by Cole, Fiona
I shook my head back and forth trying to understand how I can not fight. “How? How do I just … just let it happen?” My voice cracks on the last word as I struggle to keep my composure.
“I need you to be somewhere else. I need you to check out, Lu. That’s the only way through it. Think of me, think of something good and check the fuck out.”
The door handle rattled before turning with a click and creaking open. Grayson’s shadow appeared in the doorway backlit by the hallway light. The light flicked on and momentarily blinded me. I turned my head trying to hide my eyes in my arm to block out the harsh light.
“Look what we have here. Princess is awake!” His voice boomed. The jovial tone clattered against the fear and tension that hung throughout the room. “I wasn’t sure our girl was ever going to wake up.” He directed his comments toward Jack and laughed at how long the drugs put me out, almost as though they were having an easy conversation like at dinner the night before. Jack stared at Grayson with a blank stare, giving nothing away except a hint at the rage burning inside him. “Look at you trying to remain calm.” His chest shook with laughter. “We went through the same training, man. I’ve known you for years. You’re my brother. I know your tells. I can feel the anger coming off of you in waves even behind that bored, blank look in your eyes.”
“My brother wouldn’t have me tied to a chair. My brother wouldn’t have drugged her and shot me with a taser. You are not my brother.” Jack’s voice emitted no emotions.
Grayson’s smile slipped from his face and a blank stare replaced it. His eyes locked onto Jack’s as he processed what he said. He swallowed hard before blinking it all away and letting a bland smile stretch his lips that didn’t meet his eyes. His hand flicked up and I noticed the knife in his hands as he tossed it in the air a couple of times.
I squeezed my eyes shut against the sight and an image immediately assaulted me from memory: Whitney hanging from the garage door with her insides hanging out. The after pictures of the girls in the photo album. They hit like punches to the head and my breathing increased more with each thought.
Don’t give him the power. Don’t let him see your fear.
Jack’s words rang in my mind as I relaxed my body and tried to control my breathing. I had done yoga before. A little meditation. Maybe that would help me through this. Jerky breaths left my body but much slower and deeper than a moment ago.
Don’t let him see your fear.
“Sweet, beautiful. Did my knife scare you?” His voice came out soft and concerned. I refused to open my eyes and acknowledge his existence. “Look at me.” His voice hardened to a demand and hit at my walls I tried to build up against him. “Look. At. Me.” Each word a fist pounding at my calm. “Fine.” He retreated and I breathed as deep as I could with relief. “You don’t want to look at me, listen to me? I’ll cut off his finger.”
I choked on my deep breath and desperately opened my eyes searching him out. “No! No!” I begged and demanded all in one muffled shout.
He stopped his movement toward the chair. Approval for my obedience glinted in his hollow, gray eyes. “Good girl. I’m very proud of how fast you can learn.” He came over to the bed and raised the knife over his head and I flinched, not expecting the sharp pain to begin so soon. I wasn’t ready. I thought I would have more time. I shouldn’t have given in so easily.
“No!” I heard Jack shout as the knife made its descent.
He brought the knife down and it landed in the bed at my feet; the handle protruding up.
An uncontrollable shaking began in my chest and spread throughout my limbs. The adrenaline rushing through my body over and over again made it harder to control.
“Beautiful, I wouldn’t end it that fast. We haven’t even played.” He spoke so leisurely and not at all appropriately of the situation.
The bed dipped as he sat down by my hip. He leaned forward and pulled the gag out of my mouth. I licked my dry lips and filled my lungs with a full breath of air. Grayson searched my eyes for something, I didn’t know what. But I continued to hold his stare. And while Jack’s was blank, mine was filled with hatred and anger. I tamped down the fear and showed him my rage. He winked and leaned down to kiss my lips. I tried to turn my head away but he held my chin and pressed his full lips against mine pulling back to lick the side of my face slowly from chin to cheekbone. I dug for a calm I couldn’t feel.
Don’t let him see your fear.
He sat back up and placed his hand on my naked knee and slowly brought it up to my underwear line and dragged his fingertips back to my knee, causing goose bumps to break out all over my body. “Your breasts are beautiful, Luella. Especially when they harden like that.” He leaned down and flicked my nipple with his tongue.
My eyes closed trying to block everything out. Check out. Check out. Just check out.
He bit down hard and I pinched my lips closed trying to stifle the cries I felt building in my throat. No amount of control could stop my chest shaking with the sobs I held in. He sat back up and switched his focus to Jack who focused on the floor in front of him. His jaw tense and muscles tightening with withheld anger.
“You didn’t even want to watch. But that is your favorite.” Grayson whined at Jack. Not from actual disappointment, but more to taunt Jack. He kept his hand resting on my upper thigh and began to speak. “So, brother. I’m sure you’re wondering how you got here. How you missed it.” Jack’s eyes remained focused on the floor in front of him. “Look at me.” He didn’t move.
A loud smack rang throughout the room before I registered the sharp pain on my outer thigh. A deep groan rumbled in my chest but I kept my lips sealed against crying out. Deep in and out breaths. I pushed past the pain.
Jack’s eyes flicked up with a fire burning in the deep blue depths. “Good boy.” Another bland smile on Grayson’s face. “Jack, do you want to know what I love most about all of it?” A heavy pause fell on the floor between them as though he expected Jack to answer. When nothing was said, he continued. “I love being part of their lives. I love fucking with their world.” His eyebrows scrunched and lowered over his eyes as he passionately explained why he was a killer.
“I love the control. Some people do drugs and all this other bland shit, but let me tell you about the high you get from being a god. From having someone’s life in your hands. It’s even better when they don’t even know it. When they hand over the control to you. Just a quick ‘Hello. How are you?’ to start a conversation and all of a sudden you’re exchanging numbers, letting me know where you live. Letting me into your life. I make them do that.” Grayson’s laugh hit like a slap in the face as he felt too much joy to hold it in.
“Why? How did this happen to you?” Jack’s whispered words broke across Grayson’s buoyant laugh.
“Why? Not all of us made it out of the shitty sandbox unscathed. What did you have to do while you were there? Gather info? Shoot blindly? Spot a shot for me to take?” His voice increased in volume while his anger grew. I flinched when his hand tightened on my thigh before he regained control over his reaction and calmed down. “They trained me to kill people. I looked down that scope and I pulled the trigger. And somewhere along the way, it clicked with me. I control whether these people live or die. I control whether they drop dead right there or go home later that night. And you know what? In that moment, I stopped questioning the guilt that plagued my dreams at night. I embraced it and I cherished it. Then all of a sudden, they don’t need me anymore? Ask me to leave?” His hand began moving around animatedly as he got worked up. “What the fuck was I supposed to do with that power then? What the hell was I supposed to do with that feeling? I needed it. They created me and they weren’t even going to fucking keep me. Well, fuck them! I became my own god in my own world! I control lives now and I get the high on my own.” His hand landed heavily on my hip this time as he reigned in his emotions. “So don’t you dare ask how this happened to me. You stood by and let it.”
“I didn’t let sh
it happen to you. We both went through the same thing. I was by your side every step of the way. So don’t feed me that line of bullshit. I was your brother. How can you do this to me?” Jack’s voice never wavered. How he remained calm I would never know.
“How could I do this to you? I never planned on doing this to you. But things fell in place where I was given the opportunity. First, you were taken on to help with the case. Do you know how much fun it’s been tracking my own murders? I never got to see people’s reactions and it was refreshing and added a whole new dynamic to it.” His hand stroked from my hip to my knee and back again. Methodically, it continued like he was soothing me as he kept talking. “Then, as soon as that asshat pedestrian called in the sighting when I was with Whitney, I knew it was going downhill. I didn’t have time to clean up and cherish her. And now I’ve been waiting for the other shoe to drop waiting for the DNA results. But when I saw Bennet outside the precinct with scratches on his neck, I knew I had time to go out with a bang.” I yelped as his hand landed on my leg roughly to emphasize his plan. “I placed the knife in his car, framing him, and I spent the rest of the week making sure you knew I was coming for you. Because you… You are the biggest game I always won. I mean, we are best friends and you didn’t see it.” He laughed at how cunning he thought he was. “I was right fucking there. Here you were spending months tracking this killer and I was right here—where you could find me. Right fucking here. But you never looked because I fucking won.”
His lip lifted in a disgusting smirk as he stood from the bed and turned to me. Giving a small glimpse back to Jack he said, “And I’m going to win all damn night long.”
He stared at me as he began removing his t-shirt and unbuckling his jeans. He moved to the end of the bed and I did everything I could to zone out as I looked to the ceiling.
Check out. Check out. Check out.
“I like to play. But knowing that you are imagining all the things that will happen to you after seeing my work is so much fun and I want to drag it out a bit. So, I’m going to leave you with a small parting gift. And it’s okay that you don’t watch me. Just feel me, beautiful.”
My breath increased faster and faster as I felt his hand move up my leg. His fingers wrapped around my panties and ripped them off. He pushed a finger through my folds and roughly shoved two fingers inside me. Tears leaked down the side of my temples into my hairline as my body shook with tremors. “I just need a little bit of lube to get me started. He worked his fingers in and out before removing them and crawling between my spread legs on the bed.
Check out. Check out.
The more violated and scared I felt the more my brain tried to shut down. The bed began to shake and I needed to prepare myself for what was to come.
“I won’t fuck you now, I just want to come on those perfect tits and let you lay here as it dries on you.” I closed my eyes and started listing off proteins and lab procedures in my head. I centered myself with the memories of Jack’s voice. I couldn’t look at him right now. I closed my eyes tight and held the sobs in.
Don’t let him see your fear.
Grayson spoke the entire time and I refused to listen. After a while he leaned over me and jerked his cum over my stomach and breasts. Bile rose up my throat and I contemplated letting it loose all over him, but I kept my eyes closed as he licked my neck and breathed into my ear.
“Enjoy my gift, beautiful.”
The bed shifted as he got off of it.
“One more thing before I go.” He dipped his finger in a pool of cum on my stomach and brought it over to where Jack sat. “You never would let me touch you. I loved you and you denied me around every turn. It’s not like I was going to fuck you. Although maybe I’ll get my chance soon.” He fell to his knees in front of Jack and wrapped his lips around Jack’s soft dick. I didn’t want to see Jack’s reaction. We had both been used and violated in ways that I knew I didn’t want to share with anyone. I remained silent but here to let him know he wasn’t alone. He pulled his mouth off with a pop and stood to his full height.
“Hmm.” Grayson shrugged his shoulders nonchalantly at Jack’s lack of reaction. “Well I can’t leave you without a parting gift, too.” He took his finger that held the cum on it and smeared it across Jack’s mouth. Jack reacted quickly by trying to bite Grayson’s finger. Grayson yanked back, but not fast enough to not get nipped. “You motherfucking dick!” Grayson pulled his hand back and punched Jack in the side of the head. Jack’s head fell forward and didn’t move.
“Jack? Jack!” Panic over Jack being knocked out cold, of being alone without his silent support ripped through me, firing a rage deep in my soul. I turned my anger toward Grayson’s retreating back. “You fucking piece of shit! I hope you burn in hell you disgusting motherfucker. I will fucking end you!” Words were useless as I struggled, tied to a bed, but I needed to release it before a banshee scream ripped from my vocal chords.
Grayson stopped just short of closing the door. “Enjoy the next few hours of reprieve. Rest up, beautiful. You’re going to need it.” The lone picture on the wall of Jack and Grayson shook with the force of the door slamming.
With Grayson gone and Jack unconscious, I laid alone. No one to talk me down and be strong. But I knew if I held any more emotion in, it would consume me and I needed to get it out now while I was alone. I would empty my reserves so they could be filled again when Grayson came back.
My chest caved in with every breath before the tears streaked down my face. In those moments I gave into the sobs wracking my body. I let it wrap around me and consume me and hold me. Then I would let the tears dry and use it to mold the cracks back together and prepare me for the next visit from Grayson.
Chapter Thirty-One
Seven Devils - Florence and the Machine
“Luella.” I jerked awake at Jack’s forceful whisper. Unlike the last time I fell asleep, no confusion lingered about the nightmare I found myself in. I turned my head to see Jack and had to squint my eyes against the sun shining through the curtain. “I’m sorry I had to wake you, but I don’t know how much time we have and we need to talk before he comes back in.”
I tried to stretch my arms and legs as best I could to keep blood flowing to my limbs. If I got a chance to run I didn’t want it hindered by numb appendages. “Do you know what time it is? Are you okay? How long have you been awake?” I rapid fired my questions at him, not being able to organize my thoughts, and needing answers.
“I’ve been awake for maybe an hour or so. It’s hard to tell since time seems to drag. When I woke up the sun looked to have just risen. I’m guessing it’s about nine or ten am. Lu, that means the results should be at the precinct by now. They’re on their way. We just have to hold on.”
I wasn’t sure I believed him. A small light of hope ballooned in my chest, but I didn’t want to feel it crushed under the heavy weight of disappointment. I could see he stretched the truth to help appease my fears and give me more than was warranted. But I didn’t want him to have to worry about my cynical doubt on top of everything else. I turned on as bright a smile as I could muster and nodded my head. With the light shining, I could see the dried blood on his temple and the bruising over his left eye that was already swelling shut, where Grayson knocked him out. “Are you okay?”
“I could use a blanket, but otherwise I’m good.” He tried to wink to lighten the mood but it only served to remind him of his swollen eye. There was so much wrong with the situation but there was no need to spend these moments discussing all the ways we were not okay. “Listen, I’ve been working on these knots since I got in this damn chair. The idiot forgets that I went through the same course as him and learned all the ways to undo a knot that he can come up with. I’m going to keep working and hopefully I can get them started before he comes back. If I don’t, I need to keep him distracted from what I’m doing behind my back so I can keep working and stop him.”
I didn’t know what to do or say and fell back on nodding my head to let h
im know I understood his plan. There wasn’t anything I could have done anyways. I knew nothing about knots. I struggled to untie the double knot on my tennis shoes.
A silence fell upon the room as we both tried to ignore everything that had occurred in the past twenty four hours. Hell, everything that had occurred in the last several months.
“You know I love you right?” Those sweet words in his deep voice resonated in my soul fortifying my strength.
I nodded my head and let him know the same, “I love you, too.”
“You know, I never thought I would see you again after that first night in the club. What a lucky bastard I was to be run over by a woman in a liquor store with a shopping cart.” I didn’t know how he did it, but he got me to give him a real laugh. It felt good. I added it to the wall I built to hold out against Grayson.
We kept our conversation hushed, so as not to alert Grayson, and over the next little while, Jack kept me distracted. We talked about anything and everything. We talked about our families and I told him about some of the crazy antics I got into with Asher and later, Evie. I almost forgot where I was. Almost.
Until the door swung open again and a naked Grayson walked in, not looking as jovial as before. His somber, serious eyes portrayed the “god” he so desperately wanted to feel like. He didn’t look like he was back to screw around and give explanations. The look on his face showed that the simple playtime was over. I hid behind my wall and tried to remain invisible to him. I focused on my breathing and not on the fear creeping its way over my body. I focused on finding a place to hide when I needed to check out because time had run out.
As much as I wanted to look to Jack for reassurance there was none to be had. I tried to soothe myself with the knowledge that no matter what happened, I wouldn’t be alone. But right now I couldn’t look at him. We both knew what would happen next wouldn’t be good and I needed to close in on myself. I’m not sure what Jack and I would look like on the other side of this, where we would be, but as long as there was another side, I would fight for it. Even though I didn’t look at him, and I tried my best to shut everything out, I heard him, his deep voice flowing through me, reinforcing my walls.
