by Linda Wisdom
Lisa sat up, wide-eyed. "What are you doing?" she asked hoarsely, dreading his answer.
"Getting ready for bed," he said with a deadly calm. "What's wrong? Doesn't Connors take his shirt off first? Or do you take it off for him?"
"Dan, there's nothing between Mark and me." She could feel her stomach tying itself in knots. "How can you think there is?" Seeing him move toward her, Lisa tried to scramble off the bed, but he caught her easily.
"I saw that touching scene in the parking lot," Dan growled in her ear. His hand moved down, lingering momentarily at the sash of her robe before slowly untying it. "You've had enough men dancing to your tune long enough. Now it's your turn to dance to mine," he muttered, lowering his mouth to hers.
There was no gentleness in his kiss. Even so, Dan's hands were expert on her body, finding all the sensitive places. Lisa could feel herself falling into a sensual abyss. She knew she didn't want Dan to use her only for his own pleasure. A tear escaped her eye, then another. She didn't want her first time to be this way. Feeling the dampness on her face, Dan lifted his head, staring at her in puzzlement that soon turned to anger. "What's wrong? Aren't I as good as your other lovers?" he demanded.
"I told you—Mark and I were never lovers." Lisa felt weary. "But you don't care to believe me. What you saw was Mark kissing me good-bye. He's leaving the firm, he wanted me to come to work for him. And I refused. Of course, why should you care? For you, this is only an excuse to forcibly make love to me."
Dan's hand grasped her chin in a painful grip, forcing her to look at him. His mouth lowered to hers in another punishing kiss. Lisa lay limply, unwilling to respond to his harsh embrace. Finally, uttering a savage oath under his breath, he lifted his head and stood up, gathering his clothes together.
"Darn," Dan ground out, tucking his open shirt into his pants. "You really know how to dampen a man's enthusiasm, don't you?"
"Get out," Lisa said thickly, refusing to look up at him. She wrapped her robe around her, biting her lower lip to hold back further tears. She turned on her side, her back to him.
Dan stepped forward, his hand outstretched as if to say something, then changed his. mind. A moment later, Lisa could hear the front door closing. Only then did she allow her tears to fall.
Lisa woke up Monday morning with a feeling of dread. She showered and dressed swiftly, wanting to get to the office before Dan. When she arrived at her desk, she sat down at her typewriter and inserted a sheet of stationery. With a look of determination on her face, she let her fingers fly over the keys. When she had finished, she took the sheet out of the typewriter and proofread it. After signing it, Lisa stood up and carried it into Dan's office, laying it on his desk. She had just sat down at her own desk again when Dan strode in, passing her without a word. Lisa held her breath for the space of time it would take Dan to find and read the letter.
"Lisa! Get in here!" Dan's voice cracked through the air like a whip.
She stood up, absently smoothing her skirt, and slowly walked into the inner office.
"Yes, Mr. Nolan?" she said calmly.
"What is this?" Dan waved the paper in front of her.
"My letter of resignation," Lisa said evenly.
Dan tore the paper up, tossing the scraps into the wastebasket. "No, it isn't."
"I'll just type up another one." Her gaze was unwavering.
"Why?" he demanded angrily.
"We both know the reason why, Dan," Lisa said in a low voice, not pretending to misunderstand his question. "I can't stay here."
"Yes, you can." His voice held a thread of steel. "And you will. Get your pad for dictation."
Lisa walked numbly back to her desk and picked up her steno pad. It was obvious that Dan was going to make her decision to leave as difficult as he could.
"I said I want that dictation done today, Miss Winters!" Dan barked. "Not next year."
Steeling herself not to throw the pad at Dan's head, Lisa picked up several pencils. "Coming, Mr. Nolan."
Each day was the same, with Dan sarcastically criticizing her over any tiny error in her work. And she would stand by in stony silence. There were times when she asked herself why she didn't just walk out the door and not come back. And for some reason she couldn't give herself an answer.
"This letter is totally unacceptable, Miss Winters. Try again," Dan sneered one day, dropping a crumpled ball of paper on Lisa's desk.
"Right away, Mr. Nolan," she merely murmured, inserting a fresh sheet of letterhead into the typewriter.
There were days when Lisa felt ready to scream and stamp her feet, anything to get her anger out. Instead, she stiffened her backbone and continued on. She wouldn't give Dan the satisfaction of seeing her break down in front of him.
Like clockwork, each Monday morning, Lisa left a letter of resignation on Dan's desk. Five minutes after he'd enter his office and sit at his desk, the scraps were tossed into the wastebasket without a word. Dan would then order Lisa in for dictation or to do something else, just to show her who was boss. Dan was working like a madman, and Lisa followed suit.
On the fourth Monday morning, Dan again called Lisa into his office. She had become so adept at just looking past him that she didn't notice the lines of strain about his mouth.
"You win," Dan said bleakly. "Your letter of resignation is accepted."
His words struck Lisa with the force of a hammer blow. "I'll stay until you find another secretary," she said quietly.
"No." Dan slowly shook his head. "I accept your resignation effective today. I'll have your final check for you at the end of the day."
"I see," Lisa said hoarsely. "I'll make sure to have everything caught up by then." She turned and walked woodenly back to her desk.
The day passed in a haze for Lisa. That afternoon, Dan laid a handwritten sheet in front of her. "Your letter of reference," he said gruffly. "If you'll type it up, I'll sign it."
"Thank you," she whispered, feeling tears prick the back of her eyelids.
At the end of the day, Dan called Lisa into his office and handed her an envelope. "Your check. And what will you do now?"
"I don't know. I may move back near home to be closer to my family." And far away from you, Lisa thought painfully to herself.
Dan rubbed his eyes in a tired gesture. "I wish I knew what to say," he said finally. "I had hoped you would reconsider, but it's probably for the best."
"It is," she said, tight-lipped.
"Good-bye, Lisa." Dan's eyes were bleak as he looked at her. "The best of luck."
"Thank you," she whispered, before fleeing from the office.
Lisa was glad that she had enough savings put aside to enable her to take some time off before she began job hunting. She just didn't have any energy, and she spent her time huddled on the couch, unable to believe Dan was gone from her life for good. Tears would streak her cheeks unexpectedly during the day, and even more so at night.
"You can't keep on this way," Debra told her one day when they met for lunch. "Lee, you're a walking zombie. You have to start living again."
"I'm just allowing the wounds to heal first." Lisa smiled faintly. "Don't worry. I have a few job interviews set up for next Monday."
"I hope you look better by then." Debra eyed her critically. "I'm so sorry it all turned out this way. I honestly thought Dan would contact you after you left. I guess Xenia was wrong after all."
"I guess it was all too much to hope for." She sighed.
"Well, if you need to talk, just call me," Debra told her before they parted.
Lisa knew she couldn't talk about Dan to anyone.
Even Debra. She could only hope that going back to work would snap her out of her misery.
Lisa slept late the next day and got up feeling groggy. Looking in the mirror, she wasn't surprised to find dark circles under her eyes and hollows in her cheeks. Sighing, she went into the bathroom to take a shower. She was in the midst of drying herself off when the doorbell rang.
"Now who?" Li
sa muttered to Herself, grabbing her robe and wrapping it around her. Opening the front door, her eyes widened when she found a large, light brown teddy bear seated in the doorway. Lisa could feel the tears filling her eyes again as she picked up the bear and read the attached card.
If this teddy bear is allowed inside, may the other teddy bear come in too?
Lisa hugged the bear against her, beginning to cry. She knew it could only be from Dan, although the card was unsigned.
"Does that mean I can come in?" Dan's low voice sounded, hesitant.
Lisa looked up, seeing him through a misty haze. Unable to speak, she nodded, stepping back to let him pass. "I—all—I was just getting dressed," she said huskily, composing herself. "Would you like some coffee?"
"Get dressed, and I'll fix the coffee." He disappeared into the kitchen.
Lisa went into her bedroom and closed the door behind her. She dressed in jeans and a T-shirt, then hurriedly applied her make-up with shaky fingers. When she walked back into the living room, Dan was walking out of the kitchen with two cups of coffee. He handed one to her.
"Dan, why are you here?" Lisa asked, disconcerted by the look in his eyes.
"To see you," he said simply.
Lisa bent her head, feeling a flush burn her cheeks. "Did you find a new secretary?" She sat down, curling up on the couch.
"Hired one a week ago." Dan grimaced. "She has a lot to learn. How are you doing?"
"Oh, I've been taking some time off first." She managed a shaky laugh.
"I've missed you, Lee."
His husky admission left her body trembling. "I doubt you've even noticed that I'm gone," she said.
"It's not difficult to notice when it isn't your voice answering the phone. And she doesn't have your charming habit of kicking off your shoes when you do your filing." His eyes were disturbingly intent on hers.
"I won't come back to work for you, Dan, if that's what you've come to ask," Lisa said in a low voice.
"I don't want you to." His flat statement only brought her fresh pain.
"Then why did you come here?" Lisa cried out, jumping to her feet. "You were the one who had been acting so indifferent when we were alone. Soon after that I wasn't sure what to think. Not once did you try to contact me after I left. Well, you can just take your stupid bear and go away and leave me alone!" She turned away.
Two hands gripped her shoulders, spinning her around. "You don't know how hard it was for me to keep my feelings hidden," Dan said in a low voice. "All I wanted was to make love to you. But I knew you weren't the type of woman who would be satisfied with an affair. It got harder and harder to keep my hands off you. I didn't want you to quit. And knowing your real reason for quitting didn't help. These past few weeks I have been doing a lot of serious thinking. All these years I've cast women in the same mold as my mother. It took you to make me realize that I was wrong. You could no more be like my mother than Morgan could be like you. I'm also ready to admit that you mean more to me than just being my secretary. Much more."
"You're lying." Her voice trembled.
"There were nights"—Dan's voice turned husky— "when I'd turn over in bed and reach out, dreaming you were lying beside me. But my arms only found air. Then I'd curse myself for feeling that way. And curse you for being the cause."
Lisa closed her eyes tightly, shutting out his face. His expression told her he was telling the truth.
"I apologize for that night, Lee," Dan said quietly. "I was angry and I took it out on you. I saw Connors kissing you, and I saw red. Then I got angry with myself for feeling jealous and headed for the nearest bar. The rest you know."
"What do you want, Dan? Forgiveness?" Lisa's voice rose shrilly. "After all, you only tried to rape me. Of course you're forgiven. There, does that make you feel better?" Her eyes were dark with scorn.
"No, it doesn't." Dan shook her roughly. Seeing her stricken features, his expression changed, and he pulled her into his arms. "Oh, Lee, I don't want to hurt you," Dan groaned. "I only want to love you."
"Love me?" Lisa choked back a hysterical sob. "You don't know the meaning of the word."
"I didn't used to, no. But I do now," he said thickly. "I just wasn't sure if you had any real feelings for me. Until my visitor earlier this morning." He rubbed his jaw ruefully. "Debra packs a mean whallop."
"Deb?" She looked at him with confusion.
"She stormed into my office, calling me every name in the book, saying I had ruined your life," he said wryly. "She accused me of making you fall in love with me, then callously dropping you. Then she hauled off and slapped my face—hard. Trouble is, she couldn't understand why I kissed her afterwards. She told me I was crazy. I decided I better come over here and find out for myself if it was true. Is it, Lee? Do you love me?" Dan demanded.
"It doesn't matter, Dan," she said quietly. "I'll love you until the day I die, but I can't have an affair with you, not knowing there will be a day when you'll leave me and not look back. Or that you might get it into your head that I'm like your mother after all. I just can't handle that type of pain."
"I admit there was a time when I wanted to have an affair with you. That's why I took you to see my house. I wanted to know what you'd think of living in it." Dan's fingers sensually massaged her face. "Then I started thinking of what it would be like if we raised kids there. After the car accident, I began to see how fragile and precious life can be. And that it should be enjoyed to its fullest. My feelings toward you started growing stronger, and I realized that I had to either start backing off or carry you off to my bed. Lisa, what I'm trying, very poorly, to say is that I want you to be my wife."
Lisa's head shot up in shock. "You—you want to marry me?" Her voice ended in a squeak.
"Think you could stand being married to this arrogant bully of a lawyer?" Dan smiled crookedly.
"Very much," Lisa whispered, happily linking her arms around his neck, giving herself fully to his era-brace. Her fingers moved downward, unbuttoned his shirt buttons and slipped around his warm skin.
"We better get married as soon as possible," Dan muttered thickly against her lips. "Otherwise you better plan on living with me until the wedding."
"Where's that patience you're so well known for?" Lisa teased.
"I haven't been worth a plugged nickel since you left," Dan said wryly. "I'm sure Rita, my new secretary, is very happy I'm not there now. I haven't been too polite to her lately." He pulled Lisa back against him. "Now I suggest you call your parents and change your clothes, then we're going out to apply for a license and to buy you a ring. Think you can be ready in a week? That's the longest I can wait to have you."
"If you think I'm going to give you a chance to think things over and back out, you've got another think coming," Lisa teased, lifting her face and brushing her lips against his.
A week later, Lisa stood at the sliding glass door looking out at the pink-tinged sky of early morning. A man's velour robe covered her slim figure. She turned, looking at the still-sleeping figure in the bed.
"Enjoying the view?" A man's voice spoke low.
Smiling, Lisa dropped the robe to the floor and slid back into bed to warm her chilled body against Dan's warm one. "Hello, wife," he whispered against her lips. "Any regrets?"
Thinking of the pleasures Dan had shown her throughout the night, Lisa shook her head, burying her face against his neck. "None."
"You don't even feel cheated out of a big wedding?"
"I wanted you, not a wedding. You know what, Mr. Nolan? I think I love you."
Lisa could sense Dan's slow smile in the darkness. "You only think?" His hand possessively caressed her bare hip.
"I can't have you become overconfident," she said, luxuriating in the feeling of his bare skin under hers. "You're too arrogant to handle as it is."
Dan laughed deep in his throat as he pulled her beneath him. "You wouldn't have me any other way."
Her fingertips outlined his mouth. "No, I guess I wouldn't. You're all I'l
l ever need. For all time."
