“Can’t you?” Why did he always see me as a duty and a burden? Maybe Kjexx had a point. Maybe we were only together because of that tether. Maybe he would never have chosen me if he’d had options.
He sighed, running a hand over his head. “There’s a time for a man to make plans for the future, and it’s not when he has nothing — when his whole future is in uncertain.”
“You’ll never get anything in life, Rusk, if you don’t ask for it. If you don’t chase after it with everything you have.”
“Well that’s your problem, Tylira. You chase and chase like a dog chasing a rabbit, but you have no thought for the future beyond a few days from now. What do you want when this is done? Who do you want to be? You can’t be a princess running from her fate forever.”
Tears spilled out of my eyes, burning hot trails down my face. We were back to this again, so soon? Why couldn’t he just love me the way I was without demanding more from me?
“Is that all you think of me? That I’m empty-headed and impulsive and nothing else?”
His honey eyes were hot with passion, but there was a gentle note in his voice when he said, “Prove me wrong.”
“I can’t prove what I’m not!”
“Prove what you are! Mud in a bowl, Tylira! Prove you are better than a dog chasing a rabbit. Show me that you have a plan beyond this.”
“Well what’s your plan then? What’s your big plan beyond all this?”
“I want to save my family. Beyond that, there is nothing for me. My land is gone. My people are gone. The girl I was going to marry is dead —”
“You were going to marry someone?”
“— and there’s nothing for me to go back to. I could plan for the future, but if my future is going to have you in it, then I know it’s going to be about your story. You’re the one with all the opportunities. I’m okay with that, but if you have no plans — if you don’t care what kind of person you become — well, I won’t bind myself to a wandering star.” He shook our tether with a bitter laugh. “I’ll make plans without you and find a way to lose this chain.”
Lose this chain. So, that was really what I was to him after all. It was too much. Too painful. I clenched my jaw, furious and devastated all at once. I couldn’t even look at him as I threw myself on the bed, turned my back to him and my face to the wall and closed my eyes.
Sleep did not come for hours. Rusk’s every move on the bed beside me made me feel more broken-hearted. He had no faith in me at all. I was nothing but a chain to him. And who was this girl he was going to marry who had died? He never spoke of her before. Maybe when he looked at me he was seeing her. My thoughts spiralled round and round, and my pillow grew so wet with silent tears that I had to flip it over.
Eventually Kjexx came back into the room, stomping around before collapsing in his cot. I pretended I was asleep. I didn’t know if Rusk was and I didn’t care. I wished, more than anything, that I could remove our tether. Then, he could be free to go do whatever he wanted and I wouldn’t have to feel like I was some kind of burden. Is there anything worse than being chained to someone who wishes they weren’t with you?
I must have finally fallen asleep when the dreams began. I ran from one horrifying scene into the next, finally landing in Ra’shara where a golden tattooed Catane laughed at me.
“I have a new friend,” he said.
“Leave me alone!”
“My new friend taught me new tricks, and I can’t wait to try them. She’s given me a new lease on life, a new potential future.”
Did he expect me to cower in terror? Even in a dream I wouldn’t do that. But this dream felt so real! I almost thought I saw An’alepp peeking from behind a nearby tree. Nonsense. It was just a dream.
“It occurs to me that I could use you, little girl.”
He laughed and flexed his massive biceps. Why did he never seem to wear a shirt in Ra’shara? Was he just that proud of those tattoos? Grinning malevolently, he ripped a hole in Ra’shara just as I had when I pulled Amandera through to save her from the cataclysm. Just a dream. I couldn’t let it affect me too strongly. Of course it was only my imagination, after all. An’alepp said that no one else had ever done that before.
Catane reached through the rip and pulled Rusk through. Rusk’s eyes darted back and forth, fear plain on his face. Just a dream. Catane placed his hands on the tether that trailed between our wrists, sang a chant, weaving the Common so quickly and deftly that I could barely follow his movements, and then twisted his wrist. Our tether fell off, and he flung it at me with one hand, ripping a second hole with the other and shoving Rusk through it.
“Come find me, little girl!”
He vanished through the hole.
“Rusk!” I called, too late, clutching at the tether in my hand.
Wake up, Tylira! Wake up! I needed to flee this horrifying dream.
I woke with a start, gasping in fear. The room was pitch black and I fumbled beside me in the bed.
“Rusk.” My voice sounded panicked. “Rusk!”
The room sprang to life in a red glow as Kjexx pulled the lid off the brazier. We were the only two in the room. Where Rusk had lain, there was nothing but rumpled blankets, and in my hand, I held our tether, no longer connected to either of our wrists.
I choked out a sob. My heart felt like it was sinking through the bed, through the floor, to the center of the earth. Why hadn’t I stopped it? Why had I thought it was only a dream? Had I really believed that I was the only one with the power to do what Catane had just done? Oh, Sweet Penspray, how was I going to get Rusk back?
I thrust myself into Ra’shara, but any sign of Rusk or Catane was gone. I fell out of the meditation world, sobs shaking me.
The room seemed to spin, and then I felt Kjexx’s strong hands pushing my head down between my knees.
“Get your head low and the fainting spell will pass. Wherever he is, I’m sure he’s not far.”
I didn’t believe that for a second.
Chapter Nineteen: Owe It or Worth It?
“WELL,” KJEXX SAID, SCRATCHING the back of his neck. “How long should we wait for him? It should be dawn soon, and if we don’t meet our contact downstairs we can wave farewell to an easy journey to the Heart of Veen.”
“Why do you always say ‘the Heart of Veen’ like it’s a physical place?”
“Because it is. It’s Catane’s palace at the center of Veen City. It looks like a beating heart.”
“You’re joking, right?” I kept running my fingers over the tether, hanging limp in my hands. I couldn’t believe he was gone. I’d begun to think of the tether like it was a part of me, and to see it empty and useless here was like seeing my hand cut off and placed on the table.
“You’re avoiding my question.”
I coiled the tether up slowly and placed it in the pocket of my jacket. What should I do with Rusk’s pack? Should I carry it myself? Kjexx followed my gaze.
“It’s mostly just spare clothing. If he didn’t think it was important enough to take with him, why should you haul it around?”
But he hadn’t gone willingly. Had he thought he was dreaming, just as I had? Why hadn’t he turned to me in the night while I cried and told me it would be okay? Why didn’t he tell me that he’d love me just the way I was and stick with me no matter what I decided? Why did it feel like I no longer knew him at all?
I bit my lip, but I snatched up his spatha and strapped it on.
“Do you know how to use that?”
“Stop talking and take me to that contact of yours. Or do you want me to turn around and go home?”
Kjexx laughed. “Well, at least one of you has some spirit.”
“And stop talking about Rusk like that. You don’t understand what happened.”
Kjexx leaned in close, his easy-going expression turning dangerous. “I understand that you lied when you said that chain couldn’t be broken. What else did you lie about, Windbearer? Is that brand on your arm true?”
“Do you want me to
prove myself by unweaving you right here and now? Because I can. And I will if you keep provoking me.”
“And then you’ll die without the antidote to the poison I gave you.”
“I’m willing to risk it.”
He laughed and my jaw dropped open. Did he really think this was funny?
“I love how bloodthirsty you are! We’ll go far together, Tylira.” His smile took on an affectionate edge, and my eyes grew wide. How weird were these people? Or maybe it was just Kjexx? Was he mentally stable?
“And now you pretend to be surprised! I love it! Did I ever tell you about my uncle Havexx?”
“Why don’t you tell me while we go to meet our contact?”
Kjexx scooped up his pack, grabbed my hand, and led me out of the room. “I’ll tell you on the road. It will keep you warmer than a wool scarf when you hear this tale!”
My head was still spinning when we met our contact, Bowker, in the common room below. His ko was so plain it hardly had a style at all.
“All the way to Veen City?” he said, eyeing us up and down. “Running from something?”
“No,” I said, pushing my lips together in a firm line. Why did everyone see the worst when they looked at me?
“Running to something?”
“Freedom!” Kjexx said, flashing that thousand-candle grin of his.
“Ha! Well, then you’re welcome to come with me. We ride straight through to Veen City. It’s a week of solid riding. Rest every six turns for one half-turn for the horses. You sleep when you can. Eat when you can. Look after the horses. You’ll each ride one and lead two. We’ll stay at an inn where there is one, but there are long stretches where we can’t. That a problem?”
“No,” we said together, my response much more clipped than Kjexx’s hearty one.
“Don’t worry about supplies. I’ve got food and water. For us and the animals.”
We nodded and followed him out into the stable yard in the alley behind the inn. It was quiet here, except for a few chickens, the sound and smell of people emptying chamber pots into the alley and the snuffles and whinnies of horses.
I scrunched up my nose and followed him to a large black gelding with two brown mares tied to his saddle.
“Mount up,” Bowker said, leaving me to scramble up on my own while Kjexx mounted his own horse and tested the knots on the lead lines.
“You’ll like the ride,” Kjexx said. “It will get warmer as we head further south.”
Who cared about the weather? Who cared about the ride? Worry filled my belly like an infected wound. It ached and troubled me. Where had Catane taken Rusk, and could I go there to find him? If ever there was an emergency, then this was it. I tied a strap around my waist as we rode and fixed it to the saddle. I didn’t want to fall while I did what was needed.
I hardly noticed the city passing by as I slipped into the meditation.
“An’alepp? Can you hear me?”
Ra’shara was darker than usual. It reflected my mood. I raced through the city, looking for her.
“An’alepp?”
Nothing. Maybe she was somewhere we’d been before. I tried the Black Talon. There was no sign of her, or anyone else. It felt strange to be in Ra’shara with no one else around. At home, the place seemed to be teeming with ancestors. She’d better not be hiding or she’d hear it from me.
“An’alepp!”
I looked around the door that brought us here, kicking it for good measure when she didn’t appear there.
“Mud in a bowl!” Had he taken her, too? Was I completely alone? What would I do if I was?
I couldn’t help it. I thought about how Rusk had said that I had no plans, that the only thing I wanted in life was impossible. Was he right about me? Perhaps, rather than just diving in, I needed to come up with a plan.
Where should I start? Perhaps with what I wanted the most. Rusk, free and here again. That answer was simple enough. Why did Catane have to steal him when we were in the middle of a fight? It was like he knew it would hurt us more.
If I wanted Rusk, I’d need to find him. To find him, I first needed to find Catane. Did I have any hope of surviving an encounter with him? He’d already proven that he could do everything I could do. And more. After all, he’d stolen this empire and cast it in his own image. He’d stolen Rusk out from under my nose. He’d invaded my dreams.
That’s where I should start. I should start by trying to see if I could find him here in Ra’shara. It seemed like the simplest step, but I couldn’t even find An’alepp.
“Curse you, An’alepp!”
“You called?” She materialized in front of me like a spectre haunting its grave.
“Mud in a bowl!”
An’alepp crossed her arms over her chest. “I told you not to come here unless it was an emergency. I’m being hunted. He’ll kill me and you both, if he finds us.”
“He already has Rusk! He stole him in the night!”
“Physically?”
“Yes! What did you expect me to say, ‘existentially?’”
“Yes, actually. That’s how he stole the others.”
“What?” I felt my cheeks go numb and I had to clench my fists to hold myself together. “There are others? Wait. He stole Kjexx’s sister, but it sounded like he stole her in the flesh.”
“Maybe he did, but he also steals the souls of all who touch the Common. Everyone who isn’t killed by the rot here.”
“I can’t see any rot.”
“Do the colors look brighter sometimes and dark others?”
I nodded.
“That’s the rot. You’ll notice if you stay here longer than a few minutes.”
“The actual world of Axum is the same.”
“Hmm,” An’alepp said, her brow creasing. “Is this whole world rotting?”
“If it is, then my task is even more urgent, An’alepp. I have to travel through here and find Catane so he can lead me to where he’s holding Rusk.”
“Easy, girl. Not so fast. Are you sure your boy is worth it? You risk not just your life, but your very soul, and your whole planet.”
“He’s worth it,” I said. “I owe it to him.”
“Which one?”
“What?” I couldn’t keep the irritation out of my voice.
“Either he’s worth it, or you owe him. If you owe him, well, not all debts can be paid in this life. Cry your tears and move on. If he’s worth it … well, that’s an elephant of a different breed.”
“Can we just go look for him?”
“Not now. Give me a few days to search on my own. And try to find a way to get us some leverage. There are two of us, but only one link to the source. Catane could easily tie the two of us in knots and hang us on his front gate.”
“Kjexx wants me to get something called a scintellex that helped to stop the last cataclysm. It’s an artifact of some kind. Could that help?”
“It might. I haven’t found any better options, and I’ve been searching. Give it a try. Don’t come back here until you have it.”
I swallowed. “An’alepp?”
“Yes, girl?”
“Are you going to be alright?”
“Ha! Now you care.”
I actually did care about her. That was surprising. Only a few days ago, I’d seen her as little more than a nuisance, but the thought of her here, rotting in this place — whittled away by the foulness of Axum’s Ra’shara or stolen and tortured by Catane — tied my belly in knots. I didn’t want to lose her. The thought left me breathless. She was wisdom and safety and guidance to me.
I grabbed her brittle hand, gripping it tight in mine as if I could squeeze protection into her.
“Take care of yourself. Be safe. I’ll find a way to get us away from here.”
Her eyes grew misty, and it looked like she might melt, but instead she shoved me gently away.
“Get out of here. Go get that scintellex. I’ll find your precious bird-boy.”
I faded out of Ra’shara and back to the r
eal world. Eleninsk was nothing but a silhouette on the horizon behind us, and the sun was high in the sky, beating down across the snow and making me feel warm for the first time since I came to Axum. How long had I been in the mediation world?
“You’re back, then.” Kjexx said from beside me. His horse was keeping pace with mine. Had he chosen to ride like that to keep me in the saddle? “Where do you go, when you’re lost to us, Windbearer?”
Up ahead of us, Bowker rode with a train of six horses tied one after another, but he was too far away to hear us speak.
“Ra’shara.” It couldn’t hurt to tell him. They didn’t even call it that here.
“I think Bowker believes you are slow in the head.”
I snorted. “Good. Maybe he’ll leave me alone.”
“Did you find what you were looking for in that head of yours?” Kjexx’s smile was a teasing one.
“No, but I think that more than ever, we need to steal that scintellex.”
“Yes!” He pumped his fist. “I knew you would realize how much we need that. And then we free my people.”
“And Rusk.”
“If you say so. You’re sure he didn’t leave on his own? He didn’t seem worth Emperor Catane’s time, unless he needed a War Leader who can’t win battles.”
I felt my mental defenses spring up. Who was he to say that about Rusk? I remembered Rusk pouring out everything he lost to me; his family, his nation, his future, and a girl he was going to marry. Had he told her he loved her, like he told me? Whether he had or not, he didn’t deserve mockery.
“If we’re going to steal from the Emperor at the Heart of Veen, we’ll need a plan,” I said.
“I’m glad you think so, because I have the beginnings of one. Bowker likes to gossip. He told me that he needs to get these horses to the Heart before the Grande Triumphe — a masked ball.”
“What is that?”
He grinned, slyly, and his eyes lingered on me for a little too long. Was it a betrayal to Rusk that I liked it? Was it disloyal if I wanted Kjexx to look at me like that again?
“It’s a fancy party where the nobility dress in fine clothing, wear masks over their eyes, and indulge in lavish food, dancing and entertainments. This year is the celebration of Catane’s tenth year as Emperor. He is sparing no expense.”
Lightning Strikes Twice (Unweaving Chronicles Book 2) Page 12
