black, tainted truths to Dr. Hampton. I think the darkness has plagued me for so long that finally releasing my demons feels almost freeing.

  The door clicks open and Dr. Hampton enters, flashing me a gentle smile. She takes her time placing her things at her desk then retrieves her notepad and pen from her briefcase before settling in the chair adjacent from me. She taps her pen against the notebook lazily, and my nerves pick at the annoying sound, frustration growing by the second. A thick air of tension hangs between us, always waiting on me to free the willing demons.

  “You’re late,” I spit angrily.

  “Well it’s certainly not as if you’re going anywhere in a hurry, Josh.” As soon as she makes the remark, she regrets it. “I apologize, that was unprofessional of me, it has been a very long day. Why don’t you take a few deep breaths and tell me how you’re feeling today?”

  “The emotions are all the same, Dr. Hampton. Just a different day of breathing.”

  “The CO told me that your behavior has been eerily calm as of late. Is there anything troubling you specifically that you’d like to discuss?”

  “Calm, huh?” I chuckle. Torment is gnawin’ at me heavily today, and I need a release. “Reflecting on my past is all. A lot has happened since I last saw you, Doc.” It’s been over two weeks since I last saw Dr. Hampton. I wasn’t permitted to attend my weekly therapy session while I was locked up in Solitary.

  “Tell me, Josh. Let’s sort through it together,” Dr. Hampton encourages. I’ve carried this burden for thirteen years, never sharing with anyone. And just like that I’m expected to share every detail of a nightmare that haunts my every waking thought? A chain of unfortunate events that shaped me into the man that I am today. When questioned by the FBI I felt judged, but with Dr. Hampton I feel there is safety in my confessions.

  “The FBI paid me a visit last week. It seems while they were conducting the investigation of Black Pike after I was arrested, a body was found in the mines. I was shocked, of course, not only that the body was there, but the cause of death. It’s dark, Doc. This is
some real bad shit.”

  “Did you know the deceased, Josh?”

  I nod. “I did, unfortunately. Her name was Evelyn Hager. She was the bane of my existence, the creator of the monster before you.”

  “Tell me about the relationship between you and Evelyn.” I stare off at nothing in particular, contemplating the words to describe the relationship between Evelyn Hager and myself. Disgust…anger…hatred. “Josh? Are you okay?” Dr. Hampton interrupts the tormented screams rushing through my thoughts.

  My secrets are best buried deep, hidden out of sight. I wore my mask with confidence and lied to myself for so long about the person I once was and the monster I had become, that I fully began to believe it myself. I crave control. I prey on the weak, feeding my demons with their fear. A savage beast is what I’ve become.

  Tainted.

  Depraved.

  Humiliated.

  “Sorry, things you never want to remember but can’t seem to forget.” Pushing the guilt aside, I bare my demons for her to see. I start from the beginning, telling her how a simple summer job altered a fifteen-year-old star athlete into a withdrawn and suicidal kid. How pleasurable trysts transformed to sadistically charged fuck sessions. There is no point in giving her the graphic detail of each event–there are too many to recount–just a glimpse of the hell I suffered at the hands of the depraved and vile Evelyn Hager.

  “Oh my, that all sounds very sickening,” she mutters as she records notes on her notepad.

  “Evelyn didn’t make request or suggestions. She simply instructed and demanded. If her demands were not met with perfection, the brutality of her assault was pure torture. She was relentless, insatiable, and simply animalistic.”

  “When did the abuse end?”

  “About a year or so later, I reckon. I hated life…was ready to slit my fuckin’ throat just to escape her.”

  “Did she just suddenly lose interest in you? Find new prey?”

  I hang my head in my hands, remembering just like it was last night. “Drew actually witnessed the abuse accidentally and threatened to expose Evelyn if she continued to force herself on me. I thought he saved me that day, but I had no idea that my protector was my worst predator.” The anger never subsides, and I don’t think there is recovery for a betrayal as monumental as the one I’ve faced with Drew.

  “Did you ever see her again after that night, Josh?”

  “I didn’t want to hurt her, Doc. But she destroyed me,” I plead. My hands tremble with nerves as my mind flashes back to the night that I reclaimed the control she stripped from me, and my lip curls into a smirk at the memory.

  The hunger for her fear heightened as she fought me, sharp nails scraping at my chest, shoulders, and face. I allowed my strength to take over, uncaring that her frail bones would bend and snap under the force of my weight. I wanted to smell and taste her blood, to watch as her life extinguished in my hands.

  Gripping my hand roughly around her throat, I drove my dick into her unforgivingly and her eyes bulged brightly as fear and suffocation wracked through her small frame. She tried to screech out in desperation as I raped her, begging deaf ears for salvation. Prying her mouth open, I shoved my fingers to the base of her throat, cutting off her airway internally and effectively shutting her the fuck up. The harder I slammed my rigid dick into her, the harder I gripped her throat, reveling in the beautiful pink and purple tinge of her skin. Seeing the terror and pain that danced in her eyes as her muted screams drifted to silence, her bloody tears drying as her consciousness faded only compelled me to take her harder. Wet flesh slapping and bones breaking echoed around the room, a sweet melody to my ears that gripped my release with a vengeance.

  Sated and breathless, I swiped the sweat from my brow and grinned in delight…but only for a fraction of a second. Her lifeless body laid limp beneath me, unmoving and battered. Blood filled her corneas and leaked from the corner of her lips as bruising began to color her flushed skin. No. No! NO! I removed myself from her and ran straight to the bathroom, relieving my stomach of its contents. She couldn’t give up without my permission! She couldn’t just close her evil eyes, letting a peaceful dream erase the nightmare I was creating for her. I wouldn’t allow it!

  But she did.

  What the fuck?! I gripped my head in my hands as panic set in. Screams I didn’t even know were escaping my body ricocheted off the walls. A loud bang echoed in my ears and I felt tight hands grip my shoulders, shaking me roughly. My fight or flight instinct kicked in, and I drew my fist back, plunging it into a rigid jaw.

  “Would you settle your ass down!? You got one on me, jackass, you won’t get another,” Drew yelled and swiped blood from his lip. Shaking my head to clear it, I nodded slowly, trying to control the tremors that wracked through me. “What the fuck have you done, Josh?” Drew asked calmly, looking down at Evelyn’s lifeless body in fascination.

  “I told you I’d lose my restraint with her, Drew. Do you fuckin’ remember me telling you that! FUCK! What the hell am I supposed to do now?” I yell, tugging my fingers through my hair.

  “Josh, get a grip on your shit! I told you, brother, I’ve got your back. Bitch got exactly what the fuck she deserved, and then some by the looks of things. Nobody has to know what she did to you, or what happened to her. I’ll make sure of it. For now, I need you to go back to my house, get cleaned up, and calm your ass down.”

  “And what the fuck are you gonna do with her, Drew?”

  “I’m gonna bury the bitch,” Drew snickered, treating the situation as if he was disposing of the neighborhood tomcat.

  “I thought I strangled her,” I mutter. “Drew and I never discussed Evelyn after that night. I didn’t want to know where he buried her. The less I knew about it, the faster I could erase her memory from my thoughts. Or so I thought. I’ve spent the last thirteen years trying to run from the demons that nip at my heels.” Silence falls across the small room, and my heart feels as if a thousand daggers have penetrated it. “He let me believe I was a murderer, but I didn’t fuckin’ shoot her. He created a monster within me for his sheer pleasure, urged me to regain the control she took from me, only to rip it from my clutch like a selfish, greedy bastard.”

  This is what it feels like to lose control.

  To be stripped of the essence of your very being.

  To become desolate.

  Before I realize it, my feet are heavily tracing the floor in a state of panic. I dig the heels of my hands into my eyes, trying to block out the vision of her blood-stricken eyes glaring back at me. Violent screams and shouts fill the silence within my head.

  “Josh…Josh! Please, calm down and talk to me.” Dr. Hampton’s fingers grasp my wrist and my feet suddenly feel like they’re cemented to the floor as a jolt of electricity shudders through me. Her touch is soft and gentle, a sensation that feeds the animal within me. It’s been too long since I’ve had the delicate touch of a woman, and the mousey doctor has no idea that she’s played herself right into the hunter’s hands. My eyes slowly trail up her slender legs and thick hips that meet a curvy waist and voluptuous breasts.

  “Josh, you need to let me help you control your anger. Let’s talk about that, okay?” she asks, her voice trembling with trepidation. Her sweet angelic face graces beautiful, soft blue eyes that hold the fear of a weak and hunted doe.

  “Doc, I’m strugglin’ enough as it is, and although your attempt at calming me is appreciated,” I pause, glancing down at her soft fingers wrapped tightly around my wrist, ill thoughts immediately filling my mind, “that ain’t helping a damn bit. So please, for your own safety, don’t touch me. It wouldn’t be my intent to harm you, but I can’t make promises when I have no self-control.”

  A faint, audible gasp slips from her lips as she withdraws her hand quickly, rubbing the tips of her fingers soothingly as if my touch singed her delicate skin. Casting her eyes downward she says, “I…I’m sorry, Josh. Please, take some time to gather your thoughts, and when you’re ready let’s dis
cuss what caused that episode.” She turns back toward her desk, her thick hips swaying seductively with every hurried step, and my restraint vanishes.

  Step…step…step.

  Three strides forward I stalk my prey. Digging my hands roughly into her hips I turn her quickly, pulling her against my chest. My hands rake through her silky, dark brown hair as I skim my nose against hers inhaling her sweet scent. “You said it yourself, Doc. I‘d rather express myself through actions, and I’m fuckin’ careless.” I claim her mouth without remorse, teeth gnashing hungrily against her succulent lips. Clutching her small fingers around my biceps, she leans into the kiss then trails her smooth hands up my chest. Every cell and nerve ending in my body blazes at her touch. She melts into me, releasing a raspy moan of pleasure into my mouth as her tongue tangles against mine, encouraging me further. Consumed by wanton lust, I grind my hips against hers, my hardening cock suffocating beneath the restraint of the cotton pants. Without a second thought, my hands are at the top of her silky blouse ripping at the buttons to free her heavy breast. Her head tilts back in invitation, and my lips lick along the curve of her neck and along her collarbone.

  As if the trance of my hypnotism is broken suddenly, Dr. Hampton pushes herself out of my arms, breathless and panting for air as she tries to cover herself in modesty. She disappears to the small bathroom in the corner of her office briefly, only to return a moment later wearing a different top since I destroyed hers. She glares at me offensively as she walks around her desk wiping at her mouth. “You need to understand that will never happen again!”

  I swipe the remnants of our kiss from my lips with the pad of my thumb, sucking it into my mouth to savor her taste. My lips tug up in the corners, and the sensation feels alien. “Doc, I warned you,” I chuckle, crossing my arms over my chest, “and you know I’m a dangerous man.”