Insurmountable

by T. E. White

  “I’m sorry, Red.” With the back of my arm, I swiped at my face. “Did you know I call you Red? It was the first thing that jumped at me, your lovely red lips and matching hair. I thought you would think me cliché if I said it out loud, so I kept it inside.” I sat, absently rubbing circles with my thumb in her palm. “You’ll always be my one and only, Biscuit. I’ll never forget the sour look on your face the first time we met, but you turned out to be a not at all what I’d imagined you to be. And here we are. I need you, Red. Our son needs you.”

  “Mom,” I yelled. She popped her head in. “Where’s Chase?”

  She motioned with her hand and a young woman I’d never met came and handed my son to me. She quickly walked out without introducing herself. Did Chase have a nanny? And why? What had Reagan been doing?

  I recognized him from all the pictures I’d been sent, but he felt different. He was solid, not the lightweight he’d been when he was born. I squeezed her hand and said, “He has your beautiful blue eyes. And that’s my chin and mouth, but it’s your nose. We made him together.”

  Chase didn’t cry in my arms. He was busy taking in all the sights and sounds, his eyes darting all over the room. “I love you, and I haven’t stopped,” I said to her.

  To my son, I said, “We need your mom, right? We can’t do this without her. We need to be a family together.” I bounced him in my arms and was rewarded with a toothless smile. I choked up again as the main sound in the room was the hiss from the machine that was pushing air into Red’s lungs because she wasn’t doing it on her own. How had everything gotten so fucked up?

  A female doctor walked in, wearing green scrubs. “Mr. Astor?”

  “Yes.” I stood, hugging my son close.

  Liz and Jim walked in, preceded by my parents.

  “Mrs. Astor is in bad shape but we aren’t giving up hope. We are unclear how long she’d been unconscious or how long she hadn’t been breathing. It is my understanding that whoever found her administered CPR until the ambulance arrived. When she was brought here, she had to be resuscitated twice. She isn’t breathing on her own and we aren’t detecting much brain activity.”

  Liz gasped and Jim clutched her tighter. Dad looked grim and Mom stared at me.

  “It could be that her body has just shut down due to the trauma, and is healing itself. Only time will tell.”

  Liz starting asking questions. I spoke to Red. “Biscuit, you’ve got to give me a sign.” I swore I felt her hand move. “She moved her hand.”

  I was rapidly shooed from the bedside to give the doctor and her team room. She opened Red’s eyes in turn and flashed a light around it. She spoke to her and waited for response. I backed my way into a corner, trying to figure out what I would do if Red didn’t make it.

  Days later, I still hadn’t left Red’s side. I confessed every thought and my whole life to her each of my waking seconds. The doctors had ruled her hand movement as an involuntary muscle contraction. And we were left to watch and wait for her to give us a sign she was still in there.

  Dad came in and patted my shoulder. I was sitting, so I had to look up to him. “It’s time, son.”

  The really bad news was, Red had been savvy enough to have a living will. In it, she declared she didn’t want to be kept alive by machines. The long and short was that if the doctors deemed that she was brain dead, she wanted the plugs pulled.

  “Please,” I said to Red. It was almost too late. Her parents, and even Penelope, had come in and out the room over the last few hours. Chase was with me when he was awake and the nanny took him when he was sleeping.

  Dad had taken my plea as a request, and left me alone. A guy I hoped to never see tore into the room. He stared at her like she was the light of his life. Before he touched her, he looked over at me. “You’re Tade, right?”

  I nodded, too tired to muster up fight over his presence.

  “I’m Charles. She’s told me all about you.”

  There were some things one didn’t want to know. I didn’t want to know anything about him.

  Yet, he continued on, not privy to my thoughts. “She talked about you all the time. Told me how much she loved you, but you couldn’t be together.”

  That was interesting.

  “She told me she and I couldn’t be together because she didn’t think she could get over you. I asked her why she couldn’t be with you and she told me it was complicated. I don’t know what was going on with you two, but I thought you should know.”

  It was a mouthful, and a lot to swallow, so I nodded.

  “May I?” he asked, nodding to her hand nearest him. I had to respect the guy for asking. I knew Red would want me to allow him the courtesy. She loved him enough to tell him about me, and loved me more. I gave a quick pump of my head.

  He picked up her hand and whispered some words in her ear before kissing her cheek. Not long after, everyone poured into the room, and Liz handed me Chase. I think they figured with him in my arms, I wouldn’t do something crazy like tackle anyone who tried to disconnect the machines.

  The words from the grief counselor who had been brought in ran through my head. “Tade, this isn’t your fault. She’s been fighting depression, which isn’t uncommon after pregnancy, even from someone who never showed signs of suicide.”

  Liz had come clean and explained how Red had stopped breast feeding after six weeks, and had shut down. She confessed to nudging Red to believe that I’d moved on, and that she’d told her Camille moved in with me at my request. And how I was more than ready to have the marriage annulled.

  After hearing all of that, I’d been furious at myself. Hadn’t I seen the manipulation early on? Why hadn’t I fought harder? Liz cried and said if she’d known Red would resort to this, she would have let us be.

  The counselor hadn’t been privy to any information about our sharing DNA. Although it was possible that this post-pregnancy depression did play a role, that wasn’t the main reason. Our parents wanted us to break up, had done everything they could to keep us apart, and we’d fallen for it.

  The blonde looked wrecked, and Gavin had shown up too. He waited outside, and had been the one to force me to leave on occasion to take care of the little necessities in life, like showering, brushing my teeth, eating, etc.

  The nurses started to unhook the machines, but it was the doctor that unhooked the last. The heart monitor was already black, so the room was silent when Red took her last breath.

  EPILOUGE

  (TWO YEARS LATER)

  The tall grass swayed in the gentle breeze and the sound of water lapping at the feet of the pier was the only thing I heard, besides the soft laughter of Chase as I ran after him.

  “Daddy,” he squealed in delight when I caught him in my arms. I tossed him up in the air and he laughed.

  “I got you, short stuff.”

  “I not short.”

  It was my turn to chuckle.

  “Put down.”

  He squirmed in my arms and I let him free, only for him to run and begin the game over again. It never got tiring. This time he ran towards the water and I watched, knowing that I was only two steps away if he toppled in.

  The lake house had become my permanent residence. My parents gifted it to me shortly after that fateful day. I’d gone back to school to finish the semester. I didn’t bring Chase though, I didn’t want him raised by a stranger. Even though the Abby’s had a nanny, she was there to help, not be the primary care giver. And my parents were there and saw him often. If I had taken him, it would have been only the two of us. He had still been young and I’d already put in a transfer request to Georgetown Law School to be closer to him right after he was born. It wasn’t Harvard, but my son was more important than such trivial things. Georgetown was a prestigious school and I knew I could get a quality education there.

  It was a rough road after that. I was equally unhappy with both our parents. They had caused the trouble with their first indiscretion. Withholding the truth had only served them and
had ended up causing more harm than good. Then when their lies caught up with them, they’d tried to sweep everything under the rug by tearing us apart.

  I’d never meant to fall in love. I never meant to be with my sister. I’d been innocent in this mess, and so had Red. She was everything to me.

  “Mommy, mommy,” my son screeched.

  I looked up to see a vision in white walk towards us. It had been hardest on Red. When the ventilator was turned off, she’d breathed, and kept breathing. She hadn’t been ready to give up on the world.

  It took a long time before she left the ICU for the mental ward. She had to talk to someone and go through counseling before she was eventually released. Her sessions were private, and I didn’t intrude. She’d struggled with her feelings for me, but ultimately couldn’t live without me. I wanted to smile at that thought, except the memory of her in that bed kept that memory a somber one.

  She held out her arms, and Chase jumped into them. She walked over, and I watched her move. My dick was painfully hard, having never lost the attraction to her. We knew that some people wouldn’t agree with our choice. But wasn’t that saying true? The heart wants what the heart wants. And we hadn’t gone into this relationship with our eyes open to all the facts. Now it was too late. We were vested in each other. And in the end, we weren’t causing harm to anyone else, though we would never wish this situation on anyone else.

  “There’s my handsome son. He looks just like his father.”

  She brushed her lips across mine. “Is Daddy going to take us for a spin around the lake?”

  “Daddy, Daddy, lake, row.”

  I leaned over and kissed his forehead. “Whatever you want.”

  “Down,” he urged her. Chase almost jumped out of her arms. She put him down and let him run. We both kept one eye on him as he headed up the hill.

  Then I kissed my wife. “I love you, Biscuit.”

  Her eyes smoldered. “I think I like it better when you call me Red.”

  “Put on that lip stuff tonight and I’ll call you whatever you want.”

  Some people might scorn our decision but we hadn’t come to it lightly. We were soul deep in love with each other that it almost been her end. We tried being friends at first. I didn’t want to put pressure on her after that. But it was useless. Our attraction was undeniable. We had beaten the odds. We were happier together rather than apart, and how was that wrong?

  “I love you, Tade.” Her lips ghosted over mine.

  I kissed her hard before saying, “I love you both. So very much.” And then I ran after my son as his giggles gave me enough energy to play his game of chase all day long. My family was worth the tribulation to overcome the insurmountable in order to find my everlasting happiness.

  the end

  (read on for a preview of book two in the Sins of the Father series)

  ACKNOWLEDGMENTS

  Thanks to all that have helped make this book possible. You know who you are.

  And a special thanks to Regina Wamba aof Mae I Design and Photography and Calen Dehen, cover model for a stunning photo.

  SINS OF THE FATHER

  (Untitled - Book #2)

  bonus - CHAPTER one (TEASER)

  I was going to hell. If not, my eyes were certainly going to jail. The heated smoke escaping my car had nothing on the girl that stood on the porch next door. She was gorgeous with dark hair that spilled over her shoulders and down her back. She had a face like one of the porcelain dolls my mom liked to collect. And even though she may have looked legal, I knew better because she’d lived next door to me all her life.

  Her eyes shifted in my direction and I focused on the problem in front of me before she caught me gazing at her. The piece of shit car my dad called a classic had sat the last several months while I was in New York pursuing my dream. I couldn’t see that there was any hope for the Mustang. But if I wanted wheels for the summer, I had to figure it out.

  “And look who it is. My man, Roth.”

  My head whipped around in the direction of the voice. I’d heard a car rumbling towards me, but I’d been thinking about how much money I was going to have to come up with in order to get the Mustang running again. I found Gavin’s truck pulled up next to my car. He leaned out the open window and said, “You’re back,” as if in question.

  I nodded. “So are you I hear.” I walked a few steps to left towards the guy that had been my savior in high school. I gave him a handshake ending with a finger pointed in his direction. “I also heard you actually finished college with a degree and everything.”

  He nodded only for a squeal to ring out from behind me. Gavin and I both turned to see my pretty neighbor with a big grin speaking into a phone while she jumped elatedly in place. My eyes bounced off her mouth which was titillating enough and fell further down to her chest which was barely contained in her shirt.

  “Jailbait, man.”

  Didn’t I know it? She was at least three years younger than me, which put her at sixteen or worse fifteen if I was off in my estimation. I couldn’t remember exactly how old she was. Once I’d gone to high school, and she was left behind in elementary or middle school, we’d barely talked.

  Gavin continued to speak while I was still spellbound. “She’s the kind of girl you get locked up for just looking at.”

  I quickly turned my head away because he was right.

  “Anyway,” he said grabbing my attention. “There’s a party Friday. I’ll come get you on the way.”

  He didn’t give me a chance to protest for he knew I wouldn’t. He just pulled off and I watched for a second as he drove down the street towards his own place. I sighed and placed both my hands on a safe spot under the hood and sagged as I searched for the problem with my car.

  Several minutes later, a soft voice jarred me out of my thoughts. “Roth.”

  I caught sight of bare legs until I came across denim. Further up still were bountiful breast and a quirky smile. Holy Hell. I fixed my own face with a smug expression.

  “Rocky…” I drawled.

  The smile she’d worn began to wilt under my scrutiny. “I’m not a kid anymore, Roth. Don’t call me that.”

  I scoffed. “What… are you like twelve now?”

  “Am not,” she said sticking out her tongue at me before giving me a punch on my right arm as if I was joking. “And call me Rose like everyone else.” The toss of her hair almost felt like she was flirting with me.

  Quirking a brow and in my best asshole voice, I said, “Well Rosemary…” I paused and dared her with my eyes to contradict my use of her full name. “Maybe you should go inside and play with your dolls. You can’t be more than fourteen. Don’t you have a curfew or something?”

  A deep frown formed on her pretty face as she realized I wasn’t playing, even though the sun hadn’t quite set yet. Her expression did nothing to mask her beauty which was the problem. She was the kind of trouble I didn’t need. I’d straightened up my life, and turned everything around. Jailbait wasn’t on the menu tonight or any night.

  Her own eyes formed pinpoints. In a snide tone, she said, “You can be a jerk sometimes. You know that?”

  Our eyes held for a second in a battle of wills until she pivoted in a move to walk away. That was a good thing. I needed her to leave before any part of my body betrayed my thoughts. Abruptly, the rattling sound of a muffler killed the urban silence of our neighborhood and the tension that was building between us.

  Rocky spun back to face me and a curtain of her long hair whipped around in an arc. “Give me your shirt,” she demanded in a voice that broached no argument. But in opposition, there was something like fear in her eyes. They were wide and intent on me. My own narrowed not sure where she was going with this.

  “Run along Sunshine before Daddy gets here,” I chided, unwilling to give up my favorite shirt. Nothing had changed since the last time I’d been here. And I knew her dad was nearly home because his car was still the loudest in the neighborhood.

  “Please,
” she begged and it didn’t look anything like a ploy.

  “Fuck,” I said, figuring her out as if I needed anymore confirmation for how young she was. Clearly, she must have had rules about what she could and couldn’t wear. And the shirt she wore showed more cleavage than most waitresses at Hooters and was most likely a no-no. “This is my favorite shirt. And it’s vintage,” I complained. At least that’s what the street vendor in NYC had claimed. I pulled it off and sighed in regret knowing I’d probably never see it again. “I want it back.”

  She nodded and snatched it out of my grasp, pulling it over her head quickly. A second later, she had the belt from around her shorts and over the shirt which was too big for her. Belting it made it look like she’d purposefully dressed that way. And I had to admit, it was sexy as fuck to see her in my clothes. The Capitan America shield made a bull’s-eye near her navel. Vulgar thoughts erupted in my head and I got lost imagining placing an ice cube to melt in on her naked stomach. Or-

  “Roth.”

  I shook off the fantasy as the cough of a dying motor shut off. She had a finger curled in my direction and dumbly I followed it by leaning down to her level. I thought she wanted to whisper something to me. Instead, she smeared gloss against my mouth as she pressed her lips firmly against mine. I had this insane urge to grab her to me as roughly as she started, until heavy footsteps headed towards us. She pulled back and stood stock straight as if she hadn’t just kissed me. She patted her mouth and I realized she was trying to remove any trace of lip goo while my own mouth burned with the need to take her kiss further.