Rick Cantelli, P.I. (Rick Cantelli, P.I. Detectives Book 1)

by Bernard DeLeo

  “What’s wrong Uncle Rick?” Kim asked innocently.

  “Rick knows you just tried to drive me into hysteria in a single instant, kid,” Lois said. “You’re good, but not that good. Any chance at all of going somewhere for a meal and talking this out?”

  I released her as the mask dropped at Lois’s words. Out came that leering kid who used to face off with her Mom until disaster threatened. “I’m trying to save time here. That ding-a-ling Sarah should never have called you. Everything’s fine. There’s not much I can do about you visiting, but I can tell you this, stay the hell away from me. I have my own life to live, and I don’t need you butting your nose into my business.”

  Lois gestured in agreement. “As you wish. We’ll be at Sarah’s house installing a security system. If you want to talk, give me a call. Nice seeing you, Kim.”

  Kim looked stunned at first, then relieved. Frank went over and hugged and kissed her. “What your Mom said. We’ll be here visiting if you change your mind.”

  “Thanks, Dad.”

  I saw the lip quiver before Kim walked away. I huddled with my two old friends before we journeyed into baggage claim roulette. “I may have been a little reluctant on this, but I’m in until it’s done. I don’t know what can make Kim get near tears, but it’s going on vacation to the desert.”

  Lois hugged me, for probably the first time in our entire friendship. “I was hoping you felt it.”

  Frank patted my shoulder. “I know you two can fix this. I’ll stay on the outskirts with our lawyer’s number on the hot tab.”

  Lois broke down in Frank’s arms for the first time ever with me as a witness. Frank nodded at me and walked her away. I went down to baggage, coming to grips with the fact someone was going to die at my hand, and there might well be collateral damage. I handled transport. I rented a GMC Denali with a well paid porter trailing me with our bags, and had it delivered to the curb. I called Frank to tell him where to go. Ten minutes later I was behind the wheel driving toward Sarah’s house. Frank and I are brothers. We’re bonded to the harpy until the end of our time. We kept quiet, waiting for Lo to speak.

  “It will be good to hold the baby,” she said finally.

  I smiled. Yep. Gonna’ get me some. “You still got that storage bin here, right Lo?”

  “I sure as fuck do, partner.”

  * * *

  We equipped at the storage place Lo kept for us when we have had to do work in the San Francisco Bay Area. I rented a room to be our base of operations while Frank and Lo stayed at Sarah’s home. The storage bin contained weapons both long and short range, and high tech surveillance and communications gear. Some of our trickier business dealings had taken place in the San Francisco and Sacramento areas. Neither Lo nor I cared to make the drive north, so we made sure we had what we needed stashed for use here. The last part of our ploy was a little delicate. I needed to clone Kim’s cell-phone, which meant I needed to visit her on some excuse. Frank thought of the painting idea. He picked one out at a local gallery, wrote a note to go along with it, and I delivered it. Kim was annoyed when she saw me until noticing her folks didn’t accompany me.

  “Hi Kim. Your Dad wanted me to give you the gift he’d picked out. Your folks are respecting your wishes, so they sent me with it. It is nice to see you.”

  “Come in, Uncle Rick,” Kim waved me in. “I have coffee. Would you like a cup?”

  “Sure would, thanks.”

  I spotted her cell-phone on the kitchen counter and put my own special one near it while making conversation. It only took a minute, and I moved to the kitchen table with Kim. We shared a cup while Kim uncovered the painting. It was a terrific coastal scene and she loved it. She wiped away tears after reading her Dad’s note. Frank had the touch when it came to his kids.

  “You’ll tell them thanks for me, right? I love the painting.”

  I stood to go. “I sure will. Well, I better hit the road. I’m sure you have things to do today.”

  Kim nodded and came into my arms for a good hug. She walked me to the door. “I have to show a house in another hour. Stay in touch, Uncle Rick. I’m sorry about screwing with you at the airport.”

  “Don’t give it a thought. Please don’t refer to your Mom as harpy. She knows you got that from me, and when you say it I get tortured for weeks afterward.”

  Kim laughed, patting my shoulder. “Duly noted, Uncle Rick, but it does fit.”

  “You’re supposed to at least pretend it doesn’t,” I added on my way out. That shot garnered more laughter. One cloned phone and a light hearted visit – all parts of Cantelli’s dark world.

  * * *

  It took a couple days with hacking into Kim’s e-mails, business dealings, and phone calls, but we found out what the threat was. Kim had brokered a deal for a house in Piedmont that was tied to the MS-13 El Salvadoran gang. MS-13 smuggled people, drugs, weapons, and dealt in extortion. Kim didn’t know it at the time because they’d fronted a couple of dupes for their dealings. It didn’t take a rocket scientist to understand what they’d done to figure the outline of what they had planned. They figured they owned Kim now to work their real estate ventures, and were pressuring her to obtain two other homes in the area. She apparently had gotten wind of who she was dealing with and tried to end her relationship with them. A few of the gang must have beat the crap out of her, threatening to hurt Sarah too. I figured no matter how this all ended, there would sure as hell be a lot less MS-13 gang members around when it all played out.

  “How in the fuck could Kim be that stupid?”

  “Ah… okay Lo… let’s get back to reality here. We’re on a mission.”

  Lo waved me off. “Of course… sorry, Rick. Damn it! This sure makes me jealous of your lifestyle.”

  “Yeah, until you hold Mark junior in your arms.”

  The cackle returns. “You’re right… it’s on for sure now.”

  * * *

  We staked out the traffic in and out of the home purchased by the gang, traced the main players, and settled in to the boring part of surveillance gigs. It happened suddenly. Apparently, Kim decided to kiss off the MS-13 gang completely. We listened into the heated phone calls and threats with controlled rage. We identified the ones calling her directly. Now, we had to wait. It didn’t take long. The following evening after midnight, they arrived at Kim’s place. I nudged the snoring Lois, who to her credit arrived into reality with instant recognition. It wasn’t quite the way I had planned, but… what the hell… this intervention stuff was an inexact science.

  “I’m taking them now, Rick,” Lo said on her way out the door.

  “Okay,” I eased my AX .50 caliber sniper rifle with silencer into position over the driver’s door.

  Lois headed off the leading guy. We were on com so I could hear everything. “Are you bunch here to see Kim?”

  The three of them gawked at each other, checking out the old lady fronting them. “None yo’ business, granny. Best be on yo’ way.”

  “Kim’s my daughter,” Lois replied. “I figured I should give you the chance to negotiate.”

  “She done a bad thing, granny,” the lead punk said. “She made a deal, and it’s forever. Know what I mean?”

  Through my sighting scope I saw Lois smile. “It’s not forever, Binky. How about you and me, right now, for all the marbles, you two bit, cankerous slime ball.”

  Oh they laughed at that one. I may have chuckled myself, because I knew something they didn’t, Lois wasn’t bluffing.

  The lead one straightened. “Get out the way, bitch!”

  Lois gestured with her hand. “Bring it, Binky.”

  That boy came at Lo, and he was shit on a spit in ten seconds, yowling for his mamma on the sidewalk before she drop kicked him in the head. I put a slug through the heads of the other two, and got behind the wheel of our interior plastic coated rented GMC Denali. In seconds, I was loading dead dudes into the back while Lois secured Binky in our rear seat with hands plastic tied behind his back, g
iving him an extended stun-gun hummer. I poured containers of cold water over some of the meatier evidence from my shots, following with a quick sweeping to spread it all out. We had already made sure there were no security cams in position to record anything. Now, it was off to the races.

  * * *

  We were all by ourselves near the bay on an old access road when Binky came to at Lois’s prompting - gentle full power bitch slaps that were nearly on snapping the neck power. I could tell Lo was channeling her angst for young Kimmie in there too.

  “Hey… don’t!” Binky cried out.

  Lo got two inches from his face. “Hi, meatball. What’s this gig all about, and I want details, kid. If I don’t get answers I like, I’m going to start doing you old school, baby.”

  You should have seen his eyes when Lo lit her propane torch and started clacking her pliers’ jaws together.

  “Don’t!” Binky screamed. “We…we have a front couple that bangs for us. We’re takin’ over this area.”

  “No… you ain’t,” Lo stated while applying the torch to Binky’s secured naked body. “That was just a sample. I can get creative in ways you’ve never dreamed of. Is this couple the leaders in this operation? Be careful what you say, because honey, I’ll know when you’re lyin’. You feel me, cupcake?”

  Binky stopped screaming to reduce his movements to rapid head shakes in the affirmative. He volunteered information down to his childhood days, which is where I gave him his hotshot of death: a fully loaded syringe of eternity. Lois looked at me with all shields down. “Well?”

  I smiled. “Let’s do this.”

  I fixed up our guests for their salt water burial, and deposited their weighted bodies in the salt marsh. The slugs had passed through my two targets’ pulped heads, so when found, they would simply be another unfortunate gang related incident. Lois and I went directly to our sweet new home owners’ house. When you are MS-13 gang-bangers, you don’t need security systems, because no one messes with the monsters in their lair. We found the happy pair in drug and alcohol induced heavy sleep. Lo and I used their pillows to make sure they slept on into eternity.

  Two days later, after making sure no follow up calls to Kim were made from the gang, we waited while monitoring the news. The couple who died in their sleep remained a mystery to the cops, who assumed the drugs and alcohol in their blood had caused the deaths. Our salt marsh deposits remained undiscovered for another couple days. Their pictures and short write up only managed a middle of the paper mention on the crime sheet. All connections to the MS-13 El Salvadoran gang insertion through Kim Madigan ceased to exist. A day later, while installing the most stupendous security system of all time in Sarah’s house, Kim called. She wasn’t stupid. Sarah put it on speaker. Kim started to speak, but broke down into a heartrending period where Lo leaned in and said, “you’re welcome, baby.”

  * * *

  Lois looked over at me from her center seat, holding hands with Frank. “You know of course this doesn’t square us for you cheating on my sister, right?”

  I leaned back in contented satisfaction. “Yeah, I know.”

  Chapter 8: Rick’s Casablanca

  I slept so good, it had magical mystery tour written all over my night’s sojourn into rest. After the mission to extract Lois’s daughter Kim from any MS-13 El Salvadoran real estate and business dealings, I felt my upcoming seventh decade lying heavily on my head. I slept alone in my house with the phones all turned off. I didn’t care if the world ended or the zombie apocalypse started last night. I hit the make coffee button on the machine at 6AM with a contented smile.

  My doorbell rang fifteen minutes later, just as I sat with coffee cup in hand. I may have let my head bang down on the table in disbelief. Apparently, even taking a short satisfying few minutes of enjoyment in Cantelli land leads to a cosmic disruption in the Force. Not for the first time did I contemplate moving to a cabin in some wasteland in Idaho. Black pajama bottoms and black sleeveless t-shirt would have to do for my answer the door dress code. Whoever it is should be grateful I didn’t bring my Ruger 9 mil out of the bedroom with me.

  I trudged to answer the calling like one of Pavlov’s dogs, conditioned in response, but with no salivating anticipation - not from tiredness or old age, but a melancholy remembrance from times past when no one darkened my door at any time during the day. I looked through the peep hole with dread. It was Karen… and Stacy. I know my eyes widened like a guppy on a trout hook as I considered streaking into my bedroom for the familiar soothing feel of my Ruger. Yeah, I considered pretending I wasn’t home. I considered calling 911. Instead, I opened door.

  I held my hands in a stopping gesture before either one of them could speak. “Don’t say anything. Come inside and sit down at the kitchen table. I just made coffee.”

  For once, my directives were obeyed. Both women glared at me but headed for the kitchen. I took a peek out the door to make sure there weren’t any zombies lingering in wait outside.

  In the kitchen, I poured each of them a cup of coffee, and heated mine in the microwave. Yeah, I may have been stalling for time. I sat down, took a sip, and smiled. “Okay… what’s on the agenda this morning that has you two together on my doorstep at a little past six in the morning?”

  “When you didn’t come back home for a week, I called my niece, Sarah,” Karen stated. “She was very guarded in her conversation.”

  That’s because her Mom would have kicked her ass if she’d ever hinted at what we’d been up to, and especially to Aunt Karen. I folded my hands in front of me, and leaned forward attentively as if I was interested. “Is there a question in that statement for me somewhere?”

  “Your secretary told us you were there installing a security system,” Stacy said.

  “Good to know.” I was losing any semblance of curiosity in this interrogation. One item did have my attention. “How did you two cross paths, and converge here at dawn?”

  “That aerobics instructor called my secretary to ask if you and Lois were okay,” Karen said. “I called Stacy, and… we met with Jadie for coffee.”

  Gee, there’s some good news. “That must have been one interesting coffee klatch. I hope you didn’t have Stacy over to your house Karen. If you did, you may want to take inventory when you get back home.”

  Stacy gasped in indignation and then giggled and shrugged. Stacy and I didn’t harbor any illusions about our perceptions of each other. Karen smiled uneasily, but I could tell she hadn’t had Stacy over yet, or she would have been a lot more worried looking. You can bet old Stace had aspirations of dropping by Karen’s house for a little friendly visit.

  “You’re mean, Rick,” Stacy said finally.

  I waved her off. “Back to business – why are you two here, and why at this hour of the morning.”

  Karen and Stacy exchanged hand gestures of resignation. Yes, having these two looking at each other for guidance on how to set me up is unnerving to say the least, and just a bit insulting. I sipped my coffee, content to wait them out. They weren’t hard to look at. Karen broke the ice with an exaggerated sigh.

  “Jadie’s out in the car. We have a business proposition for you and Lois. We knew Lois would kick our asses to the curb before we could even speak. Can I ask Jadie to come in?”

  “Sure, why not?” I’m starting to wish it had been the zombie apocalypse. “Call her, and I’ll open the door.”

  I walked to the door and opened it once again to greet the aerobics instructor running the rehab classes Lois dragged me to for company. “Hi Jadie. Don’t you have enough problems without getting involved in business plots with those two?”

  Jadie gave me a little hug hello, and followed me inside. “You look good this morning, Rick. How did your trip north go?”

  “Fine. I heard you were worried about Lois and I. Shelly sent word to you we would be out of town.”

  Jadie blushed. “I used it as an excuse to contact Karen. The business plot is mine.”

  We were in the kitchen by t
hen. I poured a cup for Jadie. She sat down with it next to Karen.

  “The nice coffee shop next to her fitness center is on the market,” Karen explained. “She was looking for investors to buy out the owners. I liked the idea she outlined for us.”

  “Karen can begin working out and making appearances at the center. Then she would stop off afterwards at our café,” Jadie continued with rising excitement. “The café has been owned by the same couple for thirty years. It’s an extremely popular place with wifi, and lots of tables along with a bar. I go in there all the time. I can picture our fitness center patrons doing it too. I could even have a service bar added in my place fed from the café. At night, we could have readings, and invite famous authors in the area for book signings.”

  I grinned, leaning back in my chair as I pictured Lois’s face when she heard this.

  “It’s only a three hundred thousand dollar buy in for each partner,” Karen said. “It’s a 3,500 square foot building. I had some restaurant friends check it out, and they were impressed with the entire operation.”

  “I’ll put this bluntly. Lois won’t kick you three to the curb, she’ll laugh you to it. What in the hell would Stacy’s part be in this. No offense, Stace, but here’s Lois’s take on your resume – sometime drug dealing, thief and hooker as the occasion arises. Other than robbing the place, what the heck would you be doing there?”

  She almost turned feral on me hearing that coldly spelled out assessment. “I was hoping to run the operation as the manager. I’ve had experience in the restaurant business. I could do it, Rick. I’d just be taking a salary dependent on my success.”

  That’s when an insistent knock banged a few times. Uh oh, trouble in paradise I’ll bet. “Excuse me, ladies. It appears my humble abode has been placed on the tourist route.”

  I looked through the peep hole and saw three gentlemen not dressed as gentlemen. I walked back into the kitchen as a second summons banged on my door. “Stacy. Please come to the door. I know these other two ladies did not order a goon squad.”