by Kelly Moore
I study the icy roads as I make my way to the airport, but every now and then I glance over at the envelope peeking out of the top of my purse. I want to know, but I don’t want to know.
I pull into the parking garage of the airport where rental cars are returned. Taking out all my luggage, I turn in the keys and head to security.
I make it through in time to board the plane. I bought the last first-class seat on the plane. I stow my luggage and settle into my seat. Glancing at my watch, I know it is about the time Keegan should be arriving at the cottage. I left a note sitting on the doorstep. He’s going to be so upset, but I’m hoping he will understand.
The plane takes off, and I get comfortable in my seat. I think about all the things that have happened so quickly, and it’s completely overwhelming. I don’t regret going to New Hampshire and meeting Keegan. I arbitrarily touch my lips thinking about what I feel for him. I love him. It’s so unlike me to fall hard and fast for a man I barely know. I laugh to myself. Who am I kidding; I’ve never fallen for anyone.
I close my eyes and try to remember every moment I’ve spent with him. Every time he’s touched me. He was never hesitant about anything. He’s so sure of himself. I love the way he talks, the way he moves, the way he takes control. There is still a part of me that wonders if he will love me if I’m not Timber? I want to be here for him and Emmalyn, but I also don’t want to give up being Shay. I don’t know how to combine both worlds. I only know that I’m in love with him.
Every time I close my eyes, I see his face and feel his touch on my skin. I see his smile and the way he looks at me when he thinks I’m not looking. I can hear his deep chuckle in my ear and his warm breath flowing across my skin, giving me goosebumps.
I clutch the unopened letter to my chest. I want to find Wolfe’s sister before I give Keegan this letter to open. It’s important to him, and it’s something I can do to show him how much I love him.
As soon as I land, I turn my phone back on. There are half a dozen messages that pop up, all from Keegan. I’ve got it into my head that I don’t want to talk to him again until I can give him some news of Wolfe’s sister.
I wait at the conveyor belt, watching as it spits out pieces of luggage until I claim mine. I rent another vehicle and head out to find a hotel room to wait to hear from Paul. I stop at a jiffy store to purchase some junk food and a map of the mountains.
I check into my room at the Marriott. I text Paul to let him know where I am and to send me the information as soon as he gets it. I hesitate over Keegan’s name before I send him a text and turn off my phone. I at least want him to know that I am safe.
The next morning, I have two texts—one from Keegan that I don’t open and one from Paul. He has sent me everything down to the coordinates and suggestions on how to reach my destination. From the looks of it, the last several miles will be on foot.
My first stop will be to buy hiking pants and shoes, and it looks like I will need to trade in the rental car for something with four-wheel drive.
Chapter 19
Keegan
“Shay is going to love these flowers.” I hold them to my nose and sniff the lavender tulips. I can’t wait to see her. I loved spending time with my family, but I would have loved it even more if she could have shared the holidays with us. It won’t be much longer before she finds out that she’s my wife. Maybe we should get remarried. I think that’s a great idea and Emmalyn would love it.
I pull up to the cottage but don’t see the truck. Maybe she went out on some errands. I quickly call her, but it goes directly to voice mail. I stomp the snow off my boots before I step on the porch. There is an envelope with my name on it lying on the doormat. I smile thinking that she has planned a surprise for me inside. I pick it up and place it between my teeth. The tulips locked firmly in my hand, I knock, but she doesn’t answer. I dig the keys out of my jeans pocket and open the door.
“Shay!” No answer. I open the cabinet under the kitchen sink and find a vase. I unwrap the plastic from the stems, place the flowers inside, and fill it with water. I try her phone again, but the same thing happens. I sit on the couch and open the letter.
Keegan,
Please don’t be angry. I got a lead on Wolfe’s sister and decided to chase it down on my own.
“What the fuck!”
The lead has led me to the mountains of Utah, maybe in the same direction of Timber’s uncle. Two birds, one stone. I want to do this for you, and I didn’t want you talking me out of it. Spend the rest of the holidays with your family. Take Emmalyn snowmobiling like you promised her. I will come back to you. I love you – David.
Shay
“She loves me. David. Not Keegan.” My moment of bliss is replaced with fear.
“Goddamn it, Shay!” I don’t like the idea of her out there all alone. Then a thought utterly terrifies me. The last time Timber went to Utah, I lost her. I can’t lose Shay too. I dial her number again, and when it goes to voice mail, I’m tempted to throw my phone across the room. Instead, I fling everything off the coffee table and toss it over onto its side. I pace the floor trying to figure out what to do. I can’t sit around here and wait.
My mind is envisioning every bad situation that could happen to her. I can’t go after her because I have no idea where she went other than Utah. How would she have gotten a lead on Wolfe’s sister? I tap my finger on my chin. “Paul.” I grab my phone and search for Shay’s business number. There has to be someone there fielding calls for her.
I get a recording forwarding me to Paul’s number.
“Hello.”
“Paul, this is Keegan. Do you have any idea where Shay has gone?”
“What did she tell you?”
“She didn’t tell me anything, but she left a note saying she got a lead on Wolfe’s sister and she was going to follow the lead in Utah.”
“Then I’m guessing she’s in Utah.” He chuckles.
“Why do I get the feeling you know more.” I want to yell into the phone, but I bite my tongue.
“If she wanted you to follow her, she would have been more specific. Let her do this on her own. She’s been so overwhelmed with everything that’s happened, she could probably use the time to think.”
“There is nothing to think about! She’s my wife!”
“That has yet to be proven. Look, Shay is a strong, independent, determined woman. Even if it turns out to be true that she’s your wife, it doesn’t mean she’s the woman you remember. She’s been on her own for many years. Give her some space. Let her do what she needs to do.”
“Shay finding Wolfe’s sister isn’t something she needs to do alone.” I grit my teeth.
“No, maybe not, but that’s what she has chosen to do, so you need to chill.”
I blow out a long breath to calm myself.
“You can’t force her to be someone she’s not. She’s not Timber anymore. She hasn’t been for many years, if ever at all. She let go of not finding her past a long time ago. You need to let go of the person you remember.”
“How did this become about me? I want to know that she’s safe and her being out there by herself, is not safe.”
“She can handle herself just fine. It became about you when you wanted to control her every move. I realize this has to be killing you inside. I can’t imagine being in your shoes, thinking your wife is dead, thinking it’s a new beginning for the two of you.”
“It is a new beginning for us.”
“Not if you don’t let her find her own way.”
“So, you’re not going to tell me where she is?” I head for the truck.
“No, man. I’m not.”
“Fuck!” That was a complete waste of time. I lock the door and take off in my truck sending snow flying into the air. I don’t stop or slow down until I’ve made it back to my house.
Mom is sitting on the front porch knitting. “What’s got you driving like a maniac?” she says as I slam the truck door. I slow my pace and sit beside her in a ro
cking chair.
“It must be bad if you’re running both your hands through your hair.” She places her hand on my knee. “What’s wrong, David? You’re starting to scare an old woman.”
When I look up at her, I can feel my own eyes have reddened. “I found Timber,” I say with a soft, cracking voice.
“What do you mean you found Timber?” She turns toward me.
“The woman I’ve been writing to about Wolfe’s sister is Timber.”
“How can that be? She died in the crash. Are you sure she doesn’t just resemble Timber, and that’s who you want her to be?”
“No, Mom. I know her. I saw her on Honeymoon Bridge a week ago. Shay came here on a vacation after I told her about this place. She’s even been staying in the cottage.”
“You’re not making any sense. If this woman was Timber, she wouldn’t have stayed away. Not from you or Emmalyn.”
“She doesn’t remember us.” I can’t wipe my tears fast enough to keep them from falling on my jeans. “I never looked for her. I thought she was dead. She was thrown from the car and landed down the side of the mountain. God knows how long she was there. She didn’t know how she got there or who she was. After she healed, she tried to find out if she was a missing person.” I sob harder. “I never filed a missing person report. She gave up and moved on with her life.”
Mom kneels in front of me and wraps her arms around me. “I’m not sure I’m following all of that.” She lets me cry it out.
“I can’t lose her again, Mom.”
“Where is she and does Emmalyn know?”
“No, and I don’t want her to know until I’m sure Shay is going to stick around.”
“Why wouldn’t she stay?” She’s wiping what’s left of my tears with her hands.
“Because she’s someone else now. She has a life in California and doesn’t remember us at all.”
“But you said she’s been staying at the cottage. You’ve been spending time with her.”
“Every moment that I can. God, I’ve missed her. She still doesn’t remember our life together.”
“You’re afraid she won’t fall in love with you again?”
I nod.
“A love like the two of you had doesn’t die. Even if her mind doesn’t remember you, her heart will.”
“I pray you’re right. I need you to be right. I can’t lose her twice in one lifetime.”
“Where is she?”
“She went to Utah to chase a lead on Wolfe’s sister, and she’s not answering my phone calls.”
“That doesn’t sound like a woman that doesn’t know her own heart to me. Why would she bother if she didn’t love you?” Her hand lays on my cheek. “Don’t let your fear rule you, David. Be supportive and strong. Things may not turn out exactly like you want them to. You may have to make some sacrifices to get what you want. People change a lot in twelve years. Give her time and don’t smother her.”
“Thanks, Mom.” I hug her this time.
“What’s going on out here?” Emmalyn peeks through the screen door.
“Nothing to worry your pretty little head about.” Mom stands and opens the screen door, ushering her back inside the house.
I dry my face with the tail of my flannel shirt before I join them inside.
Mom’s right; I need to give her some space. I’m going to take Shay’s advice and take Emmalyn out on the snowmobiles.
I don’t sleep a wink, and I’m done fighting getting up. After pulling on some clothes and taking my phone from the charger, I make my way downstairs. No one is up yet, so all I have to face is silence. As I’m making a pot of coffee, by phone vibrates across the counter. I almost knock it off trying to snatch it up. My heart races seeing a message from Shay flash across the screen.
I’m okay, and I will be in touch as soon as I have some answers for you. Please try not to worry.
I call her right back, but it goes to voice mail again.
Chapter 20
Shay
After lacing my boots tight, I pack a backpack with plenty of water and snacks. I take one last look at the map laid out on the table. According to my calculations, it’s going to take me three hours to get up into the mountain. It’s steep and off-road. I’m hoping not to run into areas I can’t drive through. The furthest point I can drive to, I’ll have to park and go by foot the rest of the way. Part of it looks like a vertical climb. There are ropes already on the path leading up to the village.
From my research on the tribe, they’ve continued to live a secluded life, living off the land. They get their supplies by bartering with townspeople down in the valley. They grow what food they can and hunt for their meat. There are rare pictures online of where they live. Some of the Indians choose to live in teepees. Others have built small huts. Part of me is excited to see how they live. This is part of my heritage, and this tribe has tried to preserve their way of life.
I carefully fold the map and pack it up. I throw my bags in the back seat and get behind the wheel of the Jeep and head out.
Making sure I have enough fuel, I fill an extra tank and strap it in the back. I put the Jeep in four-wheel drive when I make it to the base of the mountain. The scenery is absolutely stunning. I haven’t been back to Utah since the day I left for California. I love the area and the climate. It’s cold in the mountains this time of year.
The Jeep bounces with the jagged manmade road and the roots from the trees. It’s slow going around the edge with no safety rail or clearly defined path. I come to an impasse with a fallen tree. I get out to assess whether or not I can move it or if I’ll have to make the rest of the way on foot. I pull a few of the branches out of the way, but the trunk of the tree is too large. If I had a chain, I could pull it out of the way with the Jeep, but I don’t. I tug on a couple layers of clothes before I put on my heavy coat. I strap on my hiking gear with supplies already inside and head up the mountainside.
The elevation makes it hard to breathe, and I have to stop frequently. An hour later, I make it to the area that will be a vertical climb. There are tracks of ropes tied off in different areas. Some with long distances between the next set of ropes.
I dig my feet into the rocks and pull with my hands. Each step becomes harder than the next. My hands feel raw, and my thighs are on fire. About midway up, I find a small rock I’m able to sit on and take a water break. Even though it’s cold, I’ve worked up a sweat. I wipe my brow with the back of my hand and grab onto the rope again to take me up to the next section.
A few more steps and I can see the top of the mountain. I pull myself up and collapse onto the rocky ground. I lie with my eyes closed, trying to catch my breath. I roll to my stomach and push up off the ground. I can see the reservation tucked between two peaks of the mountain. The clouds hang low to the ground, making everything look gray. Smoke is billowing from the huts. Children are running around playing tag.
As I walk closer, a man dressed in full, colorful Indian garb heads toward me. I’m sure they don’t get many visitors up here. I lower my bag to the ground.
“My name is Shay. I’m looking for Moki Hunt.”
An unexpected smile crosses his face. “I remember you, Shay Fox, from Nara. She brought you to our camp when she found you wandering in the woods alone. She gave you your name.”
“I’m sorry, I don’t remember you.” I take a step closer to see if I recognize him.
“You were in bad shape when she brought you to the village. I was there visiting my brother at the time. I was long gone before you were healed.” He waves his hand in the air. “Welcome to our village.”
“Thank you. Do you know where I can find Moki?” I pick my bag up.
“I’ll take you to him. You must have important business with him to travel all the way up here.”
“I’m trying to find someone that he may know or a possible relative.”
He leads me to the middle of the camp to a large teepee. “Wait here,” he says, then ducks inside. A few minutes later, he co
mes out and nods, holding the flap open for me.
Inside, sitting in the very center is a gray-haired man with long braids on either side. He has a brown leather band tied around his forehead. His skin is old and weathered, but his black eyes sparkle when he sees me.
He points to the ground where there is a square multicolored woven rug. I place my bag on the dirt floor and sit cross-legged directly in front of him.
“Thank you for allowing me in your home. My name is Shay Fox, and I’m looking for someone.” I reach over to my bag and take my phone out, turning it on. I show him the snapshot I took of the photos of Wolfe as a child and as an adult. “His name was Wolfe Rowan. He had a twin sister.” I point to her in the picture.
His smile grows wider. “I know who you are. I would know you anywhere.”
“What? How?” I’m not following him.
He leans over to a hand-carved wooden box and pulls out a handful of pictures. He hands me one almost identical to the one on my phone.
“You do know him.” I’m so excited that he’ll be able to help me.
“And I know you.” He points to the little girl in the picture.
“I…I don’t understand?” I stutter.
“You are this little girl. Your mother Owana was my sister.”
“Wait.” My eyes flutter as I rub my temples. “Wolfe is my brother?”
He nods.
“How can that be?”
“Your father used to live here with us when he was married to your mother. He was a very bad man. A thief and a heavy drinker. He tried to kill you.” He reaches out and touches the scar at the nape of my neck. “He pushed you down on the ground and beat you with a stick.”
“No. I got this scar in a car accident.” I shake my head, pressing my fingers against the scar.
“You got this scar from his beating. He had gotten himself in so much trouble with the tribe. He got drunk one night and took his anger out on you, an innocent child. Wolfe, being blond haired and blue eyed like him, was his favorite. Even though I’m not sure he really liked him either. He threatened to kill you and your mother, so she disappeared in the middle of the night with you. I promised her before she left that I would watch out for Wolfe. She couldn’t take two children with her, so she left Wolfe behind. Your father ended up taking Wolfe and leaving here in the middle of the night. I couldn’t stop him. I never saw your mother again. I would get word of her and know that the two of you were okay.”
