“I’ve mostly turned things around, but it took me a long time, and I’m still dealing with a lot of baggage. You were the most important person in my world, and then you vanished without a word for six years.”
I can’t come close to placing whatever that sound is. A dog howling, maybe? Does she have a pet? “I’m sorry,” she finally says, her voice still crisp. Still unaffected.
“No, it’s fine, don’t worry about it. I’m being crazy. I should go to bed.”
“Wait.”
Like I was really going to hang up. “What?” I whisper, terrified of what she might be about to say.
“I need some time. Give me a few days, then maybe I can explain. It’s really complicated. I promise, I’ll give you some sort of answer. I never meant to hurt you so badly. Or at all. Just give me the weekend, maybe a week? You can text some. I’d still love to hear from you, but I need some time. A lot has happened; my life definitely didn’t go as planned.”
That’s not unreasonable. I waited six years. “One week?”
“Probably less. I just need to sort a few things out. I don’t know what I can tell you or what I can do.” She pauses, and I hear the creak of floorboards as clear as day. Loud house. “I’ll call you soon, I promise, and then I’ll tell you. Just, in the meantime, know that it had nothing to do with you. I…” She stops. She loves me? Is that what she was going to say? No, I’m being crazy, I don’t even want her to say that. I’m not capable of love, remember? “I have to go. I’ll talk to you soon.”
Right, that’s what she meant.
Maybe I’m still a little hung up on her.
Chapter Four
Abigail
I knock on the door to the mausoleum. Ashley is a bit of a drama queen and such a classicist. She found the Platonic form of a mausoleum; it’s a large marble structure with tall hedges near the back of an ancient and ill-kept cemetery. It’s the most dramatic place possible, so it is absolutely where she would live. When she doesn’t answer, I bang louder, waking up a restless spirit who promptly tells me off. “Sorry,” I mutter.
Right when I’m about to leave, the door opens, and a very sleepy ghoul peers out. “Abby?” Is it that she’s surprised to see me, or she can’t tell if it’s me or another wendigo in a massive hoodie and sweats? They’re more common than you’d expect.
“Yeah, it’s me.”
She takes a step back, yawning as I follow her inside. “What are you doing here? It’s like ten p.m. I was sleeping in. I had a long day.”
I pace around the stone chamber. There’s a casket in the back, but she sleeps on the pink four-poster bed behind it. I’ve only been here once before. The unicorn poster really livens up the place. “I forgot how much of a girl you are.”
“Thanks for the reminder. I forget sometimes.”
I glance at my skeletal body hidden beneath shapeless clothing. “I know the feeling.”
“Is there a reason you’re pacing around my tomb? You’re leaving claw marks in the rock.” She walks through the narrow entryway past what I guess could be called the foyer and sits on the stone casket.
I continue pacing. “Yes.” I toss my arms out to the side. Where do I even begin?
Her foot taps on the stone as she crosses her legs. I can hear every little twitch. “Well, tell me before I go crazy.”
“Is it too hard to resist eating when you live surrounded by all these bodies?” I ask. I guess I’m still a coward.
She rolls her milky eyes. “Embalming fluid makes me retch. It can definitely be tempting, but I just remember that taste.”
“You could stay at my cabin if it’d help. I know how tough it’s been for you lately. You know you can call me anytime you’re having trouble.”
“And you can call to see if I’m awake before you come over.”
“I did.” I just decided to come anyway despite her not answering. In my defense, this was rather urgent. I’ve been losing my mind.
She leans on the casket, arms splayed dramatically. “I would’ve called you back in like an hour. I’m sleepy! Did you wake me up to ask if my home is tough for me, or did you want something?”
I manage to stop pacing and try to casually lean against the wall. “Yes.”
“Yes to which?” She raises her head, staring hard.
“Yes, there’s a reason. It’s just scary. I know we’re not supposed to do this kind of stuff.”
“Just tell me!” She jumps to her feet, taking the two steps to meet me. She glares up, barely managing to meet my eyes. “What happened?”
“This girl called; she was my best friend, maybe more, back when I was still human. I ignored her for so long. I don’t know what possessed me last night, but I answered, and I really hurt her when I disappeared, and she wants me to tell her everything, and I don’t know what to do. Should I just tell her? Can I? Would she understand? What if she hates me? Or worse, what if I go see her like she wants, and I end up eating her?”
She takes a step back, eyes widening. A gnarled finger scratches her scalp. “Fuck, Abby. That’s a tough one. I actually forgot you were gay.”
“Thanks.”
“Am I your type?”
Straight girls, I swear. “Ashley, please, this isn’t about you.”
“Fine.” She blows out a breath, although I don’t think she needs to breathe. “I cut contact with my boyfriend when this happened to me, but it was a lot easier back then.”
That’s enough to distract me from my problems. I tilt my head, staring. She’s never talked about when she was turned. I thought ghouls were born that way. How old is she anyway? “You were worried you’d eat him?”
Shaking her head, she replies, “No, I just knew he wouldn’t think I was beautiful anymore, and there was no way I was willing to face that look in his eyes.”
That makes me think of how Liz may react when she sees what I’ve become. I can see the terror on her face already. I don’t think I could take it. What if her freaking out makes me mad, and I lose it and eat her? Or what if she runs away and never wants to talk to me again? “So you don’t think I should tell her?”
Her milky eyes look almost sad. “The girl is still hung up on you six years after you up and abandoned her. You may be underestimating her. Besides, girls are a lot less shallow than guys, so maybe she’ll still be into you.”
With a shrug, I reply, “Maybe. I just want to see my friend again.”
“And not eat her?”
I nod.
“Well, if she’s that important to you, maybe you should tell her.”
“You’re not gonna talk me out of it? Isn’t telling a human about us a terrible idea? Don’t we explicitly say that dating humans is a recipe for disaster and is an easy way to fall off your diet?”
“Those rules are just guidelines.”
“Ashley—”
“Abby! You’re looking for excuses. If you want me to talk you out of it, I guess I can, but I don’t think that’s what’s really best for you. Clearly, there’s some serious unsettled business between you two. Even if you can’t see each other in person, it’s worth it to address it. Maybe you can both move on then, or maybe you’ll see that she can be pretty cool about everything. Hell, maybe she’s a sexy vampire or something now. It’s been six years; she could’ve changed too.”
Picturing Liz as a wendigo, I can’t help but laugh. Her long blond hair gone, replaced with dark fur, that cute little nose replaced by this proto-snout, and her slim figure corrupted as the bones stretched and widened. At least she’d be taller than me again. “I’m pretty sure she’s human.”
“Well, even then, I’m sure she’s decent for a human.” Her wry smile looks cute, even on the patchy gray skin. “Talk to her, okay? I promise it’s worth it.”
“Will you help me figure out what to say?”
“Of course I will. I can’t believe you’re even asking.” She wraps her hand around my index finger and leads me out of the foyer, letting me take the coffin while she sits on her be
d and pulls out a laptop.
“Do you have electricity here?”
“Yeah, I bought that generator you showed me online.” She gestures toward the small box in the corner.
“Oh. I don’t tend to use mine much. I mostly go to the Community Center for that kind of stuff.”
“I don’t know how you live without internet.”
“I have my phone.”
With a shrug, she says, “I guess that’s enough. It just sucks for Netflix.” She opens an empty document. “We can plan out a whole script. What do you want to say to her?”
We work until the sun rises, ironing out exactly how I should talk to her, what might be a bad idea to mention, how to phrase everything, and how to handle it if she freaks out. We end up with a pretty decent plan, considering what I’m about to confess. Not wanting to risk dealing with morning traffic, I spend the night in her tomb, leaning up against the wall as I sleep on the floor.
* * *
Back home, I call Robert. I haven’t called him in ages, but I need to speak with him. How long has it been since I came close to needing my sponsor? Maybe he’ll talk me out of this crazy plan. “Hello?” His basso voice booms through my phone’s speaker.
“Hey, it’s Abigail.”
“Oh, hey, Abby. It’s been a while. How can I help you?”
“I’m sure it’s not an easy topic for you right now, so I’ll understand if you’re not up for talking about it, but I wanted to ask about what it’s like dating a human.” Why am I asking about dating? I’m just trying to be her friend again. Obviously, we wouldn’t get together. She wouldn’t want that now. I meant to ask what talking to a human about being like us is like.
He rumbles out a laugh that causes my speaker to crackle. “Has the fair wendigo got herself a crush?”
I feel my cheeks turning red. I wasn’t entirely sure if they can do that anymore. I’ve never checked. “It’s not like that. I don’t think. Maybe. I started talking to a friend of mine from when I was a human, and she doesn’t know anything, and I’m not sure how to handle it.” Other than the massive script I printed off at the Community Center an hour ago.
“A girl? I had no idea.”
“Yeah, gay wendigo, it’s really amusing,” I grumble, my natural voice slipping in for a second. “Please, just tell me. How did she react?”
“Before I ate her?”
“Yeah.” Great role model you’ve got yourself, Abby.
“Well, it wasn’t like I could hide it. She thought my place was abandoned and was sleeping off a bad high there. At first, she was convinced I was a hallucination. We talked for a while, and I ended up finding that I enjoyed her company. I wasn’t even thinking about her as food at the time, and that’s rare for me.” I wish I could say the same. “We kept everything pretty separate. She had her human world, and I had our world. I sometimes wonder, if I had just let her into my life a little more, I wouldn’t have ended up doing what I did.”
“So I should tell her everything?”
“I can’t tell you what to do. I don’t know what it’s like to be a wendigo, and I don’t know what your girl is like. I will say that it’s probably a lot better to know for sure that she can’t accept you than it is to spend the rest of your life wondering. Especially with how long our lives can be. Besides, if she freaks out, you’re totally justified in eating her; you don’t need that kind of negativity in your life.”
I roll my eyes. “I’m pretty sure that’s still against our diet.”
“It’s a cheat day when they’re mean to you.”
I growl and so does my stomach. “I’d really rather not think about eating her. I’m already scared enough that I will.”
“How long has it been since you ate anyone?”
“Two years. You know that.” What is he trying to get at? Anyone can fall off at any time. He hadn’t had a morsel in twenty years.
“And how often are you tempted?”
“Always,” I admit in a growling whisper.
“I don’t have that appetite. I wasn’t used to resisting that much. You’re a lot stronger than I am. I don’t think you’ll eat anyone you don’t want to. You’re sort of awesome like that. I’ve never seen another wendigo last over two weeks, and you’ve made it two years. Don’t doubt your self-control. You won’t eat her. You might eat her out, though.”
“Thanks.” I forgot how gross straight men are. “All right, I’m gonna call her.”
“Good luck. Let me know how it goes.”
“I will.”
We say our good-byes and hang up. I barely pay any attention. That’s two different people who both told me to call her. I’m really doing this.
Maybe I’ll end up bringing her to group. That would be funny. Actually, I think we have a strict no humans allowed rule; it’s like bringing doughnuts to a Weight Watchers meeting. Man, I miss doughnuts.
I stare at my phone, my heart thundering at what must be a rapid ten beats per minute. I have the script sitting next to me on the bed. Through squinting eyes, I find her last call and hit the button to call her back. On the third ring, I’m about ready to hang up. It’s three a.m. She’s obviously asleep.
“Abby?” she asks, her voice sounding tired but completely alert.
“Sorry, did I wake you?”
“Don’t worry about it. Holy shit, I wasn’t sure I’d ever hear your voice again.”
That hurts way more than it should. I deserve it. I did abandon her for six years. “I told you I’d call.”
“You did. I shouldn’t have doubted.” I can hear her sitting up, the springs lightly squeaking. “I’m so glad to hear from you.”
“You might not be. I have a long story to tell.”
“All right, let me start a pot of coffee. I don’t want to miss a word.”
* * *
A talon lodges in my blanket as I fidget, too terrified to start. I have the whole thing planned out, but it seems woefully insufficient. I pull the nail free, sending a puff of fluff into the air, and tap a rapid beat on my thigh. She’s going to think I’m crazy. Or worse, she’ll never want to talk to me again. I’ve missed her so much. I can’t lose her all over again.
“Abby?” she asks, sounding worried. “Are you there?”
“Yeah, sorry.” I let out a breath, producing a whistle as it blows across my fangs. I’m not sure I really need to breathe, but I’ve never felt up to testing it. Well, not since that one time, but that wasn’t the main goal. “Are you sure you’re up for this? It’s pretty unbelievable. You’re going to think I’m crazy.”
“You’re not crazy. I’m sure there’s a perfectly reasonable explanation for why you vanished for six years. Maybe you were abducted by aliens. I won’t judge. Please, just tell me. I promise, I hear crazier things at work every day.”
I really doubt that. “I guess I should start with the last time we saw each other.”
“You mean when I confessed my undying love for you?” She only sounds a little bitter.
I sniffle, the memory bringing with it a swell of emotion and nostalgia. A tear starts to run down my cheek but gets caught in a clump of fur. “I told you the same.”
“Well, yeah. I know you did. I just thought you were trying to spare my feelings.”
“I wouldn’t lie to you, Liz.” My foot scratches a long line in the hardwood. “I didn’t want to tell you because I knew you’d worry and want to go with me. Not about my feelings, sorry, I’m skipping ahead. I went to see my parents over winter break to finally come out to them.” We had such dramatic timing, telling each other just before we went home for break, not that home was exactly far.
“Oh.” I can already hear her mind racing, saying, maybe she was sent to a Pray the Gay Away Camp, maybe her parents sold her off to some rich man, or maybe her parents decided they had to have her studied in a lab to see if they could find the source of her gayness. She always had fanciful ideas like that.
“We were going to go mountain climbing like we used to all the ti
me before I left for college and always did every winter break. I decided to wait to tell them until we got to the campsite. I told myself it made more sense, but if I’m being honest, I wanted any excuse to delay it.”
“So you’ve been stuck in the Swiss Alps or something for the last six years?”
“Let me finish the story, Liz.”
She sighs, creating static in my shitty old phone. “You’re right. I’m sorry.”
“It was a lot of fun. I always loved it growing up.”
“Is that why you had those sexy abs and legs?”
“Among other reasons.” Wow, it’s so weird to think of myself as sexy. That’s not a thing I’ve been for such a long time. Now I can never let her see me. I need someone to remember who I used to be. “Well, we made pretty good time. I guess those legs weren’t just for show.” I smirk. “We made it about halfway up the mountain and set up camp for the night. We were still tired from the canoe trip.
“Manitou Mountain isn’t that tough a climb. It should’ve been an easy hike. We just wanted to go someplace different.” Stick to the script, Abby; you’re freaking out. I breathe in and out slowly, laying my hands across my lap. In and out. I haven’t even gotten to the tough part yet. I can freak out then. “Sorry. Apparently, the forecast had changed in the two days we’d spent canoeing. A blizzard started up.” If my voice was real, it would crack. Instead, I stifle a sob, my voice its normal cheerful self. “When we woke up, we couldn’t even start a fire outside. We had a little heater inside the tent, and we gathered around it and ate energy bars. I figured, hey, they can’t be mad at me when we’re marooned on a mountain in a blizzard, so I might as well tell them now. My mother wasn’t surprised. You know her; she’d seen how we always were. She’d expected this to happen someday. My father…” Without willing it, my voice is his. “He didn’t handle it well. He went outside.” I catch myself, switching back to my own voice. This is my story, damn it, not his. “He was pacing in the snow. It was almost to his knees. I think he screamed. I didn’t think it was loud enough to set off an avalanche.”
My Date with a Wendigo Page 4
