by Lady Lissa
“Not true. She fainted at work a couple of months back, plus she’s gained a little weight.”
Takiyah looked at me and rolled her eyes. “What, babe? I love the way your body looks with the little extra weight. You still sexy as hell!” I said.
“Well, are you on birth control, Mrs. Adams?”
“Uh yes! Shouldn’t that be in my records?” Kiyah asked.
“Um, yes. You started taking Loestrin a couple of months ago. Is there a reason you didn’t start taking it six to eight weeks after you had the baby?” the nurse asked.
“I don’t know! I guess the shit slipped my mind!” Kiyah said.
“Okay, well, can you pee in this cup for me? Here’s a wet wipe. You should wipe before peeing in the cup, front to back.” She handed Kiyah the small cup, so she went into the bathroom to piss in the cup. She returned a short time later and handed the cup to the nurse.
“Hurry up and test this shit!” Takiyah barked.
The nurse placed the urine sample on the counter of the lab and turned back to us. “Let me show you to the room. The doctor will be with you shortly,” she said as she left the room.
As we sat and waited for the doctor, Takiyah seemed really anxious. “What’s wrong, baby?” I asked.
She didn’t bother to respond. A couple of minutes later, there was a soft knock on the door. Doctor Sharp walked in and greeted us. “Hello, how are the two of you doing?” the doctor asked us.
“We’re fi…” I started before Takiyah rudely interrupted me.
“Doc, please stop asking us those bullshit questions! If we were doing all fine and dandy, we wouldn’t be here,” Takiyah barked.
“Okay, well, what seems to be the problem?” Doctor Sharp asked.
“I took a urine sample. Can you give me the results and put my mind at ease?” Takiyah asked.
“Give me a minute to check on the results and I’ll be right back.” Doctor Sharp left the room for all of two seconds. She returned a very short time later with a huge smile on her face.
“What are you smiling like that for?” Kiyah asked.
“Well, I got the results of your test and you are pregnant! Congratulations to you both!” she said.
I couldn’t believe that my wife was pregnant with our second child. I was beyond thrilled. I looked over at Takiyah and she actually looked like she was about to throw up or pass out. I rushed over to her and grabbed her hand. “Are you alright?” I asked with a worried expression on my face.
“Is there any way the test could be wrong?” Takiyah asked.
“Um, I don’t think so. Have you looked at yourself lately?” Doctor Sharp asked.
“What are you implying, doc?”
“I’m just saying that your body has been taking the shape of a woman with child. I mean, the enlarged breasts, the hips that are spreading, and I mean that in the nicest way. And honey, you’re showing!” Doctor Sharp said.
Takiyah’s hand immediately went to her stomach. I was worried about her because the expression on her face didn’t look like someone that was happy to be pregnant with another child by me. As a matter of fact, it reminded me of how she acted when she found out she was pregnant with Isaiah.
“Kiyah, it’ll be fine, baby,” I said as I tried to reassure her.
“So, you can make an appointment with Doctor Leon’s office for an ultrasound. He’ll be able to determine how far along you are. Judging by the fact that you’re already showing, I’d say you’re in your second trimester,” Doctor Sharp said with a smile.
“Thanks,” Takiyah said as she jumped up off the exam table and shot out of the room.
“Thank you, Doctor Sharp.”
“Is your wife going to be okay?” she asked, concern written on her face.
“Yes, she’ll be fine. I think it’s just the shock of it all. You know, finding out we’re having another baby so soon after having the first one.”
“Well, you know that there are ways to prevent pregnancy?” she said with a smirk on her face.
“Yes, I know. We’ll just have to be more careful after she has this baby,” I said with a smile.
“That would be a good idea. As long as she starts taking the birth control once she’s cleared by the doctor, she’ll be okay. Do you have any questions or concerns?” she asked.
“No, thank you.”
“Okay, well, enjoy the rest of your day and congratulations again on your expectancy,” she said with a smile.
“Thanks again.”
I walked out of the room in search of my wife. I thought she would be in the lobby waiting for me, but she wasn’t. I walked out the door and found her pacing back and forth on the sidewalk. When she saw me, she looked at me before walking off to the car. I chirped the alarm and followed her. What started out as a great day sure wasn’t ending great.
She sat in the passenger’s side seat with her arms across her chest. “What’s the problem?”
“You know we’re not ready for another baby, Iman.”
“Why aren’t we? I just got a promotion, so we can definitely afford it. We’re looking for a house, so there will be more than enough room. What’s wrong with that?” I asked.
“Isaiah isn’t even a year old yet!”
“I think it’s good that he’ll have a sibling close to his age. He’ll have someone to play with and they can grow up together,” I reasoned.
“He has cousins that can play with him and grow with him. We don’t need to have another kid!” she said.
“I think you’re being irrational about this. I’d understand if we couldn’t take care of a new baby, but we can. I just don’t understand what the problem is,” I said as I shook my head. “Besides, you’re already showing, so…”
“We can’t have this baby,” she said.
“We’re having this baby.”
“I’m not ready for another baby so soon,” she said.
“You’re just in shock. Once the shock wears off, you’ll be just fine, sweetheart. I know you’re nervous. You were the same way before Isaiah came along. Trust me, I know what I’m talking about. Now, let’s make that appointment with Doctor Leon. Maybe he could tell us that we’re having a little girl, and that’ll make you feel better,” I said. As I made the appointment for the ultrasound, I prayed that I was right about the advice I was giving.
Lord, please let me be right.
Chapter nineteen
Takiyah
The nerve of that doctor telling us that I was pregnant again! How the fuck did she expect me to be happy about that? How could I not have seen the fucking changes in my body? I had been working super hard at work because I was gunning for a promotion that would keep me in the office. That promotion meant I no longer had to travel all day, I’d get paid more money, and I wouldn’t have to work late. It wasn’t that I worked late, but sometimes, I didn’t get back to the office at the usual time of five o’clock. When that happened, I always made it to work after six o’clock.
Now that I was pregnant again, I didn’t know how that was going to affect my career. I could just punch myself for allowing this shit to happen. Iman thought I was worried about having a baby so soon after having Isaiah. Shit, that was the least of my concerns. I heard him end the call and he said, “I was able to get us an appointment for this afternoon. Luckily for us, they had a cancelation. Our appointment is at two o’clock.”
“Good!”
We rode quietly for the next few minutes. “You wanna get something to eat?” he asked.
Even though I had no appetite, I knew I had to eat something. I didn’t want to pass out or anything like that. I nodded my head. “Where do you want to eat?”
“It doesn’t matter.”
“Babe, it really isn’t that bad. We’re a happily married couple. We’re supposed to have kids, ya know? It’s part of life,” he said.
I looked at him and wondered if he’d feel that way once this baby was born. He pulled into Chili’s parking lot and we got out the car. We headed inside and once ins
ide, we were seated right away. As we placed our orders, Iman continued to try and give me valid reasons why it was okay for me to be pregnant right now. I made small talk with him, but I couldn’t wait to get to this ultrasound.
*****
A couple of hours later, we were seated in the waiting room in Doctor Leon’s office. I was anxious to get this appointment over with. Fifteen minutes after our arrival, my name was called. Doctor Sharp had given me some paperwork to give to Doctor Leon once I came in for the ultrasound. I handed it over to the nurse and she looked it over, took down some notes and I followed her to the beautifully decorated room for the ultrasound.
“Doctor Leon will be in shortly,” she said with a smile as she exited the room. I sat on the exam table, nervous as hell. I didn’t know how far along I was, so I didn’t know what I’d see on that ultrasound. Doctor Leon knocked on the door and walked in a few minutes later, but those few minutes felt like hours.
“Good afternoon, Mr. and Mrs. Adams, it’s good to see you again,” he said as he reached out to shake Iman’s hand, then mine. He looked at the paperwork in the chart and said, “So, Doctor Sharp wanted you to get an ultrasound to see how far along you are with your pregnancy, right?”
“That’s right,” I said.
“Well, okay. Let’s get this started. Can you raise your blouse please?” Doctor Leon asked.
I did as I was told. He looked at my tummy before touching it with his warm hands. “Hmm, judging from the feel of your belly, I’d say you’re in your second trimester. But, you could be carrying twins and just in your first trimester, so let’s wait and see what the ultrasound says.”
“TWINS?!” I exclaimed. “I sure hope it ain’t no twins.”
“Well, at least if it was twins, we wouldn’t have to get pregnant again,” Iman joked.
I side eyed him because I didn’t find anything funny with what he said. I was nervous enough already. The last thing I needed was him joking about this being more than one kid. The doctor pulled my pants under my belly and proceeded to squirt the cool gel on my stomach. He grabbed the wand and moved it in a circular motion a couple of times, and there was the babe.
It wasn’t a small fetus like the first or the last time. It was bigger than those times. I stared at the child that had been forming inside me and could have killed myself. How did I not know? Women had babies all the time and claimed they never knew they were pregnant. I always thought they were lying because how could a woman not know that she’s carrying a baby inside her until she went into labor? It just didn’t make sense to me… at the time. Now, as I stared at the screen, I totally understood.
“Well, there’s your baby.” Doctor Leon turned up the volume on the monitor and we could hear the heartbeat. Iman was every bit the proud father he was when we found out about Isaiah.
“Can you tell if it’s a boy or girl, doc, or is it too soon?” Iman asked.
“Well, I’ll check to see if the legs are in position for me to see. But, you are indeed in your second trimester at 18 and a half weeks,” Doctor Leon informed us.
In my mind, I thought back to when Iman and I had sex for the first time after the baby was born. Just as I suspected, Iman wasn’t the father of this child. Oh my God! How the hell did I get myself in this situation in the first place?!
Iman was still cheesing like a damn fool. “18 weeks? Are you sure, doc?” I asked.
“Well, give or take a couple of weeks… I mean, this is only an estimate of how far along you are based on the measurements of the baby. But you’re definitely in your second trimester,” the doctor said.
He continued to rotate the wand over my belly and then he said, “Congratulations! It’s a girl!”
“YES! I told you, babe!” Iman smiled. He walked over to me and kissed me on the lips. He was so happy that I was carrying a little girl. I knew that if he knew the truth, he wouldn’t be this happy.
I gave him an uneasy smile as the doctor printed the pictures. The doctor handed the ultrasound pictures to Iman and wiped the gel off my belly. I fixed my pants and pulled my shirt down. “Congratulations to you both!” he said as he shook Iman’s hand again.
“Thank you, doc! Thank you so much!” Iman said.
I slid off the exam table and walked right into Iman’s open arms. He held me so tight I thought he was going to smother me. He finally released me, and we were able to walk out of the room. As we exited the building, my mind flooded with thoughts of me giving birth to a baby who looked nothing like my husband. What would be his reaction? Would he leave me? Would he take Isaiah with him and leave me to raise this baby by myself? So many questions floated around in my head. So many scenarios played out in my head.
As we got in the car, he chatted like crazy as I sat next to him quietly. I didn’t even know that I was crying until Iman brushed a tear away. “You okay?” he asked in a concerned voice.
I was so overcome with emotions, I couldn’t speak. I only nodded my head and kept staring ahead. Iman placed his hand over mine and stroked it. “It’ll be alright, babe. I promise.”
I wanted to scream at him and say that he shouldn’t make promises he couldn’t keep. I knew that if he did decide to leave me once the baby was born, I wouldn’t have anyone to blame but myself. If my husband ended the marriage, the only one who would be responsible for that would be me. We pulled into Aunt Paula’s driveway a short time later and Iman went to get our baby.
I just broke out crying as soon as he was out of the car. “Why God? Why? Why would you do this to me? My husband and I were in such a good place. Why would you put me in this situation? You knew how getting pregnant that second time almost fucked up my whole mental state. Why would you do this to me again?” I cried in the car as my body shook with sobs.
I knew that I needed to pull myself together before Iman came back out. I couldn’t let him and my baby boy see me like this. I grabbed some tissue from my purse and blew my nose. I dried my tears just in time to greet my baby boy. I couldn’t believe the situation I had gotten myself in, but I’d do my best to fix it… believe that.
*****
Today was the day I would fix my mistakes and repair my life. After I woke up and fed my baby boy, I got him dressed to go to Aunt Paula’s house. I told Iman that I’d drop him off today, so he wouldn’t be late. He asked if I was going to work and I told him yes, but since I was working nearby, I didn’t have to leave that early. I kissed him and sent him off to work. I had an agenda today and hoped that I’d be able to breathe easier at the end of the day.
I dropped Isaiah off at Aunt Paula’s house around 9:30 that morning. Iman didn’t tell me that he had mentioned the pregnancy to Aunt Paula, so when she questioned me about it, I almost died.
“Kiyah, are you pregnant again, honey?” she asked.
“What?”
“I asked if you’re pregnant?”
Now, I was standing there looking like a deer caught in headlights because she had put me on the spot. I didn’t know how much Iman had told her. I didn’t even know how to respond to that. “You ain’t gotta answer me because it’s written all over your face and body. Congratulations honey!” she said as she hugged me tightly. The last thing I wanted was someone else congratulating me on getting pregnant by another man. Ugh! I wished the floor would open up and swallow me during that moment. I wished more than anything that I could turn back the hands of time, but I knew that was impossible.
“Thank you,” I said quietly. I mean, what else was I supposed to say. I couldn’t lie about it because old people already knew shit before you did.
“You’re welcome, baby. I wonder why Iman didn’t tell me yesterday,” she said as she looked at me. “Just kidding! You know he couldn’t wait to tell me as soon as he came in the door!”
I knew he had something to do with it. I knew that Iman must’ve told her as happy as he was. I suspected by the end of the week, the whole family would know. I really wished he had kept that to himself.
“Well, Aunt
Paula, I gotta get going. Iman will pick up the baby when he gets off,” I informed her. I kissed Isaiah and walked out the door.
I got in my car and on the interstate. It took me half an hour to reach my destination. I already knew that it would be chaotic when I got here, but that didn’t matter. I still got out of my car with my head held high. Nobody knew what I was going through. Nobody knew my story or why I was here. I had hoped that I’d never have to see this damn place again, but hopefully, this would be the last time.
I walked up to the receptionist’s desk and said, “I need to have an abortion.”
“You need a procedure done?” she asked as she dragged the word procedure, making sure that I understood. I forgot that was what they called it. It didn’t matter if it was called a procedure or abortion, the same result would be applied.
“Yes.”
“Do you have an appointment?” she asked as she stared at me intently.
“No, but I need this done today,” I said. I hoped that she could hear the urgency in my voice.
“Have a seat and we’ll be right with you,” she said.
I sat down in the chair closest to the door. I was sitting there for about five minutes before I jumped out of my chair and knocked on the door.
KNOCK! KNOCK! KNOCK!
Someone came to the door and opened it with an attitude. “I was going to call you, ma’am. You just needed to give us a minute,” she said.
“I ain’t got a minute!” I said as I pushed past her.
“Ma’am, you can’t just barge in here like that!” she said.
“Lady look, I’ve been through this shit before, so I already know the damn procedures!” I said as I made my way to the counselor’s office to sign the necessary paperwork to waive my rights to counsel. I opened the door and the doctor looked at me and the nurse.
“I’m sorry, doctor. She just barged in!” the nurse said.
“It’s okay, Amanda.” The nurse left and closed the door. “What can I do for you, ma’am?”
“I need to sign that waiver and get to the back room for this procedure!” I said in a rushed tone.
As she looked at my body, I rocked back and forth from one foot to the next. “Have a seat, ma’am.”
