by Kailin Gow
Drew blushed, looking down.
I also looked down. As much as Drew had sexual experience with women, he didn’t get them as Nat did. All it took was for him to pay attention to me, know what was bothering me, and sit back to hear, really hear what I was saying. But he was ruled by lust, as I was whenever we were together.
I looked at Drew. His hands were still shaking, and I knew that if he didn’t get whatever was worrying him off his chest, he would have a hard time ever confronting it in the future. But he would have to be the one to want to talk. It was obviously something he had been harboring.
“Nat,” I said, going to him. “Have you checked out Drew’s security system here? I mean you’re the mastermind behind Donovan Dynamics. Did you know about this building and how it was set up? Why is this such a safe place?”
Nat smiled an almost bashful smile. “It was one of my ideas to Dad. I said we needed a location away from our headquarters that was hidden and non-descript…a place just to store all the valuable information we’re in charge of keeping, and to do it in a way that it would be secure from explosions, fire, earthquake, and spies. This place…” Nat looked around and stood up to walk to the glass window to look out onto the sleeping city, “was one of my dream buildings. We had the penthouse built on top for the family, if we needed it, and a couple of spare rooms. There is a kitchen commissary large enough to store a year’s worth of food and cook for a hundred people, there are rooms of data storage units, guarded by the highest tech security we can dream of…so, to answer your question, Summer, I did know about this building even before Drew did. But it was never part of my plans to move here or to even stay here…only for dire emergencies….which I think this qualifies for.”
“Then Drew staying here…is it prohibited or…?” I began wondering how Nat felt about Drew occupying this building, his building that he dreamt of and built.
“I’m fine with it,” Nat said. “After all, I walked away from being a Donovan, remember. Someone’s got to step into the shoes of leadership, and frankly…” he leaned in to whisper to me. “I’m ready to let someone else handle the demands of running Donovan Dynamics. I’m ready to go out and live my life, not as my father wanted me to, not because he put me in such circumstances that I had to be the man my mother relied on, but to really live my life as I’ve always wanted to…” Nat sighed. “In a way, me becoming Cooper Sorrento is a blessing in disguise. I’m discovering things I’ve never found time for and having a sense of purpose elsewhere besides Donovan Dynamics.”
“So you’re not sad about leaving your old life behind as Nat Donovan?” I asked.
“I was. I was devastated at first. How could I not be? It was all I’ve known. That life…was so well-planned for me, it was the easy and unexpected path to take. But was I happy? Look, Summer, you know me. You know what I went through. I was tortured, I felt guilty about everything, I felt responsible for everyone. I didn’t want to live in San Francisco. I wasn’t happy there. I wanted to be at the place I felt the most happiness, and that was here in Malibu with Aunt Sookie and you. I want that carefree attitude she instilled in us. She taught us to live life to the fullest, that although her life was cut short, she was happy. She lived a full life.”
Nat touched my face and said, “That’s what I wish for, for you, Rachel, and Drew. I know you’ve been pressured to make a decision between Drew and I…that your heart is torn both ways. I want you to choose me, but at the same time, I know we have time. You have a generous heart and you can’t help loving us both and even Astor, but I see how distressed you are about deciding who you want to be with, and that if you choose one, you will be throwing away and ending a wonderful relationship with another. It’s the hardest decision for you, Summer, and I think that eventually, you will come to a very clear decision without doubt. I’m sorry to put you in this situation. I’m sorry to even tried to decide for you by stepping away and letting you choose Drew, but the truth is, if you can’t decide right now, if you are still torn both ways; please don’t make a decision yet until you are sure. That’s what Aunt Sookie would have wanted for you. That’s what I want for you.”
I was on the verge of crying. Nat had hit the nail on the head with how I was feeling. He knew me so well, and always knew what to say. I loved him so much, but I also knew that he could not go back to being Nat Donovan again. The innocence that was there for all of us had sailed. We weren’t the carefree kids we were when Aunt Sookie was alive. That summer we all got back together at Aunt Sookie’s Pad for the last summer before her death was the summer that changed everything. Nothing could be the same as it was before. Except in our memories, memories that we all shared together of those days playing pirate and princess on the beach, jogging and racing each other across the sand, and falling in love with every breath.
Nat again knew how I felt. He patted me on my shoulder, and said, “Summer, you know where I stand. I’ll be fine with whatever happens. I’ll also be there if you need me. We all will be…Drew, Rachel, and I. We all love you, no matter what.” With that, he kissed me softly on my lips, and walked outside of Drew’s penthouse. “I’ll be checking out the security systems here in case you need me,” he said hastily. I saw his expression, and it was calm, collected, and resigned, as though he had already prepared himself for whatever choice I would make considering him or Drew.
It made my heart pound faster as a million emotions and thoughts went through my head. How could I choose when I’ve loved both brothers since childhood? How could I choose and break the heart of the other? I wanted to be there for both of them. I wanted to provide the love they both craved and wanted from me. Despite what I said to Drew, I loved him as himself, whether it was the one-night-stand player Drew or the Drew who is now head of Donovan Dynamics. And Nat…he will always be the chivalrous knight for me, and for everyone else. He was so noble, he’d set aside his own happiness to fulfill his duties for others.
Drew had left to go to his room to change into his jogging shorts and t-shirt, his usual clothes, while I was talking to Nat. He came out with a bundle of clothes in his hand. “Here, Summer, since you didn’t get a chance to get your clothes from the Pad earlier, you can change into my t-shirt and shorts to sleep in tonight. Tomorrow, we can go shopping or something,” he said.
“Thanks, Drew,” I said smiling. He was being so sweet, yet I knew something was eating him up inside. He handed me the clothes, and our fingers brushed, sending bolts of electricity straight through me.
Drew was equally affected as he let out a small gulp. “Is there anything else you need?” He looked almost embarrassed standing there…with a growing erection clear in his shorts.
Drew! Leave it to Drew to get aroused in the most inappropriate times, but here I was feeling my nipples harden looking at him. “Ah, where will I be sleeping tonight?” I asked. “I can sleep out here on the sofa…”
“No, not there, Summer,” Drew said. “You can sleep in my room. I’d feel better if you do and not out here. What kind of a guy lets a girl sleep out here when he has a perfectly awesome bed for her to sleep in?”
I laughed. “Awesome?”
“Uh…yes, awesome, Summer,” he said. “It’s high-tech with rollers, massagers, warmers, and even music and sound.”
“This I’ve got to see!”
“Oh, okay,” Drew said, taking my hand and leading me to his bedroom.
I didn’t see his bedroom last time I was here, instead getting hot and heavy with Drew out in the living room and by the front door. It was a good thing because it would have made me run.
“Drew!” I said looking around me. The room was covered in luxurious cream satin with chocolate-colored wood paneling on the wall. Expensive art adorned the walls, and a large blacken oak antique wardrobe stood in the corner. In the center of the room was a bed built on a circular platform covered with furs, satin sheets, and chocolate velvet pillows.
It was extremely sexy, luxurious, masculine, yet also feminine. I was impressed.
But…the stripper pole in the corner as well as the black leather bench meant only for sexual positions and for fucking…was another thing.
“The other night you said I’m the only girl you’ve brought here?” I asked.
“You’re the only one I cared to bring here, Summer,” Drew said.
He took my hand and brought me to the bed to sit me down, and he kneeled down in front of me. “You’re the only girl for me, Summer. All this is for you. All this is what I want to do to you. It’s not even about sex, though, Summer,” he said. “I would do anything for you. I would always be there for you.”
I placed my hand against his cheeks, but he took it into both of his hands. “I love you Summer, and when Sloane held that knife to your throat, and I saw that you were bleeding, and he was saying all those filthy things about you, I had to stop him. I saw red, Summer. I shot him to stop him, and…” he started crying, “I’d do it all over again to keep you alive.”
“Drew, oh Drew,” I pulled him into my arms and hugged him tightly. “It’s okay…”
“My body,” Drew said. “I can’t stop shaking.”
“It was self-defense. If you didn’t stop him, he would’ve killed me.”
“I know,” Drew said. “I know, but the reason why I’m shaking is not from the guilt. That bastard deserved what he got for terrorizing you for so long, for stalking you, taking all those private photos of you, for violating your privacy, for threatening you, starting all those rumors of you, to almost raping and killing you….I mean he had a long string of offenses. But the reason I can’t stop shaking is the rage I felt against him and anyone who can think they can terrorize, cyberbully, and slander someone as sweet and loving as you, Summer. It’s not okay that he got out of prison early. It’s not okay he hardly serve any time for nearly killing you last time. It’s certainly not okay that whoever let him out early think his freedom is more important than your life. He was let out of prison early just so he could go back to carry out what he didn’t finish. What kind of justice is that? And…I shudder to think what would have happen if I came a second later, if I hadn’t turned back to go to the Academy to find you, to tell you I was sorry about what I had said earlier. You and Nat…would be dead!”
Drew ran his hand through his hair. “I know we’ve had our ups and downs. I know you loved both Nat and me so I don’t want to make it any more difficult than it is. I love you like a man loves a woman. I crave you all the time, want you all the time, and I am always thinking about you. I decorated this room thinking of you, thinking how much I’d love to wake up every morning to see you by my side.” He took a deep breath. “I also want to rock your world. Sex with me will never get old because this passion I have for you, is a constant eternal flame. While I may be the head of Donovan Dynamics, I would never do what my father had done to my mother, cheated on her with a mistress, and neglected us kids, sending us off to Malibu every summer or anywhere else but home. My top priority is you, Summer. You will always come first for me. Not my duties, not my work, nothing else. I just want to be back in your life, Summer. To have you smile at me with that adoring love in your pretty eyes. You are and will always be the most beautiful Summer to me.”
He kissed me softly on my lips, while I kissed him back.
“I don’t want you to make a decision about who you want to be with forever…me or Nat, but I do want you to know that I love Nat, too. He’s my brother, and no matter what, no matter who you choose, we both will make an effort to live with it. Nat and I talked briefly, and we’ve agreed that the one you didn’t choose will accept your decision like a man, and will not get in the way of the happy couple. So you see, Summer, we don’t want you to feel tortured over choosing someone. We both want you to just be happy and safe. That’s all we asked for.”
I fell back on Drew’s bed and looked up to the mirror above the bed. Boy, Drew’s bedroom was equipped for non-stop sex and pleasure. There was no doubt he thought that was part of a loving relationship between a grown man and woman. That there was nothing ashamed about wanting to fulfill each other’s needs in that area of a relationship. Although Nat had been upset when Nadine lost her mind and tried to kill herself over her impending divorce, Drew took to heart what could’ve made his father stray…what also broke down their marriage.
“It was sexual, you know,” Drew said, as if answering my question. “Why my parents’ marriage failed, and my father took on a mistress. They stopped enjoying and having sex with each other. As simple as that, it was that. I never want that to happen to us,” Drew said. “We have those needs. It’s there no matter what anyone or society says about it. As long as you and I admit we have this desire between us, and as a couple, work to satisfy each others’ needs, along with emotional needs or whatever else you need from me, I never see our love for each other dying. Not like my parents’ relationship.”
“What about everything that went on between Nat and me?”
Drew took my hand in his. “Nat and I already discussed that our history and past could not be erased, and we never want you to…it’s what makes you our Summer. While we may get a little jealous thinking about it, we can’t dwell on it. What’s more important is what happens in the present and the future. We love the same girl. With you, how could we not? We have to accept that many people will…you’re Summer. You have that spark in you that draws people to you. We agree.”
I nodded. Strange how the brothers…two men I love individually would discuss this with each other. I felt a little left out, but then again, that was how close Drew and Nat was.
I sighed again, scrunching my forehead in frustration. I never wanted to fall in love with more than one man, but I ended up falling for two wonderful ones. I never meant to have this love come between both men. And I certainly didn’t want to separate Drew and Nat. They needed each other as much as I needed them. I took to heart what each had said to me, and thought with all my heart and soul what and whom I really wanted.
And I came to a decision….
Chapter 17
Summer’s Letter to Nat and Drew
Dear Nat and Drew,
It was the hardest decision of my life, making a choice about the rest of my life, and with whom I would spend it with…
Two wonderful men who would give me the world, two amazing men who I would give the world to. It was rare even finding one love like ours, but two? Such a blessing.
I would’ve come to you separately to tell you my decision, but being with either of you always and still makes my head and heart spin…I love you both so much!
Aunt Sookie, on her deathbed, told me to be happy, and to live life fully. It is her advice that I will follow, and it is her will that I fulfill my destiny.
If I choose one brother, I will break the heart of another. If I choose one, I will not only lose a lover but a friend. Both of you have been family to me. Separating me from either one of you will be heartbreaking no matter what my choice is. I don’t want to separate you two. You are brothers, and I know you will and should always be there for each other.
Yet I know if I walked away from either of you, you will be heartbroken as well.
There is no easy solution and no clear solution. Either choice, someone will get hurt. Either choice, someone will be unhappy.
The question is, what is the best solution? How certain are we of our love for each other? Can it stand the test of time? Are we in love with each other because we’re in love with the idea of love or do we love each other for all our flaws and perfections? Are we good for each other? Do we build each other up? Do we complement each other and make each other grow? Do we satisfy each other? Do we challenge each other? Do we get along and have common interests, dreams or goals?
You see…so many factors to consider in deciding on your ideal love. Yet, the most important one to consider is…are we happy together, not does he makes me happy because happiness can be out of our control at times, but when we’re together, when we’re apart, are we happier people because of
each other?
I hope I am all these things to you, as again, both of you are all these things to me.
Again if it is up to me, I could never make a decision. You are both my dear Donovan brothers, my family when I didn’t have one growing up.
So this is my best solution for a solution. I want both of you. I love both of you. Call me selfish, call me indecisive, call me a two-timer, but as it is…I am living life to the fullest being with both of you. I am still too young at 18 to settle down and get married. You two are still too young to settle down and get married. You must fulfill Aunt Sookie’s will too, to live your lives to the fullest.
Because of Nat’s identity and dangerous situation, we’ve agreed we can’t be together as we once were. Nat as Cooper is a dear friend, and I hope to stay friends to see how Nat will develop and live finally carefree of the weight he’s always felt. Nat will always be a hero for me and for the greater good. I had always looked up to you, idolized you because you were so precious to me. Yet I feel your destiny is far greater than it will be with me. I want you to fly up to reach your full potential, to soar. It would be my greatest happiness to see you reach that potential and fulfill your true destiny.
And Drew…you’ve always been there for me uncannily at the right time. If it wasn’t for you, I wouldn’t be alive today. You are flawed, you have weaknesses like everyone else, and you drive me crazy all the time in both good and bad ways. We both idolize and care about Nat; we both fumble around together trying to be more like Nat. In more ways than one, I’ve come to realize you and I have more in common than we believed. I am insatiable like you are. I let my emotions run all the time, and I find sleeping in a bed with motors, lights, music and sound effects awesome. As Aunt Sookie has taught us, life is short, and I don’t want to worry about the what ifs of tomorrow. I want to be with you right now. Today. And that’s where we are until tomorrow.
