Three; as you pour on your vodka, don’t drunkenly mutter shit about dooming him to hell, and accidentally summon a hotter-than-hell demon.
I rubbed the nubbly stubs of my eyebrows and put down the bottle of vodka. Shit. I’d drunk too much. I’d missed the puking stage and headed straight for alcohol-poisoning because my drunken delusion was naked. And hot.
And hung.
I dragged my eyes up from his huge dick.
“Thank you,” he snarled.
“What?”
“You said I had a huge dick. The human response to such a statement is ‘thank you’, is it not?”
I wiped the water from my face as the sprinklers continued to rain down on my head, making me feel like I was a drowned rat. I stepped toward my tiny galley kitchen and poured the rest of the vodka down the sink. So what, it might have been a bit of symbolic gesture considering there was less than a mouthful remaining, but it was all about admitting you have a problem, or small steps, or whatever the first step was in realizing you’d messed up.
I had a problem, alright. I’d drunk so much that I’d killed all my brain cells and now I was hallucinating hot guys in my living room.
I dropped the bottle in the sink. “Fuck you, Cade, you asshole.” I was going to turn around and the naked hot guy with the horns was going to be gone. I was going to make some coffee, and then when the hot firefighters responded to the fire alarm, I’ll pretend to be passed out and they’d carry me down the stairs of my shitty apartment block like knights in fluorescent armor. And there would definitely be no demon.
Let’s face it. I wasn’t that lucky. This wasn’t a rom-com where I’d break up with my shitty boyfriend and suddenly get a hot dude thrust into my lap. Or maybe thrust between my thighs. Heh. I was funny.
“That was quite humorous.”
I whirled around, and the naked guy with the huge dick and horns was still there. Oh shit. Oh shit, shit, shit, shit. I scrubbed a hand over my face again. Nope still there. I rubbed my eyes once more and pinched my arm hard enough to bruise.
Nope, still there
What the actual fuck? “You’re actually here.”
He inclined his head, his horns shining like onyx in my down-lights. “You summoned me.”
I scrabbled back toward the other wall. “I did not!” I yelled, but my words were still slurred, so it sounded more like, “I slid knot.”
Okay, maybe I had. Who knew what I had been drunkenly wailing? “Well, I’m, uh sorry for the inconvenience, but you can go now.”
He canted his head to the left a little. “You did not create a summoning circle.” He stepped toward me a little further. “You cannot command me to go back. You can’t command me to do anything.”
Fear began to burn off the alcohol, and the demon remained. Nakedly remained. “Are you going to kill me and eat my gizzards? Steal my soul and take it to Hell? Oh Jesus, are you going to dismember me and bathe in my blood?”
He frowned, looking me over, starting at my feet and slowly moving up over my waist which, according to Cade, now had too many lumpy bits. Up to my breasts that were not quite as gravity-defying as I’d like, because who wore a bra when they were day drinking? No one, that’s who.
Finally, he settled on my face, which was a little too round, with eyes that were a little too big. I looked like a kewpie doll. But not in a cute way. In a disconcerting way.
“Are you a virgin?”
“What?”
“Are you a virgin?” he repeated.
“No!” I said adamantly. Sure, maybe I was a little bit chunky, but I wasn’t a damn swamp troll. Cade had been hot. A personal trainer. Tattooed. All my friends had been envious when we’d gotten together.
Well, I guess they weren’t envious anymore considering he’d slept with all of them. Tears welled in my eyes again.
Fuck Cade. You have bigger problems right now, I told myself sternly.
The demon walked around my tiny apartment, picking up my things and examining them, completely unperturbed by the sprinklers. “Well then, there would be no point in bathing in your blood. It has no special ritualistic properties. It would just get crusted in my hair and it is a real pain in the horns to get out.”
I blinked. “Oh. Okay. That’s good,” I said dumbly.
He stopped at the fire bucket, which was now filled with water. He pulled out a picture of me and Cade, looking happy at last year’s work Christmas party. When I looked at it now, I noticed that I was smiling at the camera, but Cade? He was smiling off to the side. Probably at Madison, the new secretary. And her tiny skirt. And her really, really, long legs.
That photo made me feel even more miserable.
“Would you like me to dismember him?” the demon asked, quirking a dark, straight eyebrow.
I decided that I drank too much and fallen into a coma. I had to hope someone found my body before I turned to goo and decomposed into the carpet.
Considering this was probably a coma dream, and pesky things like morals and ethics didn’t really matter, I had to ask myself, did I really want Cade dismembered?
I sighed heavily. “No. But thanks for the offer. Is there something a little less permanent?”
The demon smiled sexily, which was disconcerting considering his teeth were all pointed except the front two. “I could flay him? With enough medical intervention, I am sure he would survive.”
Well, who didn’t love a good flaying?
The demon began to walk toward me, and my eyes involuntarily dropped to his dick again. I couldn’t help it. It was like a freakin’ metronome or something, swinging to and fro in front of his strong, muscular thighs. I noticed his whole body was coated in swirling black runes that seemed to disappear if I looked at them directly. Those I managed to look away from, mostly because I was a little worried I’d vomit from the motion sickness.
A steady thumping on my door let me know that the building manager had worked out that I’d been the one breaking the rules. “Miss Watson! Miss Watson! Are you okay? Have you got an open fire in there? Miss Watson!”
My head whipped between the naked demon and the door. “You need to leave,” I hissed. “Back to Hell ye go!”
He raised both eyebrows at me and didn’t move. “You can’t be here,” I hissed. “I’m not allowed… pets.”
Oh. Now he looked pissed. He snapped his fingers, and then he put on a meat suit. Honestly, I couldn’t think of a better term for it. He ran his hands over his body, starting at his feet. The swirling tattoos disappeared first and were replaced with black hair. It clothed him in underwear that did nothing to hide his junk, but by the time he brushed his hands over his horns, making them disappear back into his head, I was fully freaked out. It was almost like he was zipping him into a sleeping bag or something.
“Am I less… pet-like to you now?”
He was fucking gorgeous and I was a dead woman walking. I just nodded and walked over to the door in a daze. I opened the door to Frank, the Super. He was a bit of a creeper, and he’d also been friends with Cade, so he was doubly bad in my book.
I realized I was still in my underwear and a tank that said ‘I Woke Up Like This’ when Frank’s eyes went straight to my boobs, then down to my exposed thighs. He didn’t seem impressed and I wanted to punch him in the face and then lick the remaining vodka out of the sink.
Frank lifted his eyes back to my face. “Do you have an open flame in there, Miss Watson?”
I rolled my eyes. “Call me Elsie, Frank. It’s not like I haven’t seen you puking your guts up and crying that Lucy in 6B rejected your petition for a date.”
Frank’s lip curled and I knew he was about to unleash some scathing comment, but then the demon appeared behind me, still only dressed in underpants.
Frank took in my lack of clothes and the demon only clad in underwear and drew the wrong conclusion. A conclusion I was one hundred percent on board with.
“That’s not Cade.”
Frank continued to look between us like he was trying to do the mental arithmetic where you added my thigh dimples to the demon’s well-defined abs and was beginning to realize that something didn’t add up.
But the demon, for whatever reason, ran his hand around my hip and across my stomach, pulling me tight against his chest. He put his lips next to my ear. “Can I decapitate this one?”
I honked out a rather unsexy laugh. Frank’s eyes were as wide as saucers. “I gotta go, Frank. Good luck finding…” The demon growled in my ear and I shivered again. “Whatever.” Then I slammed the door and backed up against it with a thud, putting a bit of space between me and the demon.
He was grinning widely. “Oh, that was fun.” He sighed and shook his hands, and his meat suit went up in flames.
“What the actual hell?” I screeched, as every inch of him was covered in flames. When the fire died down, the demon was back in his own form, naked and horny. I mean, with horns.
I was back to being awkward, and quite frankly, a little spark of fear still churned in my gut. He helped me out with Frank, but maybe it was because he wanted Frank to go away so he could stab me in the heart and eat me.
“Uh, so you’ll be going now?”
The demon laid on my couch. “I thought I might just have a look around. See what everyone is always gushing about when they talk about the mortal realm.” His nose twitched. “I can smell your fear, human. It is unnecessary. I do not intend on doing anything to your person.”
A wave of relief was chased by a small spark of disappointment. I didn’t want to examine that small emotion too closely, but I was self-aware enough to know it had something to do with the fact he was packing a small baseball bat down there. “Uh, oh. Okay, that’s good. Will you be leaving my apartment, then?”
He shrugged, tipping his head back so his shaggy black hair hung over the arm of my couch. “Where else would I go? Eventually, they will come and take me back. But first, I think I’d like to live a little, what do you say?”
“No dismembering? No blood-letting of any kind? You aren’t allowed to, uh take advantage of me?” I blushed and felt like a damn idiot. Who says shit like that? Plus, he was a demon. Demons could definitely lie. Maybe tomorrow I would be nothing but parts and the demon could be dry-humping my dismembered elbow like a terrier on a fire hydrant. But I didn’t think so, and if I was wrong then I was dead. Whatevs.
“I’ll be a perfect angel,” he said, showing his sharp teeth once more. I shuddered and he ruined his scary visage by giggling. Like an actual tee-hee.
Fuck it. It was worth it just so Frank could run back to Cade and tell him I was shacking up with a hot dude who had a python for a dick.
“Okay, you can stay. Do you, uh, have a name?”
“Ukobach,” he murmured. The way he pronounced it, the end sound was like you were trying to spit while someone was sticking a red hot poker up your butt. I wasn’t sure I could imitate that sound.
“That’s a pretty name. Can I just call you Uko, though? Wouldn’t want to mess up the pronunciation and accidentally summon your brother too.”
He gave a short, humorless laugh. “You wouldn’t want to summon him. He’s an asshole.” He was eyeing my naked legs again, and I wondered if I shouldn’t go and put on some yoga pants. I mean, it was basically just a semblance of decency, but it was the thought that counts. Ah, screw it. Too late now.
“Well, Uko. I think I might go to bed now.”
He stood and rolled his shoulders. “Lead the way, Human.”
“Uh. No. One, my name is Elsie. Me Elsie, you Uko. Two, I’m going to bed alone.” That last bit was for Uko and my errant vagina, who suddenly perked up at the idea of going to bed with the anaconda.
Apparently, demons could pout, and do the cute eyes. You know the ones? Like an anime character, all big and black and sparkly?
I felt myself waver, and then I gave my lady cave a mental smack on the nose with a rolled-up newspaper. No, that’s a bad Cave of Wonder. Bad!
I raced to the linen press, threw a pillow and blanket at the still pouting demon, and then locked myself in my room. Tomorrow’s hangover was going to be a nightmare. Maybe the demon in my living room was just a bad dream.
Chapter 2
The demon wasn’t a bad dream, but the hangover was definitely a nightmare. The nakedness was still a wonderful reality. His nakedness. Not mine. I’d gotten completely 100% puritanical-nun-level clothed this morning, just in case. I even put on one of those annoying onesie leotard things with press-studs in the crotch. Which is great if you are stick thin and have no boobs. But if you have full breasts, fabulous thick thighs and a complete lack of coordination, then you think twice before you try and take that bad boy off. Because you’re working blind down there, and press-studs aren’t fun at the best of times.
I crept down the hall to find Uko eating my coffee straight out of the bag. I was horrified as I watched him throw another handful into his mouth.
“No!” I yelled, launching myself across the kitchen island bench and at the remaining portion of my stupidly expensive coffee beans. “What are you doing?”
He tilted his head left, then right, and he was blinking way too much. “IGOTHUNGRYSOITHOUGHTI’DTRYSOMEOFYOURFOODANDIT’SDELICIOUS.” He bounced on the balls of his feet, twitching like a crack addict. So, caffeine affected demons. Good to know.
Still, I wouldn’t let him sacrilege my single-origin this way. “No, Uko!” I pried the bag from his fingers. “Let me show you.”
Fifteen minutes later, I was placing a steaming cup of coffee in his hand, with a touch of creamer. I stood back and watched him take his first sip. His eyes went wide, his mouth dropping open slightly. “It is so good.” Then he downed the entire thing in one mouthful, despite it being scalding hot. “More?” He held it out to me, and I poured him another cup.
“How aren’t you writhing in pain right now?” I said, carefully handing him another mug. “Sip this one, okay?”
He nodded, and let out a sigh when he took the first sip. I knew the feeling. “I’m a fire demon. We don’t get burned. Plus, you know. I live in hell. A little hot drink isn’t going to cause me mortal injury.”
“Fire demon.”
“Uh huh. The Demon of Fireworks and Fried Food, at your service.”
I shoved his chest. “You are screwing with me right now, aren’t you? Fireworks and fried food,” I scoffed.
He frowned. “Screwing with you? You said I was not allowed to take advantage of your body?”
I blushed so hard, I’m pretty sure my ancestors were also beet red. “Uh. It’s just a saying. It’s not literal.” Change the subject. Change the subject. “So, what do you want to do today?”
He waggled his eyebrows, and now I knew he was messing with me. I scowled at him and took a sip of my coffee so he couldn’t see the tiny curl of a smile on my lips.
He bit his full bottom lip, and I reminded myself that he was a demon for the millionth time. At least I’d stopped looking at his dick. Until I just thought about his dick, which automatically made me look at his dick. Dammit!
“I do not know. It will be several days until Lucifer realizes I am missing and sends his Hunters.” He tapped his chin. “What would you do if you only had a few days to walk the earth?”
Most people would quit their job, but I’d already checked that one off my list yesterday. I’d quit when I caught my boss at the magazine bent over her desk while Cade did his best impression of a Rodeo Clown behind her.
What else would I do? Sit on the couch and binge-watch TV while eating ice cream? Wa
s I really that sad? “I don’t know either. Yesterday morning, I would have said stay home and have a bunch of sex with the love of my life. Now? I don’t know.”
The eyebrow wiggle was back, and it made his horns twitch. I desperately wanted to reach up and touch them. “Well, copious amounts of carnal pleasure is still an option.”
I rolled my eyes at him, and resisted the urge to drag him to bed. “This conversation would be much more simple if you were wearing clothes again. Is there any way you can put your meat suit back on?”
He chuckled as he totally did that weird reverse stripping thing he did last night, which somehow was just as sexy as when he was walking around naked. This time, he managed to magic on some jeans and a tight black t-shirt. He even had a leather jacket. “I looked at your book to decide what humans were wearing right now.” I blushed again as he pointed to the super smutty MC romance I had been reading on my couch the other day.
I swallowed hard as I noticed the way his shirt clung to his abs, his jeans sitting low on his hips. Sweet Mother of Cinnamon Rolls, help me. Honestly, if I could lick him, it would be worth going to hell. There. I’d said it.
I was staring, words fleeing from my brain. My eyes tracked up his body of their own accord, and when I reached his amused eyes, a slight crinkle at the corners of eyes so dark they were inky black pools, I blurted out. “Texas!”
When he stared at me blankly, I swallowed hard. “I’ve always wanted to go to the Texas State Fair. Plus, you’re the demon of fireworks and fried food, right? Well, at the Texas State Fair, you would be hailed a king. And fireworks every night.”
I wondered if that was why I’d summoned him of all demons. There was a little deep-fried Oreo voodoo out in the world right now.
The grin Uko gave me at that moment made my heart race. My body felt hot all over again, and this weird bubble of happiness pressed against my sternum. Oh, nope, that was vomit. I was totally going to hangover puke.
Flame's Embrace Page 19
