We make love. We kiss and hold each other through the night the way we used to, and this time we don’t have to set an alarm to get me back before daybreak. But she couldn’t say those words. Wasn’t sure that was the best way to heal without making new wounds.
“Stay with me. You can sleep on your chaise lounge.”
“Only if you show me your face.” His fingers skittered across her skin. “Without the makeup.”
“Why? You’re not going to use it to beat yourself up, are you?”
“No. I’m sure I’ve made it worse than it is in my head. I just need to see it. For my own closure.” He ran his hands down her arms. “Your face, your shoulder, arm. I don’t want you to hide it from me.”
She had been hiding it from him, wearing clothes that strategically covered the scars. It was a small price to pay. She nodded. “But not yet. Before I leave, though. Promise.”
“I can wait.” He took her in for another second, and she saw the same spark in his eyes he’d had when he kissed her. But life had obviously taught him to hold back, and he did just that. “I brought a bag with a change of clothes.” He started walking into the house.
“You mean you were planning on staying? I didn’t even have to ask? Or bargain?”
He shot her a sly smile. “It was a backup. Just in case.”
She leaned against the railing, watching him disappear into the shadows of the house. Asking him to stay was begging for trouble. For temptation. Especially given the hunger rumbling through her stomach like that V-8 engine of his.
A few minutes later, he dropped a duffel bag just inside the back door and came out to the deck. “The house is full of paint fumes.”
“I noticed that when I ran inside to grab the wings.”
“Both bedrooms have fumes, too. I figured that might be the case, and that’s why I brought my stuff. I didn’t want you sleeping out here alone.” He tipped his chin toward the beach, which was now nearly dark. “Never know what might come out of the night.”
She hadn’t thought about that. “Like serial killers?”
“Maybe.”
“Pirates?”
He maintained his serious expression. “Likely.”
“Is that the only reason you considered staying? To keep me safe?”
After a moment of hesitation, he said, “No.”
She knew he’d wanted to say yes but didn’t point it out. Too much relief suffused her that he would stay. “Thank you.”
“It’s not entirely unselfish.”
He was leaning back against the railing, his hands wrapped over the flat board. The breeze toyed with his short hair, and, behind him, the waves beckoned in the dark. She moved a step closer, closer, until she was only a foot away.
“We both have scars, inside and out,” she said. “Life took us from sixty to zero, and we never got to say goodbye. Or keep in touch.” She traced her fingers down his arms, feeling him shiver. “I was burned, but you were hurt, too. I suffered through rehab, but you were prosecuted and went to jail.” Her fingertips slid up the soft skin of his inner forearm. “Rose said people gave you a hard time. I got sympathy, but you got derision. You suffered as much as I did, in your own way.” When he was about to refute that, she reached up and placed her hand on his face, her thumb resting against his soft lips. “I know how we can heal.”
“How?” His voice was hoarse, his body rigid.
She took a step back. “When you let me drive today, when you kissed me…it took me right back to those beautiful, idyllic days. You said we can’t go back, but what if we can? I want to be that girl again. I was cheated out of those last two weeks. We both were. I want them back. With you. Can we be those kids again?”
She didn’t give him time to wrestle with an answer. “Do you remember that night you asked if I wanted to skinny-dip? But I was weirded out by the black water and the fact that I couldn’t see anything. If I’ve learned one thing, it’s not to be afraid when there’s something you want. I spent a lot of time in the hospital regretting that I didn’t take you up on that offer. No more regrets, Raleigh. Not for me.” She pulled off her top and tossed it aside. “I’m going swimming.” Her bra went next, and she kicked off her sandals, slid out of her shorts and panties. Then she grabbed up the towels on the bench. “You coming?”
She ran off the top step, towel flying, arms and legs out as Cody had done earlier. Free. The sense of it, of adventure and a touch of recklessness, rushed through her. Her feet landed in the sand, and she ran toward that dark, rolling mass. She told herself it didn’t matter if Raleigh came or not, but her senses reached out behind her and sought confirmation of his presence. She dropped the towel and did a shallow dive into the water.
It was bathtub-warm and cocooned her body. As she burst to the surface, she searched for him through the water sluicing down over her eyes. Her heart jolted as she spotted the tall shadow advancing. His bare chest gleamed in the faint glow of stars and moonlight. He paused at the shoreline and shucked his pants. Her heart fluttered at his silhouette, wide at the chest and narrow at his hips. He took several steps into the surf and dived in with a graceful arc.
Vicci Martinez’s song “Come Along with Me” played in her mind. See what it was like to be free. She would ease his pain. She would seize the day. Or the night, as it were.
Raleigh must have seen her, because he came up only a couple of feet in front of her a few seconds later. He flicked his hair back and ran his hand over his face. “Does it live up to your expectations?”
“Yes.” Though, oddly, she felt a little nervous, being naked and so close to him. “It’s amazing.” Her feet sank into the sand. Water rushed over her breasts and between her legs, pushing forward, pulling back. She raised her arms out to her sides and fell back into the water, letting it engulf her.
Raleigh swam by, his body brushing hers. They both surfaced at the same time. She tasted the salt on her lips, felt it burn her eyes.
“No more jitters about not being able to see anything?” he asked.
“A little, but not enough to make me get out.” She was nervous about being here with him, too, but she was staying. “It feels good, the water flowing all around me. It probably reminds me of when I was a kid, swimming in the bathtub. Like I’m a mermaid.”
She dived again, loving the slight pull of the waves on her hair. When she came up, she could see the moon sparkling like shattered pieces of sunlight over the water. But she couldn’t touch, so she churned her legs and soaked in the view. “It’s beautiful,” she whispered when he came up beside her.
“Yes, you are.”
She turned, finding him looking at her and not at the glitter. “But you can’t see me. It’s too dark.”
“I know from memory.”
“Not anymore, Raleigh. I mean, not that I ever was, but now I’m even more—”
“You were beautiful then, and you’re beautiful now. It has nothing to do with your scars.”
Though she couldn’t see his eyes, she could see the planes of his face, water glistening on his lips. She could hear the sincerity of his words. “I’ve gone too deep.” It was the only thing she could think to say, and she didn’t mean the depth of the water.
“Here, hold on to me. I can touch.” He reached out for her.
She hesitated.
“I’ll be on my best behavior,” he said.
“It’s not that I don’t trust you.” Or that she wanted him to be on his best behavior, for that matter. He would feel her scarred skin, maybe all of it, which was as bad as seeing it.
“Nervous?”
“Not that, either.” Well, a little. She took his hand, though, and he hoisted her up, his hands on her hips.
Without thinking, she wrapped her legs around his waist and looped her arms around his neck. She hadn’t considered how intimately that motion would connect their bodies. It made her breath hitch. Made her heart pound. His hard abs, pressed against her most private part, sent heat spiraling through her core.
His hands skimmed the outside of her thighs, right over the mottled flesh. She flinched, shrinking away deep within herself.
He stopped, leaving his hand on her hip. “Did I hurt you?”
“No, it’s my…you can feel it, can’t you? The rough surface.” All along her side, where the skin should be the softest and smoothest, it was damaged the most.
As though her question was an invitation, he started moving over her skin again. Exploring. His fingers traced over the ridges and bumps, light as the current. “A little.”
“A lot.”
“No, really, a little. I didn’t even notice it until you said something.”
She put her hand to her side, their fingers brushing, and stroked the skin to get a sense of what he felt. Bumps. Horrible, ridged bumps. “You’re lying.”
“I would never lie to you.” He sounded so sincere. To prove that he wasn’t repulsed, he kept stroking her skin. “It just feels good to touch you. I don’t care about a little texture.”
A little texture. That’s what he called it, and it didn’t sound quite so bad. She released a breath, and with it her doubts and fears. “All right. I believe you.”
“Thank God. I won’t have you doubting my integrity.” She could hear the smile in his voice, despite the terse statement.
“I don’t.” She made tiny circles in the wet hair at the base of his neck. “Forgive me?”
“Entirely.” He leaned in and gave her a quick kiss, a seal of forgiveness.
“Is this what we would have done if we’d skinny-dipped all those years ago? Found ourselves in this, uh, interesting position?”
“Undoubtedly.”
“What would we have done about it?”
“I would have done this.” He stroked her upper back all the way down to her bare ass.
“And I would have done this.” She kissed him, parting her lips and inviting him in. She loved the soft groan he made when their tongues touched, flirted, then danced.
He kept stroking, his pressure increasing, as though he thought she might float away. Or because he couldn’t get enough of her.
That was how she felt. She drove her fingers through his hair now, her breasts flattened against his chest, nipples scraping against his. The tip of him pressed hard against her, and the memory of how he felt inside her shot lava-hot heat straight through her.
He gathered a fistful of her hair in his hands and murmured, “God, Mia, I’ve dreamed of this. Of you. Then I’d wake up and reality would hit. You know how you feel when you’re beyond hungry? When it feels like your stomach is caving in on itself? That’s how I felt.” He kissed along her jawline. “I keep thinking this is a dream, too, you being in town. Here.” He nibbled her earlobe, then down her neck beneath it, making her shiver.
“I’m real, Raleigh. This is real.”
He captured her mouth again, hungrily, completely. They swayed amid the movement of the waves, and he repositioned his legs to stabilize them. Her heels, crossed at his lower back, brushed the top of his firm ass. His body had been such a wonder to her. His ease in his nakedness during their stolen moments at his trailer. When they’d made love under the stars beside it. He’d been male perfection, and totally amazing to a girl who’d never seen a naked male in person.
But she’d come to realize that her amazement had little to do with the novelty and everything to do with her feelings for Raleigh.
Nothing had changed there. His combination of gentleness and ardor, the way he kissed her senseless—all heavenly. And it was so very tempting to go further.
Safe. Good. Right. Safe. Good. Right.
She broke the kiss and wrapped her arms around his neck, pressing her cheek against his collarbone. “Have to…catch my breath.”
He chuckled, running his hands down her back. “I hear you.”
Being here with Raleigh was like driving on the track. Exciting. Thrilling. And slightly dangerous.
“You all right?” he asked.
“You promised you’d keep me from spinning out of control.”
He leaned back and ran his fingers down her face. “Hard to be responsible when you’re out of control yourself.”
“Why is it like this with us, Raleigh? Everything moves so fast, and when I’m flying I don’t even care. Or is it just me? Maybe because of my inexperience.”
He rubbed his thumb over her lower lip. “It’s not just you. No one I’ve ever been with made me feel like I did with you. That first time I saw you in the garage when you came to pick up your mother’s car, there was an amazing attraction—and the warning lights flashing. Buzzers. Stop signs. I knew you didn’t belong with someone like me. And I could tell you were innocent. But I invited you to watch the races anyway. When you said you wanted to come, my heart didn’t care at all that the lights and sirens were going off again. Or that I was corrupting you. Whatever it is, it’s still strong. And the sirens are, too.”
She let out a sigh, knowing he was right. They were racing on that road, heading toward a different kind of destruction. Heartache. More internal scars. “Thank you for letting me feel this again.”
“I would do anything for you, Mia. Whatever the price.”
Even though she couldn’t read his expression, she knew he meant those words. They settled soft and warm in her heart until her mind got in the way. “Because you feel guilty over what happened? Because you think you owe me something?” She waited breathlessly for his answer, his thumb slowly caressing her lower lip as he considered.
“Because I love you.”
She inhaled the depth of his statement. “Raleigh, I—”
He pressed his fingers over her mouth. “Don’t say anything. I shouldn’t have said that, but it’s the only answer I have. Whether you feel it or not, it doesn’t matter. We’re two people destined to dance for a song or two before we move on. So we’ll have whatever kind of dance you want. Slow and chaste. Fast and hot. But think carefully before you choose, because we’ll have to pick up the pieces when it’s over.”
Voices carried over the wind, and he turned toward the beach. Barely visible in the moonlight, a couple walked hand in hand, their words and laughter garbled on the wind. Summer lovers? Or a committed couple?
She wrapped her arms around him, closed her eyes, and absorbed his confession: Raleigh loved her. But he wouldn’t even let her tell him how she felt. He carried so much. Guilt. Responsibility. Loyalty. And a deep-seated conviction that he wasn’t good enough for her. She worried that his guilt was the heaviest of all of them, and she wasn’t sure he would ever overcome that.
When she shivered, he said, “We should go in.”
She slid down, her legs brushing his on their way to the sand floor. His erection was hard and slick against her skin. Damn but she wanted him, as much as he wanted her. He steadied her before releasing her to the movements of the waves.
He guided her toward shore with his hand on her back, and she almost wanted to lose her footing so he’d anchor her with his arm. But asking him to let her relive her past wasn’t fair to Raleigh; she could see that now. Letting him go, moving on to her new job…that didn’t feel fair to her. And she wasn’t sure what to do about it.
Chapter 10
Raleigh woke to the sun kissing his face. He squinted as he opened his eyes, and it wasn’t the sun or the sky that he saw. It was Mia, with her knees pulled up, her arms wrapped around them. Watching him, and looking a bit chagrined at being caught.
He pulled himself to a sitting position on the chaise lounge. “Were you watching me sleep?”
“Oh, my God, it sounds so…sappy when you say it like that. But, yeah, I was. I woke up at first light, and you were the first thing I saw.” She gestured toward the couch where she’d slept. “I mean, because of the way I was lying. I realized we never got to wake up together during those stolen nights we had. I hated that alarm.”
He rubbed at the center of his chest, where her words burrowed in. “Me, too. I threw out the alarm clock. That bee
ping always meant the end of our time together.”
She was already made up, her hair brushed, dressed in a loose cotton top that covered her scars. Obviously still not ready to reveal herself to him. “I started breakfast. Figured you’d be hungry.”
He couldn’t help thinking how cozy this was. How close they’d come to making love and waking up tangled in each other the way they had years earlier. “Starved.” He pushed to his feet and made sure he hadn’t kicked off the loose pants in which he’d slept.
“Me, too.” Her gaze slid down over his bare chest to where the waistband rode so low that his hip bones were showing.
He hitched them up. “I’ll help.”
“That would be great.” She led the way into the cottage, the windows opened to air it out. The scent of bacon overrode any lingering paint fumes and made his stomach growl. Breakfast was usually a hard-boiled egg on the run. Now he and Mia would be cooking together, then sitting across from each other. Like that normal couple that they could never be.
He’d told her he loved her. The memory slammed him as he watched her cute ass sway back and forth on her way to the kitchen. He hadn’t meant to; he’d simply had no other reason for saying that he’d give her everything. He could tell that she was afraid he’d made the offer out of pity, and he couldn’t have her thinking that. Pity wasn’t even on the list of what he felt for her.
The silence was heavy as they stood side by side at the stove. Things he wanted to say, things he didn’t want to say, all crowded into his head. She was here for only another few days. Could they handle being close without giving in? Part ways with that closure they both claimed they wanted and not a big fat heartache to go with it?
After they set the food on the plates, and she poured glasses of orange juice, they took everything out to the deck.
She watched a flock of seagulls shift out of the way of a woman walking down the beach, like Moses parting the sea. “This is such an amazing place. I’m going to miss it.” Her gaze slid to him.
He could only nod, the missing of it and everything it meant lodging in his throat like a ball.
Falling Fast (Falling Fast #1) Page 13
