by Joya Ryan
“I never said I was sorry to you…for the whole Kevin thing,” Wendy said.
Carrie didn’t stop packing or even look up. So Wendy kept talking.
“I mean, I’m not sorry. Kevin needed something you weren’t giving. And we’re all better off now. You can’t be sorry for something that works out, right? Because look, you have Blake now.”
“I don’t have Blake,” Carrie mumbled. Not caring that every word in the last sentence hurt more than all the words Wendy had just spoken to her. Because the truth was she didn’t care if Wendy was sorry. Didn’t care that she and Kevin were cheating and together the whole time she was engaged to him. Nope, didn’t care at all. She only cared that she didn’t have Blake. That he didn’t want her. And now…she was leaving with her heart in more pieces than it’d been when she arrived.
Some fantasy…
“You’re not with Blake?” Wendy said with a little too much happiness in her voice.
“Nope, I’m not,” Carrie said bluntly, zipping her suitcase and lugging her bag off the bed.
“What happened?” Wendy said, following Carrie as she rolled her suitcase toward the front door. “I mean, Kevin told me you turned down his proposal, but I figured you’d work it out. Keep it casual or something.”
Carrie stopped at the door and spun to face Wendy. “You know what, Wendy? That’s none of your business. And you’re right, it’s silly to be sorry for something that you can’t change or control. But choosing to give a shit about other people has nothing to do with being sorry.” That’s when it hit Carrie. She wasn’t sorry for how she felt about Blake. She wasn’t sorry about this trip. She was hurting because she cared. Because she loved him. She wasn’t feeling sorry for herself; she was mourning the loss of a man she loved. And she needed to get away from the entire island before the pain engulfed her and she couldn’t move.
She pushed her suitcase out the door and didn’t spare Wendy a glance. She was going to put all of this behind her. Wendy, Kevin, Blake, the entire fantasy, all of it was going to be pushed down into the small black void where her soul used to be.
No one could hurt her, or beat her while she was down, because she was down so far past low, she wouldn’t feel the kicks anymore.
…
“Do you want to tell me now what the hell is really going on?” Lane said to Blake. He held the phone against his ear, pacing in the hotel room. Lane hadn’t stopped calling in the last hour. At first, Blake hadn’t answered the phone. He’d sat on the balcony, waiting, praying for Carrie to come back to him.
But the reality was that she was gone, and he couldn’t avoid Lane forever. He didn’t want to. He’d made a mess of everything. Didn’t even know how to feel about any of this. They’d had an agreement. He’d helped her in the best way he knew how.
He’d proposed to her and she’d said no. So that was on her.
It was on her that she didn’t stick to the plan.
It was on her that she had real feelings for him.
Loved him.
Then why did Blake feel like every ounce of all that hurt in Carrie’s eyes was really on him?
He glanced at the bed that was still a tangled mess from last night.
“So much is a mess,” Blake started.
Lane hadn’t calmed down since their last call. Couldn’t blame him. Tempers were high. Right now, he was taking a verbal beating from Lane. And when he got back on the mainland, he’d answer to Lane’s fist for messing around with his sister.
I’m a coward. He’d just wanted to stay in the make-believe world he had with Carrie on this island a while longer. Wanted to wake up to see her smile.
Wanted to go to bed seeing her smile.
Hell, wanted to just see her smile every hour of every day.
But now she was gone. Again. And he couldn’t go after her. He’d lost that right.
“I can’t believe you didn’t tell me that fucking prick was here until the other day. And now Carrie is gone.”
“It’s an island; she didn’t go far,” Blake said, getting annoyed with Lane. He really didn’t give her much credit. Then again, neither did Blake. Always trying to tell her how she needed saving. Maybe his own issue of wanting to save her. Maybe he’d stayed in the fantasy too long.
And now I lost her.
All that shit aside, he couldn’t bear the look on her face when he’d ratted them out. To everyone. Including Kevin.
He’d crushed her.
Saw it written on her face.
He’d thought at the time it was the right thing to say. He was mad she’d said no to him. To a fake proposal. But when she’d said no, it had felt like someone reached through his ribs and yanked his heart out, one fleshy piece at a time. He’d been…disappointed. Hurt. Which was crazy, since it was his plan.
But somehow, it was painful to hear. To get caught up in the fantasy and have reality come crashing in.
He hadn’t meant to. Between the tension of the moment and his own bullshit of being scared, Blake just opened his mouth and out came the truth. Or was it? Not a damn thing about the past week felt fake with Carrie. But it had to be. He could never love her. He was too scared it’d break him.
But that didn’t change the facts.
That everything between him and Carrie was real. From the fear, to the love, to the way he’d just really hurt her. All of it was real.
Time he started admitting that. Out loud, and to himself.
“I have to be straight with you,” Blake said to Lane. “I came here to make sure she was okay. Keep her safe, but the fake relationship…it was real.”
Blake could hear Lane’s frown. “But you just said it was a ruse.”
“It started that way. We ran into Kevin and his mistress and Carrie just looked shocked.”
“So Carrie set this up. This sounds like something she’d do,” Lane mumbled.
“No, I started it.” He defended Carrie. Because he did start it in the plane when he upgraded them to first class. He’d felt it then. He may not have acted on it, but he’d felt it.
Lane clearly got his gist by the calm “mmm-hmm” sigh he gave. “You were there with her the whole time. What sick kind of game is this?”
“No game, not anymore,” Blake said firmly. “And Carrie can handle more than you think.”
“I should hit you,” Lane said. And Blake couldn’t disagree. “First thing when you get back to Colorado, I’ll be waiting to deck you.”
“I’d deserved that for sleeping with your sister.”
“That’s not for sleeping with her,” Lane said around a frown Blake could hear, and he knew Lane must be flexing his hand like he was picturing Blake’s cheek. “It’s for being a fucking jackass.”
Now it was Blake’s turn to frown. “What the hell are you talking about?”
“You said this is real? You liked it? Not sorry? Well she is probably sorry, considering you just called the whole thing fake. You’re the one playing games, Blake. Only you have your own rule set so you can never lose. Never risk too much. Only your life, body, and well-being. But never your heart. You’ll chase after massive mammals with fangs and claws and yet run from someone like Carrie? You need to start taking a risk with your fuckin’ soul, otherwise I’ll keep punching you.”
Lane was right.
And now Blake needed to make this right.
To make this real.
Once and for all.
Only he had no idea how to go about doing that.
…
Carrie had to go a ways to find a bar where she didn’t think she’d run into anyone, and she found one. At the airport.
Her flight wasn’t for twenty hours, but still, she could sit there and drink until it was time to leave. It was better than hanging out at the resort with all the couples who had just seen her get humiliated.
“Oh, honey, I’m so sorry,” Annie said through the phone after Carrie spilled her guts about the past week.
Carrie sighed and looked around. The announce
r over the airport speaker came on, asking for late passengers to hustle to their gates.
“I did this to myself. Fake. Real. It’s all a mess and I really feel like shit now, so…”
She ran her fingertip along her glass of alcohol.
“That’s because you love him. And that is real,” Annie said. “You did the right thing. You stood up for what you really want. Not the idea of it or a fantasy.”
That word stung Carrie’s heart like it was an angry bee. “Doesn’t matter.”
“Yes it does,” Annie countered. “You’re strong. So start acting like it. Look at how much you’ve been through and you’re still in control.”
“How do you figure that?”
“You could have left at any time. You didn’t. Yet you chose to hold your head high, and you found what you really can handle and that Kevin is not what makes or breaks you. But also realize you’re the one who walked away today.”
“It was humiliating,” Carrie defended.
“Yes, but look at it this way. Kevin had a track record of never being there for you and ditching you. Blake showed up from the start and never wavered. You could count on him. And you ditched him. No conversation. No nothing. After he showed nothing but protectiveness toward you.”
“He said we were fake. I can’t keep living a fantasy. I can’t have these expectations that aren’t real.”
“I know,” Annie said. “But if you feel anything real, you owe it to yourself, at least, to recognize that.”
Carrie closed her eyes for a moment.
“Thanks, Annie. I’ll see you soon.”
“I’ll be there to pick you up in Denver when you land. Just try to rest and think on it.”
Carrie nodded and hung up the phone, then put it back in her pocket, thinking through how today had gone down.
Earlier, she’d stepped foot in the suite to get her things and almost lost it, because it still smelled like Blake, and sex, and them. Spice, sweat, and the ocean.
She drank down her second double vodka and winced. It was strong enough to start to dull the ache of the pain from earlier.
“Do you think we’ll ever not run into each other?” a voice came from behind her. Only it was the last voice she wanted to hear.
“What are you doing here, Kevin?” Carrie asked, not turning around on her barstool.
“Flying home,” he said.
She glanced up. “Where’s Wendy?”
“She’s coming along. Doing her makeup in the bathroom.” He took the seat next to her and grabbed her empty drink to chew on an ice cube. The ease he had toward her was annoying. “I think that we’ll always have something special.”
“What?” she said around a half laugh, half scowl. “You did not just say that to me.”
He scooted closer.
“I know you’re not over me. Making up the fake boyfriend really showed me how much you love me. Maybe we can talk. After the gallery opening one night next week. Wendy is okay with me staying late.”
Oh. My. God.
Carrie had to slap herself from thinking this was really happening. Was he trying to make her the new mistress?
“Are you out of your mind?” she said. “I don’t love you, and no matter how things started with Blake and me, it’s none of your business.”
“Well, from where I’m sitting, they ended. And we both know that you and I will never end.”
“Oh, we have ended. Good-bye, Kevin.”
She got up to leave. In shock of how narcissistic he really was.
“Good luck avoiding me at work.”
She turned around and clutched her drawing book tight.
“I quit,” she said with the last shred of dignity she had left. “Peddle your own purple shit from now on.”
And with that, she rolled her suitcase and her ass out of there. Thanked God that Kevin was on a different flight.
She stood taller, liking the way her backbone felt.
Chapter Fifteen
Finally, Carrie was in her seat, on her flight, ready to go home.
And there was the empty coach seat next to her. At least it was only a two-seat row, so she’d be alone for the flight. The long flight. The flight that had been so different coming in.
The ding sounded, and a member of the crew addressed the plane through the speaker.
“Good evening, ladies and gentlemen,” he stated. “I want to thank you for flying with us and tell you about our in-flight entertainment tonight. First up, is a…” The voice paused then continued around an awkward cough. “First up is a stupid jackass that gave up the woman he loves because he was an idiot that got scared.”
Carrie’s eyes snapped up.
It couldn’t be…
“It’s true,” came a familiar voice through the speaker. “I am the jackass that hurt the most beautiful woman in the world.”
Carrie leaned out to see down the long aisle and found Blake, at the front of the plane, holding the mic up and speaking into it.
The plane quietly booed him.
“I know, I deserve that,” Blake said to the crowd. “But I’m here to win her back.”
The crowed clapped and nodded.
“How?” one woman yelled.
“Yeah, you better have something damn good,” another one said.
Blake smiled and locked his eyes on Carrie.
“I was going to start with begging,” he said, and the crowd cheered. Blake got on his knees and said, “See, I hurt her in front of a crowd. I said something that wasn’t true. I said our relationship was fake. But it wasn’t. From the first moment I saw her, everything was real. It just took me a while to figure that out.”
“Jackass,” a woman called out.
“Exactly!” Blake said with a smile. “So I wanted to tell her, in front of a crowd, that I’m sorry.” His eyes never left her face. “Carrie, I’m sorry. I had all these plans. I thought I was helping, and don’t get me wrong, this past week has been amazing. I loved playing every game and executing every ruse with you. But when it became real, I sold you out. I stayed fake when you had the courage to choose us. For real. You are the strongest, smartest, sexiest woman I’ve ever known, and I need you, my love. I miss you and it’s only been hours. I’ll do my best to protect you every day…even though I’m terrified of losing you. I want to try. I love you.”
Carrie stood up and breathing became difficult. She stepped into the middle of the aisle and everyone turned to look at her. Waiting.
Blake on his knees…
Waiting.
He loved her?
“Oh, Blake,” she said around a strangled breath. “I love you, too, you jackass.”
Everyone cheered, and Blake dropped the mic, ran down the aisle, and scooped her up. Kissing her hard, while the cabin continued to clap.
“You sure about this?” Carrie asked. “I mean, you know what I want, right?”
He nodded. And she wasn’t trying to scare him or give him an ultimatum. She just wanted to be clear. Just like he was with her.
“Oh, I know,” he said, and handed her a manila folder out of his pack.
“It’s not a ring…but it’s a commitment.”
She opened the folder and found an offer. Title: Job and Life Offer from Blake Murry and Murry Outfitters.
She frowned, then her brows hiked up as she read the offer while Blake paraphrased out loud.
“I want you to design the entire lodge. All the rooms. Everything. There’s even space for an office there, in my living quarters. Our living quarters…if you’ll accept.”
Water lined her eyes. “Accept the job, or accept the life?”
He smiled. “Both.”
She hugged him, and he wrapped her up in those strong arms she loved.
“I accept,” she whispered in his ear. She couldn’t help but smile and ask, “But about that ring?”
“Oh it’s real, and all yours.”
She looked at him, wondering if he was serious.
“I found it on a d
ive for oysters while you were sleeping. Pink pearls are rare, you know. Almost as rare as you and how much I love you.”
And with that, Blake kissed her like his life depended on it, just as the little overhead ding came on.
“We’re heading home,” she said.
He tucked a lock of hair behind her ear. “You are my home, my love.”
Chapter Sixteen
“That takeoff wasn’t so bad, was it?” Blake asked Carrie as their airplane soared through the air.
“It was okay,” she said, a little shaky.
“Anything I can do to help?” he asked.
“Plane go high!” Lidia cut in loudly from the aisle seat across from Carrie.
“Yes it does,” Carrie agreed, and smiled. Eve patted her daughter’s leg and gave her a juice box.
“I’m glad we have a connection in Denver and got to fly the same plane home together,” Eve said, leaning across the aisle to Carrie.
Carrie nodded. She felt like she had found a friend in Eve. It was nice that even with everything that had happened, Eve had never once judged her. It took only a few minutes before takeoff to catch Eve up on the situation after Blake had made his declaration. She also had a standing invitation for a job to design Eve’s house, and her husband even mentioned a “man cave.”
“I’m glad, too,” Carrie said. And she meant it in so many more ways than one. She looked at the handsome man next to her, the man she loved, and she smiled when a brilliant idea crossed her mind…
…
Blake was learning that Carrie had different smiles. The one she was currently tossing his way had a particular sexy deviousness to it. And he liked it.
“You doing all right?” he asked.
She nodded. The people they’d met at the island were nice, and Carrie seemed happy. The little girl almost instantly passed out with a belly full of juice, and it looked like the rest of the family was following suit. The lights went dim and a stillness washed over the cabin as everyone settled in for the long flight.
Carrie looked around, and Blake knew she was assessing. But most everyone was trying to nap and no one was paying much attention to anyone else.
