by Claire Adams
Noah came in around eight that night. I’d already cleaned up our mess from the day and tidied a few rooms while waiting. I was on the couch reading a magazine when he came through the door.
“Hey,” I said from the sofa when he came into the living room.
His eyes were narrowed, and I wasn’t sure if it was exhaustion or resentment in his expression. I felt a little of both. I put the magazine down and went to him.
“I guess today wasn’t better?” I asked. I trod lightly, careful to keep my voice steady even though Gina’s tearful face stayed in the forefront of my mind.
“Not in the least,” he said. His shoulders sagged, and I wanted to comfort him, but I also wanted him to apologize for being so rude to me this morning. He could have done that to any other employee, but I thought we were something else to each other. I wasn’t looking for him to bow down to me, but a simple apology wouldn’t hurt.
“How was Gina today?” he asked and then let out a yawn.
I hesitated. He didn’t want me to guilt him about Gina, but as her father wouldn’t he want to know what she was feeling.
“Did something happen?” he asked since I still hadn’t answered him.
“Gina got upset today,” I said.
“About?”
“She wants us to go back to Australia because she thinks you’re ignoring her here.”
He rubbed at his brow and minutely shook his head. “This again? Jess, I don’t need someone to tell me how to raise my daughter. I’ve been working like this since she was born. I have to.”
“You don’t have to work this hard,” I said, then shook my head. I wasn’t going to push that issue again. “Or at the very least, respond to my texts during the day or call. That’s all she needs. Going from spending all day together to never seeing you, she’s confused and hurt.”
“I think you’re looking too much into this,” he said.
“I’m not. She bawled her eyes out today when we talked about this.”
“And I’m assuming you brought it up to her,” he said.
I scoffed. “I didn’t, she mentioned it.”
“I’m sure you fed into it.”
“Noah, what the hell is your problem?”
“I don’t have a problem,” he said, flashing his teeth. “I think this is the problem here.”
“This?”
“I don’t need to come home every night to someone who can’t handle Gina and her toddler moods.”
“I can handle her. I’ve been handling her,” I said.
“That’s obviously not true,” he said coolly.
“What are you saying?”
“I think our relationship with you is a little muddled. It would be best for everyone if you go and I found another nanny for Gina.”
Indecision raged through the center of my chest. He was being irrational to some degree and over nothing? He was scared. He had to be. Maybe I had finally overstepped my boundaries, but to have him react so harshly? It wasn’t right.
“You don’t mean that,” I said. Heat moved up my neck and burned my cheeks and ears.
“I really do,” he said and then turned away from me and left the room.
I stood there frozen to the spot. Did Noah just fire me? For telling him about how his daughter felt about him working so much? My entire body went numb, but when Noah didn’t return to say anything to me, I forced myself to grab my things and leave the house.
On the way home, my mind replayed the conversation with Noah over and over again. My initial instincts were right: I shouldn’t have said anything to Noah about Gina missing him. But on the other hand, he needed to know how much his working affected his own daughter. He was too worried about his job, and now I knew one of the main reasons why Noah couldn’t keep a nanny for very long. It was mostly because of him.
Heat licked behind my eyes as I thought of Gina. What was he going to do with her now? I hated that I wouldn’t see her tomorrow, but he fired me, so there was no reason to go back.
I felt like an ass for allowing the both of them to latch onto my heart. Now I was out of a job and heartbroken. What was I going to do now?
Chapter Twenty-Nine
Noah
The next morning, I woke up with the worst headache. I went to bed late last night, and the lack of sleep was starting to affect me.
I rolled over and checked the clock. I’d set my alarm for early, knowing that I’d have to take Gina to work again. I groaned. Why didn’t Jess do her job and mind her own business? I might have over reacted when I fired her, but the last thing I needed when I came home was to deal with another whiny employee.
Of course, Gina was upset that I wasn’t with her twenty-four hours a day like I was in Australia. I wasn’t working then. Why didn’t Jess explain that to her? She probably fed Gina’s need and wanted to make me feel bad when I got home from a shitty day at work.
Jess had no idea how much stress I worked with each day, and she wasn’t making it easier for me when I got home.
This transition to yet another nanny would suck, but I’d already emailed Allison last night to bring up the previous nanny applications for a second look. As much as I still wanted Jess to warm my bed, maybe things had gone too far between us. Jess distracted me, and it wasn’t in her job description to judge my life and how I chose to live it.
I took a shower and got ready for the day. Then I went into Gina’s room to wake her.
“Daddy?” she croaked and turned around. She held her arms out to me, and I wrapped her in a tight embrace.
“You’re coming to work with me today, honey.”
She rubbed her eyes and sat up. “Where is Jess?”
“She’s not watching you today,” I said. I didn’t have time to get into the details with Gina. I would later on once I finished work for the day.
“Why? We need to finish the quilt.”
I didn’t have time for this. “We’ll talk about it later, honey. Right now you need to get ready. We have to leave soon.”
Gina quirked her lips as if she somehow knew that Jess wasn’t coming back at all. But then she smiled so broadly that it made my heart ache. “I get to go to work with Daddy!”
While she dug through her dresser drawers, I made her bed. “I’m still catching up from last week. So, I need you to be on your best behavior today. I’m not going to be able to play with you that much okay?”
“Okay, Daddy.”
My phone chirped, and I checked my messages. I cursed under my breath. Allison had the flu and wasn’t coming in. Instead, she called the temp agency, and they were sending someone over.
That’s just what I needed today. I couldn’t trust a temp to help me watch my kid. And I would be pushed back a day for finding a new nanny. It wasn’t Allison’s fault, but it only added to another shitty day for me. And Gina wasn’t going to make this any easier.
“Hurry up, Gina,” I said, firmly. “We have to go. I don’t have time for you to go through all of your clothes.”
She whipped her head around and looked at me. Her lower lip trembled.
“I don’t want to be late,” I said in a softer tone. I had to get to the office and prep the temp with all the work for the day. This was already shaping up to be another stressful day. And with taking care of Gina on top of it, my mood wasn’t going to improve by standing there.
I managed to get Gina out of the house within ten minutes. We didn’t have time to gather toys for her, so the supplies I had at the office would suffice.
On the way to work, I picked up some donut holes for Gina and a large coffee for myself. I hoped the caffeine would help with my headache. The pressure on my temples was worse than earlier that morning.
The world weighed on my shoulders. I glanced at the rearview mirror and realized Gina was asleep again. I soaked in the silence for a little while until I got to work.
After Gina had finished her breakfast, she came over to me while I was on a call with a client. I put my finger to my lips to silence h
er before she started talking.
Instead of talking, she leaned over and pressed her powdered sugar fingers all over my leg. I rolled my chair back away from her.
“Go over there,” I muttered to her, then proceeded to attempt to rub off the white sugar from my black pants.
“I want to sit on your lap,” she said in a loud whisper.
“Not now,” I hissed.
She sighed and shuffled over to her table.
Throughout the whole conversation, I was distracted. I stumbled over the numbers for the client and had to ask him to repeat himself several times. By the time I hung up the phone, I was spent. And it was only eight-thirty.
Something crashed outside of my door, and both Gina and I looked up. The temp, a young girl in her early twenties, didn’t seem like the sharpest girl when I met her earlier. And I didn’t want to get involved with her destroying Allison’s desk, so I left her to clean up whatever she’d done.
I flipped through the stack of paperwork in my to-do file and started with the most pressing work first.
It was only five minutes before Gina was at my desk again.
“Daddy, look, I drew the beach and all of us on it.”
“Gina,” I said, without looking at her picture. “You need to go sit down. I’m working.”
“But look!”
“Not now,” I said, trying as hard as I could not to lose my temper.
Gina stood there for a moment before going back to her table.
And as if she were a goldfish, she returned to my desk every ten to fifteen minutes, wanting to show me something else.
“Do you want to watch cartoons?” I said to her, seconds before I was about to blow.
“Come color with me,” she said, ignoring my question.
“I can’t right now,” I said, standing up. I lifted her from the ground and plopped her onto the couch. I grabbed my tablet and found one of her princess shows on Netflix. “Stay here and watch. I need to work.”
“I’m hungry,” she said.
I ground my teeth together and checked my watch. I had blinked a few times before I registered it was almost noon.
“I’ll order some food.”
“Chicken nuggets, please!” she exclaimed with a big smile on her face.
“Okay,” I said. I went out of the office to the temp. “Elizabeth—”
“It’s Liz,” she said, attempting to hide her cell phone under a stack of paper on Allison’s desk. I didn’t have the time or patience to reprimand her.
“Sorry, Liz. Please order from Anthony’s. A kids chicken nuggets and fries and a Cobb salad.”
“Where’s that?” she asked.
“There’s a stack of menus in the middle drawer.” I pointed at Allison’s desk for emphasis.
“Am I expected to pay for it?” she asked.
“No,” I said, losing patience. I opened my wallet and handed her a fifty. “Get something for yourself and tip the rest to the delivery person.”
She took the bill from me and placed it on the desk, staring at it as if she’d never seen a fifty before.
“I’ll need you to order now,” I said.
“Oh, okay,” she said and picked up the phone. Her fingers hovered over the keypad, and I shook my head, going back into the office. She’d figure it out eventually.
Gina remained out of my way for the rest of the afternoon. Surprisingly, the food arrived without any mess ups or issues. So, Liz wasn’t as daft as I’d thought.
After we had eaten, Gina settled onto the couch again with the tablet while I got back to work.
When I looked up again over an hour later, Gina was fast asleep on the couch. My shoulders finally relaxed. Though with her looking so peaceful, I started to feel bad for the way I’d treated her. It wasn’t her fault I was so busy. And I was the one to fire her nanny.
I wondered what Jess was doing now. Was she with Sierra? Bashing me to eternal damnation? Or was she already looking for another job? I’d paid her well enough over the last few weeks to be able to live comfortably until she found another position. With her credentials, she would be fine.
My phone vibrated, and I picked it up to see Brandon sent me a text.
“Let me in,” it read.
I crossed the room, careful to be quiet while Gina napped. I’d inhaled my lunch while working so taking the time to talk to Brandon would give me a much-needed break. I was finally on track with my work and five minutes chatting with my best bud was my reward.
When I entered the hallway, Brandon was on his way toward my office.
I shook his hand, and he grinned at me. “I haven’t seen you this tan since college, man.”
“Take a picture, because once this fades, you won’t see it again for a long time.”
“It suits you,” he said.
“Let’s talk in here,” I said, leading him to an empty conference room.
“What’s wrong with your office?” he asked.
“Gina’s in there. She’s napping. I don’t want to disturb her.”
“Is Jess sick or something?” he asked.
“No,” I said. “I fired her.”
“You what?”
I massaged my temples with my fingertips. The headache wasn’t as strong as this morning, but it still lingered. “Work has been crazy since we got back. And all this week Jess was nagging me about not spending time with Gina. She was getting too attached to my personal life. I had to let her go.”
“That’s the dumbest thing I think you’ve ever said to me,” he said.
“What?”
“You’re being ridiculous,” he said, crossing his arms.
“I’m being ridiculous? I can’t go home from a stressful day at work and have someone up my ass. There’s a reason I hired a nanny in the first place. She even suggested that I retire early and care for Gina myself.”
“Do you remember Wendy?” he asked.
“That’s a stupid question.”
“Do you remember how Wendy used to calm you down when you got crazy about work?”
I opened my mouth to fire something back, but I couldn’t find the words. Wendy was my rock when things were tough. She used to drive me crazy by telling me to “relax” when things were stressful at work. I had been more of a hot-head back then, but Brandon had compared Wendy to Jess. And I silently admitted that he was right. How had I not seen it before?
“Jess is right about you not needing to work,” he said. “I know that’s a hard concept for you.”
“But I don’t want Gina to want for anything.”
“All she wants for right now is her father. And I know you had a rough time growing up, but that’s in your past now. Jess and Gina are your future. Soon enough, you’re going to blink and Gina will be all grown up, and you will be alone, without someone like Jess to be with. Someone who cares for you and that amazing child sleeping in your office.”
“You’re right,” I said, realizing how much of an ass I’d been to both Gina and Jess.
“Damn straight, I’m right. Now, what are you going to do about it?”
I didn’t know quite yet. But something had to change. And the idea of that made my skin crawl, but it was for the best.
After Brandon had left, I went back into my office and sat on the other end of the couch from Gina, watching her sleep. I must have fallen asleep at some point too because sometime later, I felt a tugging on my shirt, waking me up.
Gina’s little face was close to mine and her hands placed with my scruff. “You were asleep, Daddy.”
“I was,” I said, pulling her onto my lap. “You know I love you, right?”
“Yeah,” she said.
I looked over at the side table and picked up one of her drawings. “Show me what you’ve been working on today.”
Chapter Thirty
Jess
Even though I knew I didn’t have a job, I still woke up at five in the morning. No matter how hard I tried to get back to sleep, I couldn’t. Thinking of the conversa
tion with Noah and how Gina might react to me not coming to work filled my mind. Gina would be so upset. I wondered what Noah would tell her. I did nothing wrong other than inform him of what his working did to his little girl. Yet, I was the one who was unemployed and heartbroken.
I rolled over and wrapped my sheets around my head, creating a little cocoon around me. I found my phone and turned it on. I didn’t know what to expect. Maybe a dozen phone calls from Noah, apologizing for being a complete ass and begging me to come into work. But my messages and missed phone calls remained at zero.
Then I thought of Gina. What was he going to do with her today? Bring her to work? He claimed he was so busy, how could he work with Gina in his office? He probably would enlist his secretary to care for her. As much as I never minded, Allison, she wasn’t much of a kid person. Gina would be even more ignored being ten feet from Noah than miles away.
I threw my covers off my head and groaned.
I looked around my room and saw that I still hadn’t unpacked from Australia. Even at home, I continued to live out of a suitcase.
Since I was gone for an entire week and worked late every night this week, I thought my apartment could use a deep clean. It wasn’t as if I had anything better to do.
I pulled my hair up, shoved on some sweatpants and an old t-shirt and got to work. I plugged in my ear buds and blasted some energetic pop music into my brain, shoving out all of the crap that was currently clogging up the space. If I thought about Noah and Gina anymore, I might burst out into tears again. Or want to punch a wall, thinking it was Noah’s face.
So instead, I scrubbed every inch of my apartment while at the same time attempting to scrub out the memories of the Stone family. It was the only thing I could do to keep myself sane and not want to get in my car and drive over there, demanding to have my job back. That would be embarrassing and only make things worse for Gina.
When my apartment and soul were somewhat clean, I wanted to get out of my place before my head floated off my shoulders with all the chemical sprays I’d washed with. All thoughts of Noah returned the second I took out my ear buds. So, I allowed myself to live in them again while showering and cleaning myself up. I still didn’t understand where he was coming from, but he wasn’t the first dad that I had to deal with. And he wouldn’t be the last. I supposed it was a good thing that we ended things before it got too serious. Though a vacation was serious enough for me. Obviously not for him.
