by Nōnen Títi
“Before tonight?” Kunag asked.
“I can only try, okay?”
He relaxed and stood up to leave, as if it would be all right now, but it wouldn’t be, because she would never be able to influence Frimon. It was unlikely that Rorag would get away without penance. The only hope she had was that Frimon wouldn’t want this to become public knowledge any more than Kunag did.
“Listen, Kunag.”
He waited, rubbing the circles away with the same foot that had made them.
“If anybody ever again says something that hurts you that much as it did last night, you can hit her.”
His dark eyes were soft and forgiving. No wonder Rorag had gone to him.
“I mean it. You don’t have to take that from anybody. Certainly not from me.”
He finally smiled, put his hand inside his pocket to pull out a piece of reed paper and handed it her.
Just as he once had of Jari on Jema’s request, so he had now made a small portrait of her, no doubt inspired by last night’s words. And like it used to be when looking in a mirror, you never realized how old and worn you looked until you could see it yourself. He’d expressed his own hopelessness, capturing not only the anger but the desperation of the moment and it came reflecting straight back at her, better than physically hitting her could have ever done. Did he know that?
He stood waiting, his eyes checking for a reaction.
“I’m sorry, Kunag. I’m sorry for hurting you.”
“You can have it if you want. I don’t need it anymore,” he said.
Did she want it? She’d have to say yes. A mirror reflected only a temporary image. This showed who she had become behind the face and the wrinkles. It reflected what she didn’t want to see, but could not, should not, deny. “Thank you.”
Her eyes burned as she watched him walk away, south to Remag’s home, his hopes on her ability to stop Frimon. She couldn’t let him down. He was too precious for that. But could she go to Frimon? What if he had only assumed and she gave away more than he knew? And what would Leni say if she interfered in what was his parental right, but not hers to mingle in? And what–
Suddenly a penetrating humming sound, unmistakably that of the red fog, made her heart jump. Somewhere, somebody had hurt Kun DJar. She started running to the Hearth, thinking as she went: What was happening?
In the dimness, Aryan pushed the man he was holding down the hill. He looked at Doret, who had just received a good kick in the leg, but wasn’t letting go of the angry farmer. Tigor was still cursing and spitting blood from his cut lip.
Only two days had he been here, and this was the second time Aryan was jostling his way to Benjamar’s home after having jumped into a fight. Yet everybody he’d talked to said this village was peaceful and calm. Still, he was glad to be helping out. Whatever the quarrel, the threat had been clear enough.
When they turned to go down the plamal path, two people came running up: Jema and Yako. “We heard the fog’s warning; what happened?”
Aryan briefly described how Doret had found him when he was having a wander to look at all the homes, and he’d followed the boy to find Tigor behaving like a lunatic.
“It was like a war,” Doret said. “They were all fighting, only then the fog came and froze them all, and then the fog stopped.”
Yako looked up at the sky. “I don’t think it stopped; it may just be taking a breath.” The two of them wanted to walk up to see the damage, so, after assuring Yako that they could handle the struggling farmer, Aryan and Doret continued down the path.
“Do you think the fog knew they would start fighting?” Doret asked.
On DJar, Aryan would have thought the boy totally mad. Now he just shrugged. As the fog had once witnessed the war at the beach, so its presence here had been no accident, nor had the noise that had incapacitated the fighting men. “It sure knew when they’d finished,” he answered. It was impossible, but it sure seemed that way.
They halted in front of Benjamar’s home. Aryan called out while Doret got another kick for trying to keep Tigor from knocking down the election jars. Nobody answered the call.
“What do we do now?” Doret asked. “There’s no place to lock him away.”
Tigor responded with another curse. Aryan looked around. To the side of the girl’s shelter hung the coil of reed-rope that had been used to mark the voting area, and which reminded him of the conversation in Benjamar’s home yesterday. “Get that rope. We’ll tie him for now.” He nodded to the trees nearby.
As soon as Doret let go, Tigor started kicking and pulling with all his might. Aryan had to put his full weight against him and he wouldn’t last long. The anger, not the strength of his opponent was winning this. Aryan tried kneeing Tigor’s soft parts, but missed. He landed on his weak leg the wrong way and couldn’t stop a yowl from escaping his mouth. The moment he lost his grip there was help: Another pair of hands took a hold of the farmer’s hair and pulled him backward into the tree. Aryan flung forward and took revenge for the sore leg before helping Leyon hold the man still.
Doret returned. Together they immobilized Tigor, binding him from ankles to shoulders and with his hands behind the tree stem. Once satisfied that the rope was firmly in place Leyon walked back to his shelter, where Maike stood watching. She must have seen the whole thing.
“Shut up or I’ll have you gagged too!” Aryan yelled into Tigor’s face.
Doret left to find his father, who’d been hurt in the fight.
Maike came closer, scanning the hovering fog. “Go tell Laytji to bring that child back here. Tell her it’s because of the fog,” Maike told Leyon, indicating the dark shapes of Laytji and Kristag over on the east path.
To send Leyon back there after yesterday… “Where’s Benjamar?” Aryan asked.
“He went to see Harmon before the fog started. What happened up there?”
“I’m not quite sure how it all sticks together, but those farmers, him in particular, were digging in the wrong place and started the fight. He could have killed someone with that digger.”
“He’s a strong man, used to working in the fields all his life,” she said looking at Tigor, who had resolved to be quiet for now. “Is that why the fog howled?”
“Yeah. Is it always this peaceful here?”
“Ha!”
“Hey, I didn’t seek out this fight, okay? Doret came to find me,” he told her.
“Who was blaming you?” Then she changed her tone. “I can tell Benjamar what happened if you want to go.”
There was little use pursuing this conversation and his leg was aching. Maybe he should lie down for a bit. Damn farmer. “Fine.”
He hobbled away down the path, but, thinking it would do little good to go all the way to Remag’s home just for a rest, Aryan stopped at the latrines and then headed back. Maike was no longer there. With Tigor tied to the tree, Benjamar’s bench wasn’t an inviting place to rest, so Aryan walked into the Hearth. Nobody was there; so much the better. He sat down on the ledge at the back of the shelter and stretched both legs out in front of him. It was peaceful, despite the fog hanging outside.
He was startled by Jema as she put a whole collection of bowls down on the seat near the entrance. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to wake you. They slipped,” she said.
When he’d come in earlier the cups and bowls had been scattered, still dirty; now she was putting them away clean, while a small fire, in the place of the stone slab, lit up the room.
“How long have I been here?”
“I don’t know; maybe an hour. Have a look at the timedisk.”
If it was a joke, it wasn’t funny.
“What’s wrong with your leg?” she asked when he started walking.
He told her what had happened earlier. It wasn’t the first time since it had been broken. It would get better after a sleep and he declined her offer to have Nini look at it later. He sat down near where she stood. “I need to know something, Jema. Did I force you that time in town?”
“I’m sorry to bring this up, but I need to know.”
“What does it matter?” she asked.
“It matters to me. Was I reading you wrong? Was I that drunk or did you want to?”
She rearranged the bowls for no reason. There were more episodes he didn’t remember the details of. How much had he hurt her? Too full of wine to accomplish anything, no doubt, but he had to know.
“Nini uses something to relieve pain. It’s a black pod,” Jema said, gesturing to his leg and went on in detail about where to find them and why Nini wouldn’t be available right now.
He took her arm. “I will, but I need to have an answer out of you first.”
“It wasn’t you, okay? Don’t worry about it,” she said, but she refused to look at him.
“Why then, if you wanted to?”
“I told you I can’t.”
“I don’t understand.”
“You weren’t exactly attractive then, you know?”
She sounded sincere enough. So he’d not totally lost it yet. “I think I’ll go find one of those pods then.”
“Be sure to take only one,” she said.
Nini gently pulled her fingers away and wiped them dry on the soft cloth. “I think we’re about halfway.”
Styna pushed herself back up to a sitting position. “I hope so. I’m beginning to think I’ve taken this a bit lightly.”
Styna’s happy confidence from a few hours ago had given way to serious concentration. “I’m just glad Wilam has the sense to stay away. He was driving me insane worrying about all the things that could go wrong.”
Nini knew how Wilam felt.
“I wonder where he is, though. I mean, it doesn’t sound very peaceful out there.”
She was referring to the sound of the fog that had just now stopped as suddenly as it had started.
“Don’t worry about what’s out there. The baby needs your attention, not your comate,” Leni said, while lighting the small reed-pulp lump in the corner to help with the light.
“I know… it’s harder–” Styna was beginning to have trouble finishing her sentences. A minute later she smiled again as it eased. “It’s hard for men to sit and wait.”
“Are you ready?” Flori asked Nini, handing her a drink.
“No more than you are.”
“I never knew women had to suffer this much. I always told the zibots to just get on with it. They must have resented that,” Styna joked after another contraction, this one more solid and longer.
“Yes, I heard them talk one day. They said they couldn’t wait for you to get in that position,” Flori replied.
Styna started laughing. “They would–” she began, but couldn’t finish. “Damn,” she said a minute later. “Tell that kid to come now or she’ll be in trouble the moment she arrives.”
“Do you want me to check again?” Nini asked.
“I would wait a bit. Give nature a chance. There’s no rush,” Leni said.
Styna didn’t agree.
“What’s with the ‘she’?” Leni asked her.
“For Wilam. He wants a girl.”
Leni suggested they’d all take a few minutes outside to get some air. With the sound of the fog gone they could relax again. She sent Nini out first. “Don’t worry, we’ll call you back in time. I wouldn’t let you miss it even if you’d rather.”
It was nearly dark outside, but it wasn’t night. Though silent, the fog, which had thus far been over the North Hills, had descended over the entire village. Nini looked up at it a moment. Once again it gave her a sense of awe but without the fear others seemed to get from its presence.
She sat down on the cold ground. Maybe this was the energy she needed to tap into to regain her calm, the way she had during the epidemic. She tried to feel the cold and to think of nothing but the air around her, but she couldn’t stop the random thoughts. Better to concentrate on the task ahead, then. If all went as it was supposed to, she would hardly be needed. Nothing ought to go wrong. Styna was amazing. She held on to reality as hard as she could.
Earlier they’d all relaxed together. The first hours had flashed by while they’d discussed everything from rearing children in different places to the chances of Kun DJar’s seasonal cycles influencing the reproduction rate. Styna had still walked around then, even if she would’ve preferred not to.
“Better let gravity do its job,” Leni had said.
Nini had given a brief account of last night’s challenge.
“That would get rid of Tigor and Frimon both in one stroke,” Styna had joked.
Nini wondered what Leni thought of being rid of Frimon, but Leni had said nothing.
Leni’s quiet confidence was Nini’s pillar. Leni had been on both sides of this situation before. She knew what Styna was feeling while Nini had no idea. If someone as brave and optimistic as Styna was admitting she may have thought it easier than it was… As long as Styna stayed in control enough… Nini tried to picture a birth the way it had been done from the beginning of time, but she gave up when Leni came out.
“You were praying?”
“In a way, maybe, yes.”
Leni also scanned the fog for a moment and then sat down beside Nini. “Let me join you.”
Nini watched as Leni prayed in silence. Then she stood up to let Leni have her break.
“She’ll do fine, Nini. The baby seems big enough. Don’t worry.”
“I’ll try.” Everybody had easy talking. But no matter how much Benjamar warned them, if it didn’t go well, Nini would be held responsible.
After Flori had also had her break, Styna progressed fast. Time was of no more importance as she went from cramp to cramp.
“Bue be damned,” she snapped as she finished her last contraction, then looked at Leni and said sorry, but the next time she cursed again.
“You probably wouldn’t believe the things I said when Emi was born. I think I cursed the whole Society and I sure did a better job of finding the wrong words than you’re doing now.”
Styna was no longer capable of a reply. Nini looked inside her pouch; she’d brought some of the black pods for the pain. “I have no idea how they will affect the baby,” she cautioned Styna.
“No, I’ll be good. I’ll cope.”
Styna did the best she could to keep panting the pains away. Nini checked after every one but had to keep disappointing her. “I don’t think so, not yet.”
When the next one started, Leni stepped in. She helped Styna sit up. “Why don’t you push a bit? Let’s see what happens.”
Styna didn’t need to be told twice. Visibly relieved, she laughed out loud while doing what Leni told her. “That’s a lot better.”
“We’ll try again next time, but gently.”
Nini stood by. She should be the one saying this but she let Leni take over. Flori stood next to her, looking just as helpless.
With the next cramp a bit of wet black fur came and went. “It’s hair, I can see it,” Flori called out. After that Styna didn’t wait any longer; she put all she could behind it. It went too fast for Nini to think about what to do.
“This is it. Get the wrap,” Leni told Flori.
Nini was pulled closer and put her hands where Leni directed them. For a frightening moment only the head was there: swollen, square, and blue. Leni’s hand checked around its neck. Then, before Nini realized it, the tiny blue and white baby almost slipped through her hands.
Just as quickly, Leni lifted it into the wrap Flori held nearby and moved it along to Styna’s arms.
Flori was all smiles. “We did it!”
“We’ll celebrate in a little bit. For now we need to finish the job,” Leni told her, wiping the baby’s mouth and nose clean until it started crying. Then she returned to help Nini catch the afterbirth, which Flori took from her.
Surprised by the speed of it all, Nini stared at the tiny doll lying on Styna’s chest. Still cr
eamy white with the grease that had protected it, the baby calmed down in its mother’s arms. What wouldn’t she give to have that?
Something warm touched her hand. Through the water from her eyes Nini saw the gushing blood. Oh no! She pulled a rag close, then a towel, but to no avail. Another cloth. This was bad – so much blood. She’d lose Styna. “Please no.” She frantically looked for more material.
“Put your hand here.” Leni took Nini away from the cloths. Her own hand on top of Nini’s she rubbed Styna’s now-shrunken belly. “You’ll notice when it gets better. Can you feel it?”
Nini didn’t at first, and then she did. It tightened into a hard ball. The bleeding subsided.
“You’re okay now,” Leni said and pulled Nini in for a hug. “Now you’re done.”
Nini awkwardly accepted the embrace, holding her hands away from Leni as they were covered in blood.
Styna, unaware of it all, was making cooing sounds to the baby.
Nini’s eyes were so wet that she couldn’t focus. She hadn’t done anything. Styna had, Leni had, but she’d just felt so lost. She let Leni steer her to the bucket of water to wash her hands in, then took the rag and watched Flori rub the baby dry and wrap it in a clean cloth after a quick check. “Definitely a boy.”
Nini sat down where Leni told her and was handed the baby so that Leni and Flori could help Styna wash and replace the mat. As she once had the baby nobi, so Nini held this warm body, unable to move. More water fell from her eyes than ever before. She heard the voices of the three women at a distance until the baby had enough of this rain and started squealing. Flori lifted him back into Styna’s arms to gently direct his mouth, over and over, until he realized. The room went quiet when they all watched him suckle.
Nini remembered to congratulate Styna before leaving the shelter. She shivered in the cold air. How was it that everybody else had known what to do?
She knew it was Leni behind her before the hands turned her around. Still numb, she rested her head against Leni’s breast.
“Nini, it’s okay. You did fine. Only experience can teach. You’ll be okay next time.”
