by Toni Blake
He lingered there for a moment longer, hearing the silence of the house all around him. And he didn’t like leaving things this way, but since she’d walked off, he didn’t have much choice. He stepped out onto the porch feeling like an ass.
Thinking of their wild sex, of her sweet and sexy seduction, and then recalling her admission that she’d never done anything like that before, he let out another sigh. No wonder he felt like a jerk. She’d given him everything. All of herself.
And what had he given her in return? Not a damn thing.
Well, hot sex, yeah. Really hot sex—at times frantic and urgent, and at other times slow and sizzling. But for a guy like him…well, sex was easy. It was other things that came harder. And he had a feeling that for a woman like Holly, the sex was the part that took some…some changing, some opening up.
The worst part, though, was that he still thought he’d made the right call. Maybe a lady with a baby couldn’t understand that not everybody wanted that in their life. Maybe she couldn’t see how much having a baby involved would effect and define their relationship.
It didn’t make him a bad guy—he just wasn’t into playing daddy, and pretending he was, even for just one day, seemed like a bad idea. For all of them.
CHAPTER EIGHT
Holly stomped up to the door of the daycare center. Then she stomped inside. She’d been stomping all day.
She couldn’t believe she’d ditched Emily for a night with a man who, who…well, she guessed his only real crime was succumbing to her ridiculous forwardness. She’d just never thought about the morning after or what it would be like. She’d just never imagined that two people could be that excruciatingly intimate and into each other without there being something more to follow it.
How could a night be so perfect and then—poof—everything goes up in smoke. She’d let him see her at her most vulnerable, her most private, and…well, maybe the really terrible part, now that she thought through it, was that after her little scene this morning, they’d probably be something like enemies now. People who avoided each other. Because she’d probably seemed unreasonable. She wished she hadn’t let her feelings show, but she’d been unable to hold them in.
She looked around impatiently. Where was Emily? She was dying to see her daughter after being away from her for so long. She scanned the area, filled with babies, toddlers, and preschoolers at play, but she didn’t see Em anywhere.
That was when Miss Carol came from the back room, cradling a red-faced Emily in her arms.
“What’s wrong?” Holly asked, rushing to take the baby.
“Nothing serious,” Miss Carol assured her with a smile. “Emily’s just been a little fussy today. Not her usual, pleasant self.”
Holly’s heart sank. Emily had been crying all day and Holly hadn’t been here to comfort her. “Mommy’s here, now, Em,” she said, bending to kiss the baby’s forehead and pull her close. “Mommy’s here and everything’s okay.”
Taking in the look of contentment that grew on the baby’s face, Holly raised her eyes to Emily’s caretaker. “Thank you, Miss Carol. Have a good weekend.” Then she located Emily’s diaper bag and exited the building, ready to spend some quality time with her.
“Tonight it’ll be just me and you, sweetheart,” Holly said in her rearview mirror toward where Emily perched in her car seat. Emmy returned the gaze in the little pink mirror Holly had mounted in the backseat that enabled them to see each other while Holly drove. “We’ll have a special night,” Holly promised. “We’ll have some applesauce and some strained peas—I know how you love those. And then we’ll sing some songs and play with some toys and Mommy will read you a story from your big Winnie-the-Pooh book. How’s that sound?”
“Eh goo,” Emily replied.
Holly smiled into the mirror. It felt good, safe, right, to be back with her little girl again—and Holly regretted having deserted her, even if it had been only for one night.
***
Holly had just changed Emily into a pretty pink summer sleeper, ordered a pizza for herself, and was about to commence on the night of fun she’d put together in her mind for her daughter. She’d also promised herself that she wasn’t going to spoil the evening by thinking about Derek.
Although she wondered just what his thing was tomorrow. And she figured that his friend was probably the lingerie-wearing tramp she had envisioned last night before she’d called to ask him over. The most horrible part was that even if some other woman was in the picture, Holly couldn’t completely justify her own rage at him. After all, she’d been the mad seductress—what had she expected him to do?
Perhaps it was like this for most people. Perhaps the whole world of single adults slept with one person one night and someone else the next. She, for one, would never be able to live that way. Still, she supposed it was her own fault for getting in this deep—she’d given him the perfect one-night stand, no questions asked.
Though Holly knew the more likely scenario was that his friend was a pure fabrication. Maybe he just didn’t want to be with her. Maybe he didn’t want to be with Emmy, either.
She hadn’t exactly asked him to sign up for a lifetime commitment to either of them before sleeping with him, yet the idea still hurt. Enough that she instantly resolved not to think about it. And besides, she was breaking her own rule by letting him invade her mind.
She glanced down at Emily, who lay on a quilt on the living room floor peering up at her. “Come here, Em,” she said, lifting the baby into her lap on the couch. She peered down into her eyes, still feeling guilty about finding her red-faced and teary-eyed earlier. “I apologize for taking you over to Aunt Michelle’s last night, sweetie. Mommy didn’t mean to abandon you. She just…needed some time.”
Holly looked away for a moment, then turned her gaze back on her daughter. Part of her was caught up in remembering just what she’d done with that needed time, and just how wonderful it had been. But she still felt neglectful, considering how things had turned out in the end.
“Bubbubbubbub.” Emily reached up to play with a button on Holly’s blouse.
And despite herself, remembering that ending once more flooded Holly with depression. She knew a lot of it had been her own fault, but that didn’t change how much Derek had hurt her this morning.
Bored with the button, Emily switched her glance to Eeyore, who sat nearby. Holly reached for the stuffed animal, handing him to Emmy with a deep sigh.
Last night had pushed her over a certain edge. No man had ever made her feel the things Derek Cassidy had when they’d made love. And while it had been stupendous sex—sex beyond anything she’d ever envisioned in her wildest dreams—it had also been something more. There had been emotion involved. At least on her part. She cared for him.
But no, care isn’t the right word.
Irritation bit at her as she looked down at Emily and tried to sort her feelings out.
It wasn’t the same as what she felt for Em, of course, but there were similarities. The same tender ache in her heart when she thought of something hurting him. The same brilliant energy when she thought of him smiling, laughing, being happy. She suffered the same need to hold onto him, to reach out to him, to cherish him.
Oh. I know what this is.
I love him.
But oh God! Wait! I love him? Is that even possible? Can it really happen that fast?
Then she took a long, deep breath, thought it through, and faced the facts.
It was true. She’d fallen in love with him.
She didn’t like it. She didn’t want it to be that way. She could scarcely think of any worse news at the moment.
“But I love him,” she whispered.
She was rescued from her own thoughts when she heard a car pull in the driveway. Letting out a sigh, she lay the baby back on the quilt and rose to get her wallet.
She opened the front door a moment later, expecting to see the pizza guy, but instead she found Michelle approaching briskly up the walk, looking har
ried and upset. What could be wrong? Holly stepped out on the porch and rushed to close the distance between her sister and herself.
“What is it?” Holly asked.
“It’s Mom,” Michelle said, reaching out to squeeze Holly’s hand. “She’s had a heart attack.”
Holly’s own heart dropped to her stomach. This couldn’t be!
But oh, damn it, of course it could. The chest pains she’d experienced—it all made sense. "How bad?” she asked Michelle.
“I don’t know.” She shook her head. “I just got a call from the hospital. We need to go.”
Holly glanced forlornly back toward the door, thinking of Emily—and Michelle read her mind. “I left the kids with Rob,” she said. “Is there a neighbor or someone who could watch Emmy?”
“I really hate to leave her,” Holly responded quickly.
“We could be there all night,” Michelle warned.
And Holly let out a heavy sigh, the whole situation weighing on her. Of course, she could only think of one person to call. But her stomach twisted at the very idea of asking him.
***
Derek sat down in front of the TV with a can of beer and a bologna sandwich. There was a baseball game coming on. He didn’t particularly feel like watching it, but he had to find some way to occupy himself. He had the whole night ahead of him and not a damn thing to do. “Pathetic,” he mumbled.
“Meow,” Claws echoed from somewhere in the room.
“Hey, you don’t have to be so quick to agree,” Derek chided him.
Claws revealed himself then, peeking up at Derek from beneath the end table next to the couch.
“Come on up here and keep your provider company,” he told the cat. Then he reached down and grabbed the kitten, pulling him up onto the cushion next to him.
The fact that he was suddenly desperate enough for company to be talking to the cat again made him think of Holly. After all, since when did he mind time alone? Usually, he was fine with that and enjoyed quiet evenings unwinding from a day on the job. But now he suffered the odd, nagging feeling that there was someplace he should be, someone he should be spending his time with.
“Only it’s not you,” he told Claws, reaching to scratch the kitten behind the ears. “No offense.”
And it surprised him to realize that the thought included more than just Holly. Despite his feelings this morning, and even despite the fabulous evening he’d spent alone with Holly last night, for some reason the picture in his head included Emily.
He didn’t know why. It hardly made sense. Being alone with Holly, making mad passionate love to her all night long, had been a perfect dream come true. And still, when he imagined himself spending time at Holly’s house, he saw Emily being there, too.
“I’m an ass,” he said aloud, remembering the way things had ended this morning, the stupid lie he had told her. That was why he was alone right now when he’d rather be with her. That was why he was eating bologna.
“Meow.”
“Again,” he told the cat, “you didn’t have to agree. I could use a little support right now.”
Claws hopped silently onto Derek’s leg and settled in his lap and—hell, one more surprise—he found himself taking a little comfort in the cat’s presence. At least he had a cat.
“Wanna go for a walk?” he asked Claws, swallowing down the last of his sandwich.
“Meow.”
Maybe he and Claws would…very casually stroll next door or something. See if anybody was home and if he could do something to make up with the lady next door.
The fact was, from the beginning, he’d had it bad for her. This hadn’t been normal from the word go. So maybe his confusion—not to mention his complete flip-flopping on the issue—only made sense in a way. He kept trying to back away, for good reasons. At least they seemed like good ones to him. But he couldn’t deny that he was having a hard time with that, and at the moment he was going to follow the path of least resistance and see where it led.
He nudged Claws until he pounced to the carpet below. Then he went to the door and held it open, a late summer breeze wafting inside.
The cat trotted merrily out the door and Derek followed. The scent of fresh-mown grass from someone’s lawn made him feel refreshed and energized. And ready to maybe undo what he’d so impulsively done this morning.
Now, we have to be subtle. Casual. Nonchalant.
But where was Claws? Derek darted his head around in time to see a streak of white go dashing across the yard toward Holly’s house to where she stood outside with another lady. He sighed. So much for subtlety.
“Meow.”
He watched as Holly glanced down at the miniature white cat who rubbed up against her ankle.
“Come here, Claws,” he said, approaching. He felt a little embarrassed, as if he’d sent the cat over to mediate. “Sorry,” he said, hurrying to scoop up the kitten, then taking a step back. “I guess I need to get him a leash if I’m gonna take him on walks.”
Only when Holly didn’t respond did he realize that her face was fraught with despair. And it was more than a being-mad-at-him despair like this morning. It was more of a frantic despair. The woman standing beside her wore the same expression. “Holly, what’s wrong?” he asked.
“My mother,” she said. “She just had a heart attack.”
His chest tightened at the news. “Oh God—I’m sorry.” The words, her expression—it instantly took him back to when he’d gotten the call about Aunt Marie and he wished for some way to comfort her.
“I have to go to the hospital,” she told him, sounding dazed.
“Do you want me to stay with Emily?” he asked automatically.
Holly took a deep breath upon hearing the unexpected offer. Did she want him to stay with Emily? This time her doubts had nothing to do with fearing for Emily’s safety—Derek had proven himself a trustworthy babysitter the other night. No, this time she feared for herself.
His dark eyes were so warm on her, so filled with concern—and this morning’s rift seemed to have faded. But did she want to be indebted to this man? Did she want to risk growing more attached? Could she bear to come home and find him sitting in her living room looking so gorgeous and sexy when she knew there was no future between them?
Still—Michelle was right. It wasn’t practical for Emily to spend the entire night at the hospital with them, and Holly barely felt capable of taking care of her child at the moment, anyway. Her mother had just had a heart attack, after all—she felt as if she could barely take care of herself.
“Are you…sure?” she asked him.
He nodded, and their eyes met and held.
But you can’t think about him right now, or anything that’s happened between you. This was no time to be analyzing her love life. “Follow me,” she said.
She headed in the house with Derek on her heels to where Emmy still lay on the quilt. “She hasn’t eaten,” she told him. “There are strained peas and applesauce sitting out on the kitchen counter. And I just made up a bottle.”
“Okay,” he said, nodding.
“I changed her diaper a little while ago, but she’ll probably need it again after she eats.”
“Got it.”
“If she cries and you can’t figure out why,” she went on, shoving a pacifier into his hand, “try this.”
“Everything will be fine,” he assured her.
Holly moved back toward the door, but before stepping outside, she stopped and turned back to Derek. She hated herself for the warmth she felt for him in that moment, but it was something she couldn’t push down. She leaned toward him and placed her hands on his shoulders, then gave him a quick kiss. “Thank you,” she whispered.
Derek watched her run from the house, still feeling the sensation of her velvet-soft lips on his. When she reached the car, she stopped and looked back at him, standing at the door. “I forgot—I’ve a got a pizza on the way.” A troubled expression clouded her already distressed face as she started to dig in her
purse.
“No worries—I’ll pay for it,” he told her. “Go.”
He watched her drive away with the woman he guessed to be her sister, then he looked down at Claws, who he still held in one hand. “Okay, I admit it,” he said to the cat. “This isn’t exactly what I was hoping for.” Then he glanced over to the pink-clad baby on the quilt. “But this won’t be so bad. I did it before, I can do it again. Unfortunately for you, though, I’m not sure I can babysit and catsit at the same time, so I think I’m gonna have to send you home for the evening.”
***
Derek took a bite of pepperoni pizza. Then he spooned some green goo—supposedly strained peas—into Emily’s mouth.
She smiled at him just before half the spoonful of green stuff came oozing back out through her tiny lips. He used the spoon to catch the overflow and pushed it gently back inside. After that, he took another bite of pizza.
“How are those peas, Emily?” he asked.
“Gaaaa,” she replied.
He nodded. Then suggested, “How about some applesauce, now. Your mom said you should have both.”
Dipping the tiny baby spoon into the small jar of applesauce, he slid it between her lips. And she accepted it—but also twisted her expression into a slight grimace.
“I never liked applesauce much, either,” he confided in her. “But we have to do what your mom said.” He followed that by shoveling another small spoonful of it into her mouth and watching her swallow it.
“Good girl,” he told her, offering a slight grin. He supposed she was a pretty cute baby.
He continued to feed Emily while he ate pizza. And he interspersed the baby food with drinks of formula from the bottle Holly had left. He didn’t know if that was the right way to do it, but he figured Emily might need some help washing down that applesauce. She liked the green stuff much better.
He fed her until she seemed disinterested—she’d downed about half a jar of each of her courses. Then he reinserted the bottle into her mouth and watched her drink the rest of her dinner. So far so good.
“Well, Emily,” he said when she’d finished her bottle, “looks like it’s you and me for a while.”
