by Claire Adams
I watched Jess gently breathe in and out for several minutes before I slipped out of bed. I quietly put on pants and a shirt and headed out into the hallway. I started the coffee and was surprised that Chloe was still asleep. Though knowing Gina, the older woman was probably exhausted after spending the entire night with a chocolate-fueled three-year-old.
I checked the refrigerator for milk when an idea came into my mind. Since Chloe was a bad flier—something she informed us about on the ride home from the airport—she most likely wasn’t going to visit us anytime soon. So, to thank her for her hospitality toward me and Gina, I decided to make everyone an American breakfast as a slight gesture for everything she’d done for us this trip.
I just started cracking the eggs before I heard a door open behind me. I glanced over my shoulder to see Gina coming into the kitchen.
“Morning, Daddy,” she said, rubbing her eyes. “I didn’t hear you leave the room.”
“I, uh—I didn’t want to wake you, honey.” Jess and I still hadn’t told Gina of our new arrangement. I was risking her catching us by staying in Jess’s room, but after last night, Jess and I were closer than ever, and I wasn’t willing to leave her side quite yet after we got home last night.
“Whatcha doing?” she asked, climbing up onto one of the kitchen chairs.
“I’m making breakfast for everyone; want to help?”
“Yeah!” she exclaimed.
I shushed her, and she slapped a hand over her mouth, and she slowly turned around toward the hallway.
“Bring your chair over,” I said. “You can whisk the eggs.”
While I had to correct Gina’s whisking methods a few times, she was able to complete the task with little mess.
Chloe came into the room shortly after. “What is this?”
“It’s a small token of my appreciation for everything you’ve done for us.”
She placed a hand on her chest. “Well, it’s that sweet. It’s me who should thank you for getting my daughter down here and all that.”
The toast popped up from the toaster, and I started to butter them so they would melt and remain soft until we all sat down.
“Can I help ya?” Chloe asked.
“No!” Gina said, firmly. “You should sit.”
I smirked. “You can help yourself to some coffee.”
Chloe wagged her finger at Gina, and my daughter squealed with delight. I had done the same gesture before I tickled her. She assumed a tickle was coming from Chloe too.
“If you would allow it, chef, I can squeeze some fresh orange juice.”
“I love orange juice,” Gina said. “Can I help?”
“You can watch,” Chloe said. “The juice press loves to eat little fingers.”
Chloe pretended to eat Gina’s fingers, and she giggled. The two of them set up on the opposite counter, and Chloe started cutting up oranges.
When the breakfast was plated and ready to be served, Jess still hadn’t emerged from the bedroom. I put everything on the table and excused myself to go get her. I had the urge to be in her general vicinity at that very moment. Last night was wild, and my attachment to her had grown immensely. I hoped to make her a permanent fixture in my life when we returned to the States. And since Gina loved Jess so much, I didn’t think my daughter would have a problem with our new arrangements.
When I opened the door to the bedroom, Jess was sitting up in bed.
“Morning,” I said and sneaked a kiss on her lips.
“Morning,” she said, raking her fingers through her hair. “Did Mom cook again?”
“No,” I said. “I did.”
“You did?”
“Yes, now hurry up before it gets cold.”
Jess pulled the sheets aside. She’d slept in the same oversized t-shirt from the previous night. After our beach escapade, we were exhausted when we got home, and she pulled on the first thing she saw.
I went back out into the kitchen and Jess was close behind.
“Mornin’, sleepyhead,” Chloe said.
“Mornin’,” Jess returned.
Jess ruffled Gina’s hair before sitting down. “This looks great, Noah.”
“It does, but it’s the last time you commandeer my kitchen, love,” Chloe said.
I placed my napkin on my lap. “Duly noted.”
Gina dug into her meal first, and the rest of us followed.
“Did you two have fun last night?” Jess asked.
“The s’mores were so good!” Gina said.
“I had to limit the little one to two. Though I was sure she’d have the entire lot,” Chloe said. “How was dinner?”
Jess and I looked at each other. Her eyes sparkled.
“It was exquisite,” I said. “Thanks for the recommendation.”
“Did you do anything afterward?” Chloe asked.
Gina looked at Jess expectantly. “We walked on the beach. It was a beautiful night.”
“I bet that was romantic,” Chloe said.
Jess’s eyes narrowed at her mother.
“I can’t believe we’re leaving tomorrow,” Jess said in an effort to shift the conversation.
I nodded in agreement. “I had such a good time, though.”
“Me too,” Gina said, chomping on a piece of toast.
“I’m glad you did,” Chloe said. “Maybe it will help you return sooner rather than later.” Chloe darted a look to Jess.
Jess didn’t say anything. She either ignored the look or hadn’t seen it. I knew their relationship was changing so I had a sense that she hadn’t seen it. Withdrawing into herself was Jess’s way of dealing with things.
“I was thinking of taking Gina to the beach this morning for one last time,” I said. “How about you two spend some time together today?” Even though it pained me to be away from Jess, I wanted her and Chloe to part with some good memories. And have the opportunity to finish hashing out their issues.
“I wanted to go to the Farmer’s Market if you wanted to come?” Chloe asked Jess. “It’s nothing fancy, but everything is fresh, and the people are friendly. I wanted to introduce you to some of my friends. Other than pictures, they don’t believe me that I have a daughter.”
“That sounds good,” Jess said and gave me an appreciative look. Over the past week, I started to realize that Chloe’s digs weren’t really digs at all. Her personality made her blunt and sometimes without tact. But at least she was consistent. I hoped the time alone would help draw the two of them together so when we returned home, they would have a better relationship than before.
At the beach, Gina and I built another sandcastle. She was very precise in how she filled the buckets and slowly turned them over to form the perfect structures. Several times, my mind wandered, and I found myself staring out at the ocean, trying to hold onto these moments with Gina. These little snapshots of our time together weren’t going to continue when we got home. My vacation had come at a strange time for work, and I had a lot to make up for when we got back. I briefly glanced at my emails that morning and saw they had doubled in number since the last time I’d checked. I’d quickly closed my laptop and shoved that out of my mind. It wasn’t something I normally did, but I wanted to be in the present with Gina and Jess for one more day.
“Daddy!” Gina’s voice broke through my thoughts.
“Yes, honey?” I said, smiling over at her.
She made a show of rolling her eyes. “You’re doing it again.”
She’d already caught drifting off into my own head twice that morning.
“Sorry,” I said, patting down the sand in the bucket in front of me.
“I wish we could be together like this all the time,” she said.
“Me too,” I said, flipping over the bucket and slowly lifting it from the ground. “But you know that when we get home, I do have to catch up on work.”
“I know,” she said.
“You do know I work this much so we can have everything we want.”
Gina sighed. “I kno
w. Sometimes I really miss you though.”
“I always miss you,” I said, rubbing her cheek. “And one day, we’ll be together as much as we were on this vacation.”
Her eyes lit up. “Promise?”
“Promise,” I said, and I hoped I wouldn’t break my word. I’d figure something out.
Later that day, Gina and I returned home in time for tea. Well, in my case, coffee. I never liked the taste of tea, no matter how many different combinations I tried.
Chloe and Jess were already on the porch chatting when we arrived.
“You two look like you had fun,” Jess said, putting down her mug.
Gina raced over to her. “We did! Look at all the shells I got!”
After building our castle, Gina and I walked along the surf and collected all the “pretty” shells. They spilled over the top of the bucket, and I wondered if we’d left any of them on the beach.
“Those are lovely,” Jess said, looking into the bucket. “I like this purple one.”
“I got that one for you,” Gina said.
“You did?”
“Uh huh!”
Chloe stood up and patted the seat where she just got up from. “Take a seat, and I’ll get you some coffee.”
I sat next to Jess while Gina sorted through her shells on the front lawn.
“I’m really going to miss this place,” I said.
Jess nodded. “Yeah, I forgot how calm it is here. And the people aren’t running about as much as in the city.”
“It’s definitely different,” I noted.
Chloe returned and handed me a mug of coffee.
“Thank you,” I said.
Chloe looked over her shoulder and then sat down on the chair next to us. “For my own curiosities, what are you two? Do you have a label for it yet?”
I shot a look at Gina, but she was too far away from us to hear.
“Mom,” Jess warned.
Chloe shrugged. “Your relationship has progressed in the short time you’ve been here. I want to know that when you leave, my daughter is properly cared for.”
“She—” I started, but Jess silenced me by saying, “Noah, don’t answer that. She’s got her nose where it doesn’t belong.”
Chloe scoffed. “Is it so wrong to have my daughter open up to me?”
“You could have asked me, Mom. Me. You’re making this awkward for everyone now.”
Jess stormed away from us and went to Gina. “Gina, how about a bath before supper?”
She helped Gina put all the shells away into her bucket and took my daughter’s hand, shuffling her inside. She didn’t glance our way, but her jaw was set.
When they disappeared inside, I turned to Chloe. I could have said something to her about her question, but it made me think too. I knew I wanted Jess in my life, but I hadn’t thought much of the logistics of our future together. I wanted us to be more than just nanny and employer, but I wasn’t sure how to make that leap.
Chloe didn’t push the issue, knowing that Jess apparently didn’t want to talk about it. But with our daughters out of earshot, discussing this wouldn’t help anything. Jess explicitly avoided the question, but why?
Chapter Twenty-Six
Jess
I couldn’t believe Mom said that in front of Noah! She was lucky Gina was around or else I would have screamed at her. What was she thinking? Whatever Noah and I were, it was none of her business. And what if Gina had heard? She knew we were keeping our relationship a secret from her for now. Everything was complicated when it came to his daughter. And Mom with her selfish ways almost ruined that for the three of us.
I knew Gina loved me as much as I loved her, but being a nanny was much different than being her mom.
I drew in deep breaths and let them slowly out while I took Gina into the bathroom for her nightly bath. She especially needed it today since she went to the beach. Sand clung to various parts of her body. I had her stand on a towel, and I scrubbed as much off as I could. As pissed as I was at Mom, I wasn’t going to clog her drains with sand. There was already a healthy amount in the pipes from living near the beach and bringing it into the house on a regular basis. Though it would have been an appropriate parting gift from me for almost ruining everything in front of Gina.
“All right,” I said after the tub filled. “Let’s get you cleaned up.”
Gina shivered a little since I’d taken her bathing suit off. But when she got into the tub, she let out a satisfied sigh.
“This is nice,” she said.
I smiled. She always had a way of breaking through any shitty mood I was in. I tried to shove away the picture of the embarrassed look on Noah’s face. It was enough Mom tried to weasel her way into my life, and now she was pushing herself on Noah. It made me sick. I wished there was something I could say to make her stop spewing out the first thing that came to her mind. But that was a lost cause on her. She’d find a way to make everyone around her feel embarrassed.
I cleaned Gina while my mind wandered. I hated how Mom did that to me. We were having a perfectly good day, and she had to ruin it. She was normal all day when we went into town. I could tell how proud she was to show me off to the people who lived nearby. Most of them I didn’t remember, but I didn’t have much of a social life when I lived there full time. I was too busy taking care of Mom and hiding her from everyone in town to have a chance to get to know anyone.
“Can you brush my hair tonight?” Gina asked.
“Sure,” I said.
“I like when you do it,” she said, standing up and allowing me to help her from the tub. “Daddy hurts my hair.”
“That’s probably because Daddy doesn’t have as much hair like you and me and he doesn’t have the practice I do.”
Gina giggled and covered her mouth. Her eyes sparkled as I rubbed the towel over her to dry off her little body. I wrapped it around her then pulled her against me in a tight hug. The very thought of losing Gina made me want to hold onto her longer. Maybe that was why Noah and I hadn’t discussed our future, because there was a chance that if we didn’t work out, my future wouldn’t include her, and I couldn’t bear the thought.
Noah and Mom were still outside after I changed Gina into her pajamas. I closed the door to the bedroom, not even wanting to hear the faint sound of Mom’s voice.
Gina and I sat on the guest room bed with her between my legs. I slowly pulled the comb through her hair, feeling the small pops as I moved through the tangles. She didn’t complain. I knew what she sounded like when Noah did it, and I tried to spare her that agony when I could.
“Did your mom do this when you were little?” she asked.
I didn’t have any fond memories of it, but I was sure she did. “Yeah.”
“I miss my mom,” she said.
I stiffened.
“I don’t remember her,” Gina said. “But I’m upset that I don’t have one. All the kids on T.V. have moms.”
“Well, it’s okay to be upset; have you spoken to your dad about this?”
“Daddy doesn’t like to talk about my mom,” Gina said. “He acts strange when I ask.”
“I’m sure he misses her too.”
She nodded. “I wish you were my mom.”
I stopped brushing, and Gina turned around to look at me. Her brown eyes pierced through my soul. What did she expect me to say? Had she heard my mom outside? Did she know about Noah and me?
Then she turned back around, and I continued brushing her hair, my hands moved automatically through the motions. Being so young, Gina didn’t know the effect of some of the things she said. And like when Mom asked about me and Noah, I had no idea what to say this time either.
Noah and Mom entered the house, and I turned my attention back to Gina’s hair. I smoothed it down with the brush and quickly twisted it into a loose braid. Lately, her hair started to go a little wild so keeping it back, even at night, helped with tangles.
“Daddy!” Gina said leaping off the bed.
Noah stood in
the doorway, and he smiled down at his daughter. He scooped her up into a hug and whirled her around.
“You smell good enough to eat,” he said then growled against her neck.
I couldn’t help but laugh as she squealed at him to let her down.
He pretended to bite her a few more times before he let her to the ground. She came over to the bed and hopped up again. “Daddy, I want to sleep with you tonight.”
Noah sobered then glanced at me.
I nodded but said nothing. I could go one night without sleeping with him. Besides, I knew when we got back, Noah’s time would be filled with work again. He needed this time with Gina for the both of them.
“Sure, honey,” he said then looked at me again. “Your mom wants to start up the barbecue but needs some matches. I’m going to hop in the shower and get this sand off me.”
“Okay,” I said, heading out of the room.
He touched my arm. “I’m going to set Gina in front of the television. Your mom wanted to speak with you privately.”
Of course, she did. Probably to tell me to knock off my attitude. I was right, and I planned on making that perfectly clear.
“Thanks,” I said.
Gina shoved passed us toward the living room.
I kissed Noah lightly on the lips.
He smiled. “What was that for?”
I shrugged. “Just because.” Then I headed into the kitchen for the matches before I lost my nerve.
Mom was cleaning the barbie when I got out there with the matches.
“Thanks, love,” she said, taking them from me.
“I want to talk to you about earlier,” I said, diving right in. I wanted this to be resolved before dinner as I didn’t want to leave us in an awkward position for our last night.
“Love, it’s a conversation you need to have,” she said.
“You need to stay out of my business.”
“This is no longer just your business.” She took the matches from my hand and clicked on the starter. “You brought a little girl into my life and like hell am I going to let you hurt her.”
“How am I going to hurt her?”
“You’re lying to her. And if things go badly between you and Noah, Gina is going to be heartbroken. It’s better to hash this all out now and save yourself heartache down the line.”
