His chiseled face tilted to the side, his eyes searching hers. “You sure?”
To avoid the oncoming feeling of sadness if they stayed in aftercare too long, she needed him to leave. She needed a breather from his intensity. She needed to remember that the emotions she experienced could never become more than what they were. She couldn’t forget that what she felt for him wasn’t reciprocal.
Years ago, that truth shattered her. She’d told herself a thousand times not to play with him, that his pain and avoidance of closure over Lily’s death could ruin her. Yet her heart had always betrayed her; she just couldn’t stay away.
Now her heart and her head compromised. Drown in his love for as long as she could get it, and then allow him to walk away. She couldn’t have all of him. She knew that. She had accepted that. He wasn’t capable of giving more. Even if her heart bore the bruises every time separation slid between them, what she experienced with Aidan she couldn’t run from.
She didn’t want to.
Cora forced a laugh, sliding into friend mode. “I’m satisfied to my bones. Trust me, I’m great.”
“Oh, there you are.”
At the sweet, soft voice, Cora glanced to her best friend, Presley Flynn, who wore lacy black lingerie. A fellow submissive who had apparently had a scene, too, since her blond hair was ruffled, her emerald eyes glossy, and her cheeks pink. “Hi.”
Presley turned to Master Aidan. “Do you mind if I sit?”
“Not at all.” Smiling at Presley, he stood and stepped away from the couch. “We’re done tonight.”
Cora’s heart clenched as Aidan began to leave. To most, Presley’s interruption wouldn’t be a big deal. Though if Cora had been in a committed D/s relationship what Presley had done would warrant punishment. Interrupting a Dom and a submissive during aftercare wasn’t tolerated in Club Sin. The physical distance Cora had put between her and Master Aidan told outsiders they weren’t in aftercare.
They were, she forced herself to remember, two friends sitting on the couch together. Her throat tightened and she bit her lip, not allowing that thought to affect her. God, she hated herself after a scene. She was a freaking emotional mess. She knew where she stood with Aidan and she had accepted being with him in this way. Sometimes it was just hard to remember that.
Sometimes her heart wanted a little bit more.
To ignore her flip-floppy stomach, she focused on Master Aidan as he strode around the glass coffee table and approached. Which wasn’t a difficult task, when Master Aidan moved, time stopped. He held his head high, shoulders equally strong and his lengthy stride contained arrogance. Cora might love a man incapable of loving her beyond friendship, but this Club Sin Master who’d dominated her for two years aroused the living shit out of her.
Aidan was smart, wealthy, and sexy, but he never flaunted it. In a scene, he cared deeply. He’d never misled her. He was always honest, kind, and considerate. As her Dom, she trusted him. He sent her into unfamiliar sexual adventures. He pushed when she needed him to. He also held her when she was in need. Cora had bonded deeply to the Dom, but she reached to know the man outside of Club Sin.
A man blinded by his pain.
Once he settled in front of her, he caught her chin in his grip. His gaze zeroed in on her, making her forget that a moment ago she wanted him to leave. “Beautiful scene tonight, yes?”
“Incredible,” she agreed.
Gray as a stormy sky, his eyes held hers. “Anything I need to know?”
I need you to go. I need to get back into control. No, please stay. “Nope.” While her heart battled and craved for more, her head recognized she needed distance. She was well aware she was letting herself get hurt by staying with him, but she understood his pain and his inability to put closure on Lily.
Besides, he gave her enough in the dungeon. There, she was his world. She was his focus. She felt his love. He held nothing back in those moments. She might never have all of him, but she knew—with total certainty—Aidan gave her the most he could possibly give to anyone.
There was something special in that.
With a slow curve to his mouth, he gave her his typical goodbye kiss, ending their playtime together. The kiss was too short to bring heat; a good reminder for Cora to be happy with what they had. She might hope for more, but, deep down, she loved his friendship above all else. He broke the kiss and flashed Presley a grin before he strode through the dungeon.
Cora watched him, noticing the ease to his gait. She hadn’t been the only one exuding tension earlier, and she liked that she had that effect on him. She gave her head a little shake, shedding the ping-ponging sensations within.
“Wow, that man has some serious gifts,” Presley said, slow and steady, drawing Cora’s attention. “That wax dragon was incredible.”
“I know, it shocked me,” Cora said and laughed, tucking her hands under the blanket and welcoming the warmth. “Right into orgasm.”
“Yeah …” Presley’s cheeks flushed. “I saw that.”
Feeling better with each passing minute, Cora studied her friend. Even if Presley blushed, those cheeks weren’t nearly as bright as they’d been a month ago. Presley had walked into the dungeon a newbie, totally out of her element. Now she didn’t seem at all uncomfortable sitting in her lingerie and talking about Cora’s scene.
Things had settled for her friend, and that made Cora smile. Presley had snagged Dmitri as an exclusive Dom and she wore his collar. In the dungeon, her collar bore the same significance as—or even held more standing than—a wedding ring. The choker of diamonds and sapphires declared Presley belonged to Master Dmitri.
To be collared so early in the lifestyle was unusual. Cora touched her neck, wondering what a collar would feel like. It had never happened to her, even though she’d been in a committed D/s relationship before with her ex-boyfriend Porter.
She looked to Master Aidan across the dungeon as he stood near the Club Sin Doms’ lockers that contained all their toys. Everything seemed so different for Presley. Her friend had found the love of her life the second she walked into Club Sin. It’d been two years since Cora joined the dungeon and all she’d done was fall in love with a man shadowed in misery and in love with another woman.
The desire to be held engulfed her, and her mind raced. Relax. Calm down. This will pass.
“Cora,” Presley whispered.
She snapped her hand off her neck, discovering Presley staring at her. “Sorry, did I drift off there? I guess I’m still a bit out of it.”
Presley gave Cora a long look. “Can I ask you something personal?”
“Of course, always.”
Presley’s eyebrows furrowed as she scooted closer. “Do you notice the connection you have with Aidan?”
Cora cleared her throat and licked her lips, glancing down to the blanket. “Of course I see it.” Hell, she felt it in every molecule of her body. Though feeling something didn’t always mean things worked out how one wanted. “It’s expected. He trained me.”
When Presley shifted closer, Cora lifted her head to find her friend focused on her. “See, I thought that, too. Then I noticed how he looks at you.” She looked to Aidan, who was chatting with another Dom. Addressing Cora again, this time with a frown, she said, “Sometimes I see him looking at you like he does in a scene, but he’s not in a scene.” She paused, and finally gave a halfhearted shrug. “I don’t get why you guys aren’t a couple.”
You don’t know his pain. His demons were not for Cora to share. She never knew if it was her job that gave her insight into him or if it was their close D/s relationship, but some things needed to remain private. No matter how close she was to Presley. “First, our relationship isn’t like that. You’re reading into things that aren’t there. Master Aidan doesn’t look at me like that.”
If he did, things would be very different.
If he did, I could tell you that I love him.
Presley hesitated, tapping a finger against her thigh. “Well, I’m not sure
I agree.” She tucked her legs underneath her, sitting sideways. “Since I joined Club Sin, you’ve only played with him. If your relationship isn’t like that, why don’t you play with other Doms, too … I don’t know … find a boyfriend?”
Cora’s heart palpitated and her palms grew sweaty. While she wanted to be honest with Presley, it would open a doorway she couldn’t go down. If Master Aidan knew how she felt, he’d stop playing with her. It was the right thing for a Dom to do. He wouldn’t lead her on, and not playing with him was unthinkable.
She’d become okay with her decision to accept things for what they were. She didn’t need more than what Aidan gave to her. And she explained that in the only way she could. “I don’t want a boyfriend.”
“Why?”
With a grunt, Cora rolled her eyes. “You’re never going to let this drop, are you?” At Presley’s shake of her head and smirk, Cora figured she had to give a better answer or risk being asked the same question over and over again. Apparently, the I-don’t-want-one explanation wouldn’t cut it anymore. “I haven’t met anyone I’ve wanted to settle down with. I want it to be natural.”
Presley’s nose scrunched. “That makes no sense. You’re such a fantastic woman, and you’re only twenty-five. You’re too young to take the if-it-is-meant-to-be route.”
A lump formed in Cora’s throat and she snuggled into the blanket. This was going deeper than she wanted to go. Of course, her best friend would want to see her happy, but how could Cora explain that she already was content with her decisions. That even if it wasn’t a traditional relationship with Aidan, what she found with him was something so uniquely beautiful.
Something she couldn’t turn away from.
How could she explain all this without baring Aidan’s pain? Her insight into him wasn’t hers to share with his close friends. Her love for him was hers to feel alone. “The casual D/s relationship with Aidan works for me—why change something that makes me happy?”
Presley paused as a couple of Doms strode by, heading toward the spanking scene in the left corner of the dungeon. The soft rock music cut through the silence as Presley continued. “But you could have more.”
“You’re right—I could” was Cora’s hard reply.
I don’t expect more.
He can’t give it to me.
Presley gave a sad smile and said in a soothing voice, “Listen, I’m not trying to stick my nose where it doesn’t belong. It’s just, I love you … and, well, I see things.” She patted Cora’s leg. “I guess your uncommitted D/s relationship confuses me. You’re so good together. You both seem happy. I don’t know why you don’t pursue more from it.”
Cora slowly shook her head, shutting her eyes. It all seemed so simple when put that way. Cora had thought in those terms for a few months, until she recognized Aidan’s ghost. She loved him, and loving him meant being there for him when he needed it, too.
What would happen if her feelings were exposed? If she had to point out how sad he still was? At work, she’d seen people crumble when faced with hard truths. She didn’t want that for Aidan. Besides, a small part of her still had hope. Maybe one day, past the pain, he’d see her in front of him, waiting and supporting him.
He’d finally find closure with Lily and move on. And who was she to rush him, by demanding he commit to her? She glanced at Presley, who had shifted closer, her knees pressing against Cora’s. “I know that’s hard to understand. You’ve never had an uncommitted D/s relationship.” Heaviness filled her limbs, and she breathed even and slow. “But Aidan and I get what we need from each other.”
Presley scratched at her cheek with pinched lips. “Okay, I get that. But you like Aidan, right?”
Cora loved Presley’s innocence. It was the beauty in Presley. In her sweet mind, everyone needed a happily-ever-after in the traditional form. “Of course I think he’s nice, and yes, I like him.” Even if they were best friends, she wouldn’t let Presley trap her in a conversation she didn’t want to have. “But I think a lot of Doms are nice.”
“Yes, exactly.” Presley’s gaze hardened, her voice equally so. “But you don’t play with other Doms. You only play with him. You deserve more than all this casual play. I see how Aidan watches you. I think if you said something—”
Cora’s heart raced, nearly exploding out of her chest. Before she could stop herself, she snapped, “Stop it, Presley.” At Presley’s twisted expression, Cora’s stomach knotted and she softened her voice. “Ugh. Shit, I’m sorry. I don’t mean to snap at you. Thank you for loving me so much to ask.” She wrapped her fingers around Presley’s clammy hand, squeezing it tight. “Please leave this alone. The way things are make me happy, and it’s all good.” Her body weakened and she was damn glad she was sitting down. “Promise me you won’t talk about this to anyone else.”
Everything would change, and that cannot happen.
I need him.
He needs me.
Those demons … he can’t face that yet.
At whatever crossed Cora’s expression, Presley’s eyebrows shot up into her hairline. “Okay, okay, I promise. I didn’t mean to upset you. And we don’t have to talk about it and I won’t say anything.”
Cora blew out a long breath, and considering how the world spun around her, she didn’t want to know what she looked like to cause Presley’s surprise. Inside she was a jumbled mess. The thought of the future if this secret came out turned her blood to ice. Not only that her playing with Aidan would cease, but she didn’t want Aidan to remember his pain, she wanted him happy.
It had taken her a year to see an honest smile cross his face. The thought of that going away made her nauseated. It’d taken another year to stop seeing the dark hurt in his eyes. Aidan was mourning a great loss, and Cora did not want to make it worse. She shut her eyes and focused inward.
This, too, will pass.
“What’s wrong?”
Her eyes flew open on a sharp gasp.
Oh, fuck!
Master’s Aidan’s chin dipped, and he looked Cora directly in the eye. “Even from across the dungeon, you looked upset.” At her silence, since her voice caught in her dry throat, he frowned. “Now I see I’m not imagining things. Answer me.”
Dammit!
Tightness formed in her chest and the world spun faster. He was the one person she wanted far away from this conversation. She placed a hand on the leather couch to support her and forced a quiet laugh. “Nothing’s wrong.”
His eyebrows raised, eyes blazing hot. “Is that so?”
She froze, feeling rooted to the spot. Hell, no! Run! She pushed up on shaky legs. “Yep, that’s so.”
His dark gaze narrowed. “You know I don’t like lies, Cora.”
Uncontrollable flushes of heat weakened her knees. Holy hell, how had this happened? “I … um … err …” Everything moved too quickly around her, and an empty feeling stormed into the pit of her stomach.
Run!
“Wow”—she glanced to the clock on the wall above the couch—“look at that, it’s late. I better get home.”
Images of what could be began to flash through her mind if the conversation went any further. That was all it took. She freaking booked it. As far as she was concerned, whoever said avoidance wasn’t the answer was a person who didn’t have anything worth avoiding.
It certainly worked for her.
Chapter Three
Aidan watched Cora drop her blanket and race toward her clothes by the bench near the dungeon’s door, where she’d left her clothes. While typically such a view of her bare ass might’ve amused him, it didn’t stir a smile now.
Her pain was palpable.
That dark misery in the depths of her eyes gutted him. It was all too familiar. The same raw agony had once lain inside him. Her gaze held a haunted soul. And she’d given him a look so shattered it’d pinned him to the spot.
When he watched her dress, he fought his desire to go to her and demand answers now. He appreciated Cora’s strength and respec
ted her for it. Her choices were solid and her decisions were made without regret. Never, not once in the years he’d known her, had she shown a moment of weakness, until now.
As Cora rushed out the dungeon doors his thoughts spun out of control and his breath became shallow. What had happened to make the strongest submissive he’d ever known turn into a woman consumed with a shadowed soul?
Aidan’s Dom instincts flared to life, not only because Cora hid something, but because she’d never shared parts of herself with him. He had no idea there was a barrier between them. When had this happened?
His jaw tensed and he turned to Presley. “Care to explain that?”
She flinched. “Okay, you look mad.” She straightened in her seat and looked to her lap, fiddling her hands. “And that sucks for me.”
“Answer my question and this won’t suck.” His fingers twitched to command her gaze, not that he’d act on it. Presley wasn’t his to touch. “Lie to me like Cora did, then this will suck for you.”
What he’d seen in Cora’s face, even from a distance, stirred sudden chilliness. He tightened his legs, forcing his knees to lock. One look had changed everything. One second took what he believed as true and destroyed it. As if the years he’d played with Cora meant nothing. The trust they’d built didn’t exist. As her Dom, he had failed to read her correctly.
That was unacceptable.
Presley slid her hands down her legs, avoiding his gaze. “Well, you see …”
Aidan shoved his hands into his pockets, controlling the tremble in his arms. When she continued to stammer, he scanned the dungeon. The one Dom he sought he couldn’t find. Turning to Presley, he asked with a clipped voice, “Where’s Master Dmitri?”
Her warm emerald eyes widened. “Oh, God, no, please don’t involve him. I’ll tell you something …” She blinked rapidly, licking her lips. “I … err … well, I …”
Aidan watched her continued avoidance, and he sighed. “Did you say something that hurt Cora’s feelings?”
Presley’s posture stiffened with her glare. “Of course not! I’m her best friend. I would never do that!”
Bared Page 3
