by Claire Adams
The moment I got into my car, it started to rain again. I flipped on the wipers and pulled out of my spot. It was only halfway through April, and I was sick of the rain. And coupled with the cooler temperatures, going outside was not my favorite thing to do. At least with Ricky, if we needed to stay inside, his house was massive enough for us never to be bored.
Thinking of that blue-eyed little darling made tears spring to my eyes. Of course, I was happy that he was growing up and no longer needed someone to care for him as much, but not seeing his face each day was taking a toll on me.
When I got home, I raced across the lot to my building through torrents of rain. By the time I reached the door, the rain soaked through my brown paper bag and my coffee sloshed over the side of the cup from me jostling it.
I groaned and shoved my key into the front door, pushing through into the small lobby.
I took the two flights of stairs since the elevator had been out for over a week now. I was grateful I only lived on the second floor versus any of the higher levels.
Inside my studio apartment, I dropped the coffee and bag on the counter and kicked off my shoes while pulling off my jacket. Both of them left a puddle on my floor, but I was too hungry to bother with it at the moment.
I lifted the sandwich from the bag, the paper falling apart in my hand. I grabbed my coffee and the wrapped sandwich and flopped onto the couch, lifting my damp feet onto the coffee table. I flipped on the television to veg out for a little while. I turned on a recorded medical drama and got lost in the stories of the hot doctors and their many sexy affairs.
I allowed myself one episode before I got to work. I had the afternoon to get my resume out to as many nanny positions as I could. Even though it was Friday, I wanted potential families to have my information as soon as possible, even if they chose to wait until after the weekend to contact me. At least doing something productive toward another job would ease my mind more than sitting around twiddling my thumbs.
I went over to the kitchen table and sat down, opening my laptop. I didn’t have room in the apartment for a separate office, but since I lived alone, I wasn’t fighting anyone for space. Since my job didn’t require a home office, the kitchen table was good enough for the rare times I went onto the computer.
I pulled up a job website and typed “nanny” into the search bar along with my location details. The next page pulled up over a hundred results. I smiled. Finding a new job was going to be easy.
I grabbed the pad of paper I kept on the table along with a pen to jot down the information on prospective families.
The first position was looking for a nanny of four children, all of them under the age of five. I liked kids, but I was sure I wouldn’t be able to handle that, at least not without another pair of hands.
I went to the next one and from there on was a string of jobs that weren’t what I was looking for. Sure, they were all nanny positions, but many of them didn’t offer the pay I wanted, or there were too many kids. A few had age requirements for women above forty. I was sure they wouldn’t appreciate a twenty-six-year-old woman applying.
There were several I marked down, but by the end of the afternoon, I hadn’t applied to any of them. For some reason, I had a feeling I should hold off. Sierra’s words came into my mind about taking a break. As much as I wanted to get back to work, from my search, I knew there were plenty of jobs out there for a nanny. So what if I took a week off to get back to center again before jumping into another job? Most nanny positions were more than full time. I enjoyed working, but I did deserve a break.
I was very protective of my money, but I had enough in my savings to live on for several months. I wouldn’t push it to the end of my limits, but I could manage to take a little time for myself.
I sat back in my chair and closed the laptop. I stretched my arms over my head and checked the clock. I hadn’t realized I was on the computer for hours. I put away the notepad and laptop, storing it away.
I looked around my apartment, wondering what to do with my new free time. Sierra would be coming over in a couple of hours.
I eyed the television and knew that I had a date with sexy doctors for the rest of the day. I hoped I didn’t get too used to this lifestyle, but for now, it felt good to do something for myself.
Chapter Three
Noah
While this weekend hadn’t started off on a good note with Layla quitting, I looked forward to the highlight of my week: spending the weekend with Gina. I tried as much as I could not to have Layla come over on the weekends, since that was my time, but recently she’d worked many of them. Gina would have my full undivided attention, something that hadn’t happened for a while. Layla had stuck around for the better part of the last year. Always having someone else to take Gina when I needed to make a phone call or go into work unexpectedly had been a great help. I asked Allison to divert any non-emergency phone calls to my voicemail. I’d return them on Monday. At least I had the on-call sales team to take care of the rest. I thought back to when I started the company, and I was the only person on call. I shuddered at the thought. Though at the time, I didn’t have Gina, so my life was a little more flexible.
For Gina’s next nanny, I’d take my time finding the perfect person for her. One who would last and become a part of our family, instead of a temporary fixture in Gina’s life. She was at an age where she needed a female role model, and I wasn’t in a position to remarry anyone. I barely had time to spend with Gina. She would be the only girl in my life for a long time. And that was okay with me. I had no interest in dating at the moment.
Though having someone to watch Gina on Monday morning would have been nice. I tried to shake off the thought, but the looming work week with no help weighed on my shoulders.
I focused my energy on making breakfast for Gina. She was the type to eat the moment she woke up. I hadn’t cooked for her in a long time, probably long enough for her not to remember. I wasn’t ready for Top Chef, but I knew my way around a kitchen. I scrambled some eggs and made a stack of pancakes before I heard the slapping of bare feet on the marble floor behind me.
“Daddy, you cooked?” Gina asked, rubbing her eyes and yawning.
I glanced at the clock. It was seven on the dot. I could set a watch to this girl. “I did, honey.” I moved the pan with the eggs to the back burner and turned to scoop Gina into my arms.
She yawned and then dropped her head on my shoulder. “I’m hungry.”
I kissed her cheek and squeezed her against me until she started to squirm. I placed her in the booster seat at the kitchen table, strapped her in, and started plating the food.
“What do you want to drink?” I asked.
“Milk.”
“Milk, what?” I prodded.
“Milk, please,” she said with a smile.
Just because there wasn’t a female figure in the house didn’t mean her manners would falter. I shook my head and smiled; when had I turned into my parents?
I poured her milk into a leak-proof cup and placed it on the table next to her before handing her the plate of food.
She wrinkled her nose at it.
“What?” I asked. “You love eggs and pancakes.”
“I want seeerup,” she said.
I’d already put the syrup out on the table. I almost handed it to her, but then I thought better of it and drizzled the sugary liquid over her pancakes.
“More! More!” she said, clapping her hands.
I poured as much as I thought she needed and closed the top. She frowned but sensed that she wouldn’t get any more.
She dug her fork into the pancake and dragged it to her mouth.
I watched half of the pancake fall off the fork and into her lap. She jumped. Well, as much as she could, testing the limits of her chair straps.
“I’ll get it,” I said, picking up the pieces from her lap.
“Layla cut for me,” she said with a pout.
This peanut loved her food. Which was why I made plent
y of extra pancakes. I should have thought of cutting the food. I was a little out of practice with the daily routine of Gina. I cut up the remainder of her pancakes, and by the time I returned to the table after throwing away the wasted one, she was already happily eating the rest.
I sat next to her with my own plate and dug in. We had eaten for a few minutes before I bridged the topic of a new nanny.
“I’m sorry that Layla had to leave, but I’m going to start looking for another nanny for you,” I said.
I don’t know what I expected. Maybe screaming or fighting about wanting to be with me. But instead, all Gina did was nod.
So far, so good. As I wanted Gina to like the new nanny, and this kid was incredibly intelligent, I asked her, “What type of nanny would you like?”
Her eyes lifted to mine. They pierced my soul, just as her mother’s did. “Um, someone who can play with me without going huh-huh.” She mimicked heavy breathing for me.
I pressed my lips together to keep from laughing. There were many occasions where Layla was out of breath after playing with Gina outside.
“What else?” I asked.
Gina quirked her lips and looked at the ceiling, deep in thought. “She has to like tea parties. I love tea parties.”
“I know you do,” I said. “Anything else?”
“Would she be my new mommy?” Gina asked.
I cleared my throat. I preferred to hire older women to care for Gina since they had life experience and there was no way that Gina would think any of them would be her new mom. But even lowering the age to a woman in her fifties might not be enough. I knew I’d have to open it up to someone much younger.
“No, honey, whoever I pick won’t be your new mommy,” I said, wanting to nip that idea in the bud as soon as possible.
“Oh,” she said dejectedly.
“But I’m going to look really carefully this time to find someone who you like,” I promised.
That seemed to make her happy as she bounced her legs against the chair. “Okay, Daddy.”
I changed the subject, not wanting to get too bogged down with the process of finding a nanny quite yet. “How about we go to the aquarium today?”
“Yeah!” Gina said, throwing her arms in the air.
When we arrived at the aquarium, there was already a line about a dozen people deep. I was grateful for Layla for making me purchase a membership because we skipped the line before the rush came in.
“Where do you want—” I said before Gina grabbed my hand and took off with me in tow. Even though she was small, she was strong. Holding my finger, she pulled me toward her favorite exhibit.
“Sharks! Sharks!”
We went to the shark exhibit and watched the massive creatures appear to float effortlessly through the water.
“Turtles!” Gina cried and rushed over to the tank as one of the turtles pressed against the glass. She gave the glass a high-five, and I knelt down next to her.
She shoved her hair out of her eyes a few times and started to get frustrated. Her little mane of brunette hair was always in a ponytail, and now I knew why.
“Do you want me to put your hair up?” I asked.
Gina turned to me, sighed, and nodded.
I reached into her bag, which Layla always called her “bag of tricks,” and took out a hair-tie from a small plastic bag of about a hundred of them. She was always prepared. I hoped whoever I chose next was the same.
“Ow!” Gina cried as I held a handful of her hair.
I loosened my grip. “Sorry.”
As I twisted the tie around her chunk of hair, her face scrunched together.
“That hurts, Daddy.”
I gritted my teeth in concentration, trying to be as gentle as I could. How did Layla make this look so easy?
After I had wrapped the tie several times, I looked at the finished product. It wasn’t pretty. But it got the job done. I didn’t want to risk hurting her if I tried again.
Gina seemed relieved and turned back to the glass tank.
I stood up and scanned the area. Various families had arrived into the room. They were made up of many shapes and sizes. I wasn’t ashamed of our small family, but I frequently thought about how Gina would grow up without a stable female figure in her life. I noticed a few looks from moms and other nannies when they saw Gina’s eccentric hairstyle. Even though I could care less about their judgment, it still affected me.
I had to make a note in my mind to pay more attention to the little things in Gina’s life. They were only going to get more complex over the next fifteen years.
Maybe I should start thinking about dating again. A nanny was only a temporary position. If I was able to find someone to spend the rest of my life with and who Gina liked, then I would be back on track to the life I imagined for us. It was what Gina deserved. It was what we both deserved. But with my schedule, it wasn’t possible. I already spent enough time away from Gina; replacing that with dating wasn’t what either of us needed at the moment.
After spending the entire day at the aquarium and taking Gina out to dinner, she was asleep by the time I pulled into the driveway. I carefully carried her inside and changed her out of her clothes and into her favorite princess nightgown. She must have been exhausted because she didn’t wake once in the process.
When I finally got her into the bed, I watched her sleep for a few minutes. Spending the day with her was exhausting but perfect at the same time. Even at thirty-five, I was affected by her energy. Having someone to help me until I was able to get back on the dating scene needed to happen sooner rather than later. If I had help, then I could be less distracted at work and be able to get home sooner to be with Gina.
That would work for everyone.
I slowly backed out of the room and closed the door, even though I knew she wouldn’t wake.
With a renewed burst of energy, I poured myself two fingers of scotch and sat down in front of my home office computer. I pulled up the remote server for Stone Medical and drafted an email. When I finished, I read it over a few times. I rarely mixed business with personal, which was probably why I was so successful, but I needed help as soon as possible. And it wasn’t as if I wanted to hire my employees to watch Gina, but asking them to pass along any information on recommendations wasn’t completely out of the ordinary. They all knew Gina, and I trusted them implicitly.
I clicked send and sat back in my chair. All of my employees had access to their emails on their company phones. And even though I didn’t expect any responses this weekend, I felt better about taking the next step forward. I hoped that something would come out of it. If I didn’t hear anything by mid-week, I’d have to post another listing. I preferred to get personal recommendations, but desperation might force me to widen the job search.
When I finished my glass, I poured another. The drink eased the tension in my shoulders, and I headed into the living room to relax for a few minutes but found myself drifting off to sleep with an image of a smiling Gina in my mind’s eye.
Chapter Four
Jess
Sunday morning, I woke to the blaring sound of Mom’s ringtone on my cell. I rolled over and pressed my fingers against my temples. The ringer radiated through my brain. Last night rushed into my mind in a flash. Sierra had canceled on me when she got last-minute tickets to a band she liked. And I was stupid and took it upon myself to drink the bottle of wine I got for us on my own. And mixed with the overeating of Chinese takeout, my body was not feeling so hot.
I grabbed the phone from my side table and turned off the ringer. I squeezed my eyes closed, wishing the world wasn’t so bright at that moment.
I pressed my pillow to the back of my head, cutting out all light from my world. All I wanted to do was drift off to sleep again.
But Mom had other ideas.
The phone rang again. She wouldn’t stop until I picked up.
I groaned and accepted the call, pressing the phone to my ear. “Hey, Mom.”
“Did I wake y
a?” she asked.
“No, I was just lying around,” I lied.
“With the boy? Ricky was his name?”
I rolled my eyes. She knew damn well that was his name. We’d only discussed him every Sunday for the past two years.
“Yeah, Mom. I don’t work for them anymore. Remember?”
“Did you get fired?” she asked.
I gritted my teeth. “No, I didn’t get fired. He’s five now. And since it’s school break, the family didn’t need me anymore.” Her memory wasn’t fading. It was the lack of attention she paid to anything that I said.
“Have you got another job lined up?” she asked before I finished speaking. Why did she bother asking me questions if she wasn’t going to listen to the answer?
“No,” I said, hesitating. I already knew what she was going to say, so I braced myself for her reaction. “I’m taking a break from working.”
“A break? What do ya mean a break?”
“Yes, a break. I need to clear my head before starting another job.”
She made a dismissive snort on the other end. Why the hell did I pick up the phone? Even from ten thousand miles, away she was mothering me. I should have turned my phone off. But Sierra wouldn’t appreciate a phone call this early in the morning. Mom had insisted I have an emergency contact in case I didn’t pick up the phone. Sierra had agreed to be that person, but I never let it get that far. I didn’t want to torture my friend with any of my mom’s accusations.
“What do ya need that for?” she asked.
“A break? I don’t know, Mom, maybe because I worked my butt off for two years. What’s wrong with taking some time off?”
“You need to keep earning money, love. You’re going to get lazy.”
I groaned. “I’m not going to get lazy. I’ve already found a few positions I’m interested in. I’ll contact them in a few days, all right?”
